Mmmm

Come and meet me NNE

You didn't specify if you prayed about this union to be. You may call me religious if you wanna.
Looks like he prioritizes his parent's compliments over your convenience. You can't press on to marry him with a high flying red flag as this. You gotta be sure God has your back on this one.
Tell him you need a break. Take a while off. Go on your knees and reevaluate your decisions and let God guide you through. Shalom.

Be yourself and improve on yourself, and don't allow anyone to push around. You are not alone

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.

God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
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farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

Hi dear,

I love your personality and from your writeup you seem like a great person.

I totally understand you. I tend to be introvert when I don't know you, and then I open up when we get close.. I flow with the vibe shown to me..

Please don't be or act desperate. This is the time you determine the kind of relationship you will have in marriage and how your home is run. You are who you are and have explained yourself. As long as you have checked yourself and you know you are cool with them, let it be. Relationships with Inlaws are built over time and not forced.

Stand your ground and also give him small attitude as well.. Two can play this game... Give him a little dose of his own medicine. When he asks you about it, "tearfully" tell him how his words made you feel. He should understand your personality by now and should defend you. Quarrel if you must.

Every heartfelt relationship must have a time to quarrel and reconcile so you can tell each other the truth. Let him take a stand now with his full chest and we stand by it.

Our igbo elders say, when brothers go for a meeting and they all come out laughing, they have not told each other the truth.

So dear, BE STRONG! Nothing spoil. Above all pray about this relationship. The devil hates good things and would want to spoil it but he is a defeated foe.

Meanwhile, when is he marrying you? Enough of the delay, let him make the move and seal the relationship or free you. Time of many years courtship has past oh. If man see who he likes he marries quick.

Cheers dear. I wish you the best .

Karnice600:
You didn't specify if you prayed about this union to be. You may call me religious if you wanna.
Looks like he prioritizes his parent's compliments over your convenience. You can't press on to marry him with a high flying red flag as this. You gotta be sure God has your back on this one.
Tell him you need a break. Take a while off. Go on your knees and reevaluate your decisions and let God guide you through. Shalom.

God bless you for this. My thoughts exactly.

Candidlady:
Erigga said..,

Misunderstood

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

My dear l understand where your fiancé is coming from. I had same issue with my Ex....l felt he didnt care so much about my family cos he wasn't making efforts to relate well with my family and we're all very friendly and accepting
I'm also an introvert too and l understand how difficult it is for you but the truth is you need to try harder since it means a lot to him...start with baby steps,fake it till you make it

frozen70:


Did you read where she said her guy, told her that his family asked him questions about his woman, he waved it away and they asked him another time and ever since then, his countenance changed

So what does this mean to her, that he listens to his siblings and to me, there is nothing wrong with that

Advise her to mix up, simple and not countering what I said

I should advise her to mix up thereby agreeing with you and not countering you . Lol . You are funny gan.

I said what I said and I said it based on experience. if you don’t like it then that is not my problem . Is being introverted a bad thing ? Listening to one’s siblings about a perceived shortcomings of a partner and letting that affect the relationship/marriage is a big red flag to me . Especially when the partner is trying .

@Op - You are who you are and It is not a bad thing to be introverted. If he doesn’t see your efforts and encourage you , then he might not be your man .
A man that will let what his family says affect how he relates with his fiancée or wife is not ready for commitment . Shikena

Be yourself .marriage should not change a reserved person into.a noisy person.let the guy go find a sibblings relater .I have 3 brother 8n.laws I've spoken 30 paragraphs statements to in 30 years.

Wick3:


Nice! I can tell you are married, probably for close to a decade. You are talking from experience.

Hahaha, my dear, I am for two decades now
When it comes to marriage, lots of sacrifices are made for the sake of peace and unity and especially for the children who are expected to extend the relationships

Friendship is easier than marriage

Marriage have baggages while friendship doesn't have

blaise26abj:


I should advise her to mix up thereby agreeing with you and not countering you . Lol . You are funny gan.

I said what I said and I said it based on experience. if you don’t like it then that is not my problem . Is being introverted a bad thing ? Listening to one’s siblings about a perceived shortcomings of a partner and letting that affect the relationship/marriage is a big red flag to me . Especially when the partner is trying .

@Op - You are who you are and It is not a bad thing to be introverted. If he doesn’t see your efforts and encourage you , then he might not be your man .
A man that will let what his family says affect how he relates with his fiancée or wife is not ready for commitment . Shikena

It's easy to identify a bachelor and a married man
Have you forgotten that talk is cheap

pocohantas:


Hahahahaha! Serious pain! A girlfriend o! How many Nigerian gfs do all this? Anyway, give people an inch and you know the rest.

. Abi o I must Say Nigerian families deserves the Kind of Saucy Daughter in-laws they have that was how my Uncles Wife was overly Respectful,Friendly and Generous to both my immediate,and extended Family to d extent She would Genuflect to greet even d Smallest of my Cousins call them Aunty and Uncle then now She don enter their House She dey Show them Pepper.
Even then I knew She was deceitful,But I had to play along Since She was who they wanted Nigerians love Pretenders no wonder Buhari is their President.

I CAN'T MARRY YOU IF U DON'T WIN MY FAMILY OVER FIRST

Problem no dey finish

Candidlady:
Erigga said..,

pocohantas:







Better talk to your younger brothers. You no go allow this term finish before you start finding school fees for the next? You are proactive o.

.... Wetin again weh i get for this life if no be them?

Abeg na my treasures be that. I gat to do everything to make them happy.

frozen70:


It's easy to identify a bachelor and a married man
Have you forgotten that talk is cheap

Oshey identifier . I’m married madam

My only issue with your bf if he's failing on his own part to integrate you to his siblings having known your weaknesses as an introvert.

Otherwise, who no like better thing? I believe you and your family are happy the way he's integrated and flows with y'all. Your family will obviously like him. If you don't bring yourself out, his family will think you're a snob and will alienate them from their brother. If you like assure him from today till tomorrow that his peeps are always welcomed to your home, he's not them and he can't convince them otherwise. So, you have to do the hard work. Sorry but the present is a predictor of the future.

bigpicture001:


He is definitely threading on not too careful ground... By not helping to make u blend.. u might be shy to mingle with them.. he is the family member, he should help u get to them..

He shouldn't be too sure of himself..quality girls are sought after like every 2sec..what is sure for u today will be someone else's tomorrow...

He shld know ladies follow marriage,not love...a thousand men are ready to him in once sh is good..I learnt that cuz I lost my sweetheart....that everyone wanted but sh chose me then..now we don't even say hi..it's that bad...

He shld get his goodies in the bag already..and stop play acting ..wife to be musnt roll on the ground for family members...just being nice and close to them is enough

omo be like say wetin happen to you go soon happen to me too o.

Chrisx1x:
you think my life is like yours that revolves around nairaland, attacking other people just to get cheap likes, oga you are just a frustrated he-goat. Just fvck off

Go tell that to the elders in your house

Davash222:

You expected him to choose a GIRLFRIEND over his family?
Girlfriend he might be sharing with Dem Boys

Don’t ever put a situation you put your wife against family. Your wife cannot be your family and neither can your family be your wife.

So in other words your wife has no right to turn you against your family neither can your family turn you against your wife.

If any of this happens then you’re not being responsible

Greenfusion:



Fisrtly, note that good men/relationship can be scarce, so if you find one, work things maturely and appropriately with him.

Personal as an introvert i find difficult to relate as well, d thing dey hard us...i feel u well.

I suggest you need to understand properly what's making your man act the way he is acting.

Think deeply, assume yourself in his shoes, also assume he is your brother and think what advice u would offer him if his babe was behaving like you.

You should understand that no one wants trouble in marriage, hence, every possible test and analysis should be carried out before the "say i do".

Possibly, your guy and family doesn't understand u very well, our introverted personality always make people fear us, some think we pretend. But u must accept this fact and know how to make them feel comfortable and not scared.

I think his family just want to help out in understanding you better. Dem dey fear u, dem wan understand u well b4 their brother enter wrong hand.

You don't have to be angry, its the ideal thing to do....just find a reasonable way to relate, but remember don't overdo it.

When relating, make them understand this is you, don't say it verbally but rather let it reflect in your behavior, be nice and comfortable with them. When you are tired of relating at any point, pull out politely...work with wisdom.

Cheers

Omo see matured advice.
I salute sir

Mariangeles:


Shey we cannot love our brothers again? Abego!

You can love without making the lives of girlfriends/wives hell.

aameyah:


You can love without making the lives of girlfriends/wives hell.

Ni kini? E ma pele e!
Sebi gbogbo wa la Jo ma duro s'ori table na.

He ended the relationship few weeks after i created this thread.