1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're just wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really all that necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5 … I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you exactly how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions usually make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't ever want to have to restart my collection , again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Microsoft Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my cell phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet that on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than with Kay.

18. I have a hard time deciphering that fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand much of they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front of merging lanes-- Stay strong, brothers and sisters!! Yes, and I know Texans do that at every on-ramp, but, really there IS a limit, isn’t there? No? … all right, then.

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A vacationer telephones a seaside hotel to ask where it was. “It’s only a stone’s throw from the beach,” he was told. “How will I recognize it?” asked the man.
“It’s the one with all the broken windows.” Came the reply.