This is me now, sleeping late and waking early, totally screwing up my circadian rhythm and sleeping during the day, everyday. My body mimicking the side effects of weed when I used it to cook once. Do I do drugs? Lol, no. Have I tasted weed, abso---fucking--lutely. it's a long story really. This adult hood thing sucks, trust me, I'd trade my balls to go back to being 17 and carefree again. Because, Omo, what is all this? I'm an overthinker, I think into the early hours of the morning and my thinking wakes me up. Heck! I subconsciously think in my sleep. I think in my dream. Truly there is no escape from this sour reality that consistently shoves it to my face, "Hey, your life sucks! And you know what, it'd continue that way because you have no practical skills to make it in this life and you're doomed for eternal failure"
Shit, I'm all over the place, I've been wanting to write this year, but for some inconceivable reason, I've been convincing my self with the faux belief I'm too busy getting my degree and I don't have time for anything else. How have I been procrastinating and having some semblance of sanity and escaping my bleeped reality? ---Movies/Anime, books, quora, medium articles here and there, music and an Endless list of bad decisions that either make me look bad and push good friends away. Who am I?
In summary, a lanky twenty two year old, majoring in psychology and doesn't know shit about what he needs to do in life. No, scratch that. I do know what I want. I'm just partly battling with the fear of failure I don't even try at all. Bleep it, this is the second shit I've written this year asides chapter two of a story I may or may not get to finish. So, here is to a mental note that I'll try my best to do better. No more bullshits about failure. I mean, the fear is still there and all, why? My dreams seems almost impossible to achieve, just as pervy sage said. You never know until you try, and you may regret not trying at all. I can see myself failing and failing a thousand times and lolling in bouts of depressive episodes. Oh well, we all have to make sacrifices yeah? I'm not special or anything, I've accepted that reality a long time ago.

This year has been the year I bleeped up my life the most. A first child, drowning in a sea of debts, ruined relationships and no connection to life itself. How the Bleep did I even get here?This is me finishing this up at 5;32am on the 27th of December 2021. What's the plan? not to play it by ear anymore, Fight with life inconsistencies as it comes, finally get my psychology degree next year (YAY I'm graduating). Am I still clueless about life? absolutely.
2022 is yet another year to try again.
This is me coming butt naked emotionally to the world or not, and hoping the universe will show a sign, will show mercy and give me purpose. Perhaps that's just the lazy thought of a young adult being systematically devoured by the, not so easy adulthood y'all made it to seem when I was a teen. I could go on and on and give seemingly unending excuses to compensate for my lack of accountability, laziness and unreliability. But, no more. First, I need to sleep then return to this battle of life.