Ticha:


I don't speak my language at home because my husband is not Nigerian and of course does not understand the language. However, they all understand certain words and whenever I switch, my children sit up and take notice cos e mean say I don vex

My children are also mixed race so there's the knowing their culture from my perspective, their culture from their father's perspective and their culture as mixed British children who will probably be classed as black British especially my twin 1. Because we now also live in a completely different country temporarily, they're firmly third culture kids!

Few things I do:

1. Everyone calls them by their traditional names. They also call themselves by those names as well. At school, they use their first names which are English names but everyone - in-laws, friends, neighbours. They will correct people who pronounce their names wrongly as well which I love.
I enforce the Nigerian respect with a few allowances. So they can't call any adult by name. Some very close friends (very few) are Aunty and Uncle. Everyone else is Mr, Mrs or Miss. They must without fail greet anyone that walks into our home and respond when greeted. I encourage them to refuse body contact as they wish ie hugs, hand shakes.

2. Our night time reading includes books from home. We're currently reading Passport of Mallam Illiya. I talk about the north (which is where I am from), we locate the different places on the map and as I speak Hausa very fluently - I teach them some words in Hausa as well.

3. We have a library full of books from home and other African and African American writers. Their hands down favourite books are the Binti Series by Nnedi Okoroafor and she writes comics too which my husband loves.

4. We eat a wide variety of food and I always link it back to similar foods back home with the proper names and pronunciation.

5. All my work clothes - without exception are made from Ankara and so are their clothes. Luckily they don't wear uniform at their school either.

6. We schedule a 2 weekly video call with my siblings. It lasts for several hours and no, we just don't sit and talk. We do our normal household things as well. It means they have some sort of glimpse into life at home, see their cousins in their own home and space. This weekend's call, my sister was having a small get together so we participated virtually. There was all the greeting, singing, shouting - you know what our gatherings are like

7. I try to find suitable movies to watch - this is bit trickier as majority are not kid friendly at all. So we watch SA movies too.

8. I have very close Nigerians and African friends that share similar values. Luckily for me, I can speak a few Nigerian languages so will often speak Yoruba (by far the largest number of Nigerians I've met abroad), Hausa, Idoma (very rare to find them), Igala with friends we visit.

Little steps - it's not quite enough but we'll get there. We do have plans to go live in 9ja for about 2 years in the future. Of course that totally depends on employment opportunities as I can't imagine living at home and blowing through our savings for 2 whole years!

obitryce:


My kids attend a Catholic school within my area and during the admission process there was never a time the issue of being a Catholic or not came up. In fact my second son turned 3 on the 1st of March and just started school on the 7th of March. Same Catholic school.

deept:
To add to what the property 'gurus' have posted

1. Be wary of buying flats especially leasehold flats especially in England when management companies are involved else you will just turn to cash machine for these management companies.

2. Flats again - the cladding issue has trapped a lot of property owners where lots of them are going into depression because their flats are not mortgageable and cannot be bought. In one estate we used to live years ago, flats listed are cash only buyers because a lot of banks will not offer mortgage to buyers so sellers have had to drastically reduce the asking price for these properties. If you see a flat with asking price too good to be true, look twice and look again.

3. Read your is it TP50? and read it again. If you don't understand understand a clause or anything there, call your solicitor and ask for explanation. That is what you are paying them for.

4. When you exchange contracts, you don buy house be that. You cannot pull out without penalties. Make sure you understand what you are getting into before you exchange.

5. If you don't like the terms of the contract - pull out of the deal, other opportunities will come. Better to take the hit for legal fees than to be trapped and be at the mercy of some freeholder or management company.

6. Ask questions no matter how silly, this may save your life.

mumzt:


� a good number of northerners are married to foreigners. Not all northerners are hausas. And majority of those married to foreigners are not hausas, this is not to say hausas don't marry foreigners. I'm hausa, so I'm talking from first hand knowledge

Lilipo:


Interesting!

I disagree with your bolded statement. Its always best to compare like for like instead of making sweeping statements. In my opinion, state schools in UK are way better than public schools in Nigeria. Some state schools in UK may be comparable to some private schools in Nigeria (but not the top private ones).

Thanks for the info. Please any idea on how much the public schools cost?

Note the definitions below
British definition of State school - A school that is funded and controlled by the state and no fees are charged
British definition of Public school - A school, in England and Wales (not Scotland) that is fee charging and is paid for by parents.

What we term 'public' in Nigeria is called 'state' in United Kingdom and what we term 'private' in Nigeria is termed 'public' in England and Wales (not sure of what it is called in Scotland). Context here is SCHOOLS.

Not all state schools in UK are as bad as you have described. There is a reason for OFSTED ratings but I agree that some schools may be below the expected standard. These are due to many reasons eg if you live in an economically deprived area or perhaps where most parents are on benefits among many other reasons.

My advise would be, if you are immigrating with children, consider areas that have good state schools. If you can afford public school, it is well worth the fees.

Peerielass:


I have lived in this country for over 15 years and during that time I have learnt that education is not the be it all and end it all in this country. Yes it is good for children to learn the basics in the school but the career path they eventually choose does not matter as long as they are successful in their field. I stayed in one of the Scottish Isles for a good number of years and I can tell you that most of the men on the island didn’t go to University nor did they pay attention in their maths class but majority of them are now earning over £150k per annum as plumbers, fishermen, electricians, sea farers, and even farmers. This is not hearsay, I used to complete their tax return so knew how much they were earning.
We have to realise that this is not Nigeria where there are no jobs and no opportunities. There are heaps of opportunities in this country and we should not stifle our children by moulding them into Nigerian’s idea of success.

Ticha:


Little steps - it's not quite enough but we'll get there. We do have plans to go live in 9ja for about 2 years in the future. Of course that totally depends on employment opportunities as I can't imagine living at home and blowing through our savings for 2 whole years!

Bluetherapy:


Bless your heart sis. Thank you for the wonderful insights you have give.

I'm still contemplating making them to study in a boarding school back home so that they have close contacts with the people. Likewise, they can easily contrast living in UK with living in Nigeria.

Btw Hausa people abroad are an endangered species . I remember briefly meeting one at the train station. He was just visiting

veleta:
State schools get levels in UK. I'm referencing England. You need to chose your area carefully before you move in. They call it postcode lottery. Some people go to the extent of renting a house they won't live in just to be in a catchment area of outstanding or good schools. The problem with UK is lack of motivation and benefit system so in some areas, the kids and teachers don't bother to push kids.

The area you live is a huge determinant if you are middle class. So chose your area carefully.

Safeob27:
Hi guys , I might be wrong o but based on research, there are a lot of catholic schools in the Uk and most times they have the best ofsted rating . Is it possible for a non-catholic child to be accepted ? Or its strictly for practicing catholic families

Peerielass:


I have lived in this country for over 15 years and during that time I have learnt that education is not the be it all and end it all in this country. Yes it is good for children to learn the basics in the school but the career path they eventually choose does not matter as long as they are successful in their field. I stayed in one of the Scottish Isles for a good number of years and I can tell you that most of the men on the island didn’t go to University nor did they pay attention in their maths class but majority of them are now earning over £150k per annum as plumbers, fishermen, electricians, sea farers, and even farmers. This is not hearsay, I used to complete their tax return so knew how much they were earning.
We have to realise that this is not Nigeria where there are no jobs and no opportunities. There are heaps of opportunities in this country and we should not stifle our children by moulding them into Nigerian’s idea of success.

LagosismyHome:


A lot of Nigerians grew up with the upbringing, yet a lot of Nigerians are behaving badly now in their adult life, killing is on the rise even using parents for rituals, depression is on the rise so with many things

Meaning how effective was all these nigerian shouting, beating and harsh upbringing. It didn't result in a perfect society

I believe children should be brought with firm hard and guided from small but it not by shouting and or excessive beating

MabraO:


Children raised here without shouting are worst then their Counterpart in Nigeria.
You must be a good parent and teach your kids discipline that’s is what is lacking in uk all kids lack discipline and common sense is very far from them.

babythug:


I’ve never met a northerner married to a foreigner!!!!!

Ahappygirl:
Please what's the difference between a childminder and nursery. I have a 1year 2months old and I'm looking for what's best for him. Any advice please.

Bluetherapy:


Bless your heart sis. Thank you for the wonderful insights you have give.

I'm still contemplating making them to study in a boarding school back home so that they have close contacts with the people. Likewise, they can easily contrast living in UK with living in Nigeria.

Btw Hausa people abroad are an endangered species . I remember briefly meeting one at the train station. He was just visiting

Ticha:


Ah boarding in 9ja ke? No my sis. It'll be better to spend all summer holidays back home. It might feel like just 6 weeks but it is a good length of time. Especially if you have close family members you can send them to.

Gaskiya we no plenty abroad at all. I know 2 in the UK both from Niger State. Something funny happened to me a few months after we came to New Zealand. The driving here is bonkers. A 9ja level bonkers. People drive like serious agberos. One afternoon, I was heading out and someone drove very dangerously (by my standards of course ) almost crashing into me. I swerved, shouted ubanka and did waka at him. Na so, the guy swerved and started tail gating me. In my head, I said, 'I don buy market o. Person go beat me today!'

I found parking, got my phone out and had 11 open ready to dial. The guy parked behind me and this black guy jumped out, left his door open and shouted, 'Yarwa!' He gave me the biggest hug. Na so we blow Hausa for ages! He's from Kano and said he'd not met another Northerner since being in NZ. He's been here 17 years now! Married to a Kiwi woman with 5 children and we've become quite close.

kaylov12:


What is written isn't exactly as it happens behind closed doors believe me.
When it's OFSTED INSPECTION TIME, the whole school run kitikiti and katakata. 100% of the times its not the case.

kaylov12:



Parents need to be more involved in the education of their wards. If your children attend free school, you have to go the extra mile to support them. What is being learnt in school alone won't cut it and that's a fact.
We have to work extra for a desired result for those who care.

Ticha:


Ah boarding in 9ja ke? No my sis. It'll be better to spend all summer holidays back home. It might feel like just 6 weeks but it is a good length of time. Especially if you have close family members you can send them to.

Gaskiya we no plenty abroad at all. I know 2 in the UK both from Niger State. Something funny happened to me a few months after we came to New Zealand. The driving here is bonkers. A 9ja level bonkers. People drive like serious agberos. One afternoon, I was heading out and someone drove very dangerously (by my standards of course ) almost crashing into me. I swerved, shouted ubanka and did waka at him. Na so, the guy swerved and started tail gating me. In my head, I said, 'I don buy market o. Person go beat me today!'

I found parking, got my phone out and had 11 open ready to dial. The guy parked behind me and this black guy jumped out, left his door open and shouted, 'Yarwa!' He gave me the biggest hug. Na so we blow Hausa for ages! He's from Kano and said he'd not met another Northerner since being in NZ. He's been here 17 years now! Married to a Kiwi woman with 5 children and we've become quite close.

Ticha:


Child minders work from their homes and is usually 1 person (may have help from her immediate family). It's a sort of home from home situation. Some will take your child shopping with them, to their registered friends/ families houses etc. They're cheaper but it means no cover when they're sick or travel. There's a max number of children they can have across the ages as well. I think it's max 4/5 from memory (it's been a long time so might have changed). You also have to pay when they're away ie you pay for their leave - some reduce it to a retainership level. Most operate an 8am to 3pm/4pm and will take your children on school runs with them etc.

Nursery - usually more adults and more children. A set space. Children remain there. 1 big advantage is that staff being sick or not is not an issue as there'll always be cover. There's safety in numbers as per not 1 adult is with the children all the time. They're usually more expensive. Most open early and close late ie 7am to 6pm. Your child will get less 1 to 1 attention time at nursery. Feeding times can be a bit hot and miss as they can often be regimented so children will have a window to eat.

I preferred a nursery for many reasons. It was right next door to where I worked. They had a larger outdoor space, their staff ratio was 3 children to 1 staff although government ratios are higher. They made meals on site - not that my son ate any sef! I liked the accountability of having more than 4 adults present at any given time. There can be (I always check there is) a proper system of checks and balances as well.

Ahappygirl:
Thanks a lot. You're really a TEACHER as your moniker implies..lol. Really appreciate the detailed explanation. What of nannies? And is it possible to get a nanny that can come stay with my son at home till I'm done with work? I work remotely. If yes, do you have any website or pointers, I live in Liverpool.

veleta:
I have interacted with some of these trades people and I realised that occupational risk that comes with these their jobs are very high. Imagine being a painter/interior decorator you will be inhaling paint virtually everyday, imagine the damage it does to your lungs, or is it tilers? The tiler that did our kitchen splashback had one of his eardrums damaged due to constant using of machine cutting the tiles. Groundsmen, same thing. Before they clock 50,arthritis hits u.The money might be there but it takes a huge toll on one's health. If its your thing, you can go into it but don't just go because of the money.

Also, blacks rarely thrive in such businesses because of bad perception. Nothing beats sound education and it's our duty as parents to guide our kids to study courses that are always in demand especially IT, healthcare and other transferable skills so that even if UK doesn't favour you one can easily migrate to another country.

HeyHey:
Thank you for this thread oo

Just got admitted to RGU Aberdeen by God’s grace, will like to bring my kids currently aged 4 and 6, both boys. Both very noisy too.

More helpful tips please

Ticha:


It's not just trades though. There are apprenticeship routes to many professions. I know that Network Rail for example will take 17/18 year olds for an Engineering apprenticeship. They qualify 3/ 4 years later with a qualification, good wages (above 24k) and 3/4 years experience. Of course there is a ceiling to promotions and growth but those engineers can then head off to university for a conversion degree most times sponsored by their workplaces which then takes them past that ceiling. I have 2 friends that their sons went this route and by age 26/27 were earning well, had almost 10 years experience under their belt with a degree to boot.

Even with the trades, my expectation for my child will be that they master it quickly enough to employ others as that is often the way good money can be made.

My sister in law started off an an assistant in a vet clinic cos she has a small zoo in her house and loves everything animals , after about 5 years of being an assistant/ emergency vet nurse/ general dogboy for the Vet practice, she went off to uni to study Vet medicine at age 26 and works as a locum Vet Dr now. She works 4 nights a week providing emergency Vet cover and generally lives a cushy life.

Almost all universities have a path for mature learners that means years of experience will enable them segue into the path they want to head. The access to science diploma is a good example of how this happens.

We left the UK in 2017 for New Zealand. Husbot was offered a transfer within his company. Basically in April 2017, he was asked if we would consider a temporary transfer. We said yes. We submitted our documents in June 2017 and were here in Aug 2017. It was my 9ja police check that delayed us by about 3 weeks. We got here, found out our combined wages enabled us qualify for residency and we applied. So the 2 years trip has now morphed into 5 years. We have PR. We qualify for citizenship next year and will head back to the UK once we get it cos NZ too far from everywhere abeg.

It's made me realise that the only thing holding us back is our passport. Do you know that New Zealand classes Baristas (coffee makers) and chefs as skilled workers? But that visa category although not stated is seemingly only open to people from certain countries! It's a 2 year work to residency visa. Imagine!

I am not dissing a good quality education. Just saying that sometimes, we do have to be open to thinking outside the box. I struggled at uni honestly and barely scraped through my masters but did very very well in my teacher training as it was fully practice based. Majority of my assessments were practical and even the written work was based on my practice - reflective journals. I can see how an apprenticeship route would have been perfect for me.