Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do - Family - Nairaland
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Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To / Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To / My fiance prefers eating together habits but i dnt like it. (2) (3) (4)
| Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by simpleseyi: 8:33am On Jul 06, 2011 |
i got married 3 months ago after d first month i was concieved and i told my husbby, normally we use to mak lov at least 3 to 4times aweek but during d first month of my pregnacy i couldnt feel myself whenever we mak lov i feel lik throw-up and i told my husbby to pls give me time. to my surprise, i checked his mail 3weeks ago and i noticed dt he has being seen another girl, they even described d way they us to Bleep themselve, d hotel he use to tak d girl to and even his friend's house, he always lie to me dt he wnt com hom cos he has work to do at office, on sunday he wil alway tell me dt he has to be in office. pls wht can i do i dnt wnt to tell anybody pls he me. he's abt 35 yrs and am 28 we dated for 5yrs does dt mean i dnt really knw him or wht? Am using some poster address am nt on nairaland pls moderate post. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by iyatrustee(f): 8:57am On Jul 06, 2011 |
the painful truth is that you should not deny your husband sex on the grounds that you are pregnant. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by Nobody: 9:04am On Jul 06, 2011 |
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| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by Nobody: 9:14am On Jul 06, 2011 |
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| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by kandiikane(m): 1:03pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
chaircover: OMG, where have you been? One of the most sensible posters I have seen on here. I am a fan.  Anyways, to the bolded this is exactly what I have been telling people. Why spend more than 5yr courting or another 5yrs after getting engaged? Why move in and have a child? After marriage there is nothing else to look forward to. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by obowunmi(m): 3:22pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
@ OP married her husband, knowing well he was a big cheat. All the signs were there but I'm sure your family was pressuring you to get married. 28 and single --- what are you doing when ur mates are getting married abi ? Haha! You made your bed and gently lie on it. Look, you obviously married a player so manage yourself shey u hear. Your kitten is not soo special after all. But yet, you gain the special status of carrying his child. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by Outstrip(f): 4:03pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
The first trimester is usually when you have the worst sickness with pregnancy. So it is no surprise that you possibly could not handle the movements. Your husband did not start cheating overnight. This did not just start. I always say that you focus on yourself. Stress has no place in pregnancy. Minimize your stress. He tells you he is going towork on sunday and you let him believe that you believe him. Tell him you know what he is doing but do not get in a long drawn out battle with him. No stress for the baby. I am sure this is not the first time you have caught him |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by Ferya(f): 4:21pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
@ Poster I will not accuse you but can only advise you to get your mother-in-law involved in this issue fast. She is a mother and knows how to talk to his son. Do not quarrel over this issue with him because I believe that relationship may be as old as your courtship. Protect yourself from getting infected. Take care |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by Genius100: 4:28pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
Make una dey see women. Instead of prescribing a solution for the poor girl, they will rather "TALK" about it. Anyways, first of all, you need to let him know that you've caught him. Then ask him why he's cheating on you when you are going through hell carrying his kid. Make him promise he won't cheat on you again as he may be putting his family in danger if he contracts a disease. As a man, the truth is that men have a natural propensity to cheat but that propensity is multiplied in great proportions if 1) the wife is constantly nagging or complaining or just plain hard to deal with and 2) the man is not getting sufficient action from his woman. On the other hand, a man who gets along great with is wife and whose quality of life is greatly enhanced by his wife will try his very best not to cheat on his wife. So if you are doing anything that enhances his propensity to cheat, stop it. Have a gentle and frank talk with him and let him know that he may be putting his family in grave danger by his actions and you will do your best to satisfy him. If you can't have sexual intercourse, there are other things you can do to satisfy him. Goodluck, |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by Warfibabe(f): 4:36pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
iyatrustee: |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by madoba: 4:38pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
Genius100: LOL at the first sentence in bold, Na wetin we do you? You know women love to talk. Your whole post made a lot of sense and at the second sentence in bold (i.e paragraph 2) thanks for the insight. As a woman I appreciate it. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by ifyalways(f): 4:46pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
Genius100:Very well said. @OP,I don't know what nlders wud do for you but Im sure talking directly with ur hubby wud help u,ur pregnancy and marriage greatly. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by kandiikane(m): 5:24pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
What will talking solve? if he cheats right in the beginning of your marriage you are in for a lifetime of cheating and dishonesty. .I say abort that child and walk away, its not too late |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by ronkebp(f): 6:04pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
The truth is that ' the guy had beeen cheating on you way before you got married', it is not because you starved him of sex (reduced to twice or once a week) that is making him cheat, it is unfortunate, you got yourself a casanova of a husband, You see, i personally don't have respect for maggots, like those men, that are selfish and don't put their wives into consideration, my dear the ball is in your court, there is no amount of advice we would give you that will change that 'woman g-string" of yours, Take care of yourself (that is the ultimate), you need to rest more and don't allow his infidelity weigh you down. Let what you will do be in your mind, '' first to do no dey pain, second to do, eye go red'. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by sasimalia(f): 6:54pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
kandiikane: Kandiikane did u just say abort? WTF?  Do u realize the kind of advice that you are giving to somebody who is already in an emotional weak spot Why killing that baby? The innocent baby? Like for real? Are u actually serious? So if i understand correctly your solution is killing the innocent baby and divorcing? Have you ever been married? Do you know what marriage is and what it entails? I'm sorry but as much that anybody is free voicing their opinion that is a very very immature advice (not sure how old you are), devoid of all if any wisdom whatsoever. I hope that is not how you advise people that you love and that you care for.  If you think somebody can just decide to murder a very gentle innocent life, and just move on, then you must be very very naive. You have no idea of the scarring on the conscience of women who have aborted; it is heavy with emotional pain and never be just "forgotten"  If you dont have any constructive advice, something that is encouraging and that builds up, then better not say anything |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by kandiikane(m): 7:06pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
Im sorry what is your business? Was the comment directed to you? So the woman should stay and suffer in a marriage where the man commits adultery for the rest of the marriage? He was cheating way before they married and will continue to. The innocent baby? Go for another 7 or 8 months with the pregnancy and suffer even more? Please I want you to google naive before you open your fingers to type bullshyt on other people's part. If you are against abortion that is your own business. I rather she abort the child and leave than leave with a baby and find it hard to find a man who will accept her and the baby or find it hard to afford for her and her baby. If she married 3months ago and maybe 1 or 2months pregnant the baby is either still cells or the size of a kidney bean. Do not ask me about my family history or loved ones no concern to you on that part. Constructive advice you would like to hear? Like stay and endure he will stop cheating? Please, wake up and smell the coffee love, he will continue to cheat. Many women can get over an abortion. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by sasimalia(f): 7:47pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
kandiikane: Your advice is very immature. If you are a man you have no idea about what women feel before/after an abortion or the consequences to their psyche. Not typing any "bullshyt". And not it does not make it any ok to know that the "baby" is just "cells or size of a kidney bean" like you said. It is a life that is alive and growing and your advice is killing it. WRONG. Period. I did not say she should stay and suffer but the baby has nothing to do with it. There are ways to stand you ground as a woman without necessarily walking away from a marriage after a few months. If she had tried to talk to him, and understand what is going on in that man's mind like other wiser people suggested on here with no change, then divorcing would be more plausible. She just found out, let her try to fix it first; it says better or worse and this is "worse". Marriage is not a child's game. And yes, many good women with kids find true love and respect from a man that loves them and accepts them for who they are with their kids. Even if she was to get divorced, she can find a good man (granted that it might be more challenging). That life is going to get more difficult with a baby is NO reason to kill that baby. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by kandiikane(m): 7:58pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
You what I am eating a lovely food here and I plan on having a lovely time eating it so just thank your stars for that. Maybe after I have finished I might come revisit your post again. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by StChristina(f): 8:20pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
Ha men!they do things dt pushes you to d wall, dt u feel lyk killn them,imagine a 3mnth old marriage,wont blame sm women who turn their husband 2 mugu! |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by sasimalia(f): 8:21pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
kandiikane:Thank my starts huh? LMAO. Have a lovely time eating your food as you planned. Some peeps have good/expensive food but can't eat coz too many things on their mind so please enjoy ur meal  |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by sasimalia(f): 8:26pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
St Christina: I tell you oo. But in all things you have to take a deep breath, take yourself out of the situation and listen to wisdom while making the best decision (with the best positive long-term consequences) for yourself as woman and as a person. That does not mean that one has to be door mat. But like you said men do things sometimes that just makes the worst side of women come out. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by dayokanu(m): 8:40pm On Jul 06, 2011 |
@OP, Solution: Call your Husband and let him know that you caught him and ask what his sincere plans are for the union 1. He might apologize and say he is sorry. Then he needs to go for STD test to know you are not at risk and find ways to mend fences if you can forgive him. 2. He might fly into a rage, deny it or even ask what right you have to snoop into his email. At that point involve both families and an exit plan might be worth it, Also if 2 happens, I would think you should start considering Kandikanes advice |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by tpia5: 5:17am On Jul 07, 2011 |
big problem. the guy sounds like a sex addict with little respect for his marriage. is he a nler? lord have mercy. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by chillbabe(f): 6:44am On Jul 07, 2011 |
Girl nip it in the but this problem. Call ure parents and his for a meeting. Make sure u print out those emails so that he can't deny. After the meeting ask him to leave the house with his parents cause u need time to think and heal. Pls dnt be afraid men in general like strong women. And pls dnt forget to go for counselling the both of u. In cases like this u need to take ure stand from the get go if u want a healthy and happy marriage. Think abt ure on born child dnt u want to raise him in a happy and healthy home? He or she deserves that, u deserves that and ure husband. Some women are unbelievable and their own enemy. That girl ure husband is cheating with I bet she knows he is married and that ure pregnant. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by Nobody: 10:00am On Jul 07, 2011 |
Genius100: ^^Good advice.The truth is alot of married Nigerian men i know cheat the wives sef no send again. They have developed a mechanism for coping with the betrayal. If women should leave their husbands for infidelity it is my believe that Nigeria will have 1 of the highest rates of divorce in the world. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by blank(f): 11:38am On Jul 07, 2011 |
I have no advice for you. God is your strength. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by OAM4J: 6:20pm On Jul 07, 2011 |
Genius100: dayokanu: +1 |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by Blendy77(f): 7:23pm On Jul 08, 2011 |
kandiikane: Like the other ladies said, I concur that this is a very wicked advice. Why on earth would u advice someone going through this kind of trauma to abort a gift from God? Na wa o! My dear, take heart. Its rare to find a man who doesn't cheat on his wife, not even the Deacons and church elders u see on the pulpit on sundays. Its just that they've not been caught yet. He didn't cheat on u cos of the pregnancy, he probably has been doing it smartly or u were too busy to notice. Confront your husband if u can and keep praying that God gives u the strenght to scale through marriage becos this is just the beginning of challenges to come. More will definitely come, it might not be adultery but trust me, more will come. No marriage is 100% stress free, u only need prayers and God's grace to scale through it. I'll advice u not to drag ur family or inlaws into this cos when u eventually reconcile, outsiders will still see him as a wicked man and its not to u or ur children's best interest. If u can, avoid reading his emails and text messages to avoid getting urself hurt instead concentrate on the priceless gift of God u're carrying. U're married to a Nigerian, that is the price we have to pay cos if u make the mistake of leaving, the girl outside will gladly occupy ur space and what's the guarantee that ur nex marriage wont be worse? |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by Ivynwa(f): 11:03pm On Jul 08, 2011 |
I am waiting to see more views of others on this issue because I am a bit surprised that the lady is being blamed for putting a lil break at s*x as she just conceived. Didn't she make a good decision in giving her foetus a little break to settle in first, I have read that s-e-x-u-a-l thrusting is not good for her at this stage which is the beginning of the first trimester especially women that have had miscarriages. Should a woman that newly pregnant be thrusting away to the detriment of her newly developing foetus. I mean does a woman allow her man to "thrust-all-the-way" and "thrust-all-he-can" at the onset of a pregnancy? Is a newly formed foetus not too delicate for that? [b]In a situation like that though the break should not be too long methinks and a woman in that position can still express love to her husband through other ways and help him climax through other means that does not include him thrusting away.[/b]It seems to me that such break is needful between two weeks to a month after conception. The husband is being very immature, childish and wild. Is s*x all he thinks about? Does it mean that he breathe in s*x everyday so much that he can't give his wife a little support and understanding. Shouldn't he be putting heads together with his wife while they plan their family together. Having a mature adult talk to him may bring him back to his senses. Check your relationship and see whether you ain't overdoing "the break thing" by emotionally breaking away from him too and letting him drift away without knowing it, also concern your self with his feelings and s-e-x-u-a-l satisfaction even while the break is on. A break does not mean a total-hands-down-no-expression-of-affection or no other forms of lovemaking during the short break or no s-exu-al intimacy till you give birth. @kandi Sweet Girl I'm surprised that you are telling another person to abort (kill another human being) after you earned some respect from me during our discussion the other day in which you exhibited some spiritual depth. Okay let us switch places between you and that baby in the poster's tummy for you to take the child's place, what do you see? Will you be happy to have another person persuading that you be killed in that womb? This lady is newly married and having some problems that needs solution, it is not the end of the world for a child to be killed because of it and for her to abandon her husband and run just because others caught his attention. I hope you understand my drift girlie, now don't be mad at me okay.  All the same, I am telling you the same thing I said the other day we discussed "You are entitled to your opinion". |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by Nobody: 2:02am On Jul 09, 2011 |
kandiikane: You're telling her to have an abortion just because her husband cheated? |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by Nobody: 5:21am On Jul 10, 2011 |
Another thread on men cheating. Hummm. Another woman staring reality in the face. @OP,Before you caught your husband cheating on you,if someone had told you your husband was a love rat,what would have been your reaction? Of course:DENIAL. Women need to face reality,MEN will always cheat if they get the opportunity.It comes natural for a man to cheat on his woman,However that does not mean he does not love his partner. |
| Re: Pls Help I Dnt Knw What To Do by ayinba1(f): 8:40am On Jul 10, 2011 |
It is an unpleasant situation but i disagree with abortion. You are Lready married, and pregnant! It is not unusual to feel less motivated to have intercourse in your first trimester. A lot of women go through this. However only men who are men for reasons other than their male organs can actually appreciate this and not insist or cheat because of this. Right now, you have yourself and the baby to worry about. I use the term worry because he might bring something bad home from his trysts-HIV, herpes, gonorrhea etc. Tell him you know that he is sleeping with someone else but the issue now involves the health of the unborn child. He should protect himself or use protection with you when the time comes. You cannot try to please him and ruin the unborn child's health. IMO, this guy did not just start cheating because you got pregnant. People hardly change, I wish you the very best. |
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