Ebowo:




It all boils down to relationship, after d demise of the husband, maybe,just maybe,she didn't relate well with her husband's people or she saw them as enemies and became to defensive and protective of the boys, perhaps she felt she was doing the right thing, cos she definitely has a fault in all of these.

Above all ,u can't give what u don't have, just to correct the saying dt a woman cannot train a male child . if u are not a disciplined n principled woman or man you can also train any child to be his or her best. God still answers prayers let her keep praying, and also try telling them with firmness how things will have to start happening differently under her roof
.

I respectfully acknowledge your points.. but I insist Most not all Women cannot train/raise male Children..
I have seen it countless times play out..

Have a nice weekend my dear.

Anobody:
I'm a single mother of two teenage sons, lost my husband 10 years ago and have been struggling to cater for them singlehandedly. My first son is 19 and the last 17 years but I'm getting fed up with the disrespect and regret not taking them to the village so I could remarry.

They both left secondary school and working to save up for school and I don't ask them for a dime. My last son suddenly started behaving like a tout, pierced both ears and turning his hair to dread, takes my stuff without my permission and even to extent of holding my hands when I get furious to beat him.

My first son is dating a girl and spends all his money on her to the extend of asking me for transport fare sometimes. Sometimes they come home by 10 or 11pm and are ready to fight me if I get furious to discipline them.

What broke the camel's back was that my last son went to a friend's bday party overnight without telling me, my first son said he called to tell him he won't return and NONE OF THEM TOLD ME under my roof.

I've tried talking calmly, denying certain privilege and discipline but it keeps getting worse, my last option is to take them back to their father's village before I die of hbp.

I'm depressed nairalanders�, please I seek matured advice, thanks.

Please help me push to front page

Do you have brothers or make figures they could look up to? They need the presence of good men in their lives.

AllBlack:


Say goodbye to your sons forever if you try this as a single mom. You have not finished dealing with the influences they are reacting to then it is to go and join them with professional criminals and also brew more hate and disgust for you. OYO

Wow... I really didn't think of this. Very very good point

We always have to think about what the consequences of our actions could be

I agree either everything you said but I don't agree with you last point on beating a child. You need to study psychology to understand why it's dangerous

However, discipline in any way, shape or form that doesn't involve emotional, physical, or psychological abusive is a definite yes!!!

Channah1:
Hm... A similar case to the one in my former compound. The woman ended up having stroke and was taken to the village. A young woman in her late 40s for that matter.
Now the tout son walks around the whole local market with his friend taking weed and living a dirty life.

You better leave the house unannounced because taking them to their fathers village won't work. Who's gonna take them from you? Or you think they too will be gullible to let you bundle them down there?

Just secretly get a place for yourself and leave now that you're still alive and in one piece.

Raising male children in this era of rottenness among teenagers and youth is not an easy task even with a father involved.

Sorry to say this but I think Iike the woman I cited, you raised them up badly because I still know of some small boys that this woman's son grew up with ( in the same compound) and how they turned out well because their mother trained them very well and never allowed them to go past the compound gate except they're going to school or on errands.

These ones Graduated from the uni and rented their own apartments before our very eyes while the other woman was always supporting her boys in looking for trouble and fighting people in the compound would abuse and lash anyone that tries to correct her boys.

At a point she was even bragging that no brother in the compound can challenge her son. This is a son that refused to go to school or learn any skills. No matter how hard the mother tried, he'll drop out or run away from where he's learning a skill. This he did until the mother came down with stroke.

Poor parenting could also be the cause of your predicament.

Awon "Don't beat my child gang." This is how it always ends.

Great discipline suggestions at the end. But do you really think that beating a child with a belt is a good thing? Do you think that your dad beating you was a good thing? Did it have any negative impact on your self esteem or mental health?

If you were to carry a belt to beat an adult, what will the adult do? Will they tolerate it? If I were to carry a belt to beat you, how will you respond? Now imagine a child who doesn't have the ability to stand up for his/herself.

Where do.we draw the line between physical, emotional, and psychological abuse and discipline? Abusing a child is training them for abusive relationships

ibechris:
I picked my belt to beat my children yesterday,and lo and behold my wife said,I should take it easy before they will hate me when they become adult. I then asked,is it that women aren't good in training up children or what?...although we laughed it off

U see,my father beat the hell out of us when we were little children and today, I cherished the discipline,the shouting and all sorts as an adult and I have come to love my dad more as my mum never like us to be caned.

Today,many women are complaining just like the above,but how does that solve the problem when the problem couldn't be nipped in the bud at a tender age.

This is no time to complain,have u sat down with them instead of whining and complaining. I remembered those days when my father used to stand us up for close to 2hours talking sense to us.,in fact,my immediate younger brother would be standing and sleeping but in all,it all turned out good today.

Solution:

Ground them, but reasonably. Grounding children is an age-old disciplining technique. ...
Take away privileges. ...
Your house, your rules. ...
Let them face the consequences. ...
Do not issue commands. ...
Let them mend things. ...
Give them more responsibilities. ...
Befriend them.

Cutehector:
The very reason why a child needs a father to put him/her in the right direction at teenage years.


Single moms just need put ego aside and get their kids a father figure.

It's not even an ego problem. A lot of single moms can't stand the thought of hurting their child but what they don't understand is by being so called loving, they are damaging and spoiling the child

Mothers need to put their foot down and discipline the child when needed for the good of the child

This is so sad!!! but something can still be done. It is easier to correct a child than to change an adult. You would neither call the cops on them nor take them back to the village because they are grown and could run away from there and turn into what would bring more regrets. It is never easy for parents to train children not to talk of a woman bringing up boys single handedly. At this point I urge you to restrategise your style by loving these boys while you go into your closet and report(PRAY) to their maker(God). By loving them ,I mean talk to them in love, play with them and interact with them in love. Do not use harsh words on them or make them feel less of themselves.Become their mother, sister and girlfriend.This is was their father could have done but you could still do them by the help of God. Meanwhile this is an adolescent stage when they feel that they are always right. If you had done all these before do them again and see what God would do. Lastly,settle this issue with God first before getting into another relationship.They are boys and are watching you!!!. It is well with you.

bepositive11:


It's not even an ego problem. A lot of single moms can't stand the thought of hurting their child but what they don't understand is by being so called loving, they are damaging and spoiling the child

Mothers need to put their foot down and discipline the child when needed for the good of the child

she cant do it all alone bro. God who is the author of marriage knows this.

bepositive11:
Great discipline suggestions at the end. But do you really think that beating a child with a belt is a good thing? Do you think that your dad beating you was a good thing? Did it have any negative impact on your self esteem or mental health?

If you were to carry a belt to beat an adult, what will the adult do? Will they tolerate it? If I were to carry a belt to beat you, how will you respond? Now imagine a child who doesn't have the ability to stand up for his/herself.

Where do.we draw the line between physical, emotional, and psychological abuse and discipline? Abusing a child is training them for abusive relationships

When u born your own u can do as u like.

Stop being too correct.
I am sure u are in the moon...we are Africans if u can hear me,pls do! Our inability to discipline our children is the reason why there are indiscipline in this country.

And funny as it seems,people like u are the reason why Nigeria is in this mess. Many times u guys want to bring foreign cultures over how our parent trained us up.
Even the Bible is no exception on how a child should be discipline,yes the Bible emphasised on that and makes no mistake about that.


What does the Bible say?

1. Proverbs 23:13-14 Don’t fail to discipline your children. They won’t die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death.

2. Proverbs 13:24 Whoever does not discipline his son hates him, but whoever loves him is diligent to correct him.

3. Proverbs 22:15 A child’s heart has a tendency to do wrong, but the rod of discipline removes it far away from him.


4. Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it


Lastly,there are no general rules for every family when it comes to disciplining your children,that is why what works for u may not work for me.
I bet u,if my father had not disciplined me the way he did,I am sure I could have ended badly and terribly at that.

So,think about this and know that we are not white people who glorify indiscipline,hence battling with whole lot of vices such as same sex marriage,legalisation of prostitution,gun crisis and u name it.

Let us do what is right before our God and fellow man.

When abuse becomes so common that it gets normalized, we no longer see anything wrong with it

You carried a belt to whip your children without thinking about the fear they will feel, the pain that it will inflict on them. You know what that shows? Lack of empathy

See how Nigerians are kidnapping and killing people for rituals anyhow. Why do they do so? Because they lack empathy. They don't care about that person's pain. They don't care about the person's family's pain

You will never hear of such ridiculous incidents in the West. We need to find a balance between discipline and teaching our children not to become heartless people

A lot of people also stay in abusive relationships because their parents have taught them that some one can love you and inflict severe pain on you

ibechris:




When u born your own u can do as u like.

Stop being too correct.
I am sure u are in the moon...we are Africans if u can hear me,pls do! Our inability to discipline our children is the reason why there are indiscipline in this country.

And funny as it seems,people like u are the reason why Nigeria is in this mess. Many times u guys want to bring foreign cultures over how our parent trained us up.
Even the Bible is no exception on how a child should be discipline,yes the Bible emphasised on that and makes no mistake about that.


What does the Bible say?

1. Proverbs 23:13-14 Don’t fail to discipline your children. They won’t die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death.

2. Proverbs 13:24 Whoever does not discipline his son hates him, but whoever loves him is diligent to correct him.

3. Proverbs 22:15 A child’s heart has a tendency to do wrong, but the rod of discipline removes it far away from him.


4. Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it


Lastly,there are no general rules for every family when it comes to disciplining your children,that is why what works for u may not work for me.
I bet u,if my father had not disciplined me the way he did,I am sure I could have ended badly and terribly at that.

So,think about this and know that we are not white people who glorify indiscipline,hence battling with whole lot of vices such as same sex marriage,legalisation of prostitution,gun crisis and u name it.

Let us do what is right before our God and fellow man.

Cutehector:
she cant do it all alone bro. God who is the author of marriage knows this.

If you're going to talk about God like that, then why did He take away her husband if He knew that she can't do it alone?

Religion aside, I agree that fathers play an important role in a child's life (boy or girl), but in cases where the mother loses her husband, she has to atleast adjust her parenting style to accout for the lost of the child's father and also look for other father figures for the child

No human can ever love a child as much as their biological parents

NoToPile:


What or where is borstal?

A rehabilitation center for young offender.
Vocational and class room education is inclusive.