I will try to keep this as brief as possible.
I'm a 26 years old guy I won't call myself a man because literally I don't see myself as one. I finished my final exams in the University sometimes in February and if not for ASUU I would probably be in Camp now.
I'm the type that love taking life slowly but recently I just get agitated and scared of life generally. Things took a new turn 2 days ago when my sister messaged me and told me our mum will turn 60 next month and that we should do something for her no matter how little (That's even the least of my problem because my mum is not the type that will count things like that against us). I was shocked and asked her if that means she will be retiring she told me no that when she was given work she reduced her age by 1 year so that means her retirement is next year.
So here is the issue, I'm the first born and the only male with 3 junior sisters. We lost our father in the year 2005 when I was 9 years old. So our mum basically took care of us singlehandedly. Though I tried to get my expenses off her because I did computer training immediately after my secondary school and I was good with it so I was working at a business center while in the University. It wasn't easy to combine it with academics but I was able to feed myself and pay my school fees from the little I was getting there.
So now if my mom retire next year the family responsibility automatically falls on me. I have 3 sisters that will still attend the University and they are looking up to me and here I am confused on how to do it. And yes I studied a useless course (Religions) I don't know why I accept it but I'm currently regretting it.
I know we have wise men here who has been through this stage before. Please how did you maneuver your ways around.
I need help, I need advise please because if you check my BP now I'm sure it's high because I've been having irregular heartbeat. I'm scared of a lot of things. What if I fail? What if I let my sister's down? What if I'm unable to take care of my mum because she deserve every good thing in this life, that woman literally sacrificed her entire life for us it doesn't matter if she is ok as long as we are ok. A woman who goes for almost 2 years without getting a single cloth for herself because she wants us to feed and wear good clothes, yes she is that kind of mother so I would be damned if I am unable to take care of her guilty conscience will probably kill me. She really tried for us. Please I need advise on how to get through this stage of my life.
NB:
I tried to learn Digital marketing but the cost of training and starting couldn't allow me so I decided to learn video Ads creation to raise funds but I am finding it difficult to monetize it.
Also I recently got a scholarship for ALX software engineering course but seriously, I don't know if I will be successful at it.

I don't know which mod to call but please I need to get this to the front page for a wider coverage
Lalasticlala

zurielsam:
I will try to keep this as brief as possible.
I'm a 26 years old guy I won't call myself a man because literally I don't see myself as one. I finished my final exams in the University sometimes in February and if not for ASUU I would probably be in Camp now.
I'm the type that love taking life slowly but recently I just get agitated and scared of life generally. Things took a new turn 2 days ago when my sister messaged me and told me our mum will turn 60 next month and that we should do something for her no matter how little (That's even the least of my problem because my mum is not the type that will count things like that against us). I was shocked and asked her if that means she will be retiring she told me no that when she was given work she reduced her age by 1 year so that means her retirement is next year.
So here is the issue, I'm the first born and the only male with 3 junior sisters. We lost our father in the year 2005 when I was 9 years old. So our mum basically took care of us singlehandedly. Though I tried to get my expenses off her because I did computer training immediately after my secondary school and I was good with it so I was working at a business center while in the University. It wasn't easy to combine it with academics but I was able to feed myself and pay my school fees from the little I was getting there.
So now if my mom retire next year the family responsibility automatically falls on me. I have 3 sisters that will still attend the University and they are looking up to me and here I am confused on how to do it. And yes I studied a useless course (Religions) I don't know why I accept it but I'm currently regretting it.
I know we have wise men here who has been through this stage before. Please how did you maneuver your ways around.
I need help, I need advise please because if you check my BP now I'm sure it's high because I've been having irregular heartbeat. I'm scared of a lot of things. What if I fail? What if I let my sister's down? What if I'm unable to take care of my mum because she deserve every good thing in this life, that woman literally sacrificed her entire life for us it doesn't matter if she is ok as long as we are ok. A woman who goes for almost 2 years without getting a single cloth for herself because she wants us to feed and wear good clothes, yes she is that kind of mother so I would be damned if I am unable to take care of her guilty conscience will probably kill me. She really tried for us. Please I need advise on how to get through this stage of my life.
NB:
I tried to learn Digital marketing but the cost of training and starting couldn't allow me so I decided to learn video Ads creation to raise funds but I am finding it difficult to monetize it.
Also I recently got a scholarship for ALX software engineering course but seriously, I don't know if I will be successful at it.

Mods please push this to front page

.

Woow
This is a really confused state
Well I have never given anyone this kind of advice be4 but I think you should pray to God for directions
Only him can reposition your life in the space of one year
No amount of advice here will be of much help
Instead you may even get castigated
So I think you should ask God for divine guidance on what to do

Typicool8:



Mods please push this to front page

Thank you.
I don't even know the right mod to call

blazingblender:
Woow
This is a really confused state
Well I have never given anyone this kind of advice be4 but I think you should pray to God for directions
Only him can reposition your life in the space of one year
No amount of advice here will be of much help
Instead you may even get castigated
So I think you should ask God for divine guidance on what to do

Been doing that already but I still don't see headway.
Not neccesarily one year
As I said earlier I'm not the one that like to rush life. I just want to have a clear pathway

You’re young and you still have time to get things right. I have a draft template of how you can reset your life in the right direction so that when the time comes, you can be the man you desire. Adjust the template to suit your current situation.

You have 24 hours in one day.

- Use 6 - 8 hours everyday to sleep

- Use 8 hours to do your paid work

- Use 3 hours for downtime during the day (like work to sleep transition, exercise, food, brain recharge etc)

- Devote the rest 4 - 5 hours daily towards developing your computer skill. Practice deep meditation study. Make sure you put in all 4 - 5 hours in focused study to learn the computer skill you desire.
- At this effective rate it will take you between 8 - 18 months to become a good beginner programmer or data analyst which can earn you a good career. For example, learning SQL, Python and Tableau can quickly get you started as a beginner data analyst. In addition to knowing Math and Statistics of course. Just saying.

- While you’re developing yourself, suspend your social media and online life, or reduce them to the barest minimum of 1 hour per week total, only for the most important things like reading a book about self and career development, applying for jobs or checking employment news and government official announcements on twitter or their websites. Apart from those, you’re not missing anything important. The only thing you should be interested online is learning how to use Upwork or format and present your resume for a prospective employer

- Once you acquire the skill you need, go on Upwork and start looking for jobs just like everyone else. Focus all your 4-hour time on the website like nothing else matters, learn all the ins and outs, you will have your breakthrough. Every $500 - $1000 you earn there monthly counts, and someone could hire you permanently if you’re good at what you do with great customer service.
- In addition to Upwork, apply to Nigerian private companies as well. Good high end skill will definitely take you places and make you stand out.

If I see questions like “where will I see light to power my computer”, I will know you’re not serious. Someone else used his school fees to buy a laptop and inverter set and he dropped out of school for one year because of that decision, but he used that time to learn the skill he’s using today to earn over a million Naira monthly

You have to believe in yourself so much that you’re willing to sacrifice your house rent and move in with your friend or parents in order to achieve your goals in life. When Bill Gates was writing code for windows, he will write code and sleep off on the same position, then wake up and continue writing from where he stopped. Read books like that about the challenging lives of successful people and you will know there was no magic, it was hard work.

If you do these things stated here with 100% focus, by your 28th birthday you’ll see the radical transformation your life would’ve experienced

socialmediaman:
You’re young and you still have time to get things right. I have a draft template of how you can reset your life in the right direction so that when the time comes, you can be the man you desire. Adjust the template to suit your current situation.

You have 24 hours in one day.

- Use 6 - 8 hours everyday to sleep

- Use 8 hours to do your paid work

- Use 3 hours for downtime during the day (like work to sleep transition, exercise, food, brain recharge etc)

- Devote the rest 4 - 5 hours daily towards developing your computer skill. Practice deep meditation study. Make sure you put in all 4 - 5 hours in focused study to learn the computer skill you desire.
- At this effective rate it will take you between 8 - 18 months to become a good beginner programmer or data analyst which can earn you a good career. For example, learning SQL, Python and Tableau can quickly get you started as a beginner data analyst. In addition to knowing Math and Statistics of course. Just saying.

- While you’re developing yourself, suspend your social media and online life, or reduce them to the barest minimum of 1 hour per week total, only for the most important things like reading a book about self and career development, applying for jobs or checking employment news and government official announcements on twitter or their websites. Apart from those, you’re not missing anything important. The only thing you should be interested online is learning how to use Upwork or format and present your resume for a prospective employer

- Once you acquire the skill you need, go on Upwork and start looking for jobs just like everyone else. Focus all your 4-hour time on the website like nothing else matters, learn all the ins and outs, you will have your breakthrough. Every $500 - $1000 you earn there monthly counts, and someone could hire you permanently if you’re good at what you do with great customer service.
- In addition to Upwork, apply to Nigerian private companies as well. Good high end skill will definitely take you places and make you stand out.

If I see questions like “where will I see light to power my computer”, I will know you’re not serious. Someone else used his school fees to buy a laptop and inverter set and he dropped out of school for one year because of that decision, but he used that time to learn the skill he’s using today to earn over a million Naira monthly

You have to believe in yourself so much that you’re willing to sacrifice your house rent and move in with your friend or parents in order to achieve your goals in life. When Bill Gates was writing code for windows, he will write code and sleep off on the same position, then wake up and continue writing from where he stopped. Read books like that about the challenging lives of successful people and you will know there was no magic, it was hard work.

If you do these things stated here with 100% focus, by your 28th birthday you’ll see the radical transformation your life would’ve experienced

Wow this is a great eye opener.
Thank you so much for your input. I promise to do this may God help me.

zurielsam:

Wow this is a great eye opener.
Thank you so much for your input. I promise to do this may God help me.

You're welcome. If you decide to act on this advice, don't forget to find a mentor, someone who can spare a few minutes of their busy life occasionally to offer you useful advice and motivation. Also, look for like minded people who are going on a similar journey so that you can draw strength and motivation from them. Not everyone can do it alone.

Start yahoo.

socialmediaman:


You're welcome. If you decide to act on this advice, don't forget to find a mentor, someone who can spare a few minutes of their busy life occasionally to offer you useful advice and motivation. Also, look for like minded people who are going on a similar journey so that you can draw strength and motivation from them. Not everyone can do it alone.

I don't know if I can send you a private mail sir?

VeryWickedMan:
Start yahoo.

I've been exposed to yahoo before it becomes every Dick, Tom and Harry thing.
If I wanted to I would have done that. I hate cheating people. So your suggestion is out of it.

Thanks to those that have contributed so far but I would like to get this to front page for more contribution

Is she not entitled to gratuity and pension when she retires?

socialmediaman:



If I see questions like “where will I see light to power my computer”, I will know you’re not serious. Someone else used his school fees to buy a laptop and inverter set and he dropped out of school for one year because of that decision, but he used that time to learn the skill he’s using today to earn over a million Naira monthly

Your advice is great but this part is funny.

Some people don't even get up to #80k from home per session.

Karleb:
Is she not entitled to gratuity and pension when she retires?

You still expect them to live off of that?
Hasn't she given enough of herself? Let mama rest naa.

Op, your sisters should acquire some skills after secondary school, so that they can start earning, to be able to support themselves and the family.
The burden should not be on you alone (you will be overwhelmed), you all should support each other.
It is not a must to go straight to the university after secondary school, especially when the money is not available yet.
Ask your sisters what they're interested in learning.

Mariangeles:


You still expect them to live off of that?
Hasn't she given enough of herself? Let mama rest naa.

Op, your sisters should acquire some skills after secondary school, so that they can start earning, and be able to support themselves and the family.
The burden should not be on you alone, you all should support each other.
It is not a must to go straight to the university after secondary school, especially when the money is not available yet.
Ask your sisters what they're interested in learning.

Kai! You people should be calming down abeg.

If the mother is entitled to retirement benefits then he has only himself and his siblings to care about.


I don’t know who made Nigerians believe pensioners are poor and should have all their money to themselves.

zurielsam:

I don't know if I can send you a private mail sir?

You could ask your questions here and I’ll answer them for your benefit and those of others

Your sisters are going to take care of themselves

Na go give yourself BP.

As long they are fine in the face ....bros forget.

Just advice them that's all

You need to calm so you won't die before your time.
Its not your fault that your timing in life is different.
You sisters and momsy will be fine in this world even without you hope you know that?
Just be patient!

Ok12345:
Your sisters are going to take care of themselves

Na go give yourself BP.

As long they are fine in the face ....bros forget.

Just advice them that's all

I know they will be fine but I can't just watch them struggle

Medianna:
You need to calm so you won't die before your time.
Its not your fault that your timing in life is different.
You sisters and momsy will be fine in this world even without you hope you know that?
Just be patient!

I am sure they will be fine but I don't want to be seen as a useless son or brother.

zurielsam:


I am sure they will be fine but I don't want to be seen as a useless son or brother.

You think you will be helping your sisters by carrying the burden all by yourself?

Reinamaria:


You think you will be helping your sisters by carrying the burden all by yourself?

Hmmmm I'm seriously confused
Atleast I can't ignore them at the same time

socialmediaman:


You could ask your questions here and I’ll answer them for your benefit and those of others

Ok thank you sir. Will probably be quoting you from time to time

zurielsam:


I am sure they will be fine but I don't want to be seen as a useless son or brother.

You can't be useless bro. God forbid
You just have to take life one day at a time.
Why not finish serving first, you don't know what kind of job opportunity is waiting for you after that.

zurielsam:

Ok thank you sir. Will probably be quoting you from time to time

No problem. I’ll be replying when I get a chance and see your message. I wish you all the best

It's not easy bro
But thing would get better.
Put in the work!

Karleb:
Is she not entitled to gratuity and pension when she retires?

Yes she is, she is a civil servant.
But we all know how Nigeria is it will take years to get her gratuity

Medianna:

You can't be useless bro. God forbid
You just have to take life one day at a time.
Why not finish serving first, you don't know what kind of job opportunity is waiting for you after that.

Thanks a lot
I will keep good faith

Mariangeles:


You still expect them to live off of that?
Hasn't she given enough of herself? Let mama rest naa.

Op, your sisters should acquire some skills after secondary school, so that they can start earning, to be able to support themselves and the family.
The burden should not be on you alone (you will be overwhelmed), you all should support each other.
It is not a must to go straight to the university after secondary school, especially when the money is not available yet.
Ask your sisters what they're interested in learning.

Thanks for your input. Actually all of us learn a skill immediately we finished secondary school my mum make sure of that My immediate sister is a certified fashion designer and she already finished at College of Health Tech as Medical Laboratory Technician. So she will be able to support me.
The second one is into baking and our last born is obsessed with animals generally so she is basically the one running our mum's poultry.
Thinking about this now I think I'm the one pressuring myself. I will just take things slow
Thank you very much