Let me start by stating that genuine advice and constructive criticism are what I desire and that exactly led me into this form of expression in this public domain.
I clocked 41 years old earlier this year and I got married 11 years ago. The marriage with my wife has not been able to yield any fruit of the womb but that is not even the problem here. At least I observed a lot of people have had great testimonies from the IVF procedure recently as many of the recent threads on here made us believe.
At the beginning, it was not much of a big deal as we thought it was perhaps not a right time for us to conceive but we kept pushing. The disturbing issue, however at that time was that my wife had a very low sex drive from the beginning and that was the way I met her. We later started going for several tests and the results revealed that it wasn't my fault at all but of course, there were some medical issues she had to sort, so we did all that. By 2014, I noticed she started drawing back in bed and that raised a lot of concerns. So I spoke with one of her brothers who is about my age mate, but I noticed no changes like her brother did not raise the issue with her at all. By 2017, I went to Abeokuta to see her mum and told her about her daughter's new fashion of running away from intimacy between me and her. She promised to talk to her. Then I got tired of going for various medical tests as I wondered why we had to spend money and time on tests which won't be backed up by the proper thing eventually. Since then, I think we only made love once and that should be in 2018 or so. Since 2018, there's not been a single hug not to talk of kiss as we lost it completely!

So I met a much younger girl and we started dating. Initially, it was just for the fun of it and to relieve myself of the domestic stress. Later, we got so much into each other and she got pregnant for me! We both agreed to abort it as we knew the danger inherent in keeping it. But then, my wife continued to force me with the periodic medical tests (without the slightest form of intimacy) while the other lady continued to abort pregnancies she had for me. Only last year, the girl aborted 3 pregnancies for me and I felt so bad using her as lab rat. Now I'm 41, when most of my mates don't have infants as children but I'm still contending with a wife who has decided never again to go to bed with me. Confusingly, the other girl is pregnant for me and I'm strongly determined not to abort it this time. In fact, it's already 5 months old!
Now my problems are

*I'm legally married and I have no single problem with my wife asides the issues raised above.

*I think it's criminal because I had a court wedding and I might be prosecuted if she gets to know about this, more so that we are not divorced.

*The pregnant lady's mum has met me before and she doesn't want me because she knows I'm married, so we didn't tell her parents but all her siblings are fully aware and in full support, maybe because they know I've perfected plans to move her abroad to have the baby and let the baby have overseas citizenship. Currently, I've gotten her a well furnished flat since 2 years ago also got her a job paying her 200k monthly.

*My wife's family respect me so much and I think they'll all be disappointed if they get to know.

*I did not tell anybody at all. Not a single family member or friend of mine knows about it because I don't want to be discouraged or lose focus, then nobody can tell me how to create my own happiness.

*I have never had a single issue with the new lady before as she is even about 13 years younger than I am and she respects me a lot. I believe she can't drag issues with me in the future and even if she does, my child remains my child.

*I have never been a fan of polygamy as I understand its intricacies. I know my wife will most likely walk away if she gets to know about this and it will be her strangest imagination!

*I know I can't eat my cake and have it. So what am I to do?

Mods please help shift this to FP as it's an issue really bothering me and I want the participation of many people with diverse opinions.

Bear the consequences of your actions or risk not having a child in your life. Note that sooner or later the truth will be out and your prick will be out too.

Your happiness is key brother.
The other lady also deserves love and respect.
Only one life bro!

U haven't had sex since 2018

OPweysabi:
Let me start by stating that genuine advice and constructive criticism are what I desire and that exactly led me into this form of expression in this public domain.
I clocked 41 years old earlier this year and I got married 11 years ago. The marriage with my wife has not been able to yield any fruit of the womb but that is not even the problem here. At least I observed a lot of people have had great testimonies from the IVF procedure recently as many of the recent threads on here made us believe.
At the beginning, it was not much of a big deal as we thought it was perhaps not a right time for us to conceive but we kept pushing. The disturbing issue, however at that time was that my wife had a very low sex drive from the beginning and that was the way I met her. We later started going for several tests and the results revealed that it wasn't my fault at all but of course, there were some medical issues she had to sort, so we did all that. By 2014, I noticed she started drawing back in bed and that raised a lot of concerns. So I spoke with one of her brothers who is about my age mate, but I noticed no changes like her brother did not raise the issue with her at all. By 2017, I went to Abeokuta to see her mum and told her about her daughter's new fashion of running away from intimacy between me and her. She promised to talk to her. Then I got tired of going for various medical tests as I wondered why we had to spend money and time on tests which won't be backed up by the proper thing eventually. Since then, I think we only made love once and that should be in 2018 or so. Since 2018, there's not been a single hug not to talk of kiss as we lost it completely!

So I met a much younger girl and we started dating. Initially, it was just for the fun of it and to relieve myself of the domestic stress. Later, we got so much into each other and she got pregnant for me! We both agreed to abort it as we knew the danger inherent in keeping it. But then, my wife continued to force me with the periodic medical tests (without the slightest form of intimacy) while the other lady continued to abort pregnancies she had for me. Only last year, the girl aborted 3 pregnancies for me and I felt so bad using her as lab rat. Now I'm 41, when most of my mates don't have infants as children but I'm still contending with a wife who has decided never again to go to bed with me. Confusingly, the other girl is pregnant for me and I'm strongly determined not to abort it this time. In fact, it's already 5 months old!
Now my problems are

*I'm legally married and I have no single problem with my wife asides the issues raised above.

*I think it's criminal because I had a court wedding and I might be prosecuted if she gets to know about this, more so that we are not divorced.

*The pregnant lady's mum has met me before and she doesn't want me because she knows I'm married, so we didn't tell her parents but all her siblings are fully aware and in full support, maybe because they know I've perfected plans to move her abroad to have the baby and let the baby have overseas citizenship. Currently, I've gotten her a well furnished flat since 2 years ago also got her a job paying her 200k monthly.

*My wife's family respect me so much and I think they'll all be disappointed if they get to know.

*I did not tell anybody at all. Not a single family member or friend of mine knows about it because I don't want to be discouraged or lose focus, then nobody can tell me how to create my own happiness.

*I have never had a single issue with the new lady before as she is even about 13 years younger than I am and she respects me a lot. I believe she can't drag issues with me in the future and even if she does, my child remains my child.

*I have never been a fan of polygamy as I understand its intricacies. I know my wife will most likely walk away if she gets to know about this and it will be her strangest imagination!

*I know I can't eat my cake and have it. So what am I to do?

Mods please help shift this to FP as it's an issue really bothering me and I want the participation of many people with diverse opinions.

Please, keep the baby... I wonder how guys allowed 3 pregnancies and got them all aborted!!! Kilode!!!

Biko, keep this baby and seek means to sort out the infidelity mess you are in... An innocent child should not be aborted for that pls.

Sorry about your marriage palava bro. Seek proper divorce from your wife and move on with your baby mama.

Your peace of mind and happiness should be paramount. Marriage no be do or die affair.

Your stories are long but its well..its a risk u took and its working well 4u.
I cant say much about the court matter but is it criminal to do court wedding and still go ahead to pregnant a lady or marry her traditionally?
Now,have a talk with your wife about her not having sex with u n her childlessness.be frank n tell her u want children.since u now know its not your fault hold on to that n put pressure on her to either change her attitude or you quit the marriage!
Dont drag the matter too long,tell her to change simple.if not simply file for a divorce n start your life with the other girl carrying your child!

.

So what happens to the child and her mother meanwhile?

valentineuwakwe:
Your stories are long but its well..its a risk u took and its working well 4u.
I cant say much about the court matter but is it criminal to do court wedding and still go ahead to pregnant a lady or marry her traditionally?
Now,have a talk with your wife about her not having sex with u n her childlessness.be frank n tell her u want children.since u now know its not your fault hold on to that n put pressure on her to either change her attitude or you quit the marriage!
Dont drag the matter too long,tell her to change simple.if not simply file for a divorce n start your life with the other girl carrying your child!

You likely believe i have so much time on my hands to come here and start writing things that didn't happen.

UpInTheSky:
Your story sounds fake. You mean you've not hugged nor kissed your wife since 2018 and you've been living in the same house? Not even on your birthdays, or on holidays (Christmas, New Year)?

UpInTheSky:
Your story sounds fake. You mean you've not hugged nor kissed your wife since 2018 and you've been living in the same house? Not even on your birthdays, or on holidays (Christmas, New Year)?

Very possible. I have friends who haven’t talk to their wife for 6 months now yet living together. Marriage na your mate?

.

Well that's not correct. I've said I want some sincere advice and criticism where necessary. Where would that come from it some parts were added or removed to protect some interests?

UpInTheSky:
You account was created today, so who knows?

You did have enough time on your hands to write all that. It's possible you've doctored some parts or your entire story itself might just be another tale by the moonlight that are typically found in this section.

I'm not married yet, but I guess if I were in your shoes, my wife would be my ex wife now.

Wotoporiously speaking

Sit your wifey down and let her know about the new development no matter what reaction you'll get from every angle, las las you go dey okay and everybody go learn to live with the news, afterall you no kill person Oga

Clearly if all you have stated above is correct.

File for a divorce. You don't have any issues with first wife, she denies you sex. How then can you guys have kids? The problem is from her yet she's dragging sex with you. How can she be that selfish? Maybe she knew that the problem Is from her already. Who knows what she did during her youth days.

You aborted a lot of pregnancy yet you are looking for a child. That's so childish of you. You are 41 yet you think like a kid. Why would you subject your happiness and future to what your inlaws think? You are 41 without kids. When your kids will be 20, how old will you be?

It's better to move on with the new girl. She is young and will take care of you at the old age. You should go ahead and plan a future with her. Your wife is not helping issues at all. Plus age is not your side likewise her. Another option is to adopt too. Don't aborted this pregnancy at any cost. Man up and face it.

UpInTheSky:
Your story sounds fake. You mean you've not hugged nor kissed your wife since 2018 and you've been living in the same house? Not even on your birthdays, or on holidays (Christmas, New Year)?

It may not be fake. Things are happening, especially to marriages these days. I have a friend, his wife too denied him of intimacy for several years, I think since 2017. They are still living together because of their two kids. The man still provides for the house but it ends there. He has a side chick he's cruising now.

OP should be forthright with the wife, sooner or later, she'll find out. I don't support for a woman to deny the husband, where do you want him to go? You're indirectly showing him the way out of the marriage. In my opinion, OP even tried waiting all these years before looking for an alternative arrangement.

You are doing the right thing in a wrong way. You could have divorced her before frolicking. That would have save you all the stress of explaining yourself to anyone.

placeofallure:



It may not be fake. Things are happening, especially to marriages these days. I have a friend, his wife too denied him of intimacy for several years, I think since 2017. They are still living together because of their two kids. The man still provides for the house but it ends there. He has a side chick he's cruising now.

OP should be forthright with the wife, sooner or later, she'll find out. I don't support for a woman to deny the husband, where do you want him to go? You're indirectly showing him the way out of the marriage. In my opinion, OP even tried waiting all these years before looking for an alternative arrangement.

Placeofallure

As for me, pls let any of your friend or a very close pal in your family be aware of this new development cause death is inevitable. ( Death won't be your portion @ this time)

File for divorce

It obvious you are scared of your wife and her family.

Is wife your benefactor?? Do you run business together Do you have properties together??

Something is still holding you in that marriage hence you so scared to the point of aborting three pregnancy for your side chic.

The best way for you is too emotionally start blackmailing your wife.....let people know about her attitude towards having baby.

Since you are yoruba people won't really blame you once the blackmailing is properly executed.

See my man. A woman you married has not had sex with you since 2018? That's a valid reason to even divorce her if you can prove she's cheating.

I can authoritatively tell you that she is cheating on you.
If not, why is she trying out medical procedures when she is supposedly not sexually active with you anymore since 2018? It means she's testing it out somewhere else.

About the new girl. Please boldly marry her and bring your affairs to lights. You have to own up like a man and proudly showcase your soon to be baby. Your inlaws that are comfortable with their daughters barrenness and bad behaviour untop of that shouldn't be in your care. Don't give a Bleep. Infact warn them to avoid you. They are obviously there for the money. All those respects they have for you is because of your money. Simple.

Also never you take that new girl aborad to live permanently. That's a mistake men like you make, thinking they've seen true love. After her delivery abroad, bring her back to Naija. Any young girl that will date a married man is an opportunist. She will ruin you abroad. She's definitely after the money. But you can use that carrot to get what you want from her. Thirsty ladies everywhere.

About your wife. Start making secret offshore accounts to hide away your funds and financial worth because I foresee a legal battle for your money. She would. After all a woman who's out of love with her husband and probably sleeping outside too can dry clean a man's wealth.

At the end. Protect your money. Protect your new child. Protect your live. You deserve a seed of your own.

YourHighTension:


Placeofallure

Expatiate please

placeofallure:


Expatiate please

Brilliant post from a place of allure

A fool at 41 is a fool forever

Op you're one