Dear nairalanders,
I'm here with another marriage wahala and need your candid opinion. I'll appreciate mature advice and ignore trolls/insults. Thanks in advance

So my hubby and I have been married for 8years with 2 kids. The first 5years of our marriage was a bliss but the last 3years have been a rollercoaster of emotions. From arguments, insults, accusations... etc from both parties. The worst of them all was hubby accusing me of attempting to "charm" him. Before God and man I wouldn't be here writing this if I had ever attempted such. He did not only accuse me of that, he said my mom and I tried it and I brought a charm to the house (SMH). I asked where the charm is and he said it was removed spiritually by soothsayers. NB: he consults native Dr's like his life is dependent on them. We live abroad and have been here for years yet he consults and communicate with different native Dr's more than the people in Africa. I'm not judging him here, I'm just pained because he dragged my name and mom's into it. Well this aside

So we had a fight over bringing a parent over to help us with childcare. I wanted my mom to come and he wanted his to come so we ended up not bringing anyone. We only had 1child then. Now that we have 2, we literally can't afford childcare for both kids who are not yet in school and we are both full time students at the moment. So to avoid issues, I told him that we should bring his mom. I personally did the application and paid for her medicals out of my pocket. I didn't want the fight of who's coming to begin again so I just said let's file in for your mom and he obliged and I did the application and now we are waiting.

I'm currently on maternity leave so I told him I'd like to travel to Africa for vacation to get a break from abroad. He was fine with it so we did all the arrangements. Our families live in Cameroon and we both grew up in Cameroon (Nigerians though). Given the insecurity in the English part of Cameroon, we rented a guest house in The French part so families can visit. I paid for everything (flight, guest house and even the allowance I brought to cameroon ��). He gave me no support which I am not very happy about but haven't voiced it out to him.
So I informed my inlaws and my family that I was coming with the kids. Non of them have ever met our kids and it took us 5years to have these children so I'd think they'll all be excited to meet them. My parents and sisters family said they were coming to pick me up from the airport but not a single inlaw opted to come and pick me up. No problem! I've been here for 3weeks, called my parents inlaws as soon as I arrived and non of them have come to visit me. All my family members left and I'm here with my brother. Of course I can't be alone with the kids given the insecurity. So hubby called and said his parents will be coming next Tuesday and I should make arrangements for my brother to leave. The guest house is a 2bedroom (rooms upstairs) and 2 bathroom. My brother has been sleeping in the living room since he came and my inlaws are coming to spend 3 or 4days so I'll still need my brother around when they are gone. My dear nairalanders, must my brother go before my inlaws come? Can all of us not stay in the house? As soon as hubby said brother needs to go and I expressed my disagreement, he insulted the hell out of me and said he's been planning to deal with me and will teach me a lesson. He said "I don't know him, he's going to deal with me". He dropped the call and sent a couple of voice messages with insults and threats.He said non of his family members will come here and I can do whatever I like it's my business. His family takes instructions from him so I'll not be shocked if they don't come.On a normal day I'll reciprocate but I held my self and did not reply to a single voicenote. I left him a message that we'll talk when he's calm. Since then he's not picking my calls. I stopped calling.

Put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you will do? Truth be told I've been tired of this marriage for the past 3yrs and came to Cameroon just to rest my head and be away from him. Yet I am still dealing with this.

Marriage musn't be hell is my response. I come in peace

You married a narcissist, didn’t you notice all these in your dating phase?

If I read well, you said he didn't fund any of the expenses you made for this trip? Yet he wants to dictate how you should run your vacation and who stays and leaves for who? Damn it! He's high on some nasty substance.

He has no right whatsoever to ask your brother to leave the house, even if he was the one that paid for the guest house. I mean... Isn't your brother just like his own brother and son to his parents?
Why the segregation? Una dey marry o.

My advice. It's high time you left that marriage cos it doesn't really hold much for you as things stand cos he leaves you to fute your bills yourself, accuses you and your mum of being fetish, visits spiritualists and is now threatening to deal with you. Separate from him for now until he's ready to be reasonable and accomodating.

Channah1:
If I read well, you said he didn't fute any of the expenses you made for this trip? Yet he wants to dictate how you should run your vacation and who stays and leaves for who? Damn it! He's high on some nasty substance.

He has no right whatsoever to ask your brother to leave the house, even if he was the one that paid for the guest house. I mean... Isn't your brother just like his own brother and son to his parents?
Why the segregation? Una dey marry o.

My advice. It's high time you left that marriage cos it doesn't really hold much for you as things stand cos he leaves you to fute your bills yourself, accuses you and your mum of being fetish, visits spiritualists and is now threatening to deal with you. Separate from him for now until he's ready to be reasonable and accomodating.

Yes I paid 100% for my vacation.
I'm highly considering your last paragraph (advice). Seperate until he's ready to change and if not, move on. Can't live like this.

Thank u

Your write up from all indications means you are doing well and an independent individual, why then are you forcing yourself on someone who is tired of you?

MARRIAGE IS OVERRATED and i don't know when y'all should understand that one must not be married to become successful or leave a happy life. your case is even better because you have kids already, why not give your husband some space and see if he come back for you?

Vevejoy:


Yes I paid 100% for my vacation.
I'm highly considering your last paragraph (advice). Seperate until he's ready to change and if not, move on. Can't live like this.

Thank u

Please do and save yourself of " had I known" situation.

You're welcome.

I don't know where una dey see all these kain men marry. Hian.

The two of you need counseling. When something is broken, you try to fix it first before throwing it away.

From the first sentence to the last, I feel like you are making a mole out of an ant hill... I hope I got the adage right.

E never reach

If ur husband is either a Christian or Muslim and still consult voodoo houses ....pls,divorce him and run very far from him.

This kind of thing is like habit,it will get to a point where the children would be yoked into it. He has a wrong upbringing for cursing and abusing u verbally.

His parents must be like that.

When he says he would deal with u,never be surprised, he will!

Threats like this especially in marriage don't usually go unfulfilled.

This man does not love u. And never u allow your brother to be far from u before they will come one day and use juju to charm u into becoming a mumu/slave to their son.

Be at alert like a cat.

Some issues are not worth it.

Your family members are in Cameroon. Meaning your brother can easily go home and return.

So what is all the drama for? Let him go home and come back when your in-laws are gone. I think that is what a sensible adult should do without being told.

Vevejoy:
Dear nairalanders,
I'm here with another marriage wahala and need your candid opinion. I'll appreciate mature advice and ignore trolls/insults. Thanks in advance

So my hubby and I have been married for 8years with 2 kids. The first 5years of our marriage was a bliss but the last 3years have been a rollercoaster of emotions. From arguments, insults, accusations... etc from both parties. The worst of them all was hubby accusing me of attempting to "charm" him. Before God and man I wouldn't be here writing this if I had ever attempted such. He did not only accuse me of that, he said my mom and I tried it and I brought a charm to the house (SMH). I asked where the charm is and he said it was removed spiritually by soothsayers. NB: he consults native Dr's like his life is dependent on them. We live abroad and have been here for years yet he consults and communicate with different native Dr's more than the people in Africa. I'm not judging him here, I'm just pained because he dragged my name and mom's into it. Well this aside

So we had a fight over bringing a parent over to help us with childcare. I wanted my mom to come and he wanted his to come so we ended up not bringing anyone. We only had 1child then. Now that we have 2, we literally can't afford childcare for both kids who are not yet in school and we are both full time students at the moment. So to avoid issues, I told him that we should bring his mom. I personally did the application and paid for her medicals out of my pocket. I didn't want the fight of who's coming to begin again so I just said let's file in for your mom and he obliged and I did the application and now we are waiting.

I'm currently on maternity leave so I told him I'd like to travel to Africa for vacation to get a break from abroad. He was fine with it so we did all the arrangements. Our families live in Cameroon and we both grew up in Cameroon (Nigerians though). Given the insecurity in the English part of Cameroon, we rented a guest house in The French part so families can visit. I paid for everything (flight, guest house and even the allowance I brought to cameroon ��). He gave me no support which I am not very happy about but haven't voiced it out to him.
So I informed my inlaws and my family that I was coming with the kids. Non of them have ever met our kids and it took us 5years to have these children so I'd think they'll all be excited to meet them. My parents and sisters family said they were coming to pick me up from the airport but not a single inlaw opted to come and pick me up. No problem! I've been here for 3weeks, called my parents inlaws as soon as I arrived and non of them have come to visit me. All my family members left and I'm here with my brother. Of course I can't be alone with the kids given the insecurity. So hubby called and said his parents will be coming next Tuesday and I should make arrangements for my brother to leave. The guest house is a 2bedroom (rooms upstairs) and 2 bathroom. My brother has been sleeping in the living room since he came and my inlaws are coming to spend 3 or 4days so I'll still need my brother around when they are gone. My dear nairalanders, must my brother go before my inlaws come? Can all of us not stay in the house? As soon as hubby said brother needs to go and I expressed my disagreement, he insulted the hell out of me and said he's been planning to deal with me and will teach me a lesson. He said "I don't know him, he's going to deal with me". He dropped the call and sent a couple of voice messages with insults and threats.He said non of his family members will come here and I can do whatever I like it's my business. His family takes instructions from him so I'll not be shocked if they don't come.On a normal day I'll reciprocate but I held my self and did not reply to a single voicenote. I left him a message that we'll talk when he's calm. Since then he's not picking my calls. I stopped calling.

Put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you will do? Truth be told I've been tired of this marriage for the past 3yrs and came to Cameroon just to rest my head and be away from him. Yet I am still dealing with this.

You married an emotionaly immature man who is not ready for marriage

Your husband is fetish and will run you down spiritually whether you leave or not. What will you do? Save your head and your kids. Don't go back to him just yet. See what he thinks about salvaging the marriage, if he is becoming too hard to deal with or live with, leave while you are still alive.

That man is one wicked flesh! Thank goodness you are financially well off!



For peace sake, tell your brother to leave and come back

...

pocohantas:
Some issues are not worth it.

Your family members are in Cameroon. Meaning your brother can easily go home and return.

So what is all the drama for? Let him go home and come back when your in-laws are gone. I think that is what a sensible adult should do without being told.

Maybe shes afraid of being alone with the inlaws. I would be scared too....the family sounds somehow. Imagine them not being hot to see their grand kids or offering to help pick them from the airport....its been 3weeks!. Besides, why is the husband suddenly interested in running a show he didnt help fund? They both live in a country where women are protected and given upper hands in dealing with marital injustice, if this babe decides to pull her cards and totally fork this guy up now, he will go about saying evil about her and how she changed when she got there. Honestly, these people are the authors of their pains. I am presently seeing alot out here and wondering what the heck is going on. If you want kindness, treat your partner with kindness biko. Majority of the men complaining about their African abroad wives dont tell the full stories, it is terribly ugly when you hear from the other side.

EmahBoss:
Your husband is fetish and will run you down spiritually whether you leave or not. What will you do? Save your head and your kids. Don't go back to him just yet. See what he thinks about salvaging the marriage, if he is becoming too hard to deal with or live with, leave while you are still alive.

That man is one wicked flesh! Thank goodness you are financially well off!



For peace sake, tell your brother to leave and come back

Tell her brother to leave so they could get her alone? That babe should cut ties with the man and his folks without looking back.....it doesnt smell right! May God not let us marry evil people!

1.You would need your brother around to help run some errands since you are hosting Inlaws, I don't know the type of Inlaws you have but either way you would surely need help also considering the insecurity you stated it makes sense for your brother to be around.

2.Also considering your hubby is very fetish, I won't advise you stay alone with his people, his people too might be very fetish, him saying your brother should leave raises an eyebrow considering the type of person he is.

3.I just feel you hubby is looking out for a fight, he knew saying your brother should leave would make you object.

4.Be very careful with his people, I don't trust fetish people and don't take your hubby's threat likely.

Klass99:


Her husband didn't pay one dime for her trip or this rented accommodation but he wants to dictate who stays there and for what length of time they stay there? Nah, that ain't right. He should be appealing to her good side and trying to reason with her nicely about this.

The drama is about ongoing insecurity in Cameroon, I think Vevejoy feels safe with her brother there. Even though the insecurity is prevalent in the English speaking part of the country, what's to say it may not extend to the French speaking part of it. And if that were to happen the presence of an agile young man would be more comforting than the presence of aged parents & 3 kids.

I suspect the drama is also about resentment towards hubby on how he has treated her in the past and continues to treat her even on this trip. I would bring on drama too if I were in her shoes, especially on the part where he wants to dictate who stays and how long they stay. He had better provide money for feeding as well while his parents are there or else OP's living expenses will go

, how are you married women able to

1) Some men pay for rents alone and their wives still get to dictate who stays and leaves. So I wouldn’t be going with that argument.

2) She is already in the French speaking part which she claims is the safe part. So insecurity is not the problem, but if at all it is, is her brother a member of Mossad? If insecurity is such a big deal, they shouldn’t even be in “Africa”.

3) She has been complaining they didn’t offer to come pick her from the airport. They don’t want to come see the kids…etc. It means she isn’t so afraid of them after all. She would actually appreciate their attention and care.

4) She can go ahead and bring on more drama. Her family, her choice.

sisisioge:


Maybe shes afraid of being alone with the inlaws. I would be scared too....the family sounds somehow. Imagine them not being hot to see their grand kids or offering to help pick them from the airport....its been 3weeks!. Besides, why is the husband suddenly interested in running a show he didnt help fund? They both live in a country where women are protected and given upper hands in dealing with marital injustice, if this babe decides to pull her cards and totally fork this guy up now, he will go about saying evil about her and how she changed when she got there. Honestly, these people are the authors of their pains. I am presently seeing alot out here and wondering what the heck is going on. If you want kindness, try your partner with kindness biko. Majority of the men complaining about their African abroad wives dont tell the full stories, it is terribly ugly when you hear from the other side.

Then she should leave him. If she is so scared of her husband and his people, she wouldn’t go on to have another child in an already volatile marriage.

If they are so capable of this kind of evil you are assuming, what is she still doing there?

She said she has a good relationship with her in-laws in her former thread. So?

I no get any reply for u aunty. You are only on Nairaland to seek help everytime and not contributing anything. When u need help u login and log out when u are done.
Which country u Dey and what can Nairaland benefit. We are interested

Phelixblaq:
I no get any reply for u aunty. You are only on Nairaland to seek help everytime and not contributing anything. When u need help u login and log out when u are done.
Which country u Dey and what can Nairaland benefit. We are interested

pocohantas:


Then she should leave him. If she is so scared of her husband and his people, she wouldn’t go on to have another child in an already volatile marriage.

If they are so capable of this kind of evil you are assuming, what is she still doing there?

She said she has a good relationship with her in-laws in her former thread. So?

I agree that she distance herself from him biko for her safety and sanity. Fetsish people are mostly unstable small minded humans who believe the worst of the world...their native doctors too always target their closest F&F as their worst enemies. About the inlaws, she mentioned that they take their counsel from him....the dreadful spiteful venous husband might have turned them against her. Better to stay safe than be sorry around them

Vevejoy:
Dear nairalanders,
I'm here with another marriage wahala and need your candid opinion. I'll appreciate mature advice and ignore trolls/insults. Thanks in advance

So my hubby and I have been married for 8years with 2 kids. The first 5years of our marriage was a bliss but the last 3years have been a rollercoaster of emotions. From arguments, insults, accusations... etc from both parties. The worst of them all was hubby accusing me of attempting to "charm" him. Before God and man I wouldn't be here writing this if I had ever attempted such. He did not only accuse me of that, he said my mom and I tried it and I brought a charm to the house (SMH). I asked where the charm is and he said it was removed spiritually by soothsayers. NB: he consults native Dr's like his life is dependent on them. We live abroad and have been here for years yet he consults and communicate with different native Dr's more than the people in Africa. I'm not judging him here, I'm just pained because he dragged my name and mom's into it. Well this aside

So we had a fight over bringing a parent over to help us with childcare. I wanted my mom to come and he wanted his to come so we ended up not bringing anyone. We only had 1child then. Now that we have 2, we literally can't afford childcare for both kids who are not yet in school and we are both full time students at the moment. So to avoid issues, I told him that we should bring his mom. I personally did the application and paid for her medicals out of my pocket. I didn't want the fight of who's coming to begin again so I just said let's file in for your mom and he obliged and I did the application and now we are waiting.

I'm currently on maternity leave so I told him I'd like to travel to Africa for vacation to get a break from abroad. He was fine with it so we did all the arrangements. Our families live in Cameroon and we both grew up in Cameroon (Nigerians though). Given the insecurity in the English part of Cameroon, we rented a guest house in The French part so families can visit. I paid for everything (flight, guest house and even the allowance I brought to cameroon ��). He gave me no support which I am not very happy about but haven't voiced it out to him.
So I informed my inlaws and my family that I was coming with the kids. Non of them have ever met our kids and it took us 5years to have these children so I'd think they'll all be excited to meet them. My parents and sisters family said they were coming to pick me up from the airport but not a single inlaw opted to come and pick me up. No problem! I've been here for 3weeks, called my parents inlaws as soon as I arrived and non of them have come to visit me. All my family members left and I'm here with my brother. Of course I can't be alone with the kids given the insecurity. So hubby called and said his parents will be coming next Tuesday and I should make arrangements for my brother to leave. The guest house is a 2bedroom (rooms upstairs) and 2 bathroom. My brother has been sleeping in the living room since he came and my inlaws are coming to spend 3 or 4days so I'll still need my brother around when they are gone. My dear nairalanders, must my brother go before my inlaws come? Can all of us not stay in the house? As soon as hubby said brother needs to go and I expressed my disagreement, he insulted the hell out of me and said he's been planning to deal with me and will teach me a lesson. He said "I don't know him, he's going to deal with me". He dropped the call and sent a couple of voice messages with insults and threats.He said non of his family members will come here and I can do whatever I like it's my business. His family takes instructions from him so I'll not be shocked if they don't come.On a normal day I'll reciprocate but I held my self and did not reply to a single voicenote. I left him a message that we'll talk when he's calm. Since then he's not picking my calls. I stopped calling.

Put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you will do? Truth be told I've been tired of this marriage for the past 3yrs and came to Cameroon just to rest my head and be away from him. Yet I am still dealing with this.

I think at the moment, your husband is not happy and really depressed. Abroad life can be very depressing. Also, I don't know your sex life. One of the signs that there is trouble is your sex life. However, your peace of mind is very important. I will also say your brother didn't need to leave the house. I will also say don't take threats lightly, I hope you have seen cases were the husband killed the wife. I also don't know if he has raised hands on you as well. Try and welcome your inlaws and see how it goes.

sisisioge:


I agree that she distance herself from him biko for her safety and sanity. Fetsish people are mostly unstable small minded humans who believe the worst of the world...their native doctors too always target their closest F&F as their worst enemies. About the inlaws, she mentioned that they take their counsel from him....the dreadful spiteful venous husband might have turned them against her. Better to stay safe than be sorry around them

I don’t even get how the first 5 years without kids were peaceful, but the moment they started having kids, problem come start.

As for this issue on ground, she should allow them come and the brother should give way. It is “just 4 days”. When she gets back to the abroad, they can do whatever they want with themselves.

sisisioge:

I agree that she distance herself from him biko for her safety and sanity. Fetsish people are mostly unstable small minded humans who believe the worst of the world...their native doctors too always target their closest F&F as their worst enemies. About the inlaws, she mentioned that they take their counsel from him.... the dreadful spiteful venous husband might have turned them against her. Better to stay safe than be sorry around them

Be like you know this man...

pocohantas:


1) Some men pay for rents alone and their wives still get to dictate who stays and leaves. So I wouldn’t be going with that argument.

2) She is already in the French speaking part which she claims is the safe part. So insecurity is not the problem, but if at all it is, is her brother a member of Mossad? If insecurity is such a big deal, they shouldn’t even be in “Africa”.

3) She has been complaining they didn’t offer to come pick her from the airport. They don’t want to come see the kids…etc. It means she isn’t so afraid of them after all. She would actually appreciate their attention and care.

4) She can go ahead and bring on more drama. Her family, her choice.

Wow. What a dumb submission. Perhaps you wrote this while feeling very sleepy. Kpele

Vevejoy:


Yes I paid 100% for my vacation.
I'm highly considering your last paragraph (advice). Seperate until he's ready to change and if not, move on. Can't live like this.

Thank u

You should do this honestly...

And it's not because I think your husband is 100% responsible for how bad your marriage has become (you may have contributed your own part to it in the last 3yrs if you can be honest). It's because both of you don't seem like you're even ready to sort out your issues.

crackhaus:

Be like you know this man...

I no know am, just following him madam account of him.

OperationalVehi:
From the first sentence to the last, I feel like you are making a mole out of an ant hill... I hope I got the adage right.

E never reach

maybe you should read it again ....

newcommer:


Wow. What a dumb submission. Perhaps you wrote this while feeling very sleepy. Kpele

What is dumb about it? Didn’t she say herself in her former thread that she is fine with her in-laws especially the mother in-law?

You that is awake and intelligent, rather than jumping on my comment with insults - what do you suggest ? Wetin concern me. I will kuku logout and face my own life of find another thread to make a dumb submission again.

Toor!

pocohantas:


I don’t even get how the first 5 years without kids were peaceful, but the moment they started having kids, problem come start.

As for this issue on ground, she should allow them come and the brother should give way. It is “just 4 days”. When she gets back to the abroad, they can do whatever they want with themselves.

Hmmmm....I dont agree that he leaves. Why leave her alone at their mercy? I am usually a peaceful person o but on this matter, it doesnt smell right. Safety first. It would be unfortunate to read of a nasty outcome. They dont seem like her friends....na real wa.

sisisioge:


Hmmmm....I dont agree that he leaves. Why leave her alone at their mercy? I am usually a peaceful person o but on this matter, it doesnt smell right. Safety first. It would be unfortunate to read of a nasty outcome. They dont seem like her friends....na real wa.

When she wanted them to come pick her at the airport, wouldn’t she have been at their mercy? They could have easily handed her and the kids over to the bandits on Cameroon Expressway.

I am yet to see the issue with her in-laws, except she explicitly describes them as dangerous. Given that she once put them as loving people.