My friend Ukpe always disturb us in our workplace that he is proudly in love with Nora, a UNIBEN Undergraduate..
One day he said he loves Nora more than oxygen
Ukpe always spend the greater part of his hard earned salary for his heart-captured hot babe according to him.
To summarize everything,
Today fortunately Ukpe came with a new phone we were like 'ah, you dohn buy new baby ?'
He said he paid visit to Nora in her base only to find her phone outside the house so since he was late for work he decided to pick the phone with him to put make her nervous
since she was that careless.
Nevertheless, the phone rang so many times with different mind-blowing names. One was 'Spec ', another was 'Bestbite' another 'SuperHero' these names repeat themselves through intervals..
So in that vein,
I asked Ukpe to also try the line..
Chisos!
We see 'FoodStuffs'
Moral lesson: Anybody can shock you

Emeka The Flexing Guy

Emeka was in Lagos flexing his life with babes of different sizes.. according to him he said he enjoys Alekpa (i.e slim girls) most and that he is ever-ready to destroy any relationship that is having a beautiful slim lady as a partner
Emeka got angry with us simply because we advised him to be using Safety whenever he is diving in the ocean of pleasure
He replied us that he can never use such nonsense that he enjoys Bone to Bone
and asked us if Davido could father 3 to 4 Children from different beautiful ladies if he uses our so-called Safety
After 5 years the good news pops up...
Guess what?
He has returned to the village and the information reaching us is that on his first day of reaching the Villa he pleaded with his father to convene an emergency meeting... The father enquired what really happened that meeting is to be held.. He said he has special announcement to give that will shock everybody..
"...... Please since it is traditional that when a son needs his father's land he must convene a meeting like this so I want my beloved father to show me my portion" Emeka appealled.
After the meeting and the land was given to him as culture directs but the father was surprised because he needed only one land even when the father decided to share all his pieces of land to all his Children both boys and girls...
"Dad, I need only one piece of land despite that I'm the first born..." He said sorrowfully.
'what will you use only one piece of Land for?' the father asked nervously
'Dad, I'm not feeling fine...' replied Emeka
'but you are looking good' the father insisted in suspense
'Hmm, I am on drugs! ' Emeka furthered
'Haha, come on son, Malaria disturbs people like that nowadays besides Mosquitoes in this village are competing with humans by population' the father encouraged
'Hmm, dad I'm very sorry to say this; that little portion I just got from you is where I would be buried' he emphasized in sad mood
'yes for sure but that must be when you've grown very old like Methuselah and after you've given me a befitting burial as the Chief Mourner' he cheered up the son.
'hmm, dad, I can't live that long oh..' he insisted
'shut up!' he rebuked him angrily..
'Hmm, dad I'm very sorry. I'm living with HIV!' Emeka said crying while the father fainted..
Moral Lesson: To enjoy and be safed is better than 'had I know'.

Girls are blessed more than boys

If you are after GIRLS I laugh you
That gender is blessed more than we, the males.. As I'm talking all my female agemates are married
I did not even want to talk of all my female classmates
Hmmm, although some of them are regretting for marrying that early..
Haha, some of my rugged Bros them marry most of them for free sha
Moral Lesson: Be patient, God's time is the best

Funny Coach with Interviewer

I: Happy weekend Funny Coach!
FC: Yeah Baby! Howa yous
I: Haha, Coach what is the meaning of
Funny Coaching?
FC: Omg see simple JAMB Question, this
one na 2023 version oh
I: Coach we are live on Camera
FC: ah so before nkor can a dead people
do interview? I know we are live on
Earth
I: I meant Camera.....(angrily)
FC: ....You dey vex for me? Na me say
make country hard?
I: Hmmm!
FC: what was your question again?
I: ah na wa o.....
FC:....wait so even News people dey
speak pigin nowaday..? everything
dohn change for this kwantry
I: Sorry it was a slip of tongue....
FC: Ok bye bye....(wanted leaving)
I: You've never answered the question..
FC: which question again? (wondered)
I: The question I asked... (meekly)
FC: I thought you just said that my
tongue should sleep?
I: No oh.. (surprised)
FC: You dey joke oh when wey you dohn
see Interview Person saying 'no oh'
live on camera?......
I...Oh I'm sorry!
FC: Hmm, now you dohn spoil everything
with 'oh' in your 'sorry'..
I: Hmmm!
FC: Imagine 'hmmm!' ( wanted leaving)
I: Please just answer for the sake of your
fans watching...
FC:... Hmm, ok but make I correct your
mistake first... (while coming back)
I: ok! (listens attentively)
FC: You supposed to say 'your fans
reading' and not your 'your fans
watching'...
I: But we are live on Camera and we
have Viewers watching..
FC: Your problem is that you be JJC for
where good grammar dey make
noise How would you start your
sentence with 'but' wey be say I dey
coach people say 'but' na 'connective
verbalism'
I: I am sorry!
FC: back to business; in my case you
don't say 'watch' but na 'read'
because you 'watch' for
'entertainment' just like watching
Man U cutting people's white
cheque but I am a Coach that
coaches Coaches, I came to teach
through Comedy... (interrupted)
I: ok (smiling)
FC: .....make I finish nah abi you know my
mind?...
I: Please I'm sorry!
FC:.... Next time use 'read' and not
'watch' because people dey read to
understand and live a good life..
I: Ok Coach.. Please what is the meaning
of Funny Coaching?
FC: You know I'm a Coach.. So make I use
British English to define it..
I: Better!
FC: Funny Coaching is a physiomental
phenomenon in which a Coach
coaches a Coach to become a Coach,
the Coach that coached the Coach
must continue to coach the Coach
until the coached Coach can truly
be called a Coach. Bye! ( leaves)...

Moral Lesson: Make sure that you are an
expert in your profession

Happy weekend from this side.
Make sure you are always happy

Why you Should Never Cheat

Ayo was a very handsome guy that luckily secured good job after five (5) years of graduating from University of Lagos.. He was so cute that even his village people were always afraid if he is angel Gabriel in human form.. at some instances, many girls gave up their relationship just to be in Some-Minutes-Relationship (SMR) with him and thereof they return to their main guys with teasing like 'awwn, babe I was not actually leaving you don't mind that chat remember that Deacon_Famous warned that we should not believe social media anyways the break-up I chatted you about was a prank, you know I can never cheat on in this life, even if you go blind or cripple today (the guy rebuked with holy ghost fire! ) no other man can see my Holy Ground that has only your fingerprint you know I can survive without this Air we are breathing because I can breathe through Oxygen Container but I don't see this my beautiful self surviving without you .. you were so caring (she rubs his chest to capture his mind and soul).. you know what is trending nowadays is 'prank' on social media so I did not mean it besides currently in our society Life is full of pranks..'
'is ok my Life, you know nobody born of a woman infact even if na man born am can ever do my heart yori yori like you. but I dohn learn a lesson that according to you that 'life is full of pranks' and na true...... ' the girl's guy emphasizes..
'...my Desire I don't understand....' the SMR girl curiously asked the main guy..
'the whole fact is that I disassociated myself from him the day I find out say him dohn carry HIV and wanted to infect me by injecting his blood in a glass of red wine. ... he is my old time friend...' the guy soliloquized while smiling....
'Jesus Christ what a bad friend..' the girl condemns
'Ah swears!' the guy replied smiling...
'in this life, it is very good for one to stick to one partner and not like Monkey jumping from one tree to another.. ' the just cheated girl preached while the guy nods in agreement but still smiling..
'.. why are you still smiling? Sha I know the Joy of your life is here...' the girl asked and they both boost into laughter while the girl still rub his chest...
' babe you don't even ask me who that old friend is...' the guy said still smiling...
'..oh sorry you know any time I'm with you I always loose my senses' she replied and laughter was loud..the guy nearly laughed out his lungs..
'..so who was the person..' she asked while smiling and chest rubbing continued
'..the guy you slept with last Sunday..' he said smiling
'..haha, you with jokes... So because I pranked you with Breakfast (break up) that means I cheated?
'...Your Breakfast is Life safer dear..' they smile while he showed her some pictures showing when they had affairs
'..is name is Ayo Mi Kun..' he exposes
'...Jesus! Oh my life oh..' she cries out with her two hands on her head regretting
'.. oh my God, after all I did for you.. I was always there for you.. I donated one of my kidneys for you so that we can live together forever ..' they cry aloud
'...oh I'm sorry!...' she kneels
'..I have forgiven you since 1960, if I didn't I wouldn't let your hands to touch me but just that I will loose you to deadth anytime soon, he did not even use Protection on you ..' they cry deep
'..Hmm, thanks for forgiving me, in my next life I shall be grateful of what I have and value it thereof.' she continue crying and carries her hand bag to go..
'...please come back to me here, I can't do without you in this life..' the guy pleads for her not to go...
'...hmm, I'm not worthy to have you again in my life... What a Journey am I beginning...' she cries profoundly
'.... please come back here.. Nothing do you.. I just wanted the person reading this to be a faithful partner..' he smiles
'.. Yes nah no be Nollywood we dey...' the girl replied and run to him. they hug, kiss and laugh
'...HIV/AIDS is real ' they announced while watching Big Brother Naija..
Happy Sunday fans!

Hardest lie vs Simplest lie

I: Funny Coach Happy Sunday.
FC: Yeah baby! I hope you can speak
good grammar oh
I: Yes Coach
FC: You see that is why I'm here. The
only Coach in Nigeria that coaches
Coaches by deploying a simple
metamorphosis that connects with
the metaphor of life symbolizing
the irony that comes with
euphemism but still having
maximum respect to illusion.....
I: Ah, Coach..
FC: you with 'ah' again today..after you
will say we are alive on Camera
I: Sorry about that..
FC: You don't suppose to say "Sorry
about that" but "I'm so sorry about
such hyperbolistic innuendo"
I: Ok noted...
FC: So what brought Alekpa (slim girl)
here?
I: Coach you are assaulting me ....
FC: comot there.. When Suarez used to
bite somebody you use to talk say na
salt?
I: Hmmm.. Today's question is 'By your
own life experience: Make a contrast
of Hardest lie and Simplest lie.'
FC: Wow, so you people want to give me
contract.....
I: Hmm! I meant contrast..
FC: No be say I be no go school oh
I: Please can you answer..
FC: Yes why not..There was this
Stubborn lecturer we had in Oxford
University when I was coaching
Man U during that Sir Alex time..
I: wow!. .
FC: Yes.. Alex was my Assistant just that
I hate publicity so I never wanted
Nigerians to know.. I use 30 minutes
to train Ronaldo to reach where he is
today....
I: Please can you answer the question?
FC: So the lecturer retired because of my
coaching and today she is married to
someone Special here in Nigeria so
one day in the Compound where
they live all the
women gather for a 1 hour meeting
and none of the women gossiped
that the white innocent woman can
not speak their vernacular....
I:. Please can you now answer the
question?
FC: I dohn answer una question finish oh
I: How..
FC: A lecturer leaving Oxford University
to Nigeria na scam is the hardest lie
and Nigerian women gathering in
that meeting without gossipping the
white woman na the Simplest lie.
Happy sunday, it is also a the simplest
lie that I will have a reply from the
person reading this

If you lack MOTIVATORS
Make AGAMA LIZARD one...
Often it nods to tell Nigerians
that 'IT SHALL BE WELL'

Rich people are maintaining a happy family...
Your own even your Village Towncrier is richer than you but you don't want person beloved daughter to have peace of mind just because she was so full of love to marry you and now she is really confused of the sentence which did say when we warned her..

RETROSPECT:
FC: See leave that guy, he is an animal in human form...
G: Funny Coach, you can't tell me who to love besides, LOVE IS BLIND
......
Now you dey complain after marriage
Happy blindness sis
Moral Lesson: Don't be carried away by affection to avoid destruction

If you like be fat like an ELEPHANT or be strong like a LION...
I want to shock you that you can't survive alone
Even an Island needs Water

Your jokes are too long and too dry..... Try to make it more understandable and try to make it funny

Thanks for the feedback

My people since morning I've not eaten oh
Just trying to separate family fight between two sisters and mother oh..
It started when the elder sister came to the village to inform her parents why she wants to divorce her husband..
She said the husband doesn't last on bed and immediately she said that,
The younger sister replied that 'it is a lie'.
Hmm,
Since morning, it is a lie that this fight would stop oh because the mother has even seconded the motion duely moved by her younger daughter oh


Moral Lesson: Trust Nobody.

Hmm na wa oh
I was to be given one Mansion and a car.
Immediately they call my name,
My girlfriend wake me up

Life has been so hard oh....
I was given 10 bottles of beer
But I hardly empty 9 Bottles

Please you people should come and beg my mum oh
My mother was coming in the dark
So I mistakenly asked 'Baby girl how far?'...
Since last week she doesn't give me food oh
Life of a Big Child no easy...

This G is G what G you G use G to G keep G an G idiot G busy G for G 30 G seconds G.
Read again without "G"

Hello Angel reading this,
You must be a Yam... Cos my Heart is pounding for you!

Only UNWISE man tells his wife to STOP talking, but a WISE man would say she is always so BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED
Happy WISE MONTH fans

CIGARETTE:
A row of TOBACCO wrapped in a PAPER with FIRE at one end and a FIREMAN at the other.

If at all I want you to LAUGH
I'll just tell you that you don't know God
Happy Sunday fam

Doctor: Smokers are liable to.....
Uche:..... Live young

No be small fight for compound oh
Between boyfriend and ex girlfriend oh
The boyfriend visits her base this morning...
The story according to the guy..
The guy is now a Corper who just left the Camp and has been posted to Northern Annang Secondary Commercial School (NASCO).
The guy said he returned home for a short break before resumption all to DISCOVER that a BOY that just finished writing WAEC Exam (WASSCE) has collected the girlfriend from him
We are still waiting to hear from the girl....
Details soon
Moral Lesson: Don't look down on anybody
Have a nice day!

The THREE FASTEST means of communication are
1. Telephone
2. Television
3. Tell-a-woman.
Have a nice day

If your BABE always post 'I love you God'.
She's lying...
She is cheating on you with 'Godwin' or 'Godswill'.

DIFFERENT SALARY NAMES

1. Onion Salary – You grab it, you open it, and you cry.

2. Storm Salary – You don’t know when it’s coming or going.

3. Menstrual Salary – It comes once a month and lasts only four days.

4. Magic Salary – You touch it and it disappears.

5. Amnesia Salary – You can’t remember what you spent it on.

6. Time Traveling Salary – You spend it paying various debts even before you collect it.

Which one is yours?

Please permit me to present to you,
Ladies and gentlemen a woman I see to be WIFE MATERIAL 200 yards
I will not mention her name until you declare INTEREST

Hmm,
A girl that I warned against PROSTITUTION gives me 10K for WEEKEND SPENDING
May God bless her HANDWORK

CALCULATION YOUR MATHS TEACHER MAY NOT KNOW

Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit.

Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production

Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion

Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

They won't teach you this in school

This producer na real anti-maguire o. Abeg see something
https://twitter.com/obafunshy/status/1569336193581551618?s=46&t=s0ALLRLrMiig4AoH-oQ-Ig
Retweet if considered hilarious.

Dear MATHS TEACHER,
Thanks for the encouragement you did give us that year, that we can never MAKE IT in life without Maths
But the formulas and quadratic equations you taught in those while,
I am not using them in my place of work oh

Wow this is awesome. Keep it up and also try to work more on your content creation. Make them less long. Ya 're good to go man. How 'bout ya do visuals to some of 'em to and post it on NL

Thanks!
Yeah I've make it to be short now..
For Visuals I need more funs to kick start..
My Scripts are fully drafted..