Divorce is a unique kind of pain. For some, closing the curtain on a marriage can feel like their worst nightmare coming true, while others might feel like a caged bird that’s been set free. Regardless, when you’ve long been one half of a marital duo, the prospect of gliding into a big, open world alone is disorienting to say the least—even if you’re excited to explore new endeavors, possibilities… and sex with someone else.

As you box up your life and the legal ties are being severed, dormant desires and revelations may be waking up and asking to be given air. This often summons a mixed bag of emotions when thinking about stepping into a new dating and sex life post-divorce.

But have no fear. We turned to the experts to help guide you through the uncertainty. And remember: you are not defined by who you were before or during your marriage; only by who you choose to be today. Which means you’ve got an open invitation to spark new realms of excitement, fulfillment, and—you guessed it!—pleasure. Because no matter your age or what you’ve been through, it’s possible to reinvent yourself after divorce. Yes, even sexually.

Fear of intimacy is commonplace after divorce, so explore at your own pace.

Dr. Shannon Chavez, Los Angeles-based psychologist and sex therapist, says if you’re still patching up your heart and processing your divorce, taking conscious baby steps before having sex with is key.

“The element of vulnerability after a divorce is undeniable. If there has been a lot of conflict or rejection throughout the marriage, a person may have taken major hits to their self-esteem. So, even if you are eager to find a new partner, it’s often wise to take a deep breath and start to rebuild the way you see yourself before looking outward,” she says.

It can be especially daunting if you’re exiting a sexless marriage.

Dr. Chavez says that the glamorized illusion of how sex in a marriage is supposed to play out is defeating for those who experience its opposite, causing them to second-guess their attractiveness and desirability.

But, as isolating as it may feel, a sexless marriage is seldom a reflection upon either individual within the partnership, but more so a loss of connection between them. “The truth is, in divorcing couples, sexless marriage is a huge epidemic. It’s such a shaming type of experience, so I work with people on rebuilding their self-esteem—because that’s what takes a beating,” she says.

What if your sexual confidence is dented from infidelity or other toxic marital behaviors?

A multitude of studies have revealed that the most common causes of divorce are infidelity, chronic conflict and a lack of commitment. Which means chances are you’re reentering the world as a single person with much more emotional baggage and scar tissue than you possessed before.

So if you were in a marriage where there were affairs, sordid secrets or abusive undertones, know that you can absolutely get your confidence and zest back, but it’s going to require a commitment to being kind and patient with yourself. “Keep in mind that grief is processed in stages—and you have to let yourself move through all of them in order to feel sexually powerful again,” says Dr. Chavez

Going wild while the divorce is still processing can be fun, but...

Thinking about engaging in a romp with a brand new suitor while you’ve yet to conclude the marriage? Tempting and thrilling as it might be, it could cause your energy to be further fragmented and depleted. Because, while divorce is a time of deconstructing a marriage, it’s also a season of rebuilding your own identity. So if you’re still dividing your assets, unlinking bank accounts, or engaging in custody disputes, bringing a new sexual partner into a maze of tumult isn’t necessarily wise.

Dr. Sue Varma, New York-based psychiatrist, says that divorce is always a metamorphic life transition, even if it has been years in the making. Which is also to say that your vulnerability is likely soaring at an all-time high. “There have almost certainly been a series of short and long-term ruptures that may have never been spoken about. As they are still coming up, you need to be able to focus on addressing and healing them.

This doesn’t mean you should turn your back on your libido, but temporarily give more volume to the voice of the emotional demons that haunt you, as well as get transparent about why you’re seduced by the prospect of a new sexual companion. “Understand your motives. Are you with this new person out of loneliness, a need for attention, escapism or true sexual desire?” says Dr. Varma.

What about if you just want to sleep around for a while?

If you’ve been locked inside of an ambivalent or turbulent marriage, singledom may suddenly look like a garden of titillating blossoms to smell, touch and explore. And some individuals might feel inclined to pick them all (i.e. sleep around).