It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

She has no right to do that but I must advice that you be diplomatic in dealing with her. Play along with her till such a time when you can stand on your own. As for your brother, allow him to go along with the name change because when the time comes, a man Will always be a man.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly.There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please? The mod—nlfpmod can help me push for diverse opinions pls.

ehhh here your mum own na

As far as I know, people bear their father's name by virtue of blood and lineage and not necessarily by virtue of responsibility and accountability.

If your father has birthed you in a legitimate marriage, you bear his name automatically by virtue of such arrangement as you have become linked to his lineage by blood and relation. It is not necessary that he fulfils his obligations as father before that phenomenon of answering his name becomes a thing.

Your mum is probably pained from the experience with him but sentiments shouldn't be applied to influence proper arrangements. He has birthed you already, you are linked to his lineage already and there's nothing that can be done to change that.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly.There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please? The mod—nlfpmod can help me push for diverse opinions pls.

Tell her u have gone to find out how to change name....Tell her court refuse to do sworn afidavit without you NIN and birth certificate showing the name..

If u have done NIN already...tell her U went to NIN office.... surname change on NIN is 35k....
News paper publication 20k...She will leave u alone...

If u have not done NIN..tell her they said u should bring sworn afidavit to show your name and birth certificate......that is back to square one since u cant do sworn affidavit without NIN or document that shows your name..

She will leave u alone

Your papa na your papa first and foremost!! Let her not involve you guys in her ongoing feud with your father!!
If i May ask! How old are you? This will determine my next line of advice.

Although I understand her reasons on why she wants a change of names, but she is not meant enforce it on you, it’s up to you to decide if you are cool with it, fine do it if you are not then come out plain and tell her you don’t want to do it.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly.There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please? The mod—nlfpmod can help me push for diverse opinions pls.

She's not right my brother, remember that one you will go back to your father's house,

She doesn't have the right to change nature.

I guess your mom is acting out of hurt and pains of being abandoned by her husband,but truth be told, even if you all changes your father's name to your maternal granny's name,will you also join their kindred,will you also seize to associate with your father's kinsmen,such case would have been made easier if your father did not pay your mom's dowry or if the dowry has been officially returned to your Dad's kinsmen...your mom is really hurting inside.,I Pray heaven gives her the strength to carry on with a cheerful heart

There is nothing like a deadbeat DAD! I was told this for the longest time but growing up as an adult my orientation changed.

No man goes into marriage with the intention of being a deadbeat dad, but life can present it's challenges and some women makes this time unbearable for their husbands making some mean lose their zeal and self esteem to strive for more.

A woman's needs are insatiable and it's continuous- Na relationship open my eyes! Only some men can take the bullshit from most women and still remain sane.

Our society is feeling this pressure as it takes both parents to raise a child- that's why the moral decadence that we see- as women are quick to label their husband (for better and for worse oo) deadbeat.

Omo marriage na work and support system if you know you can't offer this kindly stay single o

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

The beginning and end of this thread lies above

Jj

Rightfully so..
He ain’t worth shit and should be treated as same

Although issues like this are not for public consumption but the truth here is that you won't know the full gist of the matter between your parent until none of them are no more responsible for your upkeep.....

Women are naturally more deceptive than men and more often than not, society have made men that express their feelings to be weaklings, I don't know your story but will advise to be cautious and make the best of the situation..

A broken home should not make you a broke and broken person......

Make your mom understand that you are not an extension of her anymore. You are now an adult and what name you bear is solely your decision. She can change the younger one's name.

Don't abide to that. Single handedly she wants to make you guys bastards by default

This is Africa...



No matter what don't change your father's name. Or else if your dad never paid your mum's bride prize. In this case, mostly in Igbo culture, the mothers father becomes the children's father which automatically they can bear his name...

I detest deadbeat fathers…

In future,the so called father will now show up and start begging,sending people on his behalf to talk to you guys about forgiveness or start mentioning Gods name million times claiming to be a born again now.

To me,you really don’t have to change your last name.You can’t still bear your fathers name and not have anything to do with it.

As for your mother,I understand where she’s coming from.Handle this ish carefully.

September October November December

I agree with your mother.Your father walked away from you all and his parental rights .
I would change the surnames of my kids in the same circumstances.
He is a deadbeat and doesn't deserve you bearing his name.
Nigerians and their sentiments thinking his name means a thing

Who cares

Honestly

It's your choice (and that of your siblings) to make
And not her's

Don't do it! Deadbeat or not, he is still your father.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Don't join issues with your parents.. The issues are between them, husband and wife.
Be diplomatic, there are benefits (not material now) you will get from your father, that you won't get from your mother and vice - versa. The Sun has its glory, the moon also its glory, the stars too likewise..

This is the point we suggest DNA test, that man my be the sperm owner.

My dear, many people will advice you based on emotions ..I will try to use logic .. fingers crossed

You deserve to change that name. Yes! Why not?

You have a father (sperm donor) but you don't have a dad as far as I understand.

Now here is my angle, You were born to this plain on your own(alone), you are practically a point in space somewhere in beween your ears(you are individual your entire life will be from that point ... It's your show, and you are the start actor) . You can only live into the future and the past is gone( only use of the past is for memory but nothing changes the fact that now is the only thing that exist in reality ) ... No matter what happened there it is GONE. You have no say on that, but your future ...

Whatever happens in it is partly in your hands. You don't have a dad so why keep a name? It only keeps you in the past and if your mother has raised y'all thus far then. At least she cares. And will be unfair to her to raise kids for a sperm donor to show up sometime in the future and claim he is a father .

But I guess your mother too has alot of blame to be honest women really are setup to fail in marriage because they never fully understand how to be with a man and then they frustrate him to the point that he just goes for a smoke and never comes back. You are female and if you don't start working on it you too might fall victim to the same problem. Because of what your mother went through.

I might not be totally logical because it's almost impossible to avoid emotions when talking about things like this.

Can we all just stop letting our kids develop mental illness because we want to hurt our spouse.

Most if not all serial killers, school shooters, and menace to society can be traced back to useless kids having kids and becoming air headed parents.

Change the name you all deserve a fresh start .