I've been married and trying to conceive for four yrs now without any success. I so much like babies that whenever i see one it will be as if i should carry him/her to my house. One woman left her son in my shop and when she came back for him i started crying because the little time i spent with that baby i just felt like holding him forever. Recently i started thinking maybe i should go for adoption at least that will take my mind of ttc for now. My problem now is how my family and my husband family will react to the issue. I know so well that my mum will never support me on that decision and which i know might not be good for the child since i'll need her help has i've never handle a small child before. I dont just know what to do now.ver. Recently i started thinking maybe i should go for adoption at least that will take my mind of ttc for now. My problem now is how my family and my husband family will react to the issue. I know so well that my mum will never support me on that decision and which i know might not be good for the child since i'll need her help has i've never handle a small child before. I dont just know what to do now.

Go for the adoption

what happnd to IVF

or all those medical thingy

they do to have kids

Nothing wrong with adoption especially if you and your spouse have been assured that neither of you have any underlying medical problems. Anxiety can often be a stumbling block to conception; your attention on your adopted child should take your mind off as you rightly said.

On a different note, check this book out and buy, read and digest if you can http://babyfriendlybook.com/ Sometimes, there are other infertility problems which aren't picked up by gynaecologists

I will not recommend going for the adoption without your husband fully supporting it. FULLY. Not the kind of support you will get because you kept bugging him about it and he gave in for the sake of peace. I have seen where this even ended in divorce. Why not try to wait a few more years. I feel for you but don't rush into this both for your sake and the sake of the child.

Outstrip:

I will not recommend going for the adoption without your husband fully supporting it. FULLY. Not the kind of support you will get because you kept bugging him about it and he gave in for the sake of peace. I have seen where this even ended in divorce. Why not try to wait a few more years. I feel for you but don't rush into this both for your sake and the sake of the child.

Very important!!!

It is a good idea, ask your husband and let him know adopting a baby does not mean you will not have your own, God can bless you for that singular help you want to give the adpoted baby, love that idea!!!!

Since, u av so much love, don't let it waste . However, make sure ur husband supports u 100%. Would like to adopt a child a bit later. I love children so much. I want them all around me forever. lol.

No one else aside your husband needs to know you are adopting a child [b]IF [/b]you are living in Nigeria.If you plan on telling even your mom,please forget the adoption.
Tell your husband you are thinking of adoption and hear what his views are and if he is skeptical,don't bug or nag.Keep believing God for a child and look out for other options.4 years wait is nothing,IMO

Sorry O
Please you have not mentioned anything about your health, age and why you think you will not have a baby of your own. Though couple who are perfectly healthy with kids of their own do adopt, you sound like someone who wants to adopt out of desperation. Do you think if god blesses you with kids of your own after you adopt a kid, you/your partner might still shower the same love and care you once had for this child? You have already mentioned your mom won't accept an adopted child, so we don't even want to venture into your husband's folks' take on this.Assuming you have kids in future, do you think his siblings will have the same love and respect for this child as they would have for a senior brother/sister even after you and your husband are not in the picture? Don't you think he will always be considered as a "lucky"orphan ?

With so much of advanced technology available in the fertility sector, I suggest you try all that is possible to have a kid of your own before you consider adoption. Meanwhile try as much as possible not to worry about this matter as worrying too much can hinder conception. Pray coz prayers can do wonders. I'm sure you will come back to tell us how much your kids are troubling you and how you wish to have some peace and quiet

try someone else outside to confirm may be your husband is ok or not, because some men are impotent too. Because had witnessed same issue like this,no insult pls.

Smilenw:

Sorry O
Please you have not mentioned anything about your health, age and why you think you will not have a baby of your own.

Yes indeed!!

Age and health (if you are on any meds, hypertensive or whatever) are very important determinant factors in concieving,

Now I do not advice adoption as an alternative to not having a child. I would advice that you and your husband go to a good fertility clinic to certify that the both of you are medically fit, then if so, you can go and do any one of the numerous artificial insemination technique out there.

babaowo:

try someone else outside to confirm may be your husband is ok or not, because some men are impotent too. Because had witnessed same issue like this,no insult pls.

bros you wicked o.if u no sabi give better advice,y not just read other pple's ad and learn from it.i tire for you small.

I still have in mind to adopt one child, a must.
@OP, have you considered the implication of raising such an issue with your husband just 4 years into your marriage. Your husband may become suspicious of you that you're hidding truth from him unless he's the first man in your life.

I still have in mind to adopt one child, a must.
@OP, have you considered the implication of raising such an issue with your husband just 4 years into your marriage. Your husband may become suspicious of you that you're hidding truth from him unless he's the first man in your life.

U shouldn't worry yourself about what people will say just get the support of your husband and go ahead.u will be surprise that after adoption u will conceive but ur love for the adopted child should never decrease.

The problem with most of us is that we are often consumed with worry about what people would say or think of us, as such we hold ourselves back from doing things that are worthwhile.

What does your husband think and how does he feel about adoption at this stage? You haven't said anything at all about him it's your family and his family's reactions you are concerned about but that's the only person (besides God) whose opinion should really matter.

And why is it every time a woman says she's having difficulty conceiving we quickly assume she most be really old or has health issues? Delays like this happen and I wish we would stop making assumptions

She hasn't asked our advice on how to get pregnant, or whether she should keep trying to get pregnant BUT IF SHE SHOULD ADOPT Please let's keep that in focus.

follow your heart

@ poster,
why dont u try and go for IVF if u can afford it.
if u want to adopt,u must have the support of ur spouse else ud be in seriuos trouble with him

Smilenw:

Sorry O
Please you have not mentioned anything about your health, age and why you think you will not have a baby of your own. Though couple who are perfectly healthy with kids of their own do adopt, you sound like someone who wants to adopt out of desperation. Do you think if god blesses you with kids of your own after you adopt a kid, you/your partner might still shower the same love and care you once had for this child? You have already mentioned your mom won't accept an adopted child, so we don't even want to venture into your husband's folks' take on this.Assuming you have kids in future,  do you think his siblings will have the same love and respect for this child as they would have for a senior brother/sister even after you and your husband are not in the picture? Don't you think he will always be considered as a "lucky"orphan ?

With so much of advanced technology available in the fertility sector, I suggest you try all that is possible  to have a kid of your own before you consider adoption. Meanwhile try as much as possible not to worry about this matter as worrying too much can hinder conception.  Pray coz prayers can do wonders.  I'm sure you will come back to tell us how much your kids are troubling you and how you wish to have some peace and quiet

Abio i reason with you too. But at least it will relief her of some worries and the adopted child could bring blessings to her as ronkebp earlier said

i have the solution for you , if the wounb is not affectecd , ki ibati ,aje bi ina ,i have solution chat with me

Its always good for the husband to bring up such idea. So that he'll know how to convince his family members. I read about some people saying it doesnt concern family members its between husband and wife decision alone. Yes i agree and disgree with this. The need of the family members may not be needed at the initial stage but in the future if you guys later have your own biological children, your husband's family members might stand out to fraustrate the said adopted child by saying he or she is not their blood, especially if the adopted child's father is late and wealth/properties is involve. it's even good if the adopted child is a female child because she will be married out. that's why you see most people prefer female child for first adoption. So i advice you, if you must go for an adoption, allow your husband to initiate the idea first or if you feel he's not disturbing about you having a child yet and you are too bothered about it, use stylish and gentle way to discuss with him and see how his reaction will look like. If he can be convinced by you, good and you both should go for female child, if your husband is a stubborn type that doesnt want to hear about an adoption, please holdon to God for His own time.  I wish you goodluck dear. I can imagine what you're are going through.

My husband younger brother just adopted a male child this year, the idea was initiated by my muminlaw (his mother) and accepted by him and his wife. i know its sound strange for a mother inlaw to initiate such. Do u know why? she feels she doesnt want to commit sin by telling her son to go and impregnate another woman, because his wife had fibroid and it was operated upon and since that operation and its four years now since they wedded no pregnancy has occured. But my mother inlaw is not still happy with her son's wife for not having a biological grandson from her son. She decided to love the adopted grand son because she has been getting lots of money from her son. So when she went for omuguo (babysitting) she showed the said daughter inlaw pepper

I think it is too early to think about adoption, 4ys is not much. Keep on trying for some yrs, adopt every medical solutions & pray earnestly.

come to think of it, four years is not all that long.unless it has been proved medically that the woman can not conceive or the husband really is not capable of impregnating any woman. once this is establish, then she can go ahead and adopt with the consent of the husband. but if nothing is medically wrong, then let her pray and believeand believe God. it might be a minor hormonal problem.

@ poster Have u tried God? 4 yrs without an issue is like a minute without a child as far as God is concern. I've see a woman give birth to twice two times after 22yrs without a child. Our problem is ignorance of d WORD OF GOD. "Every good thing comes from above" (God himself) including children.

All u need 2 do is accepting Jesus Christ in ur life genuinely oo if u have not, then study His word steady, know n believe them, and then remind Him of those words in prayer (e.g Pslm 37)"Take delight in d Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"

Though this might sound funny but it's just the best solution I bet u. I'm not against adoption, but there is nothing as having children 4rm ur womb.

REMEMBER  U can do all things with Christ that strengthens u (Phillipians 4:13)

Best of luck dear!

Oh Gee,my heart goes out 4 u.l can feel ur pains,frustrations,desperation&inferiority @ur inability 2 conceive.l ve b in d same conditn b4&beleive me l dont wish same 4 my enemy.l spent tons of money seekg medical help 4 my plight them,but there was no respite 4 me.Friends cal me an impotent man,neighbours jeered at me,l was advised to try oda women but l loved my wife too wel to do that.l cldnt imagine myself makg luv to anoda woman:ours was 'a marriage made in heaven &consolidated on earth'.So for 4years l endured wit her.We went to gyneanacologist hospital, prayed,fasted and attended church prog 2geda til God gave us a baby.Adoption was suggested bt l waived it cos l knew l was sterile.I was d most happiest person when my wife was delivered of a baby.Sweetheart,adoption ain't d answer,it wil only compound ur grieft.What u need is Jesus becos he is d giver of children.Get closer to God by havg a personal relatn wit him,continue in fasting & prayer,b in unison wit ur hubby,undastand ur ovulatn period,ve frequent penetrative sex wit ur hubby,quit smoking,tak plenty of vitamin E,stop thinkg abt ur problem cos it wil only sink ur chances of conception.Avoid stres ,ABOVE ALL B IN UNISON WIT UR HUBBY.You can contact me at:aaronukwenya@yahoo.co.uk 4 more help

yes please

this is my first time of posting anything on this forum,but u have actually touched me.my dear sister,please don't go yet for adoption.four years is too small for God.last month,a woman in my church just gave birth to a baby boy.she was married for 18 years without any issue.i just want u to believe that with God all things are possible.it does not take anything from u other than to attend a church program where u will be prayed for along with others,believe God and His minister,it wuld'nt be long u will carry your baby(it culd even be twins)
we usually have this program every thursday @ WATCHMAN FELLOWSHIP CENTER,ORILE  DOYIN.it will only cost u your transport money.
u can contact me if u wish with ikz_ikz@yahoo.com(08066461243)

you an your husband must agree before adopting a child ,there must be a mutual agreement.if he is ok with it u can go ahead.

Tell your husband to get a second wife, when she starts having her baby, i m sure yours will come as well. ORI OMO NI N PE OMO WAYE!

There's a lot of pressure to do things you wouldn't necessarily do had it been all was well.

People who get married and a year later are blessed with kid(s) can never know the mental agony those without kids have to go through; especially if one's partner isn't patient and considerate. Not to mention pressure from the in-laws.

I waited 4 years after getting married to carry MY CHILD; the joy of the moment up till this time can never be expressed in writing. And as time goes by, the love between us and the child increases. For me, the lesson learnt from the waiting was that God's time is the best time. Never force the hand of God. Today we are blessed with an extraordinary child-genius from God.

But before the child came, there were ups and downs. A lot of downs  +tears if I may add. God was there every step of the way though and in-laws were encouraging.

One encouraging thing my mom reminded me was that "NO ONE CAN MANUFACTURE A BABY". Yes a lot of people out there are aborting theirs on a monthly basis because they're not ready while you're begging God day and night to just give you one. All I can advise is that you continue to be prayerful, patient and calm. NEVER give up. You joy will come.

All said and done,  it's not an easy decision to go for adoption but it sure eases the burden a great deal. Best of luck and God bless.