SILENT PAINS OF A HUSBAND

Everybody is hung up on domestic abuse by men against women. Nobody spares a moment to find solutions to the equally devastating verbal abuse men suffer in the hands of their wives. It is worse because men can't discuss what their wives do to them for fear of scorn and derision. They suffer in silence. Timebomb.

Unfortunately, the Nigerian society has little or no support systems for this kind of situation. Little or no counselling services. It's been mostly left to the church to deal with. What happens when the man doesn't go to church? What happens when the woman doesn't believe in spiritual intervention? These women are raising daughters. Their daughters are hearing and seeing how they speak to and treat their husbands. What kind of wives will they grow up to become? Those that treat their husbands as kings or those that believe husbands are nothing but verbal punching bags?

We've all agreed and rightfully so that a man has no business hitting his wife. So how then do you stop a wife raining verbal missiles at you? Leave the house? Okay. But you'll return and it will continue. What next? Leave again? For how long?

Recently, I visited a senior friend, an important man in the society and while we were downstairs gisting, the voice of his wife could be heard upstairs. She was spewing unimaginable bile against the man. She called him all sorts of unprintable names. Impotent, wretched fool, miserable man that was nothing when she married him, etc. This is a well respected man. A father of 4 children. She tore at his very core and mocked everything society respected him for. She said he'd soon crash and she'll be there to laugh at him.

I was so uncomfortable as I beheld the man. He was shrunken before me. He was deflated. He tried to gamefully continue the gist to distract me but it was not working. The woman's vitriol was a ceaseless torrent. Uncomfortable silence ensued. I excused myself and left his house.

I was really sad.

You want to know the truth? This is what most men go through in their houses. They labour and toil and build respect but when they return home, the one who ought to speak to the king in them tears them to shreds and tries to deflate their self-esteem. When they are outside, they try to act cheerful and happy but back home, they are shrivelled because the person they live with makes it a point of duty to verbally assault them.

A sad story comes to mind. There was recently a Nigerian Ambassador who was recalled because his wife released a story to the press that he beat her. She also released pictures showing fresh injuries on her body ostensibly inflicted by the man.

In a dramatic twist, their children came out to debunk the stories and said their mother faked the injuries to embarrass their dad. Grown up children.

A particular sentence by the 1st son saddened me. He said it was as if their mum woke up every morning with one mission in life: how to make their dad miserable. They said they were witnesses to how their mum constantly harassed and abused their dad and wanted the whole world to know that their dad was not who their mum was painting him to be.

Yes, opinion shifted on the scandal but the damage had been done. The Ambassador was recalled and nobody heard from him again.

A family is currently at odds with the widow of their son and brother. The wife was constantly verbally assaulting him. Nobody wanted to visit them because each time they were around, it was always quarrel and the wife would call him unprintable names. Even in their presence. When they try to interfere, she will give them their own. The man died recently of heart-attack caused by high blood pressure. He was in his late 40s. The family insists his wife sent him to his early grave with her verbal torments.

Our bars are filled with men who are afraid to go home to their wives for fear of what verbal torment they will go through. Men are finding every excuse to travel because they'll rather be anywhere than in their own homes.

Everybody is focusing on men as culprits in domestic abuse. Who is talking to the women?

#Copied#

Reserved

I've come to understand that as you get older and more mature, you become responsible for your choices.

What you should know is that nobody suddenly becomes bad, they've been bad from day one. Just that you choose not to be observant.

The reality of this is that so many men these days marry for beauty and not character, as long as she's got a good àss, firm and properly rounded boobs and a pretty face, they're definitely going to make a fine couple.

So they don't care if she's saucy, or materialistic, or lazy, or a liar, or a chronic cheat...etc. As long as they were able to wife the pretty girl, they're good.

Sadly, as the years goes by, the woman's true nature becomes visible even to the blind, then they complain. The question I keep asking myself is that, at that point when the woman constantly torment them emotionally, does her boobs or àss mean anything to these men who would do just anything to leave their home for a moment's peace? Short answer...No

So make your choice based on common sense and character and not physical beauty and you'll enjoy your marriage.

Nazgul:
I've come to understand that as you get older and more mature, you become responsible for your choices.

What you should know is that nobody suddenly becomes bad, they've been bad from day one. Just that you choose not to be observant.

The reality of this is that so many men these days marry for beauty and not character, as long as she's got a good àss, firm and properly rounded boobs and a pretty face, they're definitely going to make a fine couple.

So they don't care if she's saucy, or materialistic, or lazy, or a liar, or a chronic cheat...etc. As long as they were able to wife the pretty girl, they're good.

Sadly, as the years goes by, the woman's true nature becomes visible even to the blind, then they complain. The question I keep asking myself is that, at that point when the woman constantly torment them emotionally, does her boobs or àss mean anything to these men who would do just anything to leave their home for a moment's peace? Short answer...No

So make your choice based on common sense and character and not physical beauty and you'll enjoy your marriage.

Hmm... Yes, you are correct to some extent.

The fact is that most of these women have bad characters, beautiful or ugly. And some will even hide it until you are married. In the case of strict Christian practice where you are not expected to co habit in any form and courtship is expected to be very short. It takes the grace of God.

So true op ... Men are dispensable in the society he built... Imagine there is a whole ministry for women affairs... Where is the one for men ?

I have come to a conclusion that marriage benefits women at all levels except at the mother inlaw stage whereby mothers who were a pain to thier own mother in-laws, get to taste the same medicine.

Solution for men in my opinion is to forget all the rules you were taught about women and marriage and live your life to the fullest... Do the things you know you should do in the home (if you can) but don't let society squeeze you into a label just becasue you want to fit in... Women don't understand love in an idealistic sense they only understand it from an opportunistic perspective. That is why all modern women are narcissists. Also, they lack empathy and as such do not understand the perspective of a man's pain.

In short, don't waste your time giving your all to a woman becasue a woman is only capable of loving you materialistically.

I am married with two kids but I was able to pass that state with my wife when I realized everybody is acting in a big movie called society. And at the end comes death. Most will reach the end only to realize they wasted the one chance they had to love life to the max becasue they wanted to act well and be a married man.

If anything disturbs your peace .... RUN!

Nazgul:
I've come to understand that as you get older and more mature, you become responsible for your choices.

What you should know is that nobody suddenly becomes bad, they've been bad from day one. Just that you choose not to be observant.

The reality of this is that so many men these days marry for beauty and not character, as long as she's got a good àss, firm and properly rounded boobs and a pretty face, they're definitely going to make a fine couple.

So they don't care if she's saucy, or materialistic, or lazy, or a liar, or a chronic cheat...etc. As long as they were able to wife the pretty girl, they're good.

Sadly, as the years goes by, the woman's true nature becomes visible even to the blind, then they complain. The question I keep asking myself is that, at that point when the woman constantly torment them emotionally, does her boobs or àss mean anything to these men who would do just anything to leave their home for a moment's peace? Short answer...No

So make your choice based on common sense and character and not physical beauty and you'll enjoy your marriage.

It's not as straightforward as you make it seem. True, some men may fall into the category you have described but most are victims of the imbalance in the justice system, the refusal of the society to acknowledge the reality that men do suffer as much if not more than women in relationships and the persistent atmosphere of conspiracy against the "husband".

As a matter of urgency, we need to review the marital dispute resolution mechanism otherwise, we will soon find ourselves in an era where people shy away from ordinary boy/girlfriend relationship talk less of the more complex husband and wife dilemma.

I simply give back the abuse in various forms. I will never let any abuse stand in my home by God's grace. The ones who abuse others are also the same ones that hate to be abused. There are times not to be gentle.

datola:

Hmm... Yes, you are correct to some extent.

The fact is that most of these women have bad characters, beautiful or ugly. And some will even hide it until you are married. In the case of strict Christian practice where you are not expected to co habit in any form and courtship is expected to be very short. It takes the grace of God.

My brother, any Church that tells you that you're not supposed to date for a period of time or even spend ample time with your supposed spouse before marriage is not being realistic, run away from them.

Most marriages are broken today because the church has refused to face reality.

God's instructions to Moses in the Bible was very easy to ensure a happy home because...

1. Every girl must remain in her father's house until she's married....no waka Waka, no runs.

2. Upon marriage, every girl must have her husband confirm that she's a virgin. If she isn't, she would be stoned to death.

3. Every girl was made to worship her husband, so the issue of feminism and other confrontational factors which could wreck the home didn't exist.

4. Fornication was regarded as an abomination and carried an instant death sentence.

Today, even in the church, fornication amongst church workers is like tea and bread.

More than 95% of girls today lost their virginity before clocking 21.

Sex is seen as fun, it's no longer regarded as a sacred union meant for legally married people.

That girl you probably have eyes for in church has been screwed by more than 20 guys, so tell me, are you going to blindly bring her into your home as your wife because you want to follow the church rules or are you going to move closer to her and see if you two are compatible.?

My take is whenever you see any girl you like, move closer to her and know her. Invite her home so you can know her character. You'll know if she's dirty, if she's a flirt, if she's a liar, if she's lazy...etc.

You can't know all these by following church rules, you have to be close to her in order to know who she really is.

Spectrum22:


It's not as straightforward as you make it seem. True, some men may fall into the category you have described but most are victims of the imbalance in the justice system, the refusal of the society to acknowledge the reality that men do suffer as much if not more than women in relationships and the persistent atmosphere of conspiracy against the "husband".

As a matter of urgency, we need to review the marital dispute resolution mechanism otherwise, we will soon find ourselves in an era where people shy away from ordinary boy/girlfriend relationship talk less of the more complex husband and wife dilemma.

In Nigeria, the system favours men more than women. This is why in some cultures when the husband died, his family would kick the wife out in inherit his properties.

Even if she goes to court, nothing would come out of it cos it's a family matter.

Men just have to stop this obsession with boobs, hips and nyash. It's not helping them think straight.

Spectrum22:
SILENT PAINS OF A HUSBAND

Everybody is hung up on domestic abuse by men against women. Nobody spares a moment to find solutions to the equally devastating verbal abuse men suffer in the hands of their wives. It is worse because men can't discuss what their wives do to them for fear of scorn and derision. They suffer in silence. Timebomb.

Unfortunately, the Nigerian society has little or no support systems for this kind of situation. Little or no counselling services. It's been mostly left to the church to deal with. What happens when the man doesn't go to church? What happens when the woman doesn't believe in spiritual intervention? These women are raising daughters. Their daughters are hearing and seeing how they speak to and treat their husbands. What kind of wives will they grow up to become? Those that treat their husbands as kings or those that believe husbands are nothing but verbal punching bags?

We've all agreed and rightfully so that a man has no business hitting his wife. So how then do you stop a wife raining verbal missiles at you? Leave the house? Okay. But you'll return and it will continue. What next? Leave again? For how long?

Recently, I visited a senior friend, an important man in the society and while we were downstairs gisting, the voice of his wife could be heard upstairs. She was spewing unimaginable bile against the man. She called him all sorts of unprintable names. Impotent, wretched fool, miserable man that was nothing when she married him, etc. This is a well respected man. A father of 4 children. She tore at his very core and mocked everything society respected him for. She said he'd soon crash and she'll be there to laugh at him.

I was so uncomfortable as I beheld the man. He was shrunken before me. He was deflated. He tried to gamefully continue the gist to distract me but it was not working. The woman's vitriol was a ceaseless torrent. Uncomfortable silence ensued. I excused myself and left his house.

I was really sad.

You want to know the truth? This is what most men go through in their houses. They labour and toil and build respect but when they return home, the one who ought to speak to the king in them tears them to shreds and tries to deflate their self-esteem. When they are outside, they try to act cheerful and happy but back home, they are shrivelled because the person they live with makes it a point of duty to verbally assault them.

A sad story comes to mind. There was recently a Nigerian Ambassador who was recalled because his wife released a story to the press that he beat her. She also released pictures showing fresh injuries on her body ostensibly inflicted by the man.

In a dramatic twist, their children came out to debunk the stories and said their mother faked the injuries to embarrass their dad. Grown up children.

A particular sentence by the 1st son saddened me. He said it was as if their mum woke up every morning with one mission in life: how to make their dad miserable. They said they were witnesses to how their mum constantly harassed and abused their dad and wanted the whole world to know that their dad was not who their mum was painting him to be.

Yes, opinion shifted on the scandal but the damage had been done. The Ambassador was recalled and nobody heard from him again.

A family is currently at odds with the widow of their son and brother. The wife was constantly verbally assaulting him. Nobody wanted to visit them because each time they were around, it was always quarrel and the wife would call him unprintable names. Even in their presence. When they try to interfere, she will give them their own. The man died recently of heart-attack caused by high blood pressure. He was in his late 40s. The family insists his wife sent him to his early grave with her verbal torments.

Sad ☹️

The question is.. why is the woman verbally attacking the man? Women don’t nag for no reason. There is peace when men act accordingly. They’re some women that have bad character, but a lot of times marriage brings out the beast in women. Let’s start from there.

Are you providing financially to your best capability?

Are you emotionally abusive ( keeping late nights, leaving the house without telling your wife, silent treatment etc)

Do you have ego/ pride issues where you can never admit you’re wrong ?

Do you have addiction problems ? (Smoking, drinking, gambling, masturbation etc)

Are you a chronic cheat?

Do you help your wife with the care of your children or do you leave 100% responsibility on her?

Are you emotionally unavailable? ( you don’t show any type of affection to your wife/compare her to other women)


These are the main things that will bring out the beast in any woman. Check your character.

I would lay that woman off.i value my mental health more than anything.
Na to find one corner zonked her put.

olabrinks:
The question is.. why is the woman verbally attacking the man? Women don’t nag for no reason. There is peace when men act accordingly. They’re some women that have bad character, but a lot of times marriage brings out the beast in women. Let’s start from there.

Are you providing financially to your best capability?

Are you emotionally abusive ( keeping late nights, leaving the house without telling your wife, silent treatment etc)

Do you have ego/ pride issues where you can never admit you’re wrong ?

Do you have addiction problems ? (Smoking, drinking, gambling, masturbation etc)

Are you a chronic cheat?

Do you help your wife with the care of your children or do you leave 100% responsibility on her?

Are you emotionally unavailable? ( you don’t show any type of affection to your wife/compare her to other women)


These are the main things that will bring out the beast in any woman. Check your character.

When will you guys stop asking this stupid question whenever a woman's bad behaviour is mentioned??

Must a man always be responsible for a woman's bad character? Nawaoo

Lots of women these days have bad characters naturally and don't need any trigger to manifest them.

olabrinks:
The question is.. why is the woman verbally attacking the man? Women don’t nag for no reason. There is peace when men act accordingly. They’re some women that have bad character, but a lot of times marriage brings out the beast in women. Let’s start from there.

Are you providing financially to your best capability?

Are you emotionally abusive ( keeping late nights, leaving the house without telling your wife, silent treatment etc)

Do you have ego/ pride issues where you can never admit you’re wrong ?

Do you have addiction problems ? (Smoking, drinking, gambling, masturbation etc)

Are you a chronic cheat?

Do you help your wife with the care of your children or do you leave 100% responsibility on her?

Are you emotionally unavailable? ( you don’t show any type of affection to your wife/compare her to other women)


These are the main things that will bring out the beast in any woman. Check your character.

You are probably not married yet otherwise, you won't reason this way.

olabrinks:
The question is.. why is the woman verbally attacking the man? Women don’t nag for no reason. There is peace when men act accordingly. They’re some women that have bad character, but a lot of times marriage brings out the beast in women. Let’s start from there.

Are you providing financially to your best capability?

Are you emotionally abusive ( keeping late nights, leaving the house without telling your wife, silent treatment etc)

Do you have ego/ pride issues where you can never admit you’re wrong ?

Do you have addiction problems ? (Smoking, drinking, gambling, masturbation etc)

Are you a chronic cheat?

Do you help your wife with the care of your children or do you leave 100% responsibility on her?

Are you emotionally unavailable? ( you don’t show any type of affection to your wife/compare her to other women)


These are the main things that will bring out the beast in any woman. Check your character.

Will you also make excuses for men who beat their wives, what did their wives do to trigger them?
We know that men don't just punch people for any reason.

Spectrum22:
SILENT PAINS OF A HUSBAND

Everybody is hung up on domestic abuse by men against women. Nobody spares a moment to find solutions to the equally devastating verbal abuse men suffer in the hands of their wives. It is worse because men can't discuss what their wives do to them for fear of scorn and derision. They suffer in silence. Timebomb.

This is why as a man you should not be looking out for physique, beauty and sexual gratification because many toxic women have these traits. Women whose selling point is their body will invest heavily in looking beautiful and attractive. Such women will likely have a dense sexual history packed with relationships that ended badly. This means that such women tend to be equipped with an arsenal of lessons they have learned from all the heart breaks and hook-up sessions. Such women become a nightmare dressed in a beautiful exterior and foolish overgrown boys who manage to become financially attractive become their target for marriage which ultimately ends horribly.

olabrinks:
The question is.. why is the woman verbally attacking the man? Women don’t nag for no reason. There is peace when men act accordingly. They’re some women that have bad character, but a lot of times marriage brings out the beast in women. Let’s start from there.

Are you providing financially to your best capability?

Are you emotionally abusive ( keeping late nights, leaving the house without telling your wife, silent treatment etc)

Do you have ego/ pride issues where you can never admit you’re wrong ?

Do you have addiction problems ? (Smoking, drinking, gambling, masturbation etc)

Are you a chronic cheat?

Do you help your wife with the care of your children or do you leave 100% responsibility on her?

Are you emotionally unavailable? ( you don’t show any type of affection to your wife/compare her to other women)


These are the main things that will bring out the beast in any woman. Check your character.

This is no excuse to be verbally abusive.

Nazgul:
I've come to understand that as you get older and more mature, you become responsible for your choices.

What you should know is that nobody suddenly becomes bad, they've been bad from day one. Just that you choose not to be observant.

The reality of this is that so many men these days marry for beauty and not character, as long as she's got a good àss, firm and properly rounded boobs and a pretty face, they're definitely going to make a fine couple.

So they don't care if she's saucy, or materialistic, or lazy, or a liar, or a chronic cheat...etc. As long as they were able to wife the pretty girl, they're good.

Sadly, as the years goes by, the woman's true nature becomes visible even to the blind, then they complain. The question I keep asking myself is that, at that point when the woman constantly torment them emotionally, does her boobs or àss mean anything to these men who would do just anything to leave their home for a moment's peace? Short answer...No

So make your choice based on common sense and character and not physical beauty and you'll enjoy your marriage.

No matter how much you think you know a man or woman some traits will only come out fully when they are married. Often the family know of the traits, the friends know of the traits but the spouse will not know.

You will be at a wedding and some of the guy or girls colleagues will be saying among themselves - this person is in for it.

It goes beyond ass and boobs. It is also why traditionally families try to do investigations and introduction. So everyone knows what they are getting into.

GloriousGbola:

No matter how much you think you know a man or woman some traits will only come out fully when they are married. Often the family know of the traits, the friends know of the traits but the spouse will not know.

You will be at a wedding and some of the guy or girls colleagues will be saying among themselves - this person is in for it.

It goes beyond ass and boobs. It is also why traditionally families try to do investigations and introduction. So everyone knows what they are getting into.

You're right...and there's this saying..."show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are"

I.e, If a girl is a runs girl, no matter how hard she tries to pretend and cover it up, her oloshoism would be clearly revealed in the kinds of friends she keeps.

So like I said earlier, if you're vigilant, you'll definitely notice that something's off about the girl. And a coordinated but discreet investigation would confirm your doubts.

One just have to look beyond a pretty face, a firm boobs and a round ass.

Nazgul:
I've come to understand that as you get older and more mature, you become responsible for your choices.

What you should know is that nobody suddenly becomes bad, they've been bad from day one. Just that you choose not to be observant.

The reality of this is that so many men these days marry for beauty and not character, as long as she's got a good àss, firm and properly rounded boobs and a pretty face, they're definitely going to make a fine couple.

So they don't care if she's saucy, or materialistic, or lazy, or a liar, or a chronic cheat...etc. As long as they were able to wife the pretty girl, they're good.

Sadly, as the years goes by, the woman's true nature becomes visible even to the blind, then they complain. The question I keep asking myself is that, at that point when the woman constantly torment them emotionally, does her boobs or àss mean anything to these men who would do just anything to leave their home for a moment's peace? Short answer...No

So make your choice based on common sense and character and not physical beauty and you'll enjoy your marriage.

You've got valid point. Many men neglect the warning signs in relationships just because they see "fine" face and fair skin at the moment.

Someone once said "you'll never know she's been ugly all along until it becomes there was a relationship".

If she can't give you peace in relationship, ain't no MF way she is gonna give you that in marriage.

The beauty you see today will fade right before your very eyes the day she breaks your head in anger with kitchen mortar.

D.I.V.O.R.C.E
H.E.R!!!!!

I don’t know what’s complicated about it.
If it’s that miserable a marriage what’s the point?

Spectrum22:
SILENT PAINS OF A HUSBAND

Everybody is hung up on domestic abuse by men against women. Nobody spares a moment to find solutions to the equally devastating verbal abuse men suffer in the hands of their wives. It is worse because men can't discuss what their wives do to them for fear of scorn and derision. They suffer in silence. Timebomb.

Unfortunately, the Nigerian society has little or no support systems for this kind of situation. Little or no counselling services. It's been mostly left to the church to deal with. What happens when the man doesn't go to church? What happens when the woman doesn't believe in spiritual intervention? These women are raising daughters. Their daughters are hearing and seeing how they speak to and treat their husbands. What kind of wives will they grow up to become? Those that treat their husbands as kings or those that believe husbands are nothing but verbal punching bags?

We've all agreed and rightfully so that a man has no business hitting his wife. So how then do you stop a wife raining verbal missiles at you? Leave the house? Okay. But you'll return and it will continue. What next? Leave again? For how long?

Recently, I visited a senior friend, an important man in the society and while we were downstairs gisting, the voice of his wife could be heard upstairs. She was spewing unimaginable bile against the man. She called him all sorts of unprintable names. Impotent, wretched fool, miserable man that was nothing when she married him, etc. This is a well respected man. A father of 4 children. She tore at his very core and mocked everything society respected him for. She said he'd soon crash and she'll be there to laugh at him.

I was so uncomfortable as I beheld the man. He was shrunken before me. He was deflated . He tried to gamefully continue the gist to distract me but it was not working. The woman's vitriol was a ceaseless torrent. Uncomfortable silence ensued. I excused myself and left his house.

I was really sad.

You want to know the truth? This is what most men go through in their houses. They labour and toil and build respect but when they return home, the one who ought to speak to the king in them tears them to shreds and tries to deflate their self-esteem. When they are outside, they try to act cheerful and happy but back home, they are shrivelled because the person they live with makes it a point of duty to verbally assault them.

A sad story comes to mind. There was recently a Nigerian Ambassador who was recalled because his wife released a story to the press that he beat her. She also released pictures showing fresh injuries on her body ostensibly inflicted by the man.

In a dramatic twist, their children came out to debunk the stories and said their mother faked the injuries to embarrass their dad. Grown up children.

A particular sentence by the 1st son saddened me. He said it was as if their mum woke up every morning with one mission in life: how to make their dad miserable. They said they were witnesses to how their mum constantly harassed and abused their dad and wanted the whole world to know that their dad was not who their mum was painting him to be.

Yes, opinion shifted on the scandal but the damage had been done. The Ambassador was recalled and nobody heard from him again.

A family is currently at odds with the widow of their son and brother. The wife was constantly verbally assaulting him. Nobody wanted to visit them because each time they were around, it was always quarrel and the wife would call him unprintable names. Even in their presence. When they try to interfere, she will give them their own. The man died recently of heart-attack caused by high blood pressure. He was in his late 40s. The family insists his wife sent him to his early grave with her verbal torments.

cococandy:
D.I.V.O.R.C.E
H.E.R!!!!!

I don’t know what’s complicated about it.
If it’s that miserable a marriage what’s the point?

Divorce might be a selfish option, especially for men that desire a stable family environment for their kids. Society needs to identify and address the causes of situations like this.