Please guys a guy needs help. He has three kids from his baby mama (as he calls her) but is not married to her and according to him, never intended to all these while. He said they have tried to make arrangements for marriage but each time they do, something will alter the plans. He has not even made a dowry payment on her yet. Now, he met a young lady who happens to be a widow with a son of about 4 years and is madly in love with her. According to him, he met her and things started turning around for him instantly and he has already started making plans on settling down with her. His family has asked him what he plans to do regarding his baby mama and the kids. He has vowed that the kids will be his responsibility in terms of upkeep and will settle the mother of his children to ensure she is doing well on and financially stable. He is bothered because the mother of his kids has been threatening his fiancé and he does not want her to get scared and decide to stay in the relationship due to fear. His parents have told his fiancé not to get scared and also not blame the lady throwing tantrums because she is venting (which she is in her right state of mind to do). He is actually 40 years, his baby mama is few years older than him (he just got to realize that she is older than him) and he is 11 years older than his fiancé. Lately, he says his fiancé is now being doubleminded about the whole ish and he doesn't want to lose her. Please what advise would you give this young man.
Mind you, He has met with his fiancé's parents and they are okay with whatever decision he and their daughter takes because to them, as long as no dowry was paid, he has not been legally married by the law. He says he's been getting backlashes from people that know him overtime with the mother of his children but that doesn't bother him as it was expected. His concern now is his fiancé quitting out of fear that she might be a bad person coming to break a home and the threats she's been receiving from the mother of his kids. What advise do you give him please.
matured minds opinion please.

First and foremost, the young man needs to take responsibility for his actions and the children he has with his baby mama. He should continue to provide for them financially and emotionally and ensure that they are well taken care of. It's important for him to have an amicable relationship with his baby mama for the sake of the children.

Regarding his relationship with his fiancé, he needs to have an honest and open conversation with her about his situation with his baby mama and the children. He should reassure her that he is committed to their relationship and that he will do everything in his power to ensure that she is not harmed by his past mistakes.

It's also important for him to understand that his fiancé has the right to be concerned and cautious about the situation. He should give her space to process her feelings and thoughts and not pressure her into making a decision.

Furthermore, he needs to have a plan in place for how he will handle any future conflicts that may arise with his baby mama. This could involve seeking legal advice or involving a mediator to help resolve any issues.

In summary, the young man needs to take responsibility for his actions, have an open and honest conversation with his fiancé, reassure her of his commitment to their relationship, and have a plan in place for any future conflicts with his baby mama.

It is how men think they can mess up the life of a woman anyhow they like and move on to the next they deemed fit. Well, I don't blame such men, I blame the unfortunate woman who keep popping babies like rat for him with first asking him to do the needful. Such a wicked soul of a man. Let no man try rubbish with me in this life sha.

A matured Man of 40, should be able to advise himself especially on issues like this.

kinglee007:
Please guys a guy needs help. He has three kids from his baby mama (as he calls her) but is not married to her and according to him, never intended to all these while. He said they have tried to make arrangements for marriage but each time they do, something will alter the plans. He has not even made a dowry payment on her yet. Now, he met a young lady who happens to be a widow with a son of about 4 years and is madly in love with her. According to him, he met her and things started turning around for him instantly and he has already started making plans on settling down with her. His family has asked him what he plans to do regarding his baby mama and the kids. He has vowed that the kids will be his responsibility in terms of upkeep and will settle the mother of his children to ensure she is doing well on and financially stable. He is bothered because the mother of his kids has been threatening his fiancé and he does not want her to get scared and decide to stay in the relationship due to fear. His parents have told his fiancé not to get scared and also not blame the lady throwing tantrums because she is venting (which she is in her right state of mind to do). He is actually 40 years, his baby mama is few years older than him (he just got to realize that she is older than him) and he is 11 years older than his fiancé. Lately, he says his fiancé is now being doubleminded about the whole ish and he doesn't want to lose her. Please what advise would you give this young man.
Mind you, He has met with his fiancé's parents and they are okay with whatever decision he and their daughter takes because to them, as long as no dowry was paid, he has not been legally married by the law. He says he's been getting backlashes from people that know him overtime with the mother of his children but that doesn't bother him as it was expected. His concern now is his fiancé quitting out of fear that she might be a bad person coming to break a home and the threats she's been receiving from the mother of his kids. What advise do you give him please.
matured minds opinion please.

Three children from a baby mama is no longer friendship but commitment to relationship

I didn't see where he said the baby mama behavior is bad

But I read that he said that, things turned around for good when he met the current one

He shouldn't do anything careless as the baby mama will also do one stupid thing that can't be traced to her but she is actually the cause

That baby mama will never collect any thing to set him free

I think he should just be careful because of unknown attack

It could be physical or spiritual
But am sure one person will go down

Austine567:


First and foremost, the young man needs to take responsibility for his actions and the children he has with his baby mama. He should continue to provide for them financially and emotionally and ensure that they are well taken care of. It's important for him to have an amicable relationship with his baby mama for the sake of the children.

Regarding his relationship with his fiancé, he needs to have an honest and open conversation with her about his situation with his baby mama and the children. He should reassure her that he is committed to their relationship and that he will do everything in his power to ensure that she is not harmed by his past mistakes.

It's also important for him to understand that his fiancé has the right to be concerned and cautious about the situation. He should give her space to process her feelings and thoughts and not pressure her into making a decision.

Furthermore, he needs to have a plan in place for how he will handle any future conflicts that may arise with his baby mama. This could involve seeking legal advice or involving a mediator to help resolve any issues.

In summary, the young man needs to take responsibility for his actions, have an open and honest conversation with his fiancé, reassure her of his commitment to their relationship, and have a plan in place for any future conflicts with his baby mama.

These were the exact same words I told him and he said he has had an open conversation with his fiancé about the mother of his kids. He said he's going take full responsibility of the upkeep of the children and the mother of his kids. His fiancé also concurred to his actions according to him.

frozen70:


Three children from a baby mama is no longer friendship but commitment to relation ship

I didn't see where he said the baby mama behavior is bad

But I read that he said that things turned around for good when he met the current one

He shouldn't do anything careless as the baby mama will also do one stupid thing that can't be traced to her but she is actually the cause

That baby mama will never collect any thing to set him free

I think he should just be careful because of unknown attack

It could be physical or spiritual
But am sure on person will go down

Two questions
1. what do you mean by she is the cause?
2. What do you mean by Spiritual?

JasonScoolari:
A matured Man of 40, should be able to advise himself especially on issues like this.

True. very true. But personally what will you advise him to do?

kinglee007:


True. very true. But personally what will you advise him to do?

Make a report to the police against the Bitter mother of 3, or better still, get a restraining order.

Then, he should show that widow his true intentions towards her by acting like a "Man" and not a scared Chihuahua.

And take care of his new family including the kids he had with the bitter 40 something years old woman.

kinglee007:
These were the exact same words I told him and he said he has had an open conversation with his fiancé about the mother of his kids. He said he's going take full responsibility of the upkeep of the children and the mother of his kids. His fiancé also concurred to his actions according to him.

He is going to, how? Does he not take full responsibility for them even now? How much does this friend of yours make abeg that he is mouthing off about taking care of this and also that at the same time? Does he think he can send 5k per child each month or what only to then claim he has done his bit?

kinglee007:


Two questions
1. what do you mean by she is the cause?
2. What do you mean by Spiritual?

You need to read my comment very well so that you will understand the content

kinglee007:


These were the exact same words I told him and he said he has had an open conversation with his fiancé about the mother of his kids. He said he's going take full responsibility of the upkeep of the children and the mother of his kids. His fiancé also concurred to his actions according to him.

what's now the issue?

IyaebeTheGreat:
It is how men think they can mess up the life of a woman anyhow they like and move on to the next they deemed fit. Well, I don't blame such men, I blame the unfortunate woman who keep popping babies like rat for him with first asking him to do the needful. Such a wicked soul of a man. Let no man try rubbish with me in this life sha.

It is how useless women have nothing to do with their lives than to be popping out babies to secure a man. 3 babies for a man that does not even respect your family enough to pay your dowry.

The OP situation is beyond advise. Moving from an older baby mama of 3 to a younger widow because you think you have peace of mind. Oga na death sure pass.

1... 2... 3... She probably kept on having kids with the hope that he will eventually pay her bride price. What a silly, silly woman. Too bad

As for you, op, you want to leave her. For who?? Oga, you go nowhere! Your so called settlement will never be enough to compensate for the time wasted. How can you impregnate a woman three whole times and yet never had intention of marrying her. You are reckless, selfish and you do not deserve happiness after robbing somebody else of their happiness.

I say you go nowhere!!

kinglee007:
Please guys a guy needs help. He has three kids from his baby mama (as he calls her) but is not married to her and according to him, never intended to all these while. He said they have tried to make arrangements for marriage but each time they do, something will alter the plans. He has not even made a dowry payment on her yet. Now, he met a young lady who happens to be a widow with a son of about 4 years and is madly in love with her. According to him, he met her and things started turning around for him instantly and he has already started making plans on settling down with her. His family has asked him what he plans to do regarding his baby mama and the kids. He has vowed that the kids will be his responsibility in terms of upkeep and will settle the mother of his children to ensure she is doing well on and financially stable. He is bothered because the mother of his kids has been threatening his fiancé and he does not want her to get scared and decide to stay in the relationship due to fear. His parents have told his fiancé not to get scared and also not blame the lady throwing tantrums because she is venting (which she is in her right state of mind to do). He is actually 40 years, his baby mama is few years older than him (he just got to realize that she is older than him) and he is 11 years older than his fiancé. Lately, he says his fiancé is now being doubleminded about the whole ish and he doesn't want to lose her. Please what advise would you give this young man.
Mind you, He has met with his fiancé's parents and they are okay with whatever decision he and their daughter takes because to them, as long as no dowry was paid, he has not been legally married by the law. He says he's been getting backlashes from people that know him overtime with the mother of his children but that doesn't bother him as it was expected. His concern now is his fiancé quitting out of fear that she might be a bad person coming to break a home and the threats she's been receiving from the mother of his kids. What advise do you give him please.
matured minds opinion please.

It takes a special kind of dumb to go with a man who will casually abandon his 3kids and their mother.

GloriousGbola:


It takes a special kind of dumb to go with a man who will casually abandon his 3kids and their mother.

Seriously o

I'm surprised a widow will want to marry a baby daddy that couldn't do right by the mother of his three kids, that alone shows his level of irresponsibility.

GloriousGbola:
■ It takes a special kind of dumb to go with a man who will casually abandon his 3kids and their mother.

Indeed it does!

A man who has three kids from a woman and yet hasn't done anything to normalize her status needs to be left alone biko.

If the lady could be good at birthing kids, she can as well be good as wife to a man who knows nothing else apart from locating her undies.

The widow is heading straight to a disaster by wanting to marry your friend or you and I hope someone advises her now before it's too late.

Oga its you and not your friend. I don't have any advise for you the only advise i have for you is take care of your responsibility if you decide to marry your new wife still take care of your responsibility.

In all this, my awe is at the baby mama who birthed 3 kids for your friend under friendship agreement....she is a true legend! How did your friend convince her sef? Now she is the older unwanted mother of 3 who would surely bear the badges of honour each of the pregnancies left on her body. Hails to her choices

As for your friend, na guy man he be.... no surprises.

If he was a divorcee it might even be better. Chronic baby daddies are not worth it at all. Because you think you are a man, you believe you can get away with breeding up and down with no iota of responsibility. It doesn’t work like that, let him go back to his baby mama. That young widow deserves better, if she marries him they will both see helll!!!!!!

Women let this be a lesson to you, one child can be a mistake, you can manage to move on and remarry. But you see when you try to trap a man with 2,3 or 4 kids with no marriage or commitment in sight.. YOU WILL LOSE! You cannot even hold your head up high and classify yourself as a divorcee. The shame is too much, society will just look at you like a rag, especially when you’re up there in age. Better use your sense!

JasonScoolari:
Make a report to the police against the Bitter mother of 3, or better still, get a restraining order.

Then, he should show that widow his true intentions towards her by acting like a "Man" and not a scared Chihuahua.

And take care of his new family including the kids he had with the bitter 40 something years old woman.

She wasn’t bitter when he was mating with her and producing kids like a hornyy rat. Bunch of Xtupid ediots

cococandy:


She wasn’t bitter when he was mating with her and producing kids like a hornyy rat. Bunch of Xtupid ediots

Excuse me... I guess you're not insulting me for dropping my comment?

Just like someone said above, if a 40 years old is bringing such a fragile issue to the internet then he deserve the kind of response he's getting from kids and adolescents who are opportuned to have a smartphone. At you age you should know there are consequences to every action and must be ready to accept them. You've gone too far already because 3kids is not a joke and if that woman happens to be your sister will you advise her to fold her arms and look.
Another question for you. Suppose the lady you now want to marry is going around with three kids, will you still go ahead with the marriage plans?
So you need to sit and look at things from her angle.

The mere utterances of standing by her in terms of bills doesn't hold water abeg.

If you are financially bouyant to settle her for life ( I mean if you can offer her money or properties than will earn her reasonable income to take care of the children as we all know how the economy is lately) then do it but don't throw it to her face maybe you go through an elderly person or a lawyer. Then make i commit that she won't come after you later. If not allow the sleeping dog lie, she will always see you like you spoil her life and want to move on. In all stay safe,

So what's the update of this thread, hope the guy who did this evil' is dead'. A man who impregnates a woman 3 good times, yet abandons that woman and plans marriage with another woman deserves DEATH'

OP, we know you're the man in question. After 3-kids with your babymama and not marrying her, you now want to dump her for another woman. Is that not wickedness?

Finance is berry important o


He should relocate the new lady far away before anything o


He should plan to settle the first lady too