Soylife:

The only person that lacks empathy and is self centered is the op's mother. You talk like this because you haven't experienced it. What makes a person intelligent is seeing things from different perspective,you may not have experienced this but imagine yourself going through this. We have lots of individuals with self esteem issues,depression,anxiety issues and in worst cases madness because of issues like this. It is women like this that drive their husband to heavy drinking.
My advice to the op is to run,cut off completely from her,if she has issues she is going through that is affecting her behaviour let her seek help instead of frustrating her children

When you guys finally have empathy, real empathy, and can understand why people behave the way they do, you will finally learn to accommodate certain behaviors. For all you know, he's not been a stellar child himself or he knows his parent has mental health issues. These things happen.

Instead he's come here to paint a devil.

Let him cut her off. Or whatever else is prescribed here. Many people work for toxic bosses for a long time, under much worse conditions but will never cut them off, instead they learn to manage them. But heavens forbid a family member does what they don't like. It's off to the guillotine for them.

Babastrong:
What if your mother has avoided you when you are in her womb?
you did alot of shits in her womb yet he brought you here.
omo get sense.

Nonsense!
No be the mama decide get belle,dem beg am,so bcus she gave birth to a child and brought up the child,she can do whatever she wishes,make she kuku kill am na.
No worry by the time you marry wife wey be chief manipulator you go understand.

This is what they use to manipulate and gaslight African youths. Let’s be rational and stop using Bible to manipulate people

mrblessed:
All these fault for one person? Who needs a mum like this?

[quote author=Soylife post=122790991]
Nonsense!
No be the mama decide get belle,dem beg am,so bcus she gave birth to a child and brought up the child,she can do whatever she wishes,make she kuku kill am na.
No worry by the time you marry wife wey be chief manipulator you go understand.[ So you think you're talking to someone at the age of 30's. These flat headies actual wake up their parents with legs. Mind you i am married with 3 children. I gave my advice as a parent and a good child.]

Op your complains about your mom is very vague as you failed to give us a clear picture of one of the occurrences.... like giving us a typical example of such occurrence.
As in narrate the story well on how she does it before we can know how to come in and advice you appropriately.

truthCoder:


Your mum is a manipulative gaslighter. That is the fact.

To survive around manipulators, you first need to avoid interactions with them as much as possible. For unavoidable interactions, allow the gaslighter to talk, say ok you have heard and do EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO in the first instance. Repeat this as a loop.

Dont fight or try to argue with a manipulator. They will hold on to any wrong word. Instead, do the listening. Ask questions to clarify their positions and say ok.

Ok no dey cause fights.

Say ok but remember to do exactly what you wanted to do.

Manipulator: you cannot eat rice in this house today because putin did this and buhari did that.
You: ok
Then you proceed to eat your rice.
After they notice you ate rice and they flare up, you feign ignorance, act like you didn’t hear them the first time, reverse the psychology on them etc.

Anything you do, just dont argue. Reduce confrontations to just simple statements but do exactly what you want to do.

When she reports you and the other person calls, just laugh it off. Remind the person that they should know ‘how mummy use to do’ . If the person is boiling too much, just say ok. Don’t argue.

When she realizes that you are just an ok machine with no interest in fights, she will look for someone else to fight with.

Remember, ok no dey cause fight

Brilliant

BRATISLAVA:


When you guys finally have empathy, real empathy, and can understand why people behave the way they do, you will finally learn to accommodate certain behaviors. For all you know, he's not been a stellar child himself or he knows his parent has mental health issues. These things happen.

Instead he's come here to paint a devil.

Let him cut her off. Or whatever else is prescribed here. Many people work for toxic bosses for a long time, under much worse conditions but will never cut them off, instead they learn to manage them. But heavens forbid a family member does what they don't like. It's off to the guillotine for them.

You are speaking like this because you haven't experienced what the op is going through. Do you know what it means for a child to be going through all this early in life,parents are already mentally equipped to manage a child and all their troubles but a child needs all the love and care of the parents to grow into a confident person. Most children that face issues like this grow to have self esteem issues, depression and anxiety disorders.
Dealing with a toxic boss is different,I don't expect love from him,if he is a nice person,good,if not I work and go home but a toxic mother is different,her words and opinions matters to you. Do you know if your mum tells people that her child is bad chances that they will believe her without hearing from you is high.
What the Op's mother is doing is very bad because what she is doing would continue to cause issues and problems even after she is gone

[quote author=Babastrong post=122791197][/quote]
So you are past 30,your advice be like wetin pikin go type

BRATISLAVA:
■ Who described prayers as the solution in the first place? You might need to bring out your glasses for that part, if you're being any bit objective on your quest. I'm not interested in your old argument as I do not believe it, especially not in your theory of righteousness or your being so. That is a waste of energy in no particular direction. Your fishing is DOA.

1. It is not my theory as that is what scripture makes clear on the subject of prayer... it is just as useless a problem-resolution method as any other out there for all unrighteous people. So, it shouldn't be brought up at all.

Soylife:

You are speaking like this because you haven't experienced what the op is going through. Do you know what it means for a child to be going through all this early in life,parents are already mentally equipped to manage a child and all their troubles but a child needs all the love and care of the parents to grow into a confident person. Most children that face issues like this grow to have self esteem issues, depression and anxiety disorders.
Dealing with a toxic boss is different,I don't expect love from him,if he is a nice person,good,if not I work and go home but a toxic mother is different,her words and opinions matters to you. Do you know if your mum tells people that her child is bad chances that they will believe her without hearing from you is high.
What the Op's mother is doing is very bad because what she is doing would continue to cause issues and problems even after she is gone

Some parents aren't mentally equipped to handle children, and that's the thing nobody here wants to acknowledge. They are people prone to failure like everyone else, too. They aren't perfect people. Even the op isn't a perfect person.

Some people will say their toxic boss has made them depressed and suicidal, but they've never left their job. Quite alright the expectations are different, but managing a boss is managing a person, just as managing the failings of a parent who is also a person. The thing is that most responses here are emotional, without t even considering if his own mother was scarred by her own upbringing, if she has a mental health issue, if his childhood was traumatic to her.

There's no excuse for bad parenting, but people should understand that most people with antisocial behaviors are on a spectrum or have mental health issues. Cutting off, shutting down will not cure the child or parent. It's only covering resentment. Creating more damage in future generations. Empathy works better. Care, too.

The advice on the thread will not help anyone who doesn't want to conceal wounds and create more hurt

Kobojunkie:
1. It is not my theory as that is what scripture makes clear on the subject of prayer... it is just as useless a problem-resolution method as any other out there for all unrighteous people. So, it shouldn't be brought up at all.

Lol.

[quote author=Soylife post=122791588]
So you are past 30,your advice be like wetin pikin go type[ Ok, he should beat his mother the way you did the other time. Eni ti aye e ti jo na, ko ni koona mo ti wa.]

BRATISLAVA:


Some parents aren't mentally equipped to handle children, and that's the thing nobody here wants to acknowledge. They are people prone to failure like everyone else, too. They aren't perfect people. Even the op isn't a perfect person.

Some people will say their toxic boss has made them depressed and suicidal, but they've never left their job. Quite alright the expectations are different, but managing a boss is managing a person, just as managing the failings of a parent who is also a person. The thing is that most responses here are emotional, without t even considering if his own mother was scarred by her own upbringing, if she has a mental health issue, if his childhood was traumatic to her.

There's no excuse for bad parenting, but people should understand that most people with antisocial behaviors are on a spectrum or have mental health issues. Cutting off, shutting down will not cure the child or parent. It's only covering resentment. Creating more damage in future generations. Empathy works better. Care, too.

The advice on the thread will not help anyone who doesn't want to conceal wounds and create more hurt

Parents that are not mentally equipped don't have business raising children. If a father or mother has mental health issues that is affecting their behaviour let them seek solution. An innocent kid should not suffer from issues affecting the mother. If the mother faced bad upbringing,she should seek help. There is no excuse here for the mother,she purposely causes rifts in the family,do you know this can cause permanent discord between two siblings. I have seen things like this happen. She should be the one bonding them not separating them.
If I should follow your logic,if the op should become a bad mum tomorrow she should be excused because she had a bad upbringing and people should instead show empathy towards her.
To the op,protect your mental health,if you think you have been affected by your mum's toxicity visit a psychologist

Soylife:

Parents that are not mentally equipped don't have business raising children. If a father or mother has mental health issues that is affecting their behaviour let them seek solution. An innocent kid should not suffer from issues affecting the mother. If the mother faced bad upbringing,she should seek help. There is no excuse here for the mother,she purposely causes rifts in the family,do you know this can cause permanent discord between two siblings. I have seen things like this happen. She should be the one bonding them not separating them.
If I should follow your logic,if the op should become a bad mum tomorrow she should be excused because she had a bad upbringing and people should instead show empathy towards her.
To the op,protect your mental health,if you think you have been affected by your mum's toxicity visit a psychologist

Whether equipped to or not, they will go ahead to have children because that's what society demands. Being damaged doesn't mean they don't have desires like everyone else. Their problem is that they can't manage it or help themselves.

How do you think bad parents come to be? How do you think abusers come to be? Most of them grew up in such environments and become the monster of their childhood. His mother is a hurt person hurting people in return.

Some of these problems are health related issues, too.

Cutting them off, blocking them, ignoring them will not help either party. It's a temporary fix and only results in needless death. The living party will continue to live in bondage.

You didn't get tired of her when you were growing up, it is then now! Are you sure you aren't the problem.

Ahmed0336:
Be patient with her, one day she will no longer be here. Make good use of the time she's with you and create lovely memories even though I know it's hard considering what you just typed but tryyyyyy.

Which one be "one day she will no longer be there". Na you wan kill her ni.

moadxist2:
Patience is a virtue, and the Bible says "honour thy father and thy mother, that your days might be long on earth". You can't bless her, she can bless you. You choose...

The Bible says. Who wrote the Bible? Na spirit? Abi na man wey get flesh and blood like you?

Divoc19:
Your dad survived it with her. Like someone above me said.

She can bless you, you can't bless her.

If you can't accept her the way she is then, you can go get your own apartment.

Remember your bloodline is your history, you have 50% of her gene in you.

She can bless you how? Foolish talk

onlyboyson:
Why will you Avoid your second God who give birth to you

Second God? Did he ask to be born by her? Very idiotic comment

Women of all ages and financial status are melodramatic

whyteteeth:
It's draining dealing with my mom everytime she comes to the city to stay in the same house with me. I live in my elder sister's house but she (my sister) stays abroad with her family. I am the last child and I am not married. I work from home though. My mum visits here once in a while. Anytime she comes around she does a lot of things that spoils my mood. For instance, she doesn't like taking her children's advice no matter how important it is to them. She likes having her way all the time. And when we try to stop her, she guilt trips us and emotionally blackmails us.

I have other siblings who do not live with me but they used to come around with their children anytime mom is around. My father is back home and hardly visits. She doesn't listen to my dad if he advices her.

Mom will first and foremost get someone upset, and when the person complains, she will watch out for one negative word that will slip out from your mouth and use it to emotionally blackmail you. She will cry because of what you said to her until you feel guilty and beg her to forgive you. She also likes reporting her child to another of her child without minding if it would damage their relationship.

She likes making her child feel bad so long as she has her way and she is happy. She pays no attention to the feelings of her children anytime she wants anything. For instance, My mom can make you spend money on something that she already has. Sometimes she will drag for something that she doesn't even need. She feels as a mother all her children must make her happy else they don't like her.

Also, She is terrible with conversations both on phone and physically. If you try to have a one on one talk with her, she will make the conversation very unpleasant because she will keep interrupting, next thing she will cry or she will get up and leave you.

She never sees her fault. Even if she apologies, she would do the same thing again and blame you for making her do it.

If she comes around and everywhere is peaceful, after a short while argument will begin which may lead to a fight.

This is because she likes jamming one person with another person and eventually make them quarel. She enjoys adding words that was never in the conversation when she is reporting somebody to another perosn. Most times those words are very hurting and will lead to a fight. And when the fight begins, she will start crying. Sometimes she would intentionally fall on the ground while trying to separate a fight, just to make sure everybody runs helter-skelter trying to get her up on her feet.

She has blood pressure issues, hence she uses that as a weapon to guilt-trip her children so they can succumb to her demands. For instance, if she says things that are not true about her child to another of her child and the person finds out, once you confront her, she would say " don't query me oh, shey you know my blood pressure would soon go up. I didn't kill my mother, don't kill me oh." Or she will just start crying and say the person hates her and what was said isn't true, and that she never said anything like that. She denies the things she says that are bad soon after she says them.

Gosh, I am just tired of my mom. I feel like packing out of this house, blocking her and not letting her come close to me because of how emotionally draining it is everytime she comes around.

I had to do this because of plenty comments.

Just view it this way.... She has done her part in life. She has married, got her own kids, gotten old and also She's seen her grand children. In other words her time is getting over soon.
But you are still single, yet to fulfill many life's requirements.
Just tolerate her excesses, don't always pay attention to her nagging, sometimes hugs her and tell her "it's well mum".
I think she's seeking attention due to old age.

Lastly, focus on getting your own life partner.
And seek peace of mind.

I will buy android for your mom and register her on nairaland make she see watin her daughter dey talk about her, then you will see the true colors she has been hiding😁

She report you to your siblings while you now report her to town hall ba la bu. Kontinew

Tranquility2345:


Second God? Did he ask to be born by her? Very idiotic comment

Na this mumu go use him mama do sacrifice

stormborn28:


Nonsense

Akpa amu

onlyboyson:

Akpa amu

Ewu Gambia

stormborn28:

Ewu Gambia

Ewe ohia

onlyboyson:

Ewe ohia

Zaria malu

whyteteeth:
She doesn't listen to my dad if he advices her.

She doesn't listen to your Dad means you stand no chance with her and she will never change and she will surely show your wife shege and your wife may decide that she has had enough and pack out of your house when she can't bear it anymore.

People like that need to be corrected each time they cross a red line and when she starts guilt tripping you just walk out of the house.

If it wasn't your sisters house you were living, then "maybe" she would think twice before coming to stress you in a house yo are paying for. If care is not taking, hope on one of her visits she doesn't make you lose your job since you work from home.

stormborn28:

Zaria malu

Ikpu name gi

Ilekokonit:


She doesn't listen to your Dad means you stand no chance with her and she will never change and she will surely show your wife shege and your wife may decide that she has had enough and pack out of your house when she can't bear it anymore.

People like that need to be corrected each time they cross a red line and when she starts guilt tripping you just walk out of the house.

If it wasn't your sisters house you were living, then "maybe" she would think twice before coming to stress you in a house yo are paying for. If care is not taking, hope on one of her visits she doesn't make you lose your job since you work from home.

Omo the kind shege wey I dey see for that woman hand, if e dey possible to change mama, I for don do am.

onlyboyson:

Ikpu name gi

Otunegi Oma

moadxist2:
Patience is a virtue, and the Bible says "honour thy father and thy mother, that your days might be long on earth". You can't bless her, she can bless you. You choose...

point of correction honouring your father and mother doesnt give you blessings, what it simply means if you can not honour people who raised you it will be hard to honour a stranger, a stranger who can be a blessing by eg giving you ideas to makes money etc (thats the blessing its self )