| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by BigIyanga: 2:55pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
Support her to get an office job… and task her to contribute to family expenses.. like 25-40% contribution from her is not a bad idea |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by okewumi: 3:16pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
Sincerely l don't know how you will manage it. You can use force to take an horse to a river but u can not force it to drink water 1 Like |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by LaRosa01: 3:44pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
my brother you are in big trouble,she doesn't want you to plan for the family,she wants to be independent in a dependent relation.meaning she wants you to foot the bills while she plans her own life. take my advice reduce your spending let her suffer well,then hide your money and save well.equally tell her to find her job herself and count you out,do not assist in anyway ,she would still get the job been a woman but you have drawn the battle line early on your terms.most modern women are deeply selfish and self centered in nature.so as a man you must be wise watch out seriously for disobidence and those that love to challenge the structure so there is no leadership ,none of there house hold end up well. EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….
Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.
Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?
My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).
I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.
My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).
Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).
Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.
However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.
At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.
Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?
NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.
Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??
If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by PrimadonnaO(f): 3:49pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
EkelediliBuhari:
Thanks for your impute.
She has passion for catering, nothing she loves more, she refused to make cloths after learning and buying equipment.
The only problem in working is the rat race never ends… and she won’t want to be a disappointment by quitting after sometime. She will want to prove that she can do it knowing who she is…
For making money, she makes money yes… am also 100% confident she can make x5 her present profit margins in the near future if she keeps her present work rate. She's quite skillful. Clothes designing. Catering. Pity she just wants a corporate by all means at the expense of growing her own business. Can you share the vision of her transforming her enterprise into a corporate in the future? If she can focus on growing her business and clientele, tomorrow she can begin to hire different categories of staff as she expands...and run it with a corporate structure. 1 Like |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by saysoo: 3:58pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
Don't believe those job bullshit. She wants to free up with others if you know what I mean. Your dad, she will be caged. You are doing well, thats backup,the family is cool. Who the hell sets a company and making the wife shareholder and he is not? What kind of SIMP men are you? Take a firm decision!!. |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by EkelediliBuhari: 4:03pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
saysoo:
Don't believe those job bullshit. She wants to free up with others if you know what I mean. Your dad, she will be caged. You are doing well, thats backup,the family is cool. Who the hell sets a company and making the wife shareholder and he is not? What kind of SIMP men are you? Take a firm decision!!. Due to the risks in my line of work and my future plans, staying out of the shareholding structure is important. That doesn’t take oversight away from me. It’s a crucial part of my setup frankly. |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by HaneefahRN(f): 4:09pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
You all should come and connect me to these jobs that pay at least 1 million Naira monthly o. |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by BALLOSKI: 4:30pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….
Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.
Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?
My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).
I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.
My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).
Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).
Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.
However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.
At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.
Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?
NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.
Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??
If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k Women don't learn easily, until they're taught by harsh experience. She'd on her own quit the job and return to the one you're suggesting very soon. She doesn't have passion for catering or practice accounting. Leave her to go and face it, but once she comes back, it must be on your own condition. |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Taal17: 4:42pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
EkelediliBuhari:
Thanks for your impute.
She has passion for catering, nothing she loves more, she refused to make cloths after learning and buying equipment.
The only problem in working is the rat race never ends… and she won’t want to be a disappointment by quitting after sometime. She will want to prove that she can do it knowing who she is…
For making money, she makes money yes… am also 100% confident she can make x5 her present profit margins in the near future if she keeps her present work rate. How come you don't want to take over your Dad's business? I'm not sure what the problem is. She's already an entrepreneur..you just said she has a catering business. If she's applying for a 9-5 then maybe she wants to have that experience...what's the problem? Sebi if you doesn't like it she can quit and focus on the catering gig squarely. She's an individual, stop charting a family vision that depends solely on what YOU see. Your attempts are coming off as a father not a husband If you your father's son did not follow in your father's business why do you expect her to just plug in because it makes sense to you. Even your infant children don't always obey 3 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by SerLaery(m): 4:58pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
FreeConCiencE:
My advice
Firstly, do DNA test for your children to confirm the paternity. Always do it for every child you have.
Secondly, your wife may have the tendency for extramarital affairs and she is looking for a kind of job that will give her that opportunity. Be very vigilant. Only unreasonable or mentally deranged person will have passion for stressful job when you have a less stressful job with better income and security. Don't ever trust the current women we have. And hear this, if your children are lacking good care, hire someone to care for them. If you too are not getting good care ( in terms of food, gist partner etc), marry the second wife. Remember, you only have one life to live.. I'm against having a second wife. With the pool of comments/advices/views here. I believe the OP will draw conclusion. |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by PrimadonnaO(f): 5:10pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
pongwa:
you have to allow her follow her dreams. Why don't you stay home and take care of the kids instead since they are also yours and you care about them. LOL. |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by PrimadonnaO(f): 5:19pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
pongwa:
don't let some people see this. That said, I believe you have married a career lady and its gonna be hard to convince her. Moreover, I also want you to know that your case is not a peculiar one. It just calls for more deliberations, so I suggest you sit her down and devise plans on taking care of the kids. Whatever arrangements or strategy to be employed should be agreed upon. Lastly if your wife has feminist tendencies, please don't portray yourself as head of the house o. I'm just sincerely amused 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by pocohantas(f): 5:41pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
Forgive me, your wife is only being delusional.
Probably she is surrounded by career women and because she sees them in heels, she thinks they have it all rosy. Whereas some of them can't boast of 500k savings.
If she was such a career woman, she would nurture her accountancy career, not look for cheap customer service jobs that offers little career growth in Nigeria. If she removes transportation, she would be left with nothing.
In the longrun, she makes nothing to add to the home. The home is neglected. She comes back tired. Sex life dips. Family time dips. Then matrimonial issues sets in and we blame village people.
Don't mind people telling you to support her. I pity these modern husbands that support everything. The mistake you made was marrying a woman who didn't work in her most active and free years only to try make her some Okonjo Iweala after childbearing. They most times exhibit this confusion later in life. Not their fault at all. You don't learn left hand in old age. 8 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by frozen70(f): 6:22pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….
Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.
Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?
My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).
I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.
My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).
Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).
Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.
However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.
At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.
Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?
NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.
Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??
If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k I think you should allow her to keep applying and get a job for herself She wants to be independent and self reliance Give her a trial, all you will need is an extra hand to watch over the kids But she may change attitude once she gets that challenge of working under some one and being able to provide for her self, maybe it could be caused by work stress 1 Like |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Chemlite: 6:33pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
I guess your wife is a full fledged sanguine. They are easily distracted and confused.
I have a friend who happens to be a nurse. Today he wants to be a missionary, tommorrow a tailor, the next day bakery business, another time pharmacy, he wants to buy ogbono and sell, fish farming etc.
I actually encouraged him to start the drug dispensing shop (pharmacy shop) because its not good to be depending on civil service job only, anyway, myself I looking for one.
I told him "You are too confused" he got offended.
Well, he is still my friend, but I learnt to manage my words.
LET HER BE, SHE WILL COME TO HER SENSES, THE JOB MARKET IISN'T FRIENDLY NEITHER OFFICE WORK. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by EkelediliBuhari: 6:36pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
Taal17:
How come you don't want to take over your Dad's business?
I'm not sure what the problem is. She's already an entrepreneur..you just said she has a catering business.
If she's applying for a 9-5 then maybe she wants to have that experience...what's the problem? Sebi if you doesn't like it she can quit and focus on the catering gig squarely.
She's an individual, stop charting a family vision that depends  solely on what YOU see.
Your attempts are coming off as a father not a husband
If you your father's son did not follow in your father's business why do you expect her to just plug in because it makes sense to you.
Even your infant children don't always obey Taking over an accounting firm requires being a chartered professional, I’m not so I’ll still need to hire someone (when she has the qualifications). Thanks for your impute |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Kobojunkie: 6:41pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
EkelediliBuhari:
■ Taking over an accounting firm requires being a chartered professional, I’m not so I’ll still need to hire someone (when she has the qualifications).
Thanks for your impute Is your wife a chartered professional then?  |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Emperor5(m): 6:51pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
Working doesn't make someone rich but ur dad work and retired, he lived fulfilled life.
U are now working as well and earning living, probably u will live fulfilled life, even if u are not billionaire in as much you are doing what make you happy and you are middle class u are ok, since you are working and making up approximately 1m monthly u should have save money and do what you are advising ur wife to do.
Modified.... Allow your partner to do what make her happy, even your child or wife you don't have to decide on their career, allow her to choose her career path and support her. Some people are not business know how, while some people like interaction, some went to just answer working class it's just a choice 1 Like |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by emmyN(m): 7:20pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
EkelediliBuhari:
Taking over an accounting firm requires being a chartered professional, I’m not so I’ll still need to hire someone (when she has the qualifications).
Thanks for your impute Then hire someone when the time comes. She obviously doesn't want to follow that path and would find it unfulfilling if you force it on her. At this point hands off and allow her chart the course of her career. 2 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Bluffly: 7:33pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….
Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.
Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?
My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).
I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.
My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).
Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).
Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.
However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.
At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.
Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?
NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.
Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??
If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k Your visions can never be the same except both learns to compromise. I understand that flexibility for one of you is very important. I think she feels like you are controlling her. She wants to feel fulfilled rather than doing your own bidding. You need to talk to her anicably for her to see reasons. I hope you are not the type that brag that it is my money, I did this, I did that. Maybe she wants to earn what she can call her own sweat 1 Like |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by katniss(f): 7:39pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
You are trying to control your wife.
She’s not a robot and has her desires.
You can only advise and encourage her not compel her to do what you want. 1 Like |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by kkins25(m): 7:46pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
pocohantas:
Forgive me, your wife is only being delusional.
Probably she is surrounded by career women and because she sees them in heels, she thinks they have it all rosy. Whereas some of them can't boast of 500k savings.
If she was such a career woman, she would nurture her accountancy career, not look for cheap customer service jobs that offers little career growth in Nigeria. If she removes transportation, she would be left with nothing.
In the longrun, she makes nothing to add to the home. The home is neglected. She comes back tired. Sex life dips. Family time dips. Then matrimonial issues sets in and we blame village people.
Don't mind people telling you to support her. I pity these modern husbands that support everything. The mistake you made was marrying a woman who didn't work in her most active and free years only to try make her some Okonjo Iweala after childbearing. They most times exhibit this confusion later in life. Not their fault at all. You don't learn left hand in old age.
Don't play.. She'll learn... (in verydarkman voice).... |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by saysoo: 8:01pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
EkelediliBuhari:
Due to the risks in my line of work and my future plans, staying out of the shareholding structure is important. That doesn’t take oversight away from me. It’s a crucial part of my setup frankly. Oga whatever yot do pls pay attention. You seem to be a very nice and naive young man. Build you buisness around you 100%, bring your wife in but less than 10%, your children more closer. Give her much power and her companions will arrive( siblins). 3yrs marriage,water not tested yet. No man knows tomorrow. |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by pongwa(m): 8:31pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
SerLaery:
I'm not the OP. It's the OP that needed the advice. I have done my bit. Marriage/Family is a sensitive topic. I'm sure he has seen it |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by justlovesfarmin: 8:36pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
EkelediliBuhari:
Thanks for your impute.
She has passion for catering, nothing she loves more, she refused to make cloths after learning and buying equipment.
The only problem in working is the rat race never ends… and she won’t want to be a disappointment by quitting after sometime. She will want to prove that she can do it knowing who she is…
For making money, she makes money yes… am also 100% confident she can make x5 her present profit margins in the near future if she keeps her present work rate. Like people have told you, let her be. She is not your child to control. She may be drawn by the allure of the 9-5. She may see other women looking all professional and want the experience. Some of us professionals sometimes often wish we are housewives. Once she starts, she can see the pros and cons and make the better decision for herself. 1 Like |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Bfly: 8:44pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
Nanny is really overrated in this period. You could aswell dispose the woman to face her career which is more important to her than your family while you secure the service of a nanny. |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by dacool1(m): 9:05pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
katniss:
You are trying to control your wife.
She’s not a robot and has her desires.
You can only advise and encourage her not compel her to do what you want. I strongly disagree with your opinion if you term leading controlling then good luck to you. He understands perfectly well what his family needs and will need in the future. As a woman if you are not ready to be a follower don't get married. Note I didn't mean to be treated as a slave. Your input as the wife is vital but the leader takes the decision except where the leader is not capable of taking progressive decisions. Do you think the OP is doing what he desires or what is necessary to earn enough for his family. Do you think most men love their job and work conditions. Nobody should do what they want in the family rather what's good for the whole family. 1 Like |
|
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Xkale1996(m): 9:07pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….
Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.
Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?
My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).
I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.
My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).
Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).
Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.
However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.
At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.
Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?
NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.
Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??
If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k my advice to you is Warn her before she start the customer service work Let her stay away from men that wants to be gistin with her Let her do her work and come back home Because colleagues at work are after married women to flirt with Warn her o toh Not all men wants der wife to work in office Many things dey happen der |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by hardayemmie(m): 9:41pm On Sep 17, 2023 |
EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….
Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.
Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?
My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).
I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.
My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).
Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).
Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.
However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.
At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.
Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?
NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.
Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??
If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k She's not seeing the bigger picture... You have to convince her more. She's probably being carried away by some of the 9 - 5 societal norm. Let her feel the rubble of 9 to 5 a bit. So long as she's still conscious of the required attention for the family. Afterwards, she settle back into owning a business of her own. Moreso, I feel she may not be engaged enough with the cake stuff, she's not satisfied with what is coming forth. If that's the case, then you want to invest more in her business, and this has to go beyond and above. The cake business needs more promotion, and growth. Ask questions and finds anwers bro. Assume nothing. |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Fadoria: 12:28am On Sep 18, 2023 |
Firstly what is the progress of her business, apart from funding her business what challenges did u think she might be having in the business, is she getting a new client or she is still dealing with the existing client, sales progression is what percentage, the achievement rate since when she started the business is ,i think u need to ask her all this to know how she is fairing in the business[/left][right][/right][left] [i][/i][color=#000000][/color] |
| Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Tzar(m): 2:51am On Sep 18, 2023 |
Don’t mind those asking you to simp for her. Try to talk sense into her. If she doesn’t listen to you, then it is a sign of more trouble to come in your marriage. If she doesn’t follow your lead and advise, it is because she does not respect you or your opinions. She is definitely also not submissive. Respect for and submission to the husband are two of the most important characteristics of a wife that will make you a fulfilled husband long term… she apparently lacks this. Involve her parents and if nothing changes, return her to her father’s house to go and relearn the basics of how to be a good wife. Staying married to a woman who won’t listen to you is a recipe for disaster… don’t let her make your life miserable o! A lot of men are terminally depressed and drop dead before their time, because their women have made them feel effeminated. Women will continue to test your resolve as a man, so you better learn to continually manage and control her innate reflex to test you. EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….
Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.
Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?
My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).
I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.
My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).
Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).
Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.
However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.
At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.
Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?
NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.
Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??
If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k 2 Likes |
