Some years ago, I met a young female friend of mine who was a talented writer. She came from a well-to-do family and had the ambition of building a successful career as a renowned international writer. However, after she graduated and got married, things took a different turn, and she became a full-time house wife even before giving birth. Her husband seemed to have married her solely for the purpose of having children, without showing any interest in nurturing her talent or supporting her growth.

I can't comprehend how men who engage in such behaviour can sleep at night, essentially extinguishing someone else's dreams and ambitions for their own selfish interests of having children and a full-time house wife. I believe in having a partner who is goal-driven and working together to ensure each other's success. Ladies, it's crucial to understand yourself and the motives of your partner before accepting a marriage proposal.

Okay

Which country are you typing from op.

Alright

because Nigerian ladies are destiny helper shey

But it's partly her fault too, she could've told him her plans before they got married and moved on if he didn't agree.

I'm sure the husband didn't put a gun to her head and forced her to get married to him.

Klass99:


Some of these men will agree to your plans, especially if you are young and hot, and they are afraid of losing you. Only to do a 360 degree turn after marriage, to renege on what they originally agreed to.

They like to use pregnancy/kids to lock you down. In their minds once you've had kids with them, you can't or won't leave because of the children. Additionally, the Nigerian society in particular loves to diss and shame divorced women, so most would rather stay put and stay married, for the fear of divorce stigma.

Even if he is supportive, the demands of children are so that ordinary mortals like me find it very hard to climb up the career ladder once we have them. I know some people will come up with examples of high achieving women who had kids and impressive careers but we don`t know their support systems, how hard they found it to leave their little ones back to go the extra mile for success, how demanding their babies/toddlers were (they are all so different), the working times, the competition factor in their respective career etc. etc.

Whichever path we choose, it all comes with a price tag.


Have a wondeful day.

Klass99:
The original post reminds me of the first man who proposed marriage to me. I just finished university I was awaiting law school, then looking forward to NYSC, while eagerly anticipating the time when I could join my siblings in Lagos to start earning a living.

Self sufficiency and financial independence were my goals and driving forces at the time. And oga wanted to tie me down with marriage, pregnancy and children. Then 5 to 10 years down the line when I talk of my dreams or want to resuscitate them, I would be told by him and others (family, friends, church folks and a whole community of busybodies) to mind my children and do all I can to keep my marriage.

He was a lot older and eager to start a family, so I know in less than one year of marriage he would have gotten me pregnant. I told him I wasn't ready for marriage because of my goals. He didn't take it well and said something to the effect of....you'll never find a man who can/will love you as much as me. In my mind I said abeg shift go front make I see road pursue the dreams in my heart, which do not involve marriage and kids with you.

I do not regret that decision at all, thanks to the prolific author James Patterson who exposed my mind to a world of possibilities through his book the women's murder club, then my sister and her flatmates who were excellent examples of how to responsibly slay this life as single women, through honest work and decent living.

Sadly, he passed away some years ago. I heard from a mutual friend that he got married but it was a turbulent marriage which never produced kids. And at the time he passed he and wifey were estranged. He was a great guy, I was sad to hear how things turned out for him. He really wanted a good marriage and kids, but that didn't work out.

n did u get into law, started ur independent life?

Premium Be Unto You
Different strokes for different folks, it is better to understand your partner before signing a lifetime agreement, as for me you can be a stay home wife but you be doing something, period.

Klass99:


It's different when a woman willingly chooses to put her dreams or career on hold, for the sake of nuturing young kids, as opposed to having those dreams or career potential, truncated by the whims, pressure or manipulations of a man and society.

It`s true but there are plenty of women who thought they can have it all, career and kids, only to learn that it`s not as easy or feasible as they thought it would be once they had kids.

Having children is never a reason to abandon your career goal. Both can co-exist. Na excuse you dey find. If you stand your ground, no man has the capacity to make you abandon your goal.

More so, from your narration, there is no basis whatsoever to conclude that marriage ruined her dreams. She wanted to become a prolific writer... in school? Seriously? We all wanted more in school. How many people have been able to achieve the things they imagined in school, with or without marriage? Na excuse you dey find.