https://www.nairaland.com/7978467/how-clear-guilt-against-dad#128083917

I posted recently about how I still feel recently. I wish I can help it but it is not just working. I don't hate him generally but sometimes whenever I think of what he did most times to my mom, I just feel disgusted with him.

He has been calling me to visit him but I have been giving excuse. The last time he called me, I replied angrily to him on phone that he should stop pestering me with this visit thing. After the call, I regretted doing that and till now, I think about it and I regret replying him in that manner..

But all these were due to his actions towards us while growing.
Where do I start from?
Is it when my mother was seriously sick and my dad said "if she wants to die, she should die" and he doesn't have any money to buy drugs or hospital, omoo if I remember that statement, I feel so much hatred for him.

Same man had appendicitis but it was my mother that left her business to go sleep and wake at the hospital to take care of my father till he was discharged.

I think old man has grown now and I don't know if he regrets those things he did but I don't care. I just wana do my best for him without inconveniencing myself.


My fear is; I don't want to turn out like my father. I don't want to turn to wife beater like my father. I don't want some of his attributes.

How do I ensure that I don't turn out like what I complained and hate to be? This is my greatest fear.
I don't want to marry more than one wife, take care of my kids and family. Train them well and not be a wife beater.

Note: I don't hate my father anymore but I only feel that anger whenever I remember his actions but it's nt a big deal, he tried his best I believe but jsut that he didn't do how he could have done. If my dad did half of what my mom did, I am confidently things could have turned out differently but I still appreciate my dad though.. Atleast, I feed myself and send him money monthly without stress and also attend to my miscellaneous need even while I am not earning something huge at the moment

Nairalanders, I really need your opinion....

You will definitely make a good husband and father to your wife and kids. Believe!

You'd be a better man if you put your mind to it.
Just do what you can for him while he is still here.

..

You can and would be a better husband and father if only you would to Good the originator of the marriage and family arrangement.

In his Inspired holy writings, he spells out all you and every member of your household needs to do to make a happy home and a successful marriage.

Begin by agreeing with Ephesians 3: 14,15 which reads" For this reason I bend my knees to the Father, to whom every family in heaven and on earth owes its name." That way, you accept that God has the right to instruct on how to exercise your hardship as husband and father toward your wife and children.

Also appreciate the order of authority spelt out in 2 Corinthians 11:3 which say: "But I want you to know that the head of every man is the Christ; in turn, the head of a woman is the man; in turn, the head of the Christ is God". And so because you understand you have a head, Christ, whom you must render an account to, you will imitate Jesus Christ in the way and manner you treat your wife and kids.

Christ is the perfect example for husbands. So Ephesians 5:28-31 speaks to husbands: In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself,29for no man ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cherishes it, just as the Christ does the congregation,because we are members of his body.“For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh.” So you must love your wife. Love covers a multitude of sins say the Bible. Read what love means according to the Bible at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

It also your God given responsibility to provide for your family their physical, spiritual and emotional needs, including making sure they are in good mental state.

If you do the above and more, your wife will respect and adore you. Your children will obey and bring you joy, peace and happiness.

Should you require further guidance and information, kindly visit www.jw.org under family to find many Bible based practical materials that will lead you to building the family and home of your dream.

Learn from the wisdom of the old. Be friends with him and learn what brought him to his condition. He's in the best position to teach you not strangers on the Internet that don't know what happened.

Thanks

Mercylike:
■ My fear is; I don't want to turn out like my father. I don't want to turn to wife beater like my father. I don't want some of his attributes.
How do I ensure that I don't turn out like what I complained and hate to be? This is my greatest fear.
I don't want to marry more than one wife, take care of my kids and family. Train them well and not be a wife beater.
■ Note: I don't hate my father anymore but I only feel that anger whenever I remember his actions but it's nt a big deal, he tried his best I believe but jsut that he didn't do how he could have done. If my dad did half of what my mom did, I am confidently things could have turned out differently but I still appreciate my dad though.. Atleast, I feed myself and send him money monthly without stress and also attend to my miscellaneous need even while I am not earning something huge at the moment
Nairalanders, I really need your opinion....

The only way you can become like him is if you make the same choices that he did. So, if you truly do not desire to turn out like him then you do your best to make better choices --- moment by moment---as an individual, a husband and also a father to your own children. Learn from your own experience and vow never to do to inflict any of the damage that was inflicted on you by others. It's easy!

michlins:
Learn from the wisdom of the old. Be friends with him and learn what brought him to his condition. He's in the best position to teach you not strangers on the Internet that don't know what happened.
Thanks

Wisdom of the Old sought of like the wisdom of those who run this country even to this day, abi?

Kobojunkie:
Wisdom of the Old sought of like the wisdom of those who run this country even to this day, abi?

learn from them what they did wrong and do opposite of it or find a better way to do it.

Ignoring the mistake of others will ensure you will make your own and learn the hard way

Don't give birth to children


Go and do vasectomy and save yourself from trauma

michlins:
■ learn from them what they did wrong and do opposite of it or find a better way to do it.
Ignoring the mistake of others will ensure you will make your own and learn the hard way

You labeled the mistakes themselves "wisdom" though. That is my beef.