My mother is the type that talk to you anyhow at any given opportunity.

Shes so toxic and talks ills of everything you do and get angry by just walking around her. she traumatized my childhood till i finally left and stay on my own but still she has not changed.

i was thinking by the time she gets really old all the gragra will calm down and now shes closing to 80 and she has not change one bit. if you have any suggestions on how i can go about it and help her because the situation has caused our relationship and i plan not to even see her for years

Sending you hugs, there are some realities you have to live with and she's that reality in your life you must accept. Learn and try to overlook her shortcomings and love her like that and if it's affecting you psychologically then love her from a distance but don't over do It.

Please i take God beg you 🙏 just continue managing her you hear. She's aged already and most importantly your mother. Not everybody get to hold this opportunity you're having now. They joy of seeing your mum as she's approaching old age shouldn't be toyed with.

You want to change your 80 year old mother...


Well miracles happen anyway.

Your faith is bigger than a mountain.

You should be at least 40 years old if you mom is 80.

Use your tongue... Count your teeth!

If at this age she's still toxic abeg give her chance. It's not ordinary but I don't want to say whats on my mind. Them no dey ever dey pleased no matter what you do.

Just let her be and if you must, show her love from a distance. Toxic people can never be pleased. Make Dem no chop you raw.

We know the exact advise you are looking for . But regardless of the victim's age, the consequence is death by hanging

Donkogbe:
My mother is the type that talk to you anyhow at any given opportunity.

Shes so toxic and talks ills of everything you do and get angry by just walking around her. she traumatized my childhood till i finally left and stay on my own but still she has not changed.

i was thinking by the time she gets really old all the gragra will calm down and now shes closing to 80 and she has not change one bit. if you have any suggestions on how i can go about it and help her because the situation has caused our relationship and i plan not to even see her for years

She must have been hurt alot when she was very young and her current expression is her way of venting out.

Forgive her but remember



She is still your MOTHER.....NO MATTER WHAT....... be grateful you still have one that is alive.

How TOXIC can a frail old woman be at 80 years of age ?


Adding AGGRESSION to the mix makes this case suspicious.

I can only imagine how much damage this must have caused to your self-esteem.

If you have the courage, call her out on it, as respectfully as possible, and let her know such behavior is no longer acceptable to you.

The way she sees you will never change unless YOU change. Do not succumb to blackmail.

If talking with her about it doesn't work, minimise contact, WHILE continuing to perform your duties as a child.

Donkogbe:
My mother is the type that talk to you anyhow at any given opportunity.

Shes so toxic and talks ills of everything you do and get angry by just walking around her. she traumatized my childhood till i finally left and stay on my own but still she has not changed.

i was thinking by the time she gets really old all the gragra will calm down and now shes closing to 80 and she has not change one bit. if you have any suggestions on how i can go about it and help her because the situation has caused our relationship and i plan not to even see her for years

At 80,expect her to talk anyhow but for you to be expecting her to change means you still care about her.
Just be managing her till the Lord call her home

Donkogbe:
My mother is the type that talk to you anyhow at any given opportunity.

Shes so toxic and talks ills of everything you do and get angry by just walking around her. she traumatized my childhood till i finally left and stay on my own but still she has not changed.

i was thinking by the time she gets really old all the gragra will calm down and now shes closing to 80 and she has not change one bit. if you have any suggestions on how i can go about it and help her because the situation has caused our relationship and i plan not to even see her for years

She’s already old, there’s really nothing you can do about. Just keep managing her like that till de^th because you can’t change her, neither can she change too.

If she's almost 80, there's nothing you can do to change her. Just show her love and care as best as you can.

TheWinterBird:
If she's almost 80, there's nothing you can do to change her. Just show her love and care as best as you can.

There is nothing she can do to change her, even if she were younger.

My concern is the poster; sometimes when adults criticize parents like this, it may be because they have started seeing the traits of the parent in themselves.

My current landlady is a toxic woman; she terrorizes everyone in the compound with shouts and swears. When I was new here, she was always beating her househelp, later learned that the girl was her brother's kid. The girl was fourteen, and her body was covered with marks from the beatings. I called the woman one day and asked, 'How long has this girl been with you?' She said that January would make it two years. I replied, 'And you beat her at least once every two days. That means that by January which is like two weeks away, you alone would have beaten her 365 times. Why?'

She was really shocked; I think no tenants have confronted her before.

I told her that if she beats her again, I will record her and send it to people who will jail her. The beating stopped, but the shouts and the swears didn't stop.

Her daughter hates her because of that. When I asked why she hates her mom, she said it's because of the way she shouts at everyone and disturbs people. I said, 'Okay,' but I was convinced that her hatred stems from the fact that she sees a lot of her mother in herself.

I was at home working one day when the daughter started her own shouting. When she was done, I said to her, 'Do you know that everyone here knows when you are around and when you're not?' She got the message and started crying. We had a long talk later.

Everyone in that house shouts and curses like the landlady. 'Thunder fire you' is like saying 'good morning.' 'Idiot,' 'ezi,' 'pig,' 'useless human being' is like asking, 'How are you doing? How was your day?'

My point?

The OP should work more on himself abi herself, because s/he have a lot of the mother within. It will manifest with time.

Makes me to remember my own mother

Doesn't go out to work like other women.

My father sponsored her WAEC, and two of her siblings (my uncle and aunty)

Trained her and two of her siblings (my uncle and aunty) in the university

I won't be wrong if I say that her sibling, my aunt is useless. She didn't attend the school father paid for. She came with her late husband to informe us that they will get married. But they didn't invite us to the wedding. We got to know that the did a wedding after many months.

Her husband had died, and mother brought her two children to live with us. Now father is training the children of someone he had also trained.

It is not as if we have money. We have nothing

Mother is almost thesame age with father. Father was born on August, and the next year she was born on January

After university father trained her in a Journalism school. Nothing came out of it.

When her mother died, my grandmother, only father buried her. The first son of her family, my uncle, doesn't even care.

When my father's mother died, my grandmother, only him buried her. His only sibling had died. So it was only him and his father, my grandfather.


When my mother's father, my grandfather, died only my father buried him. Note: mother has three siblings, the last born was more than 35 years then


When my father's father, my grandfather, only my father buried him.


My father has done 4 burials single handedly, through loans from Banks.

While paying back the loan we suffered so much in my family


Mother doesn't work. She stay at home. She has had problem with each and every of our neighbors.

"A bleeped up childhood is why the way I am" - Mc Eiht

Imagine me and my siblings growing up in a house where every of our neighbors hate us.

Mother could wake up in the middle of the night and start flogging us and we will be crying seriously in the middle of the night, and be disturbing our neighbors who don't even like us.

Then she was not comfortable with us socializing with children of our age. My brother had it worse; everyday he went out to play ball mother must sure go out in search of him. She was the only mother that came looking for her child each and every day.

I envy people who's father defend them when they had a fight or quarrel with their mate. Father never supported me anything I had a quarrel with any one; he will never ask how it happened, rather he would tell me that if I hadn't gone out it wouldn't have happened.

"My life was hectic - Playafly"
I adaptation I employed to avoid criticism and bullying from my parents was to be MOUSY. It means being shy and timid and having no personality.

Now, I have a speech problem (that I can't remember now). It is not stuttering, it is a kind of speech impairment that leaves you talking gibberish whenever you planned in your head to deliver a reasonable speech

It was caused by not socializing with people in my formative years.

Someone told me that another person told him that he is in love with my beautiful female neighbor and he will go for her, and there is nothing I can do, because after all I can't even talk to a fellow man; how can I woo the girl


I am almost 25, and I haven't healed from the trauma. It is getting worse.


My elder brother who is almost 29 has not healed, but he doesn't know he has a problem.


We don't go to village like other people. In the beginning, mother said that it was she doesn't want us to disgrace him. Now she is saying that it is because we have no car.

Do you know what it means the consequences of not going to visiting your village and socializing with your kinsmen

I have had suicidal thoughts so many times, I wonder why I haven't executed it. Maybe God just want me here.

What I am living is not life; this is torture.

Tallesty1:
There is nothing she can do to change her, even if she were younger.

My concern is the poster; sometimes when adults criticize parents like this, it may be because they have started seeing the traits of the parent in themselves.

My current landlady is a toxic woman; she terrorizes everyone in the compound with shouts and swears. When I was new here, she was always beating her househelp, later learned that the girl was her brother's kid. The girl was fourteen, and her body was covered with marks from the beatings. I called the woman one day and asked, 'How long has this girl been with you?' She said that January would make it two years. I replied, 'And you beat her at least once every two days. That means that by January which is like two weeks away, you alone would have beaten her 365 times. Why?'

She was really shocked; I think no tenants have confronted her before.

I told her that if she beats her again, I will record her and send it to people who will jail her. The beating stopped, but the shouts and the swears didn't stop.

Her daughter hates her because of that. When I asked why she hates her mom, she said it's because of the way she shouts at everyone and disturbs people. I said, 'Okay,' but I was convinced that her hatred stems from the fact that she sees a lot of her mother in herself.

I was at home working one day when the daughter started her own shouting. When she was done, I said to her, 'Do you know that everyone here knows when you are around and when you're not?' She got the message and started crying. We had a long talk later.

Everyone in that house shouts and curses like the landlady. 'Thunder fire you' is like saying 'good morning.' 'Idiot,' 'ezi,' 'pig,' 'useless human being' is like asking, 'How are you doing? How was your day?'

My point?

The OP should work more on himself abi herself, because s/he have a lot of the mother within. It will manifest with time.

Awesome post.

I don't agree that he may be like his mother, though. Kids definitely take after their parents, like I've the most loving and kindest parents and I definitely have these traits myself [thanks to them], but I'm also different from them in other ways. I think him being bothered by her ways is an indication that he's not like her. His mom obviously has some unresolved trauma, hence he should practice empathy with her. I wonder if he or anyone has ever sat her down to hear her story. I'm also concerned that he says he might not see her for years.

Your landlord is not only toxic but physically and verbally abusive. One must be a beast to be beating and swearing at a child. Can you report the woman to someone now? Why did the girl's useless father abandon her there? What about her mother? Please report your landlord to someone. There's no reason why a 14-year old should be in this abusive situation.

The landlord's daughter is definitely like her mother. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as the saying goes. But I hope your talk with her can change her a bit.

Give me her number let me talk to her on your behalf

matify83:
How TOXIC can a frail old woman be at 80 years of age ?


Adding AGGRESSION to the mix makes this case suspicious.

You neva see frail old people with 100% toxicity vibrating through them

When I was a kid, there used to be a frail old woman who owned a shop that was along the way hundreds of children who walk to school pass in the mornings. Her shop was your last opportunity to buy pencils, pen, chalk, notebook, ruler, crayons, eraser, even canes......Do you know the name, we children back then knew her by?

Iya elepe! Mama whey sabi curse!

The frail old woman was a vibrating cursing machine,will be abusing and shouting at us kids while buying from her, it was older kids who were in Secondary school who would sometimes gather liver to return her energy.

I recently did a Google street view of my childhood neighbourhood, when I saw that side of the building where her shop used to be, negative memories flashed through my mind despite the fact that the woman has died over 20 years ago.

Op is your dad still alive?

1. Get to know the story of your pregnancy.
In what conditions did she get pregnant of you? What did she endure during the pregnancy? How did she give birth to you and how was it the first few months?
This may be the reason why you felt traumatized in your childhood.
One day sit down with her in a cozy setting, and have a long conversation about your birth. How did she get pregnant of you? Ask for the whole story, starting from before she even met your father. What issues did she face at the time? Then talk about the pregnancy itself? How did the family deal with it? How was she treated by her family, her friends, the neighbors? What about the father? How did she give birth to you? In what hospital? Who was present? Who supported her, and who didn't? What was the best thing about her pregnancy and delivery? What was the worst? What did she learn from that experience?

Even if you already know some of the answers, ask again. And most importantly, let her talk, talk, and talk. Even if it takes many hours. Let her ramble as much as she wants. It may even get her emotional.

I believe that you will get a lot of insights as to why she behaves that way from such a conversation.


2. Try to understand your mother. She may be unhappy with something and has trouble expressing it clearly. Try to see what she has a problem with. It may not even be about you. You may just be the thing she lashes her frustration on.

3. Never ever judge your mother.

@seun please we need this on front page

Abeg help me greet her

Ha! You want to change an 80yr old woman? Mr man rest biko. Love her with all her baggage.

Cheers

Donkogbe:
My mother is the type that talk to you anyhow at any given opportunity.

Shes so toxic and talks ills of everything you do and get angry by just walking around her. she traumatized my childhood till i finally left and stay on my own but still she has not changed.

i was thinking by the time she gets really old all the gragra will calm down and now shes closing to 80 and she has not change one bit. if you have any suggestions on how i can go about it and help her because the situation has caused our relationship and i plan not to even see her for years

She has choosen a style that suits her and can never change, even in old age

You cannot do anything again because it's extremely late for you curb her

Just leave her the way she is and avoid anything that will trigger her attitude on you

Thank God u have a mother.


There are many people who wanted their mother to be a witch and still be alive.


After all,there are good witches outhere.

Enjoy and endure ur mother while she is alive.

Let me use this medium to share mine OP

My own mother is a pastor and TOXIC as toxicity is concerned. Well I cant state everything but I will point out a few. I'm 28 years but this my mum even hits me at times. I dont quarrel with her, mind you, I only try to explain my self, last week she hit me close to my eyes and if you see the amount of blood that came out, it was much that dsy
I'm not badmouthing my mum but the things she does is just out of it. I'm mostly the one that do most of the chores at home, still yet she says everytime that I'm doing it with my whole heart, says I'm the one that suppose to train my younger ones how to do chores from the beginning. She can just wake up early in the morning after morning devotion and start using I'll words on me, I repeat EARLY IN THE MORNING, I just end up hating myself for the whole day like I'm trying to come out of my low- self esteem like this. In presence of my younger brothers' friends she can abuse me anyhow she likes, in the church thesame thing. My elder sister(but from different father) cut ties with her to this day. My younger sister purposely became pregnant out of wedlock just to leave the house not only is she toxic , she also makes trouble. While my father was alive I had witnessed in many cases also with my step siblings and neighbors

I know I'm not perfect , I have my flaws as a human but when my mum verbally abuse you, it can make you commit suicide which i was considering a a certain time in my life cos i was feeling worthless without self love. And the funniest part is that after she does this, she still expects you to kneel down and beg her like she is god. She even refers herself to God most times, she believes she does nothing wrong, shes mrs perfect aka God.

For those you who might point me wrong, what kind of person cut off ties from her family and her husband's family and forbid any form of relationship between we the children and her family or my dads family. Even neighbours, she is the explanation of what a troublemaker is. Sorry to say, its makes me hate religious people cause she calls herself a pastor even a prophet. Sometimes she acts okay before you know she switches it up and this has been going on since my childhood

I'm planning of moving out but I'm afraid cause even though I try I'm not sure I'm there yet to be able to pay part rent outside but at thesame time it's worth the risk