2024 Revised INTERNAL HOME MEMO

FROM: FATHER

TO: ALL DEPENDANTS & RELATIVES

CC: MOTHER

DATE: Feb 17, 2024

SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST CUTTING MEASURES FOR YOUR URGENT ATTENTION

Due to the fuel subsidy removal and dollar to naira devaluation which leads to current economic situation, the hike in prices of goods and commodities and non increment in salary, non palliative, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation going to be accepted.

1. The KITCHEN and all PANTRIES are declared RESTRICTED Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from myself upon submission of written request with genuine reasons

2. BREAKFAST is BANNED. This matter cannot be discussed!

3. Such food items as chicken, BUTTER, EGGS, BREAD and MILK are RESTRICTED. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications backed by a qualified dietician report working with Teaching hospital as supportive documentation.

4. BOILING of WATER is HIGHLY PROHIBITED and bathing in the morning is limited to 5 liters of water per day per person while bathing in the evening is BANNED unless there are medical reasons.

5. All SECURITY LIGHTS should be REMOVED before Nepa subsidy removal with immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an ALL NIGHT GUARD DUTY roster I shall make available shortly.

6. NO dependant shall ENTERTAIN FRIENDS INDOORS, and any attempt to offer them FOOD, DRINKS or even MUSIC will attract severe PUNISHMENT. All guests shall be entertained with WATER ONLY (sachet NOT bottled water) and those who want their guests to listen to music shall SING for them.

7. Anybody who BREAKS a GLASS, FURNITURE or any other PROPERTY in the house, shall immediately have to seek TEMPORARY EMPLOYMENT somewhere to earn MONEY to REPLACE such broken item(s) or ELSE.

8. All VISITORS intending to spend a NIGHT/WEEK or more shall APPLY in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their town VILLAGE HEAD. SENIOR PASTOR or CHIEF IMAM giving convincing reasons why they are leaving THEIR HOMES. Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away at the gate upon arrival

THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!

Signed:

DAD
Chairman of Home Affairs and Head of the House.
Regards.

Copied