I really want to put this down to serve as a reminder and a sort of a diary, if you got any input, it's all good.

Last year, my bigger cousin called me to inform me his little brother hasn't been doing anything tangible and he doesn't know what to do because the young man has wastes mot of his years. He said the situation is making him overthink, I comforted him and asked him to let come learn his business since the guy (his little brother) stopped learning the handwork they registered for him. His excuse was that his boss always insults him like a kid.

Mind you, before now, I've met this guy months ago before that call, that was wh I was living with my bigger cousin. One of the first things he told me when we met was that he heard that I was "stubborn" and how I left the Nwaboi apprenticeship, he even talked about how he was gonna deal with me. He sounded playful but I knew he had these crazy sentiments about me.

I remember how he became authoritative within a short time of meeting me — this was my first time in my adult life I met my cousins. He started insisting I come to my bigger cousin's shop after working overnight in the bakery I worked. He started ignoring my greetings, I later got to find out (according to him) it was because I didn't answer him when he told me to get him something — hat was when I had just returned from work and trekked a long distance. Funny enough, I didn't even know he ever talked to me...

He yelled and yelled that day, threatening hell... I was surprised because I had just met this guy and he was already saying I know nothing about being a true brother, I was senseless, and etc. Even when I told him I understand him and I wanted to be on my own, he started talking about how I was rejecting my brothers... He said a lot of things so loud so the neighbors would hear and wouldn't let me speak... He wouldn't stop talking about how I didn't grow up in Igboland and blablabla.



...

Let me make it clear that I'm gonna be 22 tomorrow and this cousin of mine claims to be 28/29. So, he's technically my older brother. I call him "brother" like a typical Nigerian does.

So when my bigger cousin told me he had decided to let him come learn the business but he didn't want him to stay with him and his wife to avoid problem. I already knew where he was heading too, I told him that he can come stay with me even though I knew this dude had crazy sentiments about me.

I was just trying to help my fam. Ever since he started staying with me, I've been the one doing everything so he can feel comfortable. Even when I was so broke, I still paid half of the rent rather than ask anyone for rent. I'd even cook for the two of us and yes, he started replicating too... I even told him he didn't have to...

I was trying to be the loyal brother, I even left the bed for him so he can sleep on a comfy bed. I do the dishes, fetched the water even as I'm currently fasting, sweep... you know what I mean?

...

Recently, he started ignoring me and since I understood his personality, I ignored him too and stopped greeting him since he didn't answer my greetings. He then started to talk to me and it was all good until he didn't answer my greetings for 5 times! Something told me it was because I haven't been fetching the water which he uses "lavishly" despite the fact we live in a ghetto.

He kept ignoring and reported me to my bigger cousin. My bigger cousin called me yesterday on my father's death anniversary and I explained that he ignores me so I decided to keep to myself because I don't want any problems.

Dude just came back today and as usual I had to stay in my lane, he started asking me to come inside the room with a very harsh voice. I was sitting at the entrance of my room where I stayed for some seconds before I reluctantly turned around to face him. He kept yelling that I should come closer and how he was gonna "deal" with him. My neighbors were literally hearing all these...


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IF ONLY THIS EPISTLE COULD BE MORE LUCID...

Following

I was literally fuming inside because I know he was gonna push the blame on me as usual and talk about how I've been looking down on him — something I've been avoiding!

Bro kept ranting and didn't hesitate to trashtalk my experience at the Nwaboi apprenticeship and how my boss was probably right. Mind you, my neighbors who knows nothing about my personal life were all listening.

He called me brainless, talked about my late father even after telling him I'm mourning him so why opening old wounds. It's like literally mocking me for not growing up with father, why talking about my father??

He said all manner of things that I don't even want to put down here but I already made it clean to him that since he's refused to let go of his sentiments, I will no longer try to make him change. He was indirectly saying my little brothers would treat me just like I did to him and I said AMEN.

I'm not perfect and it's all being love for him but instead of talking to me like a man, he's literally telling the whole world sh*ts they never knew about me. Talking about how he was gonna beat me up till I bled.... like I was a weakling? Or maybe because I don't like exchanging blows with my own brother?

So, the blood flowing in my veins is fake because I didn't grow up in Igboland but one of the greatest Igbo person was born in Northern Nigeria — Ikemba Ojukwu.

Honestly, I'm trying to figure out what exactly I did wrong to this man even after telling him that no human is perfect? You ignored me and since I knew confronting you was gonna escalate the issue plus I'm an introvert, I decided to play along. I'm tired of being judged by these people who don't know me enough until 2021... This dude literally just met me in 2022 🤦🏿‍♂️.

What exactly do humans want? I swear I can tell there are a lot of things him and my bigger cousin talks about me which can be assumptions since I barely talk. But at least, my bigger cousin probably never takes that so serious because he has never been so aggressive to me.

Is it my fault that I'm an introvert just like them? They want me to start telling the world that I suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, and etc? Is it because I don't talk about my struggles? What exactly is going on?

He just wants to asserts dominance over me but I wish he would also take care of my responsibilities.

If I take everything he said about me seriously then I would leave my own house for him this night. Imagine telling me the suffering I faced in that Nwaboi apprenticeship was the best for me, losing all of my teenage years... Not getting a penny and accused of theft.

To think that my little brother called me today and told me how his Madam (they're connected to the man I served) was mocking me. What exactly did I do to this people? I have never seen this woman for years or even talked to her. Why the hatred?

Here's my own cousin saying that was the best for me when he couldn't even learn handwork because he felt insulted? C'mon...

...

It's all good... It's being documented here and like I told him (sounds stupid but I was tired), I haven't intentions of living a long life so when I die, he can go ahead and tell people at my funeral everything he just said about me.

I guess it's my fault because I'm involved. It's just a misunderstanding but the fact that he refuses to let go of his sentiments means we might never get to be good friends or brothers. I'm fine with that as long as he's happy.

For now, I'm focused on fulfilling my promise to my father — I told him as he laid lifeless that I will wipe Mom's tears away and stay alive for her sake. I will use the anger to make progress instead of holding grudges against him. I'm on my lane unfazed.

ForValour:
IF ONLY THIS EPISTLE COULD BE MORE LUCID...

No, it can't... It's more of a diary or journaling than an article.

SuperOnyi:






No, it can't... It's more of a diary or journaling than an article.

Hmmm

You talk too much for a man.

I don't pray to have a friend or son like you.

Feel your pains . Just be you and you gonna be ok

Nigha, introverts like myself don't like plenty talks like you do........... sometimes, keeping your mouth totally shut will definitely save you from lots of stress, explanation and wahala...

If you know me in real life,you will understand what it means to say--"live and let's live". Cuz I surely no get anybody time........

This your family problem too plenty, table it to your family head

As it stands, pay me for consultation.

OP, you go explain tire.

SuperOnyi:

I already knew where he was heading too, I told him that he can come stay with me even though I knew this dude had crazy sentiments about me.
...

The genesis of all your revelation and lamentation. Why

You will learn how to be nice with this encounter. Respect is a good thing in Africa but if the elder does not respect himself, do not let them disrespect you. You are now becoming a MAN but let me correct something boy. Yes I call you boy for this cowardly piece:

I haven't intentions of living a long life so when I die, he can go ahead and tell people at my funeral everything he just said about me.

This is a cowardly thing to say and think of. So you want to give up like this? Welcome to the world son. Go and watch animal kingdom and see how cowardly that thought is. My son, this life is a life of struggle. We are like hyenas and lions but you must fight for your spot. The weak ones die easy because they cowardly quit fighting.

This experience is an initiation to your manhood. How you handle it will establish your place in society. Your father has lived his life, now it is time to live yours. Go and look into the mirror and ask yourself what your father would have thought if he heard you think that way. He did not give birth to a weak boy, he gave birth to Super onyi. Do not disappoint him.

They cannot retrain you at 22 years old. The past is gone already. what you have herr are bullies trying to take advantage of you because they have information about you. Let me tell you, if you don't stop it now, they will continue to ride you like free Uber. Stand up to them, don't disrespect them. You pay the bills, tell the man to leave. Pass the lighter the way they passed it to you. Why do you think your big cousin sent him to you?I am sure his wife could no longer tolerate him, he had to save his marriage. You are a nice guy but people take advantage of seniority to bully young people. There is nothing wrong in saying you want him out because you pay the bills man. Don't cut off family but let them know who you are. That they cannot try any stunt with you because you be Onyi. Onyi that is generous with kindness and no-nonsense.

For what people say, people will always talk. You are a dangerous person because you don't talk too much. Just put your ears to the ground and talk less. Act more with wise decisions. Keep working on yourself while they keep talking. That one is not your truth. Your truth is who you choose to become in life, not what others are choo choo chooing about you. The choice is yours..

SuperOnyi:

For now, I'm focused on fulfilling my promise to my father — I told him as he laid lifeless that I will wipe Mom's tears away and stay alive for her sake. I will use the anger to make progress instead of holding grudges against him. I'm on my lane unfazed.

Stay on your lane. Any bus stop wey na agbero full there, no stop dere, keep moving. Find your peace. Some people are family because blood let them, some people are family because they brought peace to you. Find your peace, keep the pieces apart.

papyjaypaul:


Stay on your lane. Any bus stop wey na agbero full there, no stop dere, keep moving. Find your peace. Some people are family because blood let them, some people are family because they brought peace to you. Find your peace, keep the pieces apart.

Thanks a lot sir.

papyjaypaul:


The genesis of all your revelation and lamentation. Why

You will learn how to be nice with this encounter. Respect is a good thing in Africa but if the elder does not respect himself, do not let them disrespect you. You are now becoming a MAN but let me correct something boy. Yes I call you boy for this cowardly piece:



This is a cowardly thing to say and think of. So you want to give up like this? Welcome to the world son. Go and watch animal kingdom and see how cowardly that thought is. My son, this life is a life of struggle. We are like hyenas and lions but you must fight for your spot. The weak ones die easy because they cowardly quit fighting.

This experience is an initiation to your manhood. How you handle it will establish your place in society. Your father has lived his life, now it is time to live yours. Go and look into the mirror and ask yourself what your father would have thought if he heard you think that way. He did not give birth to a weak boy, he gave birth to Super onyi. Do not disappoint him.

They cannot retrain you at 22 years old. The past is gone already. what you have herr are bullies trying to take advantage of you because they have information about you. Let me tell you, if you don't stop it now, they will continue to ride you like free Uber. Stand up to them, don't disrespect them. You pay the bills, tell the man to leave. Pass the lighter the way they passed it to you. Why do you think your big cousin sent him to you?I am sure his wife could no longer tolerate him, he had to save his marriage. You are a nice guy but people take advantage of seniority to bully young people. There is nothing wrong in saying you want him out because you pay the bills man. Don't cut off family but let them know who you are. That they cannot try any stunt with you because you be Onyi. Onyi that is generous with kindness and no-nonsense.

For what people say, people will always talk. You are a dangerous person because you don't talk too much. Just put your ears to the ground and talk less. Act more with wise decisions. Keep working on yourself while they keep talking. That one is not your truth. Your truth is who you choose to become in life, not what others are choo choo chooing about you. The choice is yours..

I appreciate the brutal truth, sir. I was just trying to be that loyal brother but I don't know why he keeps judging me when he only met me recently. He was even yelling and insulting me so loud that my neighbors could heard everything. These are people that respect me so much because I've never had any issue with anybody in the neighborhood.

It's not like I'm a weakling or look like a single broom, I'm physically fit yet he kept saying he was gonna beat me up. He also talked about how my big brother who's physically challenged was more sensible than me. What will I gain being more "sensible" than my big brother?

I'm sorry for talking about death but that's being a part of me since I was a kid.

Zonefree:
You talk too much for a man.

I don't pray to have a friend or son like you.

Okay.

SuperOnyi:








I appreciate the brutal truth, sir. I was just trying to be that loyal brother but I don't know why he keeps judging me when he only met me recently. He was even yelling and insulting me so loud that my neighbors could heard everything. These are people that respect me so much because I've never had any issue with anybody in the neighborhood.

It's not like I'm a weakling or look like a single broom, I'm physically fit yet he kept saying he was gonna beat me up. He also talked about how my big brother who's physically challenged was more sensible than me. What will I gain being more "sensible" than my big brother?

I'm sorry for talking about death but that's being a part of me since I was a kid.

No-one is leaving this world alive so We know that. You cannot allow someone do this to you in your own house. You must draw the line on what is acceptable or not. Draw the red line like Buhari will call it. Family red line no one must cross. If he came to your house to do this, ask yourself if this is what you will do if your mother in law or your wife's brother come to your house and start insulting you. This is why I told you this is initiation. You have to handle this now because when you get married, you will see another style from your in-laws. You are the man of the house. You are responsible for that household. Act like HOH, Head of House.

Ignore the insult, tell him to leave. People like this only need one humble reminder of who's in charge and they will stop. but if you keep letting them have their way they will control you. Let it stop now.

Sonnobax15:

Nigha, introverts like myself don't like plenty talks like you do........... sometimes, keeping your mouth totally shut will definitely save you from lots of stress, explanation and wahala...

If you know me in real life,you will understand what it means to say--"live and let's live". Cuz I surely no get anybody time........

How exactly is typing with my hands "plenty talk" when I said this is more like journaling?


@Zonefree if you're man enough, drop your number so you can call me and say that to my face. If you think I'm one of these female Nairalanders, then you must be high on dog shit. Bastard!

I'm tired of tolerating idiots like you, have I ever asked you to be my friend or brother? Respect yourself!

papyjaypaul:


No-one is leaving this world alive so We know that. You cannot allow someone do this to you in your own house. You must draw the line on what is acceptable or not. Draw the red line like Buhari will call it. Family red line no one must cross. If he came to your house to do this, ask yourself if this is what you will do if your mother in law or your wife's brother come to your house and start insulting you. This is why I told you this is initiation. You have to handle this now because when you get married, you will see another style from your in-laws. You are the man of the house. You are responsible for that household. Act like HOH, Head of House.

Ignore the insult, tell him to leave. People like this only need one humble reminder of who's in charge and they will stop. but if you keep letting them have their way they will control you. Let it stop now.

I appreciate, thank you for taking out your time to educate me. Thank you.

SuperOnyi:








No, it can't... It's more of a diary or journaling than an article.

I read the epistle and what I picked is your desire to focus your anger on improving yourself,which is the genesis of your problem but to achieve that you must withdraw yourself from toxic people, cousins or uncle I don't care,just aviod those people,with their negativity you are not moving an inch in life

Ive been following your stories for a while and i can relate... Dont be a victim of narcissim, let me tell you something, the more toxic people you have around you the harder for you to succeed. Kick that dog out of your house unexpectedly. Make up and lock your mind totally. He will never stop insulting you and one day he will graduate and start beating the hell out of you if it continues... Carry 5k go meet boy for you area explain to them and go throw the dog out of your house... Maybe deep down, you are expecting something from your cousins. i promise you they aint gat anything good for you. A true brother will not say half of the things said here. If you die today that you socalled bro no go follow you go grave... So dont be silly. The blood of convenant is thicker than the waters of the womb... That is the full proverb, and it has an opposite meaning from the one you know...

okoroemeka:
I read the epistle and what I picked is your desire to focus your anger on improving yourself,which is the genesis of your problem but to achieve that you must withdraw yourself from toxic people, cousins or uncle I don't care,just aviod those people,with their negativity you are not moving an inch in life

Thank you sir but as much as I'd like to stay away from negativity, telling him to leave would make them paint me as the evil demon plus I'm just trying to be a good brother and human.

Following

nigeriansamurai:
Ive been following your stories for a while and i can relate... Dont be a victim of narcissim, let me tell you something, the more toxic people you have around you the harder for you to succeed. Kick that dog out of your house unexpectedly. Make up and lock your mind totally. He will never stop insulting you and one day he will graduate and start beating the hell out of you if it continues... Carry 5k go meet boy for you area explain to them and go throw the dog out of your house... Maybe deep down, you are expecting something from your cousins. i promise you they aint gat anything good for you. A true brother will not say half of the things said here. If you die today that you socalled bro no go follow you go grave... So dont be silly. The blood of convenant is thicker than the waters of the womb... That is the full proverb, and it has an opposite meaning from the one you know...

He keeps threatening to beat me up because he knows I won't retaliate but I'm not a weakling, while he always brags of growing up in Onitsha; he forgets I grew up in a ghetto too. Maybe he thinks my "Not so Nigerian" accent makes me ajebo.

Thanks a lot for the advice. I'm not expecting anything from them as I do everything for myself, I'm just trying to keep the family bond stronger by being a good human. It's unfortunate I'm too soft to my friends or family, sending him away would ruin my relationship with my bigger cousin and others in the extended family.

I don't know any of them in the extended family but he knows them plus I'm very introverted and also suffer from other mental issues so they will need to stay around me to understand I'm not what he thinks I am. I will just stay on my lane by saying nothing to him except he talks to him or sends me in errands as usual.

He has automatically ruined our relationship, I'm glad I made that clear.

@superonyi kick him out. Thats all i have to say to you. Nothing and i mean nothing is worth tolerating a toxic person, (as bitter and sad as it is even family). I am an introvert to, i have gone through this shit... Let me tell you something about toxic people, they are fluid they will how you and ruin your name (It happened to me). But when you make it they will still be the first to call. Toxic people are sucker they need you more than you need them... Your success in life is not tied to any individual, yes they are "destiny helpers" but dont be naive. Dont endure bad energy, because in the future you will regret it. YOU CANT MAKE IT IF YOU GIVE A F.CK ABOUT TOXIC PEOPLE i had to leave a house where i was eating everyday because of toxic attititude and daily insults, when i left it was negative text messages daily, today same people always look for the slightest chance to come to my house. one is even here as i am talking to you... i have put them all in their place, they all respect me now.

nigeriansamurai:
@superonyi kick him out. Thats all i have to say to you. Nothing and i mean nothing is worth tolerating a toxic person, (as bitter and sad as it is even family). I am an introvert to, i have gone through this shit... Let me tell you something about toxic people, they are fluid they will how you and ruin your name (It happened to me). But when you make it they will still be the first to call. Toxic people are sucker they need you more than you need them... Your success in life is not tied to any individual, yes they are "destiny helpers" but dont be naive. Dont endure bad energy, because in the future you will regret it. YOU CANT MAKE IT IF YOU GIVE A F.CK ABOUT TOXIC PEOPLE i had to leave a house where i was eating everyday because of toxic attititude and daily insults, when i left it was negative text messages daily, today same people always look for the slightest chance to come to my house. one is even here as i am talking to you... i have put them all in their place, they all respect me now.

Thanks a lot for the advice, sir.