Fellow NLers, I need your wise contribution and solution to this matter. 
I am a daily contributor to nairaland but have opened this new username for this matter exclusively. 

My Uncle has been living abroad (london) for the past 25 years and has never set a foot in Nigeria ever since. He initially had issues with immigration but this was sorted out a few years ago so he is now a citizen and can now travel but he doesn't seem to want to come back to even see his aged mother (my grand-mother). He clocked 51 this January. For those 25 years he did not get married, no kids, he does not have a house he can call his own. He just plays the victim each time his siblings try to talk to him. He claims that they had it easier because they were citizens before him. He would raise a storm have a huge argument, barge out and not talk to anybody for months. But the truth is that it was not easy (still not) for any of them. They have also been helping him over the years financially even till this date. 

The real problem is that even though he works 7 days a week, nobody sees where his income goes to. For 25 years, nothing to show for it. Until recently his brother confirmed that he is a gambler (though he never admits it) He is not into drugs, or women. By the time he gambles his salary away he would come back to them asking for money. And he never pays back.

So I need sensible advice on how we as a family can help him get out of this mess. Get him to get married, have kids and do something useful in his life. Even though he is 51 I still believe there is hope. 

Any body that has had this kind of experience before or have a relative with such, please I need your candid advice to remedy this issue. Thanks.

Its really a serious issue. Does he have relatives or friends around him in london that knows wat he actually does.

I don't know how you can make a grown assss man change without his express consent or personal decision to change.

IMO,the family can help him by not bailing him out financially no more.Let him clean and deal with the shit he's thrown himself into.They can talk to him,encourage him in love,pray for him(if they are religious) but stop handing him hand outs.

If he's got a girlfriend or someone he admires/respects alot,the person can talk to him too.

@OP
let's be clear on ONE thing: forcing this man to marry and have a family, will NOT solve the issue at hand. the gambling problem has NOTHING to do with having a family/children/going back to 9ja.

i also have family that havent set foot in 9ja for 25+yrs. when/if your siblings or family make an attempt on your life because of money/property etc, you will probably feel the same way.

there is very little you as a family can do, other than ask him to get PROFESSIONAL HELP. gambling is an addiction as powerful as drug/alcohol, and it will take more than sweet talks to get him out of it. the important fact is that IF HE DOESNT WANT TO STOP, THEN THERE IS VERY LITTLE ANYONE CAN DO.

@ Poster until your uncle realises he has a problem, then solutions can be proferred, right now, he will continue gambling till forever, just pray that his eyes would be opened.

MRbrownJAY:

@OP
let's be clear on ONE thing: forcing this man to marry and have a family, will NOT solve the issue at hand. the gambling problem has NOTHING to do with having a family/children/going back to 9ja.

i also have family that havent set foot in 9ja for 25+yrs. when/if your siblings or family make an attempt on your life because of money/property etc, you will probably feel the same way.

there is very little you as a family can do, other than ask him to get PROFESSIONAL HELP. gambling is an addiction as powerful as drug/alcohol, and it will take more than sweet talks to get him out of it. the important fact is that IF HE DOESNT WANT TO STOP, THEN THERE IS VERY LITTLE ANYONE CAN DO.

@BrownJAY, thanks for your contribution but you might been looking at it at in a different way. To make things clear, we are not the kind of family that kill each other.

Can you please explain more how the gambling doesn't have anything to do with family/kids/going back to Nija? Don't quite understand. Thanks for suggesting professional help but I realise that we have to work on him somehow to get him to agree to that.

ifyalways:

I don't know how you can make a grown assss man change without his express consent or personal decision to change.

IMO,the family can help him by not bailing him out financially no more.Let him clean and deal with the poo he's thrown himself into.They can talk to him,encourage him in love,pray for him(if they are religious) but stop handing him hand outs.

If he's got a girlfriend or someone he admires/respects alot,the person can talk to him too.

Thanks girl. You have a point there, no more hand-outs!
There is no girlfriend in the picture. No steady one.
The last time his eldest brother tried to talk some sense into him, as usual he stormed out and didnt pick any calls for about 6 months. I tire.

Your family have already contributed to the problem. Why would you give a gambler money. They have now uselessed him and now trying to trick some poor ignorant woman into marrying him and possibly ruining her life. Keep giving him money. That should solve all his problems

Pray

Outstrip:

Your family have already contributed to the problem. Why would you give a gambler money. They have now uselessed him and now trying to trick some poor ignorant woman into marrying him and possibly ruining her life. Keep giving him money. That should solve all his problems

Ditto. From what you have described, he will not be open to any type of family intervention. Your family needs to cut him off, completely. He is 51 years old for heaven's sake!

G4-2012:

@BrownJAY, thanks for your contribution but you might been looking at it at in a different way. To make things clear, we are not the kind of family that kill each other.

Can you please explain more how the gambling doesn't have anything to do with family/kids/going back to Nija? Don't quite understand. Thanks for suggesting professional help but I realise that we have to work on him somehow to get him to agree to that.

what i am trying to tell you is that
- an addict will remain an addict whether he has a wife/10kids or not.
- just because YOU believe that having a wife and kid is the way to have fulfillment in YOUR life, doesnt mean that this man think so too. stop trying to run this man's life, and instead try to UNDERSTAND him.
- life isnt as easy as you try to make it look. just because some of you "seem" to have a better life than this guy, doesnt in no way mean that you are happier than him. having a wife and kid is EASY, being happy with the life you live is NOT. many people have "everything" (house/job/ 2 and half kids) and yet are MISERABLE.
- ONE thing is certain, most (if not all) of your family dont KNOW anything about this guy, therefore how can you solve any problem if you dont know its cause? i think you all want him to get married so that YOU will feel better about yourselves.

Ma Outstrip, you cannot crucify a family member for helping out a loved one when you believe the person needs your support. The way things work aboard, if you don't have family to help, you are on your own. And as I pointed out we only confirmed recently that indeed he gambles, (meaning no-one knows when it actually started) which is a disturbing news to everyone.

Well, I opened this thread because like I said, I think there is still hope to get him out of his mess. Even if he will not eventually get married and have kids, he can still get his act together. So far I have gotten a majority of negative responses. I need more positive inputs please.

Prayer is a way to go now plus no more hand outs.

I am glad you understand that it is addiction. You cannot pray it out of him. He has to make the decision to help himself. I feel he is too old for this sort of thing but then again I don't know much about gambling addictions

Why are you even calling me Ma. Nonsense. I am a young girl of 33

Dis gambling addiction is destroying loads of black people in england especially the caribbean men every williams hill bookies shop in london,birmingham,manchester etc is full them wasting they on horse race gambling its so sad to see our own black people goin that wrong way. Get your uncle help with gambling addiction counselor. Jeremy kyle can give ur uncle help.

Well, I also have someone in my family whose life was ruined by gambling. Thankfully, he is no longer gambling (after 3 years of support from the family), the challenge now is to piece his life together having lost his job, fiance, house, confidence etc. Thankfully, he now has a part time job and can support himself small small as he works his way back to normal life. When the problem first started, I warned him severely that he would lose everything but he refused to listen, always going to the casino at night. Honestly, I dont think the OP has the patience or perseverance to see his uncle right because getting someone over this addiction requires you to sit the person at home for years, take away his car and other freedoms and slowly involve him in activities until he quenches his need for gambling over the passage of time. There is no instant remedy except tears, frustration (he will even steal from you), and a whole load of patience.

I also had a friend with two kids who is a severe frustration to his wife because of his penchant for gambling. It started as a joke back in uni days when one day we were watching football and someone suggested we should go place a bet - only £1. . . this was 2004 Champions League final won by Porto. Since then, we continued playing football every saturday and sometimes when we meet up to go play football on a saturday morning, he would make a quick stop at the bookies to place some bets. His addiction was so severe, sometimes you could tell he was not fully engaged in conversation cos he would be thinking which team to bet on. One day, he went to the cash point to withdraw some money to place a bet and left the money in the cash point cos he was so absent-minded. . . thinking about gambling and also ashamed that I was witnessing his addiction first hand. I would not be surprised if his wife has left him now cos all I used to get is complaints about his gambling addiction from her. I have not seen this fella for 3 years or more, and I hope all is well with him, but I remember what one of our friends said about him - "I would rather be an alcoholic than a gambler".

G4-2012:

Ma Outstrip, you cannot crucify a family member for helping out a loved one when you believe the person needs your support. The way things work aboard, if you don't have family to help, you are on your own. And as I pointed out we only confirmed recently that indeed he gambles, (meaning no-one knows when it actually started) which is a disturbing news to everyone.

Well, I opened this thread because like I said, I think there is still hope to get him out of his mess. Even if he will not eventually get married and have kids, he can still get his act together. So far I have gotten a majority of negative responses. I need more positive inputs please.

Prayer is a way to go now plus no more hand outs.

I think you are getting mostly negative inputs because of your uncle's age. He is too old to be "helped" in the way most people know how to help behavioral addicts. You can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do and as you haven't been close to him for a very long time, you can't figure out his psychological triggers unless he tells you himself. Your best bet is to just pray for him and don't feed his bad habit by giving him money. Good luck oh!

Just kip on praying for him if u believe in prayer. He nos exactly what he is into. Its well