Hello everyone, i need some advice, i have prayed about this, and right now,i will really appreciate an opinion other than mine.

I have a friend of about 5 years and he has been one of my most loyal friends. From the get go, he wanted to date me and marriage too, but i turned him down severally. First, because he was physically handicapped, second i was not so sure if he just wanted to get married so as to feel "normal"( this is without prejudice); just to mark one of life's to-dos. I was scared of what my folks will say, i grew up being criticized for a lot of things and though outwardly i was very confident but i was also very in-secured. I use 'was" because being with him has changed all that.

Fast forward last year, we started dating, i prayed for courage and i am even shocked at how proud and confident i am about him. We had some issues and broke up but we are back together again. What advice do i need? Will it be wise to marry him, i love him so much but am a bit scared. Also, he has an history of being sexually abused, though he is a committed christian now. One of my mentors said i will meet better people as i am still in my mid 20's: i know, but i deeply care for him and he is a wonderful person. Maybe, i am just having cold-feet. I have thought long and hard, looked at all the bases and i believe i can cope, am being too idealistic? And lastly, he is 5ft tall and i am 5'11, i feel too tall but he doesn't mind the height. How do i convince my siblings - i am the last, that I know what i am doing?

Are you really convinced you can cope with his physical challenge(s) as long as you live?.
Are sure your decision is not borne out of pity?.

Search yourself very well.
If you truly love him as you wrote,with the confidence and pride in you, you can convince your people.
They'll show concern but you need an unwavering spirit. Prepare your defence dwelling more on his abilities and not the opposite.
Project him in a way that his handicap will be inconsequential.
Above all, ask God for guidance.
Goodluck!

I agree with rose cos through out your post u've been referring to the challenges and your worries. If you are dis worried now, what makes you think everything will be all right when you finally marry him.

Since you are still young, I will suggest you take your time. Don't rush into marriage. With time you will know what you want to do.

All the best.

If you really feel you can mange his disability then go for it. But looking after person(s) with disabilities is not easy and its a very big undertaking. Like the others said think well befor you enter into this life long commitement with this man.

Maybe you should take more time to think about it if you are still not 100% sure. You can still date him for a yr or more, since you are still young. Remember that the challenges you encounter as gf/bf will still be there when you are married and some new ones will come.

It seems you worry a lot about people's perception of your boyfriend, but concerning marriage, you should focus on more determining issues : does his disability still allow him to work and be financially independent? For how long? What are the things you will need to do for him on a daily basis? How about when you have children? When he gets old?

I don't think a disability in itself is reason enough to not consider him for marriage, one of my cousin is in a wheelchair, his wife and him met and got married fast after that and they are still together over 15 yrs later and very happy. However, you should go into marriage with opened eyes and realistic expectations, nobody can blame you if you feel you can't do it, but if you do it out of pity for him and later let him down, that would be terrible

Dear OP, keep praying and watch God work....He will make a way for both of you. You ve already indicated that you re alreAdy a changed/more confident person because of him so he s doing something right.What other people say about you is inconsequential unless of course they are part of your immediate family and even then you don't swallow everything hook, line and sinker.

I think its really laudable the path you want to follow knowing how superficial and shallow our soceity is towards anybody who is less than perfect or has a few flaws, you are really somebody special. I knew a disabled young man(wheel chair bound) who got married to an able bodied young lady and you needed to see the change in the guy after their wedding....put on weight, looking so fresh and happy! The lady didn't look bad either, some people just have hearts of gold and she was one of them....she stood up for what she believed in and didn't consider the handicap as a bariier.the guy too didn't think of himself as incomplete or anything like that before he married her, he also wasn't one to wallow in self pity.got himself educated and set up some internet cafe business near a school which he's expanding day by day.

Be strong my dear and God will lead you to where you ll have joy and peace of mind and you ll thank Him for it everyday because He never fails. Your path in life cannot be my path and my path can't be somebody elses ok? Remember that not all that glitters is gold.

Cheers

@OP,what is the problem cos im not seeing any

My advise for you is simple:never marry anyone out of pity.If deep down you can't see past/deal with the disability then walk now.Don't let guilt tie you down and don't miss out on a beautiful package from God cos of a slight physical imperfection.

Thanks to everyone that have offered some words of advice and encouragement. The truth is that i have thought long and hard about this. I have little issues with the physical bit, he is just on crutches not any kind of deficiency. If i am doing this out of pity? No way! He is too self-confident and independent! he is not sloppy in anyway and hates pity. He is also extremely handsome, he has girls falling for him. In response to Miss Ife, He is actually very well educated, a professional with a good job and a well furnished apartment, he can drive too. Before i am being seen as a gold digger, i have known him for so long and things just got better financially in the last few months, and with all sense of modesty, i earn higher than he does ( He does not mind, he is his own man and will not take a dime from me).

Why am i convinced of marrying him: he is the most selfless and caring person i know, not just to me, to everyone, he is very responsible to his family and takes care of his parents so well. He loves God and comes from a wonderful close-knitted family. He has his faults: he gets moody, especially when he is turned down from jobs when he got the highest scores.

@Ifyalways, i guess there is no problem really, just my own insecurities, and that i will have to deal with. Thanks to everyone, you don't know how relieved i feel right now....The bible says no man starts on a business without counting the costs, i have counted the costs, all i pray for is for God's grace and courage to be a good wife and mother to our kids. God bless you all.

Amen. Happy for you. Also glad you know what you want.

Glad to see you've found your answers. Good luck !

Mizita03: Thanks to everyone that have offered some words of advice and encouragement. The truth is that i have thought long and hard about this. I have little issues with the physical bit, he is just on crutches not any kind of deficiency. If i am doing this out of pity? No way! He is too self-confident and independent! he is not sloppy in anyway and hates pity. He is also extremely handsome, he has girls falling for him. In response to Miss Ife, He is actually very well educated, a professional with a good job and a well furnished apartment, he can drive too. Before i am being seen as a gold digger, i have known him for so long and things just got better financially in the last few months, and with all sense of modesty, i earn higher than he does ( He does not mind, he is his own man and will not take a dime from me).

Why am i convinced of marrying him: he is the most selfless and caring person i know, not just to me, to everyone, he is very responsible to his family and takes care of his parents so well. He loves God and comes from a wonderful close-knitted family. He has his faults: he gets moody, especially when he is turned down from jobs when he got the highest scores.

@Ifyalways, i guess there is no problem really, just my own insecurities, and that i will have to deal with. Thanks to everyone, you don't know how relieved i feel right now....The bible says no man starts on a business without counting the costs, i have counted the costs, all i pray for is for God's grace and courage to be a good wife and mother to our kids. God bless you all.

I think I know how you feel. You love someone but can see some of their deficiencies and you cannot help but hope that those imperfections will diminish whilst those qualities you love them for will become amplified. I really wish you the best because as we all know none of us is perfect.