How do you cope with being a wife, mother and career woman?

Folks, for a while now we have been bombarded with series of threads on abuse, adultery and divorce.
For a change, let's look at sum'n different but well related.

As a working married mother, how do you cope with the challenges of balancing all the 3 areas?

Does one area suffer for another?

Which aspect is most important to you; marriage, kids or career?

Let's discuss please. . .

A thread similar was posted by h-babe some months ago and it was a very 'hot' thread . I'm not married though, but I think it should be an interesting read again.

*standing by*

Tgirl4real: How do you cope with being a wife, mother and career woman?

Folks, for a while now we have been bombarded with series of threads on abuse, adultery and divorce.
For a change, let's look at sum'n different but well related.

As a working married mother, how do you cope with the challenges of balancing all the 3 areas?

Does one area suffer for another?

Which aspect is most important to you; marriage, kids or career?

Let's discuss please. . .

my dear it aint a east task at all,only God can explain how we cope cos i cnt even explain how i get d strent to carry on. Having a loving hubby,hardworking n understanding husbands helps a whole lot.

taryour:

my dear it aint a east task at all,only God can explain how we cope cos i cnt even explain how i get d strent to carry on. Having a loving hubby,hardworking n understanding husbands helps a whole lot.

Thanks for the response dear. You are so right. It's by God's grace and also having an understanding hubby.

So, could you please expantiate. Is there any area that is suffering cos of another and which is priority?

Will be back with my own response.

@Stateofmind,

I will try search for the thread.

I luv dis thread! I actually asked a dear friend dis questn in less dan 24hrs ago........its tof i tell u.

u got to be a superwoman to b able to balance all three areas. In my case, I'm very much lacking behind in one area and flourishg in d oda 2 areas. bt i still get by.

d most important to m hweva, is being a mum to my kids and i try to b dia for dem inspite of d demanding nature of my job.

I'd like to knw if we'v got any superwoman in d hse who can balance all 3 areas successfuly...

peaceheartt:

I'd like to knw if we'v got any superwoman in d hse who can balance all 3 areas successfuly...

I'm sure we will find 1 or 2.lol

@ post,

As a working married mother, how do you cope with the challenges of balancing all the 3 areas?

Ans: Aint no superwoman. What I have learnt is to take things slowly, one at a time and I have learnt to priotise.
I am not desperate to climb up the career ladder, so I don't go all out to achieve thereby putting my home at risk. Sometimes, it's so stressful I'm tempeted to resign, but my hubby keeps encouraging me. Everything is for a purpose. And I appreciate him for those times I had to make a fast food cos I got home late (hubby is not a fan of indomie

Does one area suffer for another?

I will not say a complete NO to this, but certainly, the most important issues get adequate attention. What suffers most for me is doing house chores at the right time. I don't have a help, from my pregnancy days till now that my baby is over a year, I have lived alone with hubby and baby. I have learnt to do things at my own pace. I rest when I need to and I try not to overwork myself. I also take time off from work when I need to. Really, it's all about knowing what you want, understanding it and managing it well.

Which aspect is most important to you; marriage, kids or career?

My marriage is certainly the most important. My child is also part of my marriage so they go hand in hand. For me, hubby first, child second (depending on the situation sha o ) and career last.

I hope I don try.

I believe in prioritising, When I lived alone i use to love a spotlessly clean house, every saturday was cleaning day, when I married spic and span was out of it cos Oga likes untidy and scattered, lol. Anyway, discuss as a couple what matters most, to some couples its time together while to some is having a spotless home. The truth is trying to do it all perfectly will run you insane, I bow for women who do it all so well. I am lucky to have good help, Hubby is good with kids so I have that off my hands, I no longer keep a spotless home so I dont have to clean all the time, I try to cook home made meals when I get back from work but once a week or twice he takes us out to eat or just buys food on his way home. Now that am very pregnant, work, stress and homes makes me very very cranky but God helps keep me sane and calm.

hmmm . . .

Your post makes an interesting read debrief

God is helping me sha. It used to be career first and husband next. When i had a child, i just started feeling really lazy about work right up to this moment! My husband cannot believe it at all. At first he was happy but now he dey use style complain. lol.

Tgirl4real:

I'm sure we will find 1 or 2.lol

@ post,

As a working married mother, how do you cope with the challenges of balancing all the 3 areas?

Ans: Aint no superwoman. What I have learnt is to take things slowly, one at a time and I have learnt to priotise.
I am not desperate to climb up the career ladder, so I don't go all out to achieve thereby putting my home at risk. Sometimes, it's so stressful I'm tempeted to resign, but my hubby keeps encouraging me. Everything is for a purpose. And I appreciate him for those times I had to make a fast food cos I got home late (hubby is not a fan of indomie

Does one area suffer for another?

I will not say a complete NO to this, but certainly, the most important issues get adequate attention. What suffers most for me is doing house chores at the right time. I don't have a help, from my pregnancy days till now that my baby is over a year, I have lived alone with hubby and baby. I have learnt to do things at my own pace. I rest when I need to and I try not to overwork myself. I also take time off from work when I need to. Really, it's all about knowing what you want, understanding it and managing it well.

Which aspect is most important to you; marriage, kids or career?

My marriage is certainly the most important. My child is also part of my marriage so they go hand in hand. For me, hubby first, child second (depending on the situation sha o ) and career last.

I hope I don try.

I think this is the key, do things at your own pace and prioritise. Before I would always be trying to cook, clean, wash and all that while my husband prefered we spend time together, it was so frustrating and most times I would be exsushted and crying, till I learnt i must clean all the time, I must cook all the time, I mustnt wash all the time, I can cut out time from these things and just seat, relax and enjoy my family. Life is short, when I am dying I wont look back and be happy because i kept a clean house or because I always cooked every family meal, I would look back and be happy that I had time for my family and the great times we spent having fun. Life is too short to be too stressed abeg.

Debrief I feel u jare. It isn't easy, but like my hubby would women are built for it. Lol

@ blank,

u also felt that post pregnancy syndrome.lol. So, has d child become no 1 now abi u hav managed to put hubby where he actually belongs?

These stories are scary to me! OMG I practically don't do anything when am home for holidays...my family have always had maids because all of us went to boarding schools..I wonder how I would cope cuz I don't manage stressful situations well. I am very worried about the whole marriage thing.

Tgirl4real: How do you cope with being a wife, mother and career woman?

Folks, for a while now we have been bombarded with series of threads on abuse, adultery and divorce.
For a change, let's look at sum'n different but well related.

As a working married mother, how do you cope with the challenges of balancing all the 3 areas?

Does one area suffer for another?

Which aspect is most important to you; marriage, kids or career?

Let's discuss please. . .

I'm really loving this thread!

Thanks for starting this thread Tgirl, I think it'll provide really good emotional support for all current 3-in-1 wives, mothers and career women

Now where do I start of with mine?

PRE MARRIAGE: I'd been brought up to believe that a girl / woman should be able to stand up and provide for herself by being independent, and when married to be the support backbone to her marriage, husband and kids. I'd seen my mum do it first hand and my grandmother too. Call me old fashioned, but that's always been my take.

Anyway, combining all 3 especially in the UK is no mean feat. You'll have to get the Nigerian mentality out of your head that even if you've got lots of family members over here, you'll get lots of support - especially when you start popping out the kids. Boy was I in for a rude shock!

THE EARLY MARITAL YEARS: As a newly wed (feels like eons now) it was tough as I had no one to rely on except my hubby. Your career kind of takes a temporary back seat especially when the little ones are still very young (pre-school age) as you'll have to decide whether or not it's worth shelling out hundreds of pounds on childminders. Things get a lot easier when the kids get older and start of full time Nursery / Primary school. So during the early stages, my career had to take a back seat as the kids and hubby were both my no. 1 priority. Having said that, I didn't want to let go of my dreams completely so I used those early years to attend part-time courses and gain further qualifications. Good thing was the nearby college offered limited nursery places to students which were a life saver.

Mind you, finances were stretched. I remember fondly now how, whilst saving up to buy a cot for our first child, the refrigerator broke down! Funny how when you least expect / want it, something really essential kicks the bucket! Anyway, we had to get the fridge first and then wait a couple more weeks before getting the cot and other baby things. I remember praying that the little one didn't come early as I hadn't even packed my bag yet...

I remember feeling really lonely whenever hubby left for work whilst I was heavily pregnant. Life was tough...we didn't even have a washing machine then...and my hormones were all over the place...I sorely missed home, my parents, family and friends...matrimony sure wasn't like the Mills & Boon fairytale setting. Was bills, bills, bills and more bills.

[b]A COUPLE OF YEARS LATER:[/b]Things got easier, the kids were less demanding and more independent. Was still working part-time though but by then had saved up enough to undertake a full time post graduate degree. Now this was hard o! To say I nearly gave up countless times is an understatement...and then I found out that I was pregnant again! Luckily, hubby was fully supportive and I got lots of long distance encouragement from my parents on the phone...lol.

I discovered that where kids are concerned, it pays a lot to be really organised and stick to a routine / schedule. This meant getting their uniforms ready the night before...socks, pants, coats, caps, school bags, homework done, etc. Cooking wasn't so much of an issue as hubby was (and still is) very competent in the kitchen. Come to think of it, it's always been a competition between us both to see who cooks better! His Egusi soup na real killer but I hold my own with Ogbolo soup, Pepper soup, banga soup...Infact we don reach the stage where when we ask the kids who's cooking they like best, they get confused! some say dad, some say mum, imagine!

[b]A COUPLE MORE YEARS LATER:[/b]Postgradute course successfully completed, landed my dream job (but the hours are no joke o!), hubby's got a better job too...so things are looking up. Our boys are doing quite well (always thanking the almighty for his continuous mercies). One thing I'd like to share with other mums here too - something which I've found pays out well in the long run is this: When you have sons, teach them how to cook, clean, wash, etc.

Just because I didn't have a girl didn't mean I'd let my sons laze around doing nothing while I die from excess housework o! When I wan go market do food shopping, na so all of them go must follow me to know what to get and how to shop for bargains too. When I wan cook and I mean proper Niga food, na so all of them must follow me enter kitchen - I nor send. Now they fit peel yams, make eba, wash & boil rice, cook stew, de-scale and clean fresh fish. You know the first time they did it, they were like..."Ewwww....nasty" and I said "Yep, nasty but you'll learn to turn nasty to nice 'n tasty!" That was their holiday lesson from me I've also taught them how to load and operate the washing machine, the dishwasher and the tumble dryer too.

Bottom line is, when you teach your kids how to undertake domestic chores around the home, you free up some time for yourself. Now they get their things ready for school the night before, including packing their books and getting assignments / homework done. On weekends when they do their Saturday activities, I make sure I cook at least 2 different meals, share them out in plastic containers and store away in the deep freezer. So when they get back from school, whilst I'm still at work, they simply go to the deep freezer, take out what they need, pop in the microwave and viola! On Sundays they iron their uniforms down for the whole week. So it's at least 5 clean shirts each. No excuses for having a dirty shirt as I religiously check behind their collars and cuffs

Now I've just recently had my baby girl and she's such a new thing to the boys. They're learning all about babies and how to cope with the change but it's all good. I had her by C-section so understandably was completely out of it for the first 6 weeks - but hubby and kids were so, so supportive, I love them to bits. Even when hubby had to go back to work, I knew I could rely on my boys to help me around the house as they'd been taught well

So, that's my contribution. A bit long I know but hope my experiences would help and encourage all mums & future mums out there, that it is possible to have it all. i.e being the wife, mother and career woman. The 3-in-1 package

I have been reading thru and am yet to see any of the scoundrels claiming they are wives come in and give their experiences o. Which just confirms my previous assertions that some people are wives in their dreams.
Anyway una dey try but make una answer me abeg. Should it be a matter of personal choice for the woman who or what comes first? Shouldn't it always be her husband? I have seen cases where the child comes and takes number one place. I've heard a man confess that sometimes he feels he should give his son tranquilizer and get him out of the picture for a whole week at a time because since the child came that was all the wife cares about and she has mo time for him anymore. For some other peeps it is their job. So should it be a matter of choice for the wife to decide who comes first?

wow!! there goes our superwoman wt d 3 in 1 balance! @Efemena, tnx for sharing, dt was very insightful!
I also have a grown up boy who has bn very helpful whn it comes2chores@hme.
Now i'd like2knw u wht plan to do whn ur boys go bak to sch n u have to go bak to work, hw wd u cope wt d baby
dts actually my crossroad now. my boy who's bn helpg out wt my baby girl since he finished high sch. is set to go2d University,meanwhile he is bz wt Bball training, wh leaves me wt no choice dan to scout 4an hsehlp

What superwoman are we talking about here? I tell my wife she is having it easy. Seriously women have it eazy these days. The microwave, the washing machine, the vacuum cleaner, the dishwasher, the cable tv, the creche, the housemaid. Women are having a ball.

Figure out our old grandparents who had to go to the farm a day after giving birth. They strapped the poor kids on the back when going everywhere. Had to pound yam, had to compete with rival wives, had to warm oga's bed and had to go to the market.

I'm not saying we should go back to the stone ages, thank God for technology. My point is, there is nothing super in what modern women are doing.
These days husbands are even helping out. I do the vacuuming every morning. I put my food in the microwave and serve myself a lot of times. I help bathe the baby. I take madam's car to the mech and car wash at weekends, wetin come be d extra special thing dat women do?

Self adulation is misplaced. I have met men who raised their kids alone after their wives died and not once did i ever hear them praise themselves.

[quote author=Kevin_II]I have been reading thru and am yet to see any of the scoundrels claiming they are wives come in and give their experiences o. Which just confirms my previous assertions that some people are wives in their dreams.


Pls pls pls @Kelvin, dont start!
No fights i beg!

"Should it be a matter of personal choice for the woman who or what comes first?"
thnk its a mata of wht works for u!

for me o,my kids comes 1st b4 my hubby
[quote author=Kevin_II]

I used to be a full time worker but had to go part time just to give me enough time to spend with my family. There are weekends we travel to rural areas because of my work, I work friday to sundays on weekends like these and my accomodation and stuff gets taken care of anyways, so it's more like a free weekend getaway. But my husband reckons I should stop part time and go on casual basis, we are still negotiating that but until then, I still have enough time to spend with them.

I cook every week, especially on my day(s) off and just freeze it, sometimes I cook 3 different soups and 2 types of stew(fish and goat meat, or chicken and turkey) all depends on what we feel like. I work flexible hours so I get to spend time with my family, I mean I love my career but my family have always come first.

I don't do any weekend housework, I try not to cos that is when we all catch up and watch movies and do other family stuff. It's always good when you have a husband that is very hard working. Work took me away for 4 days last month and he did a good job in the house . Ehn but I still had to do some cleaning and gas cleaning.

Nice thread.

[quote author=jennykadry]I used to be a full time worker but had to go part time just to give me enough time to spend with my family. There are weekends we travel to rural areas because of my work, I work friday to sundays on weekends like these and my accomodation and stuff gets taken care of anyways, so it's more like a free weekend getaway.



nice1,u sound so diff frm d jenny Ive bn readg on d oda threads,.....lol

peaceheartt: wow!! there goes our superwoman wt d 3 in 1 balance! @Efemena, tnx for sharing, dt was very insightful!
I also have a grown up boy who has bn very helpful whn it comes2chores@hme.
Now i'd like2knw u wht plan to do whn ur boys go bak to sch n u have to go bak to work, hw wd u cope wt d baby
dts actually my crossroad now. my boy who's bn helpg out wt my baby girl since he finished high sch. is set to go2d University,meanwhile he is bz wt Bball training, wh leaves me wt no choice dan to scout 4an hsehlp

Thanks peaceheartt! :-)

Yep, juggling work committmets with the little one can be a bit of a tricky one especially when the boys go back to school. But luckily, hubby's job is a bit more flexible so I'll be working during the day while he works nights and weekends. I've also got the option to work remotely from home too for a couple of days during the week.

This way, we get to save from spending a fortune on childcare. :-)

@Jenny, you are so right! Nothing compares to having a supportive hubby to help with running the home & looking after the kids :-)
Re: The gas cooker / cleaning stuff, I totally understand where you're coming from! )

[quote author=peaceheartt][/quote]


i tot d same. In life and with lots of experience i realise pple are not as bad as they appear.no matter how bad somepple maybe ,they still av a soft spot in them.

peaceheartt: I luv dis thread! I actually asked a dear friend dis questn in less dan 24hrs ago........its tof i tell u.

u got to be a superwoman to b able to balance all three areas. In my case, I'm very much lacking behind in one area and flourishg in d oda 2 areas. bt i still get by.

d most important to m hweva, is being a mum to my kids and i try to b dia for dem inspite of d demanding nature of my job.

I'd like to knw if we'v got any superwoman in d hse who can balance all 3 areas successfuly...

And there you have the root cause of a future divorce.

maryini: These stories are scary to me! OMG I practically don't do anything when am home for holidays...my family have always had maids because all of us went to boarding schools..I wonder how I would cope cuz I don't manage stressful situations well. I am very worried about the whole marriage thing.

don't be scared dear. Try and learn all you can now while u are still with your parents and make up your mind to continue learning

@ Efemena,

a good one you have up there. Infact, I learnt a lot esp the bit about training your male child to do chores. I will also like to mention that things are lot different down here.

@ Gaggi,

this thread isn't about overrating women or trying to make someone a superwoman for doing their God ordained role.

Not every woman have it easy like your wife. Not all men are willing to help at home. Some are willing, but no time.

I see that you really don't see the role of a woman as a big deal. But sir, ideally the man should provide for the family. Women shouldn't do the kind of job we find ourselves doing now. A woman's job should be flexible, such that she has a little control over her time. Our grandmothers weren't working 8am - 5pm mon-sat, they don't sit in traffic for 2 hours going and 2 hours coming. At the end of the day, there's little or no time for family and self.

It's not really the men's fault though. The economy is so hard that as a woman, you need to assist your hubby in the little way you can.

Am
really loving this thread too.

In my own case,its just me,my hubby and our children. Combining the three -
Marriage, Career and Child and making a perfect job of them all can be
tasking. Some years back,i was doing all that perfectly(I am a real
killer for a spotless home, cooking is not one of my hobbies but i just
have to, i washed the clothes every two days so that they don't become a
heap,and then, taking care of my babies.

This time i have reduced especially in cleaning the home but doesn't
mean i leave it untidy(i used to clean the floor tiles,sweep and arrange
everywhere daily before i leave for work but have now reduced to twice
a week). I have also reduced my daily cooking (hubby really understands
but i try to make him something special once a week especially in the
weekends).Also clothes washing is now done only on friday nights(we re
seriously saving for a washing machine).
I am still managing my career well, giving my undiluted attention to
my husband and also taking good care of our baby(can't trade him and
hubby for anything).
Infact where i can say is lacking is giving a little space for myself,
to breathe-in fresh air once in a while
I am seriously working on that before the whole thing overwhelm and
drown me.

We women dey try o, be it nowadays or old timers

Johndoe100:

And there you have the root cause of a future divorce.

ur own opinion John, which may b rite or wrong! not all marriages ve d heaven on earth experience mind u... must they all end up in divorce? I dont think so,('cept it is very necessary). every married woman has d resp of findin d formular dt works for her in her marriage n stick to it!

Coping with being a wife,mother,and career woman is all about having an awesome partner who is in it with you every step of the way!

talina: Coping with being a wife,mother,and career woman is all about having an awesome partner who is in it with you every step of the way!

PERIOD!
dis is definitely d sure n ez way to have d 3-in-1 package.

Efemena,

how many kids u got? U sound like u have a battalion of them running around to help u

Infact, this what was i was still talking about in one of the other threads, before someone there blindly jumped on my post.

Before marraige, i used to be a neat-freak, i would wake-up in the morning clean my house, dust, mop, infact it was a daily routine, and i enjoyed doing it, even if i was tired to the point of dropping....

then i got married, omo, (come see quarrel), my hubby is a proper scatter- scatter, i could not keep up, i would complain and complain, it got to the point i just decided to take it slow, like really let so many things go, i would sit down for a whole day without cleaning (at first, it was a torture) but subsequently began to get used to it, my hubby can cook anything, but cannot clean anything , me ( i can cook and clean, but preferred to clean first then cook), that one was another yahwah!!! Anyways, i was able to bend a little.

Through out the 9 months i was pregnant, i was not working....was home, so doing the chores was easy,after i had him, i got a job 4 months after,( had to get a babysitter that would come home during the hours i was away), but all this while, i had started my MBA, i really did not know how i survived taking care of the home, my son, my hubby, my school, my work?.....But for the past 3 months now, it had just been difficult, my son is a replica of his dad, scatter-scatter (raise to the power of 2) he is just 20 months, so you can tell the type of energy he is carrying around the house ( i would be bending and picking) My hubby has learnt some house chores and he is helping out, but cooking is his thing, so he helps out wella with that.

On Easter day, for some reasons, i was so frustrated, i had two projects that i had to submit this week, ( about 15 pages each), i had not even started one, my boss at work is having her hips replaced this month, making me the next-in-line to oversee every.....my son loves to cuddle, my hubby nko?? i was going crazy, i had to go to church too, everything was just competing for my time.....i was moody all day, that day, could not even tell my hubby what i was going through....i just wanted to run away from the whole ....stuff.... it was as if i just could not keep-up. I made Easter food, after church, then went to take a nap (as i am typing, my son is holding on to my neck and kissing me....he just loves attention ) Anyways, by the time i woke-up, i had a clearer head, spent time with hubby, took care of my son, my whole house (with hubby helping to vaccum) then sat on my computer and started typing, submitted both project yesterday.

what suffers most, is ME, only because i would always put away the me time, to shove everyother thing in, My birthday is coming soon, and i am so having that Me-time, would be going to the spa to relax, i need a thorough massage..... that is just my own life for now.....

hmmm, interestg!! @Ronke obviously u got no dull moments at all!.....d Lord is ur strength.