Attitude Issues - Family - Nairaland
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| Attitude Issues by Nobody: 11:24am On Apr 24, 2012 |
Pls nairalanders,i av an attitude issue. Pple say i don't know how to talk(address people). I guess i have always been lyk dt since i was a kid nd av always been punished one way or d oda 4 it but i didn't know au to get ova it. My mum tried her best in correcting me but my housemates(whom i met about 6 months ago) just told me yesterday again dt i don't know au to talk. I'm rily bothered abt this nd i don't know wot to do because most tyms i don't even know wot i say dt pisses pple off nd instead of telling me, dey keep saying it at my back. My housemates told me because i asked dem after i noticed dt dey were trying to avoid me. Pls, i don't want any insults as i don't want to get hurt the more. If u know wot i can do, pls, tell me as i feel lyk d most horrible person in d world rite now. I can't imagine going thru lyf wit dis attitude, i'm still a young girl, pls. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 11:29am On Apr 24, 2012 |
What exactly are the things you say to them? What did you say to your roommates? I wanno know cos sometimes people cannot stand the truth and if that is the case, you shouldn't feel bad. Don't feel bad just yet sweetheart, talk to us. You are not horrible, I think you are just a blunt person correct me if I am wrong. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 12:20pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
F@jennykadry 10qs 4 ur reply. It's kind of lyk i'm blunt bt i don't understand because pple tend to think dey can't cope with me. I mean my room-mates are planning to get a separate apartment now. An example dt one of dem gave was when i told her "I DON'T AV UR TYM, I'LL AV UR TYM LATER". dis happened wen one of us was sick nd we tried reaching her in her room all to no avail. Didn't know she was fast asleep nd her fone was on silence(given d fact dt sum days earlier she locked up herself in her room without answering her fones nd she said she was not in a good mood). I took d sick girl to d hospital nd when she woke up nd kald me, i was so annoyed i didn't know wot to say to her nd i rily cldn't talk much where i was so i just told her on fone "I DON'T AV UR TYM, I'LL AV UR TYM LATER". Dis is almost 2 months now nd she didn't say anything abt it until i asked her yesterday. They also said pple av been cumin to dem to "ask au do they cope with me". I actually av a problem with keeping quiet when i c d truth but i fink i av to calm down. It's eating me up, if pple can't cope with me, au do i intend to cope with a lot of pple i stil av to meet in my future. pls, help me |
| Re: Attitude Issues by nitrogen(m): 12:44pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
Eeeyah! Not your fault, its in you,so the only solution is 'always listen and be slow to react to things', avoid arguements and react to things that pisses u off later. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 1:14pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
2 Likes |
| Re: Attitude Issues by ijebabe: 1:16pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
The fact that you feel remorse is a very good sign! Listen to urself when you talk to people that is usually the problem. If you talk loudly or rough then tone it down. I have been told im blunt and have rubbed people the wrong so now im not so free with anyone except my real friends who won't misunderstand me. If i don't trust myself in responding calmly I don't bother saying anything at all or give vague responses. One step at a time, things should get better now that you are aware of the problem. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 1:49pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
@C I dont know if you know this but that last paragraph of yours is bull shyt and that's me not being nice. @OP I am kind of in the same boat as you but I do not just reply people except they have done something I don't like directly or indirectly. You telling your friend that you don't have time might have come out too harsh especially if that person hasn't said or done something to piss you off. I am a very blunt person as well but contrary to what CC said, I do not give a F about what anybody who isn't my family member and when I say family members I don't mean aunties and uncles, said There are times you have to show tough love and I mean take your emotions and compassion out of the equation and get yourself some good results. If we start working with compassion all the time all the time some of us wouldn't be able to ground our kids when they mess up. The fact that you show tough love sometimes does not make you mean, or heartless, it just means you are trying to get a message across to them that sometimes life itself can be very unfair. Watch the way you talk to your friends especially if hey have done absolutely nothing to you. Please do not go about living a fake life because you want to please people., do not lose your self esteem because people are talking shyt about you. Most important of them all is do not lose your identity. Be nice to them and when they act silly tell them how you feel with or without tough love All the best my dear P.s pardon my errors, I'm mobile |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 2:12pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
| Re: Attitude Issues by moremi2008(m): 2:28pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
Just out of curiosity, how old are you? These kinds of things tend to get better with time and maturity. You have taken the first step by being aware that something is wrong. You need to take it further by letting this awareness intervene the next time you're in a bad mood or pissed-off. It's a long slow process but one that you ABSOLUTELY must go through because you can't go into the workplace or into marriage without being able to control and adjust what you say. Good luck! I am sure you'll be fine. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 2:34pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
There is a fine line between being blunt and being rude. Find that line; don't cross it. 2 Likes |
| Re: Attitude Issues by recruitmnt: 2:39pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
OP, can you try not to write in shorthand aswell... Thank you  3 Likes |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Aparche(f): 3:06pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
@op: From your post's I can deduce that this is not something that happens once in a while(probably when u r angry or hurt) but more like an everyday occurence; even when u r gisting with them. If this is the case, then my advice will be for you not to say the first thing that comes to your mind. First of all think about what u want to say & how best to phrase it so that it doesn't come out as an insult(especially if that's not ur intention). True, u will seem a little bit slow with ur response, but then with time you would have gotten so used to it that u can talk to people without un-intentionally saying things that piss them off. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Outstrip(f): 3:21pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
Well at least you acknowledge it. That means you are open to changing. In the process do not frustrate yourself. As long as you are not being cruel. One of the problems people who tend to be straigh forward have is that they tend to just say what they want to say. start by not responding right away especially when you know you are irritated. The fact is that most people do not like someone who will face them squarely and tell them the truth but also just because you know it is the truth does not mean that you must say it. If you did not feel like talking to that girl you should not have answered the phone. You should have called her when you were in a better mood. The way to make something a habit is to repeat it over and over again. So the next time you are tired and don't feel like talking do not answer the phone or engage people unnecessarily. Step by step. I know when you take this approach though those same people will call you a snob but you cannot win them all. Finally you need to try to be less sensitive. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 4:44pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
Thanks to everyone who has replied so far. I really appreciate your comments. I've always been a guest on nairaland for over a year now and i knew the best place to get advice on issues like this is the family section. @Richvkunt, this is like my first topic on nairaland, so you might not have being seeing me but i'm not using a double id. Thank you everyone, i'll try my best to keep to myself and think well before i talk. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by ATMC(f): 4:45pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
I suggest u try as much as possible not to say d first thing dt comes to ur mind nd also learn to speak ur mind in ur mind:-D, it works for me. For instance someone spoils something dt belongs to me by mistake nd shows it to me, i say within 'will u ever learn to be careful!' but to d person i say 'ah ah, what happened nah?' then cool off as d person explains...try it nd add ur style, this two things work. Say what u'd love to say to d person in ur mind but come out wit something dt won't get d person upset afterall ur goal is not to upset d person. Dt way u wont be hurt nd d person wont be hurt as well, unless u want to hurt d person then be blunt but its usually not worth it. With time u 'll improve nd u will see nothing really will get at u like dt, talk of making u go wild...believe me people don't like to stay around blunt nd domineering pple. Yeah, they might put up with every other fault but u see these two: 'no go areas'. one more thing, pple like kind pple nd kindness wont permit u to be blunt...pls do let me know if u give it a try :-D |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 4:51pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
@ OP I also can be very blunt, when it becomes the only way to the solve an issue at hand. However you can either be blunt and absolutely rude or be blunt and come up with constructive critics. Fact is there are people who don't come up with any constructive opinions whenever they open their mouth to express their view on something. I can't tell how many people in my everyday life I have shunned or even stopped talking to because of their inability to pass a message without sounding like illiterate he-goats. I like direct and straight forward people but I don't tolerate being offended and disrespected all in the name of being told the truth. Think of it: are you the only person who has access to the truth? Do you know if the person right in front of you knows a truth that could hurt you but keeps quiet because they know the consequences of those words once they are pronounced? We all have a truth to say: but is it worth saying? And if we must say it, is it sufficient to open our mouths and spit it out neverminding the sensitivity or fragility of the person involved? Just like there are people who lie to hurt others, there are others who tell the truth to achieve the same thing. I give you the benefit of doubt and believe you don't mean to be rude when you speak out, so I'll tell you this: try and imagine yourself being told the same things you tell people. Unless you are an unemotional robot, I think you'll realize that some of the things you say or the way you say them is totally wrong. Good luck and pray you don't meet anyone like me or Jenny in your life or you'll have madness chasing you for hours or even days!  |
| Re: Attitude Issues by ifyalways(f): 5:03pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
@OP,just to add,hows your social life?do u enjoy being you(staying alone all through the weekend as oppossed to going out with GF's,ur Ipod with earphones is a much better company as oppossed to listening to your roomies gist girlie stuffs etc) or u just dont wanna hang out with people because they are to you either too dumb,nosey or noisy? Some close knit introverts do come across as rude,you know. Learn to listen more to people talk,go out often(beach with Gf's) as that would guraantee you meeting more people and u can't afford to be bluntor uptight all the time,join a music or dancing class/club. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by DonCarlos1(m): 5:22pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
Aluta, it is always good to know what image we potray out there. If people who are not ur competitors, ur mum inclusive tell u you are rude, chances are u are. But identifying a problem is half solving it. The best way to weigh ur treatment of other people is to swap shoes with them. Show more love, be determined not to hurt and learn the art of diplomacy. All the best sis. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 5:24pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
@Ifyalways About the social life, i think i'm actually meant to be a little bit of an extrovert but i choose not to because i try to avoid people. I mean i came to a point where i only relate with people that i av to relate with(housemates, classmates, church brethren etc). I don't just want to say something that would annoy them, so i stay on my own, but as it appears, the few times and people i choose to relate with, they still take offence. But for now, they're all in the other apartment gisting and shouting, i can hear their noise now but i PREFER AND ENJOY sticking to the internet and my laptop than going to join them as all they talk about and do does not just interest me. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by ifyalways(f): 5:46pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
@Aluta,your reply just goes to prove what i suspected.Your problem is not just being too blunt but more of poor human relation. My dear try to loosen up.You don't have to throw away ur unique nature but you are a young girl who would marry someday and 'baby' a man or juniors at work. The things you say to your roomies might not be bad/mean but because you are always engrossed in your own world and have little or no time for them,they get hurt when you tell them the truth(which they already know) because they feel you see yourself as "miss-i-know-it-all or i'm better than everyone else". Work on being and maintaining real friendship with people.With friends,you would devise ways of hitting him/her with the truth without hurting them or coming across as miss-i-know-it-all.Friends listen to their mates even when you know s/he is making no sense.Infact building and maintaing friendship brings ease,makes you care about "how and what" u say to next person and IMO,thats just what u need. Loosen up babe. 2 Likes |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 5:59pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 11:23pm On Apr 24, 2012 |
alutacontinua: Thanks to everyone who has replied so far. I really appreciate your comments. I've always been a guest on nairaland for over a year now and i knew the best place to get advice on issues like this is the family section. @Richvkunt, this is like my first topic on nairaland, so you might not have being seeing me but i'm not using a double id. Thank you everyone, i'll try my best to keep to myself and think well before i talk. OKAY O! Omo elefo o... |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Oking1(m): 10:01am On Apr 25, 2012 |
Go and read '' The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People'' by Covey and practice it. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 10:21am On Apr 25, 2012 |
as a young girl(still in school) i would advise you to make your writings a bit formal when addressing Nairaland community. the same attitude is up here, you have a problem and you seek advice from men and women of distinguish qualities, professions, classes, levels, etc and you type shorthand as if you are chatting with your class-mate. it almost pissed me off, however i decided to drop my comment because it is a part of the habitual rehab you need. stop imitating nollywood actresses like i. edo, j. nnaji, m. johnson, e. anunobi, they are just movie actresses, they don't behave rudely in their real social life. try this and you will come back with testimony. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Busybody2(f): 10:31am On Apr 25, 2012 |
Richvkunt: Very poor public relations job. So so-called sane and rational, yourself, reinmdanse, Gaggi, Neyostica, Ivynwa, Agiboma, etc have to "behave" like a monkey to catch a monkey who for all you know could have just been "acting" . . . Makes sense. I "understand" your "plight"  |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Busybody2(f): 10:31am On Apr 25, 2012 |
Richvkunt: Very poor public relations job. So so-called sane and rational people like yourself, reinmdanse, Gaggi, Neyostica, Ivynwa, Agiboma, etc have to "behave" like a monkey to catch a monkey who for all you know could have just been "acting" to let off steam . . . Makes sense. Very clever of y'all. I "understand" your "plight" |
| Re: Attitude Issues by taryour(f): 11:35am On Apr 25, 2012 |
ifyalways: @Aluta,your reply just goes to prove what i suspected.Your problem is not just being too blunt but more of poor human relation. very good advice ify. @op dis is a very good advice dat would realy help u. Then try counting ur teeth with ur tounge befor u respond wen u are angry or simply pretend u are not offened,smile n work away. I do dis alot wen am very angry,i just pretend,smile n work away rather than respond cos i also say alsorts wen am angry. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by Nobody: 2:56pm On Apr 25, 2012 |
@991 I'm sorry for the shorthands. It's just that i'm kind of used to it. I'll try and watch it next time. For the movies actors and actresses, i don't even know most of them, I think the only name that sounds familiar out of those you mentioned is N. Edo, who i might even find it hard to recognize if i see her (i don't really watch Nigerian movies like that). So, i really don't think i'm trying to copy them but i'll try and be better in my approach to people. To all others who have commented, I really appreciate your comments. @Ifyalways, thanks a lot. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by MissyB3(f): 3:57pm On Apr 25, 2012 |
Like CC said, knowing there's a problem and trying to get it solved is a positive step. I, too, had to gradually modify some aspect of my personality as I grew up and I know other people that did likewise, so it's nothing abnormal. No one has a perfect character, and only the strong has the strength to modify the ugly aspect of himself. . .It's much easier to ignore it than to repair it. If it has gotten to the point where people avoid you because of [b]tha[/b]t thing you do, it is that bad and it's time to change. It doesn't mean you're not proud of you, as a person, or trying to please others, it simply means you want to be a better person for yourself. Why don't you start by trying as much as possible to keep quiet each time you think you're about to say one of those 'blunt things'? A simple ''I hope I didn't offend you'' at the end of those 'blunt things' could also help, and if the person's answer is an affirmative, nothing is wrong with apologizing. PS: There are times you need to be blunt and times you need to be mild, yours is a problem only because you seem not to know when to turn on which switch. @991If this is how you roll in the real world, then those that try to avoid you because of your attitude wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole.  If this is you trying to improve your attitude, I say well-done. Nice one!991 actually exaggerated by demanding too much needless respect, and I'm not sure I would have been as cool as you were in responding. It's a blatant lie . . .Nothing says 'rude' or 'bad attitude' in your posts on this thread, so far. I also do not fancy shorthand but it gives me no right to impose what I like on others. The rule is simple : Be you and do what you enjoy doing, as long as you do not hurt anyone in the process. |
| Re: Attitude Issues by jaybee3(m): 4:04pm On Apr 25, 2012 |
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