I never ever imagined i would be posting on Nairaland, I was too busy too proud and always thought people who came to post here were whiners and jobless people. However, as I lay on my bed not sure if i would find the cure i need to live or if my treatments will fail and I will die I have so much time on my hands. All the things that held my attention and made me what i am now mostly a distant memory, I have nothing but time on my hands, My tired hands, tired from injections, needles, tests everything you can imagine in the last three months i have reflected, been angry, cried, regretted, repented and now made peace that soon I may be gone from this world. This world and all its trappings that made me once a proud arrogant, conceited and wicked man, made me turn my back and terribly hurt the 2 women who would have given their lives for me all for a father who has only spoken to me once since i became ill. It is these 2 women now who bare the burden of my wasting body even though I was so cruel to them.
My ex-wife suggested this site to me as a way to keep me busy during the day and at night when sleep eludes me, I come on read through but finally gathered courage to register and share my story today. I read through and see how most men here talk and honestly 4 months ago I would have been talking the same way, arrogant, disrespectful and rudely but today i lie down regret filled, hoping for a miracle and that my treatment works so I can spend the rest of my years being a better person.
I come from a home where I saw my father 3 or 4 times a year, My father was one of those rich men who believed women were possessions and life is all about him and himself, but as the first born and first son I always longed for his love and attention, when my dad came home on one of his visits, it was filled with tears, pain and sadness for my poor mother. He would bring in women to stay, smoke, drink totally disregard her. If she dared complain she would get belted, I remember taking care of my mum from as early as 13 years in the hospital, I remember my ex wife while we were young will stay with my younger ones at home while I stay with my mum in the hospital.
Even though my father will not always send money my mum never let us know, she will scrap, sell, work and do every business to be sure we were fine. My Ex- wife"s father is a man I hope will find space in his heart to forgive me, that man loved me, he cared for me since i was a boy and stepped into my fathers shoes.
I have hurt so many people.
I would swear as a young man that I would never drink, smoke, womanize or beat my wife. I remember when my ex wife said yes to my proposal, I was above the moon, she is a beauty, kind, forgiving and good woman, even though we had dated straight out of secondary school all through university (her dad paid for my masters) I still feared she wouldn't marry me because of my background. Her closest sister was always opposed to our being together and always told her "Boys turn out to be just like their fathers" but she loved me, her father loved me, my mother was and is still one of her best friends, anyway we got married and I promised to always make her laugh and smile, My dad then barely participated in the formalities as he preferred I marry a woman who I could dominate one from a poorer background. I was married to a beautiful woman, had a good Job, wonderful mother, life was good, I will always look forward to getting home to my smiling wife who always had a way of making the worst day better.
6 months into the marriage I got a much better job which paid 6 times what i was earning, combined with my wife's income we became millionaires, but like they say you never know what you are capable of till you have money and power. Overnight my status changed, I was in a position to afford anything i wanted, for the first few months it was good, I gave my wife and mother the best, my younger ones too, I gave my wife even things she never asked for, she was not materialistic and when I bought her another gift she will always encourage me to buy land and drag me to donate to hospitals and orphanages. Then my father who suddenly realized I was his first son started spending more time with me. I entered a world of private clubs, yatchs, private planes, a world where money, drugs and alcohol flowed like water, I was too eager to bond with my dad, that was always my hope and prayer, now i had his attention and I was willing to hold on. My wife started getting worried, at first she would talk, then she started crying, even though she will wipe her face when am home but i would see her swollen face and dry tears, My dad would give me ladies to spend the night with me and I was willing to do anything to please him, I will leave home for days without telling my wife where i was, one day she told my mum and my mum called and scolded me, that day I screamed at my mum for the first time and went home and slapped my wife, I was high on something but when I crossed that line i never went back. From that day my wife and mother irritated me, only my father mattered, to make matters worse we couldn't have kids, even though it was my fault I will humiliate my wife, beat her and insult her, she took all the blame silently. I will bring women home to sleep, she will quietly move to the guest room to avoid beatings, she cried, begged, talked, did everything till I beat her one day over some silly issue and she landed in the hospital, she was in coma for days but i was with my father far away having fun, even when i wanted to go and check her he told me to "man up" she will be fine. When my wife recovered, to my shock she never came back, she had spent 2 1/2 miserable years and she decided she had enough, at first I though she was joking, my father had assured me that she will be back begging, but she didnt come back, when i finally decided to go and beg my mother wouldnt go with us and that was the day i cut my mother off totally, for years i wouldnt call her or pick her calls, if she came to my house i will leave her there and go out, my own mother.

Anyway, My father In Law cried that day, my wife said she wasn't coming back and I lost her, she filed for divorce, i wanted to fight and deny her the divorce, I swore she wouldnt get anything from me, she didnt even want anything, but when her lawyer showed me all the pictures and receipts from all the times i put her in the hospital I was shocked at the monster I had become and quietly let her go, giving her most of our assets, in the end she took nothing.
Over the last few years I kept on the crazy lifestyle with my dad, womanizing, drinking, occasionally using drugs, my ex remarried and just recently had her second boy.
Recently I feel ill and went to the hospital hoping it was just a minor stomach ache, only to discover that most of my liver has been damaged, we have gone everywhere for treatment, I am in and out of the hospital every time, My ex wife who even though just recently had a baby is my primary care giver, her kind hearted husband allowed her move me into their guest house, My mum is also her with us, these two women i treated like trash are now the ones here with me. I feel so ashamed and full of regrets, i apologies everyday and cry sometimes.
Men Please, if God gives you a kind woman, value her. I wish I had not taken so many wrong turns, After all the money, clubbing, women, cars, big boy, I am here now, not yet 40 but look 60, learn from me. The father i threw away the people who loved me to please is no where to be found, the one time we spoke I was the one who called him, he said he will call back and that was months ago. Pray for me, I want to live so I can spend my life being good and serving Humanity, I doont want to go to God empty handed

Is this for real?

very touchin,u can stil make it.turn a new leaf and call on to God

Sharing this story is a way you are serving humanity.
I'm so touched and speechless

honeric01: Is this for real?

I cant even to mention half of the wrong things I have done to my mother and my ex wife. I am on my way for another round of tests and treatments abroad, I feel I may not make it back, I didnt want to die with my pain and regrets, I only wish someone else can learn from my story and not make the same mistakes. My greatest regret is taking the smile away from my wife, her smile lights up a room, I made her stop smiling and laughing, her laugh was infectious, but I made her stop laughing at home and in public, I completely humiliated her, hurt her and broke her spirit. I am only happy that she found a good man, if i die I am happy because she is in good hands, She also has the kids she deserves, now I see her smiling and laughing again and I am happy, how hard it must have been for her those years, how many nights she must have cried those days, now its my turn to cry, yes a full grown man crying. I really hope no one gets to live this way.

man_j:
I cant even to mention half of the wrong things I have done to my mother and my ex wife. I am on my way for another round of tests and treatments abroad, I feel I may not make it back, I didnt want to die with my pain and regrets, I only wish someone else can learn from my story and not make the same mistakes. My greatest regret is taking the smile away from my wife, her smile lights up a room, I made her stop smiling and laughing, her laugh was infectious, but I made her stop laughing at home and in public, I completely humiliated her, hurt her and broke her spirit. I am only happy that she found a good man, if i die I am happy because she is in good hands, She also has the kids she deserves, now I see her smiling and laughing again and I am happy, how hard it must have been for her those years, how many nights she must have cried those days, now its my turn to cry, yes a full grown man crying. I really hope no one gets to live this way.

WOW, kinda scared, dunno what to say..

Hmmmmmmmm all i can say now is may the good lord have mercy on you and give you a second chance to put back smile in the faces of your love ones, and i advice u torn to god he is the only one who can Change negative to positive and positive to negative he has done it for others he will do it for u just keep that faith up and the good lord will forgive you in Jesus name.

I must confence that this story is really painfull i wonder how ur mum and xwife will be filling if am this hot. If god shold give you a second chance pls use it wisely, i pray you survive this illness.

is only God that can help u now,just turn to Him with all ur heart n u can b sure He will answer u,there s no sickness Dr Jesus cannot cure but first u must have to giv ur Life to Him,confess ur sins to Him and ask Him to b ur Lord and saviour.He gives hope to the hopeless,making ways where there is none.There is still a balm in Gilead,cheer up cos He is closer than any other freind

Quite touching man... Be strong you may yet have the second chance you wish for.. I wish you a speedy recovery man.

Death,its for all either we lyk it or not, death can come anytym,u av signal in ur body tellin u death is approaching, tnk him because d tym u ar spending now is a chance to ask for his forgiveness,some are killed by a hit and run car,they neva had a chance,u myt get cured of ur liver nd death comes in anoda form just perfect ur ways.

man_j:
I cant even to mention half of the wrong things I have done to my mother and my ex wife. I am on my way for another round of tests and treatments abroad, I feel I may not make it back, I didnt want to die with my pain and regrets, I only wish someone else can learn from my story and not make the same mistakes. My greatest regret is taking the smile away from my wife, her smile lights up a room, I made her stop smiling and laughing, her laugh was infectious, but I made her stop laughing at home and in public, I completely humiliated her, hurt her and broke her spirit. I am only happy that she found a good man, if i die I am happy because she is in good hands, She also has the kids she deserves, now I see her smiling and laughing again and I am happy, how hard it must have been for her those years, how many nights she must have cried those days, now its my turn to cry, yes a full grown man crying. I really hope no one gets to live this way.

U ARE NOT GOING TO DIE IN JESUS NAME AMEN. GOD HAS SEEN HOW REMORSEFUL YOU ARE,HE HAS FORGIVEN YOUR SINS. HE WILL SEE YOU TRU AND BRING HAPPINES TO YOU AGAIN. U STILL HAVE ALOT TO ACHIEVE IN LIVE MY BROTHER SO GET WELL SOON AND COME SHARE THE GOOD NEWS WITH US AS WE WILL B WAITING TO REJOICE WITH YOU..... WISHING YOU SPEEDY RECOVERY.

man_j:
I cant even to mention half of the wrong things I have done to my mother and my ex wife. I am on my way for another round of tests and treatments abroad, I feel I may not make it back, I didnt want to die with my pain and regrets, I only wish someone else can learn from my story and not make the same mistakes. My greatest regret is taking the smile away from my wife, her smile lights up a room, I made her stop smiling and laughing, her laugh was infectious, but I made her stop laughing at home and in public, I completely humiliated her, hurt her and broke her spirit. I am only happy that she found a good man, if i die I am happy because she is in good hands, She also has the kids she deserves, now I see her smiling and laughing again and I am happy, how hard it must have been for her those years, how many nights she must have cried those days, now its my turn to cry, yes a full grown man crying. I really hope no one gets to live this way.

U ARE NOT GOING TO DIE IN JESUS NAME AMEN. GOD HAS SEEN HOW REMORSEFUL YOU ARE,HE HAS FORGIVEN YOUR SINS. HE WILL SEE YOU TRU AND BRING HAPPINES TO YOU AGAIN. U STILL HAVE ALOT TO ACHIEVE IN LIVE MY BROTHER SO GET WELL SOON AND COME SHARE THE GOOD NEWS WITH US AS WE WILL B WAITING TO REJOICE WITH YOU..... WISHING YOU SPEEDY RECOVERY.

i'm touched by your story. God will surely help you. Amen. where's the mod now abeg u guys should make this frontpage!!!

@man.j
This is really so traumatic! I pray that God grant you a second chance but above all grant you mercy and PEACE for your troubled soul.

May God help you.

What a useless father. . .and you were silly to crave the love of such a monster.

Poor man!

My hands r still shaking...mehn!may U get the second chance u ask 4!AMEN

U'll get well, though wished you realised your mistakes early enough.. Very touching post.

I wish I could tell everyone this. God bless you for trying to help others. To often people's arrogance cost them everything. While you can't undo what's done, pray that God allows you to forgive yourself and continue to tell your story to whoever will listen.

Your ex wife's husband is truly a kind hearted person, ur ex-wife has a forgiving heart and God bless your mom, I hope u survive and can make it up to them.

You sound like the husband of a member here, can't remember her Id now, but these sound like the things done to her. Op I don't know what to say to you, but forgive yourself and God forgives you. Where is your dad now?

''...like father like son...'' the truth in the phrase isn't far-fetched. Were u under a spell? Did u join an occult group? I feel u're not telling us certain things.

However, God cannot be mocked! And no sin goes unpunished. Do not attempt suicide out of guilt or severe depression, it'll cost u more than u've lost already. Also, do not live in seclusion. Mingle as much as u can...even to ur own detriment. I'll pray for you.

O men! This is really touchin, I mean it is, speechless I wouldnt say coz am still hazing through my tots and well, guy, man, Thanks for sharing thz, not that I intend doing any of thz stuff, buh the fact that ur staying at her guest house is the most ironical part of thz, hopefully God will save YOU, atleast you've served humanity. May God Help you in Jesus name. Amen.

africka magk in a way too

I'm touched by your story. God will heal you. You sound like debrief08 ex husband. Be strong, its well with you.

I am sorry, my qouta for believing BS ran out when I was 25. This was written by one of the females on this board. None of it is true. I am amused that you all are even falling for this. You guys will believe anything. Lord spare us!!

If only they will learn from your story. Lots of people are indeed cruel but the good thing is nature has a way of catching up with them.

Make peace with God cos he is the one you owe now since your ex wife and mother have forgiven you. It is well.

wow

God loves you to have slowed you down to realise and face your mistakes.He tried to when divorce came up.Life threathening illness helps to put our lives in perspective,many never get this opportunity.Find Jesus now he wants you to humbly and sincerely repent.Make peace with everyone and make up your mind to be a better person.Deal with the need to get acceptance and love from your father by making God your father.God is merciful and your have wonderful people around you,your mum must have been praying.Read the bible,listen to healing message see 2kings 20,2 chron 33 v12-13. God can give you another opportunity to undo your wrongs.

fluid26: ''...like father like son...'' the truth in the phrase isn't far-fetched. Were u under a spell? Did u join an occult group? I feel u're not telling us certain things.

However, God cannot be mocked! And no sin goes unpunished. Do not attempt suicide out of guilt or severe depression, it'll cost u more than u've lost already. Also, do not live in seclusion. Mingle as much as u can...even to ur own detriment. I'll pray for you.

please say something nice or shut it!. . . Abi he kill person? (even at that sef!). The lord is looking for lost sheep to gather to his fold, and here is someone that is asking for his way back. . So who are you to judge if God will punish him or not?. @ Op. All is well. . . I wish u speedy recovery.