Lipstick Girls

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the oldergirls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they wouldthen press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered allthe girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet withthem in the ladies room at 2pm.

They gathered at 2pm and found the principaland the school custodian waiting for them.

The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian toclean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fullyunderstand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witnessjust how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of abox. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror andproceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?" "A horsy," one child answers.

"And this?" the teacher asks. "A piggy," replies another youngster."

And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total silence. "Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint".

What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot? "I know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl.
"It's a Hot bastard!"

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, " I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, " But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards it.

"Two dogs, please." Says the mother superior. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior is first to open hers, then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part of the dog did you get?"

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid-term. The lastquestion, worth 70 points or none at all was:

"Name seven advantages of mother's milk."

The student in question had also partied the night before, and was hard putto think of 7 advantages.

He wrote:

1. It is a perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always available as needed.
4. It is always at the right temperature
5. It is inexpensive.
6. It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa.

And then, the student was stuck.

Finally, just before the bell indicating the end of the test was rang, hewrote:

7. It comes in cute containers.

He was the only student to ace the exam.

A man and wife attended church one evening, and the wife decided that it wastime to stop her husband from sleeping in Church. So, she took her hat pinand decided she would poke him every time he fell asleep.Right about the first time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, "And whocreated the Universe?" The wife poked her husband and he awakes and yells,"My God!"

The second time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, "And who died on thecross for you?" She pokes her husband and he screams, "Jesus Christ!"

The third time, the Preacher asks, " And what did Eve say to Adam after shebore him his 99th son?"

The wife pokes her husband and he jumps up and yells, "By God, if you pokeme with that thing one more time, I am going to break it OFF!"

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand and one under his left arm.He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the Bartender.

The Bartender is experienced and has learned not toask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so hedoesn't mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go to the restroom.

The ducks are left on the bar. The bartender is alone with theducks. There is an awkward silence. The Bartender decides to try to make some conversation.

"What's your name?" He says to the first duck.

"Huey" replies the first duck.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and outof puddles all day."

"Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender.

Then he says to the second duck "Hi. And what's yourname?"

"Dewey," came the answer.

"So how's your day been, Dewey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and outof puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again."

So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says "So, you must be Louie."

"No," growls the third duck, "my name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day

,very funny expecially the first.keep it up

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They'vestolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even theaccelerator," she cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang asecond time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in theback seat by mistake."

Ituen pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed ClemK where he'd first had sex.

"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa, "

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast.

They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls and letters and e-mails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

So what she did was this:

She took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was pissed.

So what he did next was awesome:

He wrote on the back of the photo the following: "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and then mailed the picture to her parents.


Isavo Message for the Day - Look beyond your circle of interests sometimes