10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. - Travel (6)

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10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. - Travel (6) - Nairaland

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Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by lagcity(m): 6:15am On Aug 26, 2012

How to greet your American coworker: "Hey, Bill. How is your wife and the kids?"

How NOT to greet your American coworker: "Hey, Bill. How is OUR wife na? How are the kids too?"

Bill will think you are shaging his wife and bring a gun to work the next day grin

5 Likes

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by Osiso4eva: 8:32am On Aug 26, 2012

This dude is so on point especially if you live in the US...lol. He got me cracking.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by Nobody: 9:14am On Aug 26, 2012

Do not enter TRAM or METRO without valid ticket.
Do not remove item label or steal at d kiosk.
Do not play loud music in ur apartment.
Do not run or move when a police officer look at u 2 much.
Do not carry cash along all d time, always use ur credit card.
Avoid hangin around where drug hawkers operate.
Do not ever think of goin to a shop 2 buy a tin on credit like most people does in Nigeria.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by Vicjustice: 9:24am On Aug 26, 2012

Stella_Bella: 1. Somebody fall or injure.. Nor say SORRY ... Ask am are u okay?

2. can I buy coke or mineral...... No. say ...I want soda or pop... Coke can land u in jail.

3. you have to pay tax on every item... Incuding ashewo tax.

4. Taxi na meter and the money dey start from tax not from zero

5. Have alternative for accommodation, even your brother will disappoint you and blame akata/oyinbo wife.

6. Be careful with girls some are 15 and look 30.. Them go even show u fake id..express road to jail be that.

7. If you mess, sneeze or cough...say excuse me

8. Wash all your Nigeria clothes with their detergent and softener to remove Nigeria Akpu, stock-fish, and beans smell.

9.try to learn to reduce your accent, or else u will drive taxi or sell ice cream proper.

10. Shave off all Nigeria armpit,private hair and wash yourself with their deodorant soap.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed

Just my advise
More contribution is wanted.

Have a great day!

Bravo, and also Nigerians should be educated on the use of deodorant/armpit roll-on: nothing more embarrassing than a stinking black person

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by revlution: 12:05pm On Aug 26, 2012

Stella_Bella: My number # 1 was from experience
As one oyinbo wan enter elevator, the thing close, for her shoulders.
Na im I begin hala soorry, soorry, soory,
No be im she hala b...ch for what??
I nearly slap but the Jesu in me held me down. Amen.

OMG!!!, I couldnt stop laughing, Thnks Stella Bella for these tips.
I can remember the first time i was on a plane for the first time and i was served mashed potatoe, and i started wondering whether they thought i booked a childrens flight ticket and not an adult's ticket, till much later i realized that mashed potatoe is an actual meal for English people.I thank God say i no begin ask the hostess, make im check my ticket again confirm say no be pikin ticket i carry , say i be adult.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by ObiomaA: 12:12pm On Aug 26, 2012

Number 6 almost got me in jail some years ago

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by Nobody: 12:48pm On Aug 26, 2012

lagcity: How to greet your American coworker: "Hey, Bill. How is your wife and the kids?"

How NOT to greet your American coworker: "Hey, Bill. How is OUR wife na? How are the kids too?"

Bill will think you are shaging his wife and bring a gun to work the next day

Lmfao.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by FelixL(m): 1:42pm On Aug 26, 2012

fubbyy:

I need a comment on what I can't do in germany cause that's my target after this yeye nysc, pls help

Germans all learned english in school but they are not all very good at it. So you better try to speak a slow school english. Where are you going to? East and west are not the same. The west part is full of immigrants of all parts of the world. You are not very exotic there. Biggest minority are the turks. Perhaps it is not a good idea to go into turkish bars as a black.

Hit my mail button, I'd be pleased to give you further support.

Viel Glück, Felix, Kassel, Germany

1 Like

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by Nobody: 2:08pm On Aug 26, 2012

lagcity: How to greet your American coworker: "Hey, Bill. How is your wife and the kids?"

How NOT to greet your American coworker: "Hey, Bill. How is OUR wife na? How are the kids too?"

Bill will think you are shaging his wife and bring a gun to work the next day

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by ZeusI: 4:08pm On Aug 26, 2012

Stella_Bella: 1. Somebody fall or injure.. Nor say SORRY ... Ask am are u okay?

2. can I buy coke or mineral...... No. say ...I want soda or pop... Coke can land u in jail.

3. you have to pay tax on every item... Incuding ashewo tax.

4. Taxi na meter and the money dey start from tax not from zero

5. Have alternative for accommodation, even your brother will disappoint you and blame akata/oyinbo wife.

6. Be careful with girls some are 15 and look 30.. Them go even show u fake id..express road to jail be that.

7. If you mess, sneeze or cough...say excuse me

8. Wash all your Nigeria clothes with their detergent and softener to remove Nigeria Akpu, stock-fish, and beans smell.

9.try to learn to reduce your accent, or else u will drive taxi or sell ice cream proper.

10. Shave off all Nigeria armpit,private hair and wash yourself with their deodorant soap.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed

Just my advise
More contribution is wanted.

Have a great day!

That is why i prefare here(Nigeria) to outside.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by ZeusI: 4:08pm On Aug 26, 2012

Stella_Bella: 1. Somebody fall or injure.. Nor say SORRY ... Ask am are u okay?

2. can I buy coke or mineral...... No. say ...I want soda or pop... Coke can land u in jail.

3. you have to pay tax on every item... Incuding ashewo tax.

4. Taxi na meter and the money dey start from tax not from zero

5. Have alternative for accommodation, even your brother will disappoint you and blame akata/oyinbo wife.

6. Be careful with girls some are 15 and look 30.. Them go even show u fake id..express road to jail be that.

7. If you mess, sneeze or cough...say excuse me

8. Wash all your Nigeria clothes with their detergent and softener to remove Nigeria Akpu, stock-fish, and beans smell.

9.try to learn to reduce your accent, or else u will drive taxi or sell ice cream proper.

10. Shave off all Nigeria armpit,private hair and wash yourself with their deodorant soap.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed

Just my advise
More contribution is wanted.

Have a great day!

That is why i prefare here(Nigeria) to outside.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by ayobase(m): 4:47pm On Aug 26, 2012

Zeus I: That is why i prefer here(Nigeria) to outside.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by phyl123: 4:56pm On Aug 26, 2012

Always make eye contact when speaking or it maybe assummed that you are telling lies, especially in interviews. This may be one reason why some Nigerians do not do so well at job interviews. As i know in some parts of Nigeria it may be seen as disrespectful especially when one of the parties is much younger.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by olaboy1: 6:20pm On Aug 26, 2012

Do not eat dessert before dinner and never take the last cookie.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by babeface3: 7:00pm On Aug 26, 2012

always go with some money when you are invited to a birthday party; if its a room party, go with your drink grin

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by Papa12(m): 11:28pm On Aug 26, 2012

ebamma: you can call president jonathan retardeen and clueless,but if you do the same to in russia,to vladimir putin,u will be sentenced to 3years in jail

.. Na u sabi oo

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by petnkool: 4:39am On Aug 27, 2012

bright007: Nice thread.Let me contribute....
My cousin came back from London some months ago and we went to a nearby supermarket to buy basic items.
I bought å sliced bread in addition to other items...d sales girl packed everything in black nylon for us and my cousin objected...he said d only way he would walk back home with me is if d girl changes d pack to another colour....d girl immediately changed it..
He later told me dat in London,u don't buy something in å black pack...only thieves/pilfers do so...You will be avoided by everyone if they see u carrying something in å black nylon.

Na only everybody's cousins dey dey abroad ni

? just wondering .

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by petnkool: 4:47am On Aug 27, 2012

Abeg , talk more about airports and plane boarding .. Na so elevator go catch me for leg for paris . Na so I fall for inside airport train too . I also said "silent prayers " when the plane was landing . arrghh . I was a comedian during my first flight . lol

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by StellaBella(f): 5:06am On Aug 27, 2012

petnkool: Abeg , talk more about airports and plane boarding .. Na so elevator catch me for leg for paris . Na so I fall for inside airport train too . I also said "silent prayers " when the plane was landing . arrghh .. thank God am in Washington now , but my first flight was terrible

Which of your THREE legs bros? cheesy

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by Tadup: 6:30am On Aug 27, 2012

Zeus I: That is why i prefare here(Nigeria) to outside.

you will also have easy access to bush meat in naija.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by ayobase(m): 8:13am On Aug 27, 2012

Stella_Bella:
Which of your THREE legs bros?

Steeeeeella!

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by timilehing(m): 8:23am On Aug 27, 2012

How do i say i need money?

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by StellaBella(f): 8:44am On Aug 27, 2012

ayobase:

Steeeeeella!

Wetin, I am just inquisitive na.
Na crime?

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by StellaBella(f): 8:51am On Aug 27, 2012

Learn how to tip taxi drivers, waiter/waitress even your nail lady.
Momsie bring on huge calculator dey calculate follow me.
After manicure and pedicure, I dash tip
Na im she woop her big calculator begin holla,
'' a whole 500 naira dash for this nonsense, we don pay, why extra''
She vex wella
Na so I waka fast like say I no no am.
Pls tip..

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by eduson33(m): 9:41am On Aug 27, 2012

As a guy,do not pull out your hand to hand-check a lady or you will receive the best insult of your life.
using the word,i will kill you or i go show you can land you to eternal solemn.
if you they plan to come to dubai and as well sharpening your mouth to start saying Bleep you of damn you,,,hei!! i pity you b'cus in not less than 7 hours,you are in mortallah muhamed.
in niaja,we have freedom of speech but here in dubai,if you ever say anything against muslim,my dear open you hand wide to recieve your confirm seven year imprisonment soldered together with deportation.
dalu kwanu!!!

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by ayobase(m): 10:14am On Aug 27, 2012

Stella_Bella: Learn how to tip taxi drivers, waiter/waitress even your nail lady.
Momsie bring on huge calculator dey calculate follow me.
After manicure and pedicure, I dash tip
Na im she woop her big calculator begin holla,
'' a whole 500 naira dash for this nonsense, we don pay, why extra''
She vex wella
Na so I waka fast like say I no no am.
Pls tip..

Never knew u have a good heart.....
@@whispering....will u marry me?@@

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by FelixL(m): 11:19am On Aug 27, 2012

Also not that smart is to complain about the country you enter to the natives.
My country, Germany, is far from being perfect and so are its ppl.
As in N. everbody is accusing government and ppl are accusing their nature, their way of thinking and acting.
I remember I once had long discussions with a nigerian about the differences of our countries. By time he got angry and started to talk bad about mine. I was not amused. That is my part - not the one of guests as long as they are treated well.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by murtalaa(m): 12:35pm On Aug 27, 2012

Don't ever call an elderly white person daddy. He will have a heart attack especially if he has ever bleeped a black woman, and if he has not he wil think you are stark raving mad. Similarly, don't call anyone you're not related to uncle, aunty, mommy etc.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by seunny4lif(m): 12:20am On Aug 28, 2012

Here in libya 1. Dont look a lady or a girl of 10yrs two times oh,na rain of stones for ur head with enough beaten 2. Thou shall nt piss for corner or anywhere exp.toliet 3. Thou shall nt greet an arab girl even if she dey greet u,run for ur life 4. Thou shall nt follow an arab guy home without ur friend or ur partner,na u sabi becos na ur yarnsh,go turn toto oh 5. Thou shall always be ready to run becos 12pm may turn to 8pm with enough anti-aircarft guns 6. Till coming on that....need to sleep.

Re: 10-Things You Shouldn't Do/Say Outside Nigeria. by StellaBella(f): 2:47am On Aug 28, 2012

ayobase:

Never knew u have a good heart.....
@@whispering....will u marry me?@@

Whispering back .....no cheesy

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