hello people.its almost 12midnight and i had to come out with my husband to send some mails to a few people.its so amazing how many guys do this overnight browsing thing.
thank you to everyone who has lent an ear or do i say an eye to my post.but honestly,things are turning a bit ugly over here for me.i have been hearing alot of rude side remarks directed at me.stuff like 'the sons wife never allowed her reap the fruit of her labour'. and all sorts of hurtful things.some of them are nice,others are just something else.my sister in law does not even respond to my greeting anymore.last night she was in the sitting room with her cousin and they were speaking efik.the next thing i heard was the cousin singing to my hearing-''holy ghost fire pursue them,all those that will put hatred and darkness in our family,pursue them,if possible break their legs''.i sat there for a while and then left to bemoan my fate on my own.it's not too good when your in laws speak a different language o.you'll hear nwi like me here.
my mother is coming,my sister is here from the us and is keeping me company.i told her not to speak our language at all,so they'll not think we are talking about them.my own type of igbo if we speak it, you'll think we are consulting a big oracle for you.
anyway,things are not going on as well as i anticipated.i hope it does not get worse.if it does get worse than this,i wont know what to do.my husband has been trying to put my mind at ease but it's not working.the few people who welcomed me warmly the first day we got here changed their warm attitude later.i am not hallucinating.
i may not be able to browse again before the burial on saturday,nor before i heard back to the uk on wednesday.
thank you everyone.i love you all.

@ shapey . . . what is your husband doing to make things right with his family?

For me it is totally unthinkable that any member of my family would make snide remarks about my wife in her presence or absence.
Your husband just has to stand up to his family, that is why he is a man. All these "putting my mind at ease" whatever is not enough. If my brother refused to speak to my wife he'd get the talking to of his life . . . he may forget about talking to me as well. its as simple as that.

Hi.
It so good to hear from you again.
Expectedly,your in-laws would react like that.Honestly,I don't expect your husband
to fight his people.I am very sure they are already priming/preparing themselves to
scatter everything;your head inclusive.
I presume he is on top of situation.
Just put a very big zipper/zip,whatever in your mouth and just swallow
whatever you are exposed to.
I know you'll be a better person after this episode.
As for the sister in-law;you know what to do.
God bless you.

Shapey, My sister use to tell me that no matter what people say about you, ignore them you actions will vidicate you or prove them right. I guessed your sister In-Law will start trouble but look beyound that dont quareel with anybody, concentrate on making the burial a success, and making your husband happy. Its usually difficult to ignore somethings but please try. Dont quarel with your husband now about his attitude, wait till you get back home. Anyway be a good wife and In-law, I trust you, dont let your sister inlaw get to you she will get hers. Take Care

@poster
I was moved to tears at the situation of things in your matrimonial home when i read your story but got consoled by the fact that God eventually vindicated you.I'm sure u've learnt your lessons now and you are better woman.Takia and enjoy your marriage but be very careful next time to avoid a repetition of this ugly scenerio.Gdluck

shapey:

my sister in law does not even respond to my greeting anymore.last night she was in the sitting room with her cousin and they were speaking efik.the next thing i heard was the cousin singing to my hearing-''holy ghost fire pursue them,all those that will put hatred and darkness in our family,pursue them,if possible break their legs''.i sat there for a while and then left to bemoan my fate on my own.it's not too good when your in laws speak a different language o.you'll hear nwi like me here.

I have been following your (true life) story from the onset but have deceided not to contribute until now 'cos justice has already been done by the contributors. I have however decided to come out of my shell because of your comment above. It is indeed serious!

I have never been an advocate of inter-tribal/racial marriage (and it will take a lot of bindings, castings and loosings for me to change my mind) especially in this part of the world. Most especially, when you do not speak the same language as your in-laws.

To compound the matter, when you marry an African, you are not getting marry to the man alone but to his entire extended family. In such a situation, a good husband can be teleguided to dance to the whims and caprices of this family, even against his will.

If you are unfortunate enough to find yourself in a typical traditional setting, chances are that you will see the "gbaranmidelerus", who will go to any length in "assisting" their "son" to send away the-witch-that-has-come-to-destabilise-the-once-a-peaceful-family.

I just pray that God will take absolute control because, this is indeed a serious case. You need a lot of prayers. and soul-searching. But, I know with God, nothing shall be impossible!

And for the spinsters, please think twice before you say yes to that Yoruba or okoro guy. Marriage is for-better-for-worse and like they say in Yorubaland: won a maa ba e ka ni o!.

@ poster am so sorry, i wished you didnt laugh that day, but honestly i think what really compounded things is your going to work the following day(you wouldnt ve done that if it were to be your mom)i guess you re young in marriage,is just a lesson .this are some of the things you ve to learn, anything with inlaws re very sensitive.(in a case like this you should ve even cried ,even if it has to be pretence) thats what husband want.
but that as gone. pls dont dicuss this with any of his family memebers ;l am sure this ll compound the suitation and they ll always refer to it in the future.[b][/b]i know all wives know how to get thier husband ,do all you can to plead with him espeacially in the corners of your room.since your sister inlaw saw the suitation as it happened you can extend your pleading to her and promise not to ever do such again. we re all praying for you. i guess your man is yoruba and you re igbo.

no o the man is not yoruba o.he is a calabar man,he is efik from cross river. shapey is going through alot right now.apart from her home wahala which she managed to sort out,the sister in law gathered some of their people and was gisting them how she want s to put fire on their roof by asking her brother to seize her p.port once they get into nigeria so that she will never go back with them to london.today is the wakekeeping but shapey is weeping her eyes out with her mother threatening to take her daughter back with her. she has even cried more that the chief mourner in that burial.her husband is trying to make peace,but it does not seem to be working out.the oldest man in theris family has summoned shapey and her husband is threatening to cut all ties with his pips after the burial.


how did i know, ask me how.

Amsky,
how?
I'm interested.

amsky and shapey are sisters?

yeah,we are cousins.

Amsky pls pull your cousin's husband's ears. . . he caused the whole thing to get this messy.

oh davidylan you bet i'll do just that.he is so bent on 'keeping the peace'that he refused to properly call his sister to order.at the end of the day the peace he thought he was keeping has blown up in his face.
i tried to talk things over with them before they left for 9ja,but the sister went out of control.shapey's mom has announced to them that once the body is in the ground she is going with her daughter.and i trust she can do that.i just hope has not been blown out of proportion. i know for sure that things are not too good over there and i'm not happy am not able to make it there.

shapey's hubby is now begging to have his wife back.instead of concentrating on burying his mom,his now thinking of other things.the mom's younger sister-shapey's husband's aunt-came with a cane for shapey.instead of the man to order them out of the place and ask them to leave his wife alone,he was busy calling her to come and greet them i could not believe my ears.greet people who have come to crucify you?
her mother then exploded,asking him if her daughter was a goat or cow to be flogged.she then told them all that if anything happens to her child they'd be sorry.
na im the guy begin beg.abeg my people the tory better for shapey mouth.
it's a sad situation.i have spoken to both parties and shapey's mom has said enough is enough.i was even blamed for letting things degenerate to this level. what on earth would i have done.

this tori just dey sweet with each passing day . . . _{i hope i dont get battered for laughing}. Couldnt help it but seriously:

amsky:

oh davidylan you bet i'll do just that.he is so bent on 'keeping the peace'that he refused to properly call his sister to order.at the end of the day the peace he thought he was keeping has blown up in his face.

amsky, i am a man too but i never bought the rubbish a lot of people put up as "advice" here in the first place. Shapey over-begged her husband for what was not even an issue. Its hard for a man to lose his mom but should his marriage pay the price for such a loss?
When a man prefers to listen to his sister rather than his wife . . . when a man hears things about his wife and does not even bother to confirm first before deciding to throw a tantrum then i fear greatly for that marriage.

amsky:

the mom's younger sister-shapey's husband's aunt-came with a cane for shapey.instead of the man to order them out of the place and ask them to leave his wife alone,he was busy calling her to come and greet them i could not believe my ears.

I am not surprised they brought a cane . . . i'm just shocked they didnt tell shapey's husband to flog her himself in their presence. It is clear that this man is spineless (sorry to say). Frankly no family member of mine will try that sort of nonsense . . . its not even about respecting my wife, its about respecting me enough to know that you cant just treat my wife like she is now ur dishrag.

amsky:

na im the guy begin beg.abeg my people the tory better for shapey mouth.
it's a sad situation.i have spoken to both parties and shapey's mom has said enough is enough.i was even blamed for letting things degenerate to this level. what on earth would i have done.

Its too late . . . the marriage is already done. I sometimes wonder, dont women understand their men properly before they say I DO?

Her sister inlaw has obviously poisoned some minds., I feel your pain dear poster. At least you went for the burial if nothing else. If your husband cannot protect you then it is finished. Shame on any man that allows his family to make his wife miserable while he folds his hands.

davidylan:


I am not surprised they brought a cane . . . i'm just shocked they didnt tell shapey's husband to flog her himself in their presence. It is clear that this man is spineless (sorry to say). Frankly no family member of mine will try that sort of nonsense . . . its not even about respecting my wife, its about respecting me enough to know that you can't just treat my wife like she is now your dishrag.

@davidylan, I fully agree with you. Any family member that disrespects my wife has disrespected me. My wife and I are one, and our bond must be respected by all. All these "I too know" relatives must not be given any chance to destroy a thriving marriage.

Anyway, I'm not sure the marriage is over. I still think it's possible to salvage it, it all depends on the man and the woman.

As much as i am disappointed in her husbands behavior by letting this blow out of proportion, actions now should be taken with caution. Her Husband gave so much power to his people and so little to his wife. Please tell your cousin to hold her peace and not react to the things that are happenig around her. I am so disappointed in her husband.

i think shapey's hubby shares the same views as davidylan and richyblack.but the guy is torn between being at peace with his extended family members and keeping his hitherto happy marriage.i know that to shapey's parents and family,the marriage is done and over,but with the husband,he does not think it's over-he loves his wife alot.
it's all the sister's fault.nobody would have known of what transpired in uk(the laughing thing)but for her spilling the beans on shapey.i'm also mad at the hubby for believeing his sister over his wife who he knew for 3yrs before marriage.
in my candid opinion,the marriage could still be saved.shapey's sister i hear has  packed her stuff and she'll be off to the UK by tuesday;and the plan is that she'll be with me.my husband has warned me not to play any obvious role in this,so as not be called in their family meetings or any such thing.i hope for peace to reign.she is going through her worst nightmare right now,and her parents are bent on taking back their child.i dont know how this will solve anything.i dont think people are concentrating on the burial anymore,everyone now knows the family kwata and is getting involved one way or the other.the husband has said he's taking his wife to lagos this night after the burial,but her parents has refused and are bent on taking her away with them.shapey slept in a hotel last night and will be going in the company of her parents and sister to lagos later today.all the prayers i had with her during the little problem here  and before she left did not work out.the worse case senario we envisaged is a childs play compared to the goings on now.

aisha i agree with you,but what caution is there to exercise.infact caution is not in anyone's vocabs now as things are.shapeys mom is busy shouting and telling everyone who has ears that her daughter is not from the bush and that she bore her in her womb and so will never in her life time see her child being maltreated and stuff like that.there is no need for such things.i dont even see why she should be seperated from her hubby now.emotions have also gone wild if you ask me.

my husband has called some of his people in akwaibom to go and intercede.i do not know how this will work.but one thing i'm sure of is that shapey's husband is being overwhelmed by events.he never knew things will go this awry.

Amsky, its Shapey's marriae, as much as admire her mothers support fr her daughter, shapey and her husband are both adults but it seems so many people have come into their marriage and have taken over, its going to be a serious task to get the marriage back to normal if t stands this test. Good marriages go through serious molding, the aim of that is to make it stronger and more grounded, hope she and her husband will pick up something positive from this experience

Quite an interesting story. However, dear amsky, shapey's mom has done well to 'take' her daughter with her & stoutly rise in shapey's defense- that doesnt mean the marriage is over.
The matter is beyond what shapey's hubby can handle & that, in my opinion, informs the mom's action- as that is the only way to rein in the inlaws stupidity. How will this end? Shapey n hubby will be reunited while the families back home will solve their probs with the inlaws taking the necessary steps. Just tell shapey not to stress - its a drama that plays out all the time ( I shd know). The sis inlaw will beg in the end but has lost the opportunity to stay with them. Shapey shd let the adults handle the matter but ensure she is in touch with her hubby & encourage him in his distress. She must not listen to any advise to pack out of her matrimonial home - that would mean the devil had succeeded in breaking her marriage. If she could get the hubby to come to his senses thru patience, etc then there's nothing stopping her from having a great marriage. All marriages have their unique problems that require unique solutions. She shd resist every influence to leave her marriage - IT HAS NOT FAILED. Overcoming this trial would help her in future.
GOD BLESS

@Amsky

My heart is so so heavy for your cousin right now, this is every married couple's worst nightmare. But nothing is new under the sun, the marriage could still be very well saved. We have seen worse and the marriage still survived. I don't blame Sharpey's husband at all, we men don't usually get things right under pressure or at the first time. I wish someone would call the husband and ask him how much he loves his wife?? Because if he does love her and lose her over some idiocy coming from his sister. This is his life and if he allows his family to destroy his marriage, trust me he will have a wounded heart for the rest of his life if he truely loves his wife. So what if shapey laughed at the phone message?? Is not as if she killed her mother in-law. I think the husband is a little weak minded because as our people say " We find real men in hard situations and they are defined by how well they fought for what is theirs". I feel like shapey has demonstrated how good a wife she is, it is now left to her husband to show how strong of a man he is to stand behind her woman ! I've been in this kind of situation before and i wished i had put up a little more fight, but all i have left is a wounded heart and tons of regret. I bet most people will not understand it untill they find themselves in the husband's shoes. I HOPE MY GUESS IS WRONG, BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS MARRIAGE WILL NOT BE THE SAME AGAIN EVEN IF THIS PARTICULAR SITUATION IS RESOLVED UNLESS HER HUSBAND FINDS A WAY TO RE-NEW THEIR LOVE BY STANDING FIRM BEHIND HIS WIFE. They have left shapey wounded, one way or the other. SHAPEY, WE LOVE YOU AND WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOU, MAY THE ALMIGHTY ONE SEE YOU THROUGH.


I think shapey's Mom has done well but a little restraint is needed. She needs to talk to the husband to see where his mind is and give shapey and him a chance to work things out. Because a known devil might be better than an unknown angel. Because i suspect shapey might be in her mid-20s or late 20s by now and if so where will she start from again? There are many worse wolves out there than a weak minded husband.

I also suspect that the husband's family never liked shapey from the jump, they are now using this excuse to show their true feelings. THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS I HATE OUR CULTURE SOMATIMES, TOO MUCH FAMILY INTERFERENCE !! NONSENSE!

I think i understand Shapey's mom's point of view. . . when she gave out her daughter in marriage she wasnt expecting her to go and recieve cane in the hands of her inlaws.
The blame is squarely on Shapey's husband . . . he gave his sister the liberty to impose herself and become a wedge between him amd his wife which shld never have happened. Even after the sister went and reported where was he? If he cant put his foot down now as a man what does the future hold for his marriage?

Certainly the marriage is not over but her husband has his work cut out for him if he intends to rebuild Shapey's shattered psyche.

Amsky,
the marriage cannot break;it will only make them respect and honour each other
very well and appreciate each other more now than ever.
Shit happens in every marriage and I can testify to that.
Tell Shapey to be calm,for every cloud,there will always be rain.After that,sunshine
will come.
Relax,God is in control.
Regards.

i knew nairalanders will once again rise to the occassion.shapey is in lagos.after her hubby performed the dust to dust ritual,her parents whisked her off to calabar airport and cut- out.her husband could not get on the flight but has promised to be in lag with the 1st flight out in the morning.shapey is trying to get on BA to britain on monday morning or sunday night if possible.
her mother has warned me not to let shapey's hubby come within 100m radius of her since he cannot protect her.how can i ever achieve thati cannot do it o!!!!!!! my husband has wagged his finger at me,asking me never to get in their way,and me,i intend to obey and comply.i'm all for peace in this matter.
thank you so much everyone.

thank God you choose to obey order. too many drama already. don't be like the sea rescue team that save the drowning but loose their lives.  be very careful. that old diabolical one is on a mission here. God will see her through. she has been in my prayers. and by the way dontthink God didn't answer your first prayers.  He didn't promise to always do things the way we want. He is God and He does have knowledge of what we don't know.

what if the actress didn't show up for rehersals and cleverly came back to hunt them from within, would that have been an answered prayers.

Genesis 50:20  says
 
You intended to harm me,
but God intended it all for good.
He brought me to this position so I
could save the lives of many people.[b][/b][color=#990000][/color]

always watch out for the God dimension.  His ways are never our ways. and for those outlaws calling satanic fire, i wish they know the love of God for humanity.  their  unholy spirit doesn't have a better thing to do than break peoples legs.  you see the wrong religion and God our people caught. sad.

The same Holy Spirit creating lives, healings and miracles all over the world can be stopped by some misguided fellow to quickly break an enemies leg. 

God help us. He is a better God than that. we forgive every sin your sister and her husband have commited in Jesus name.

amsky:

i knew nairalanders will once again rise to the occassion.shapey is in lagos.after her hubby performed the dust to dust ritual,her parents whisked her off to calabar airport and cut- out.her husband could not get on the flight but has promised to be in lag with the 1st flight out in the morning.shapey is trying to get on BA to britain on monday morning or sunday night if possible.
her mother has warned me not to let shapey's hubby come within 100m radius of her since he cannot protect her.how can i ever achieve thati cannot do it o!!!!!!! my husband has wagged his finger at me,asking me never to get in their way,and me,i intend to obey and comply.i'm all for peace in this matter.
thank you so much everyone.

Which kin mother be dis sef? Anyway, na shapey husband dey do olooku dey allow in-laws to interfere inside im marriage.

I hope that weak husband has learnt some lessons, I really hope.

I think that these couples are just going to get stronger if they can just both sit down and look at what unite them as oppossed to what divide them.

First, are they going to throw away 3 years of dating and all the time they spend being married. and do they expect to be married without any challenge? This is the real world and no fairy tale.

If they decide to separate(God forbid) the devil might step in and another man or woman might come in. then they will have to go through divorce in court which can be messy.

Then after divorce, they then have to start looking for another spouse (who are compatible)and that may take several months if not years, and they both will not be getting younger.

Shapey's mum has not help because shapey was insensitive to mother and son's relationship (as in her mother in law laughing matter) and when death of the most loving person occurs laugh of any kind is very serious. So she start all this mess in the first place even though she has now regret it and repeatedly apologoise.

These couple the way I look at it, love each others especially the wife. The role of shapey's mother is to call the couple alone together and ask them to promise, love and cherise each other and just forget all those homebreakers.

The man has to stand firm and gently defend his wife before family and explain that everything that has happen was a misundersatnding caused 'by him'. that is how you shield your wife.

All the nosey family inculding the sister and shapey mother will never marry their brother or daughter. If they manage to marry them, they will never sleep with them or bore them children.

There are bigger fights to come, these is what marriages is all about? and with love and perseverance, dedication, endurance. the couple will have a sweet wonderful story to tell

[b]@ Amsky, thank God for your husband, you and your husband role is to make sure this home reunite and don't break.

from the time shapey returns she must not move from her husband house to you. The husband must insist her sister leaves that he like to be on his own since his wife has now left, so he and his wife spend time together without any of the family including shapey mothers and husband sister knowing so that they can build their lifes whilst the families are busy gossiping that they have broken up. If they can make sure within the next 6 months start trying for a child and build a family and leave all these noise makers, they don't make homes but only noises.

Even if shapey marries prince of England or King there will still be enemies on both sides of the family against the couple, if the husband marries the Queen the same problem, it is all part of life challenges.

So AMSKY, it is all in your hand with your husband and GOD will support you as he has said that what he God has joined together let no man put asunder. Anybody who encourage separation including the husband sister and shapey mother and all other extended family and the 'asunder people' they will not go unpunished by GOD. Don't be a party to breaking up only making up.

Shapey is married to her husband until death do them apart by Jesus christ name. (Amen)[/b]

I can't understand why the man would react that way. if I had been in her shoes I'd have laughed too because it was quite funny. Even if it was about my mum, I'd have still laughed.

These are things that happen.

If I were the woman I'd have lost patient after begging for the third time. I don't like people who keep anger unncecessarily. there are more serious issues to worry about.

you can now pass the offering plate dear pastor.

i used to think there was always 2 sides to every story until i started reading this one.   i am shocked by the men here who dont know this guy and his opinion on this matter but are rushing to take him to the gallows.

i hope to God you guys are not real. i am all for defending ones partner  but i am not for destroying your family in the process.

this story strated from the fact that the mother in-law was already aggrieved before all this laughing matter.  knowing the typical nigerian woman she would not have gone back to nigeria without adding some dangerous salt and pepper to whatever happened.  

you guys dont know what effort the son must have made to make sure peace reigns. i your books a "bad" mother have given birth to a "weak son".

God bless and help us all.

@ joshjosh, a real man needs to make his stand very clear that no one is to disrespect his wife.
This man from the word go lost my support . . . a man who would silently nurse grudges against his wife based on the murmurings of his sister is spineless IMO. You dont mistreat your wife in the presence of ur much younger sister, it is the breeding ground for your inlaws to make matters even worse. That his family are bringing cane to flog his wife is simply because he himself has not shown that he respects his wife.

You dont keep malice with ur wife for so long . . . she pleaded, got her family, his friends to beg. Haba! Even if she personally killed his mother!

@ David

You are sooo cool!