for me, My dad never taught me a skill. Everything I know I had to seek it out for myself. This has somehow affected my psyche and i sometimes find myself blaming him for some of my problems and life difficulties. i know it's not fair but every time i remember my childhood it seems like he just didn't care.

Hmmm....

Um..
I don't think i have any..
I grew up the best way a average Nigerian child could hope for.
The only gripe i had as a kid was the fact that we weren't allowed to watch Tv/movies at all ...except occasionally during holidays but over the years,i know i didn't miss much...i gained more in books!
Infact,i'm thankful to my parents for being who they were and still are and i would most definitely train my kids almost the same way i was trained!

don't get me wrong, i grew up an averagely Nigerian child too. like, we are suppose to be in bed at 9pm and always do our home work on time but He was just stern and too strict.
i wish he had taught me how to fight, ride a bike, played sports like football, table tennis/that sort of stuff...
when i left home and started socialising i realise I was way too quiet. should have spoke up more about things that bothered me instead of internalizing it, that turned me into a very angry person for a while

room702: don't get me wrong, i grew up an averagely Nigerian child too. like, we are suppose to be in bed at 9pm and always do our home work on time but He was just stern and too strict.
i wish he had taught me how to fight, ride a bike, played sports like football, table tennis/that sort of stuff...
when i left home and started socialising i realise I was way too quiet. should have spoke up more about things that bothered me instead of internalizing it, that turned me into a very angry person for a while

Anger is a problem for most Nigerian kids and adults. Parents don't teach kids how to communicate properly instead they force, ignore, or intimidate.

Learn to work on your anger and let go.

Every experience is a lesson.

My grandmother made my childhood sweet. Apart from that, I try to suppress some memories.

obowunmi:

Anger is a problem for most Nigerian kids and adults. Parents don't teach kids how to communicate properly instead they force, ignore, or intimidate.

Learn to work on your anger and let go.

That is so right.

room702: don't get me wrong, i grew up an averagely Nigerian child too. like, we are suppose to be in bed at 9pm and always do our home work on time but He was just stern and too strict.
i wish he had taught me how to fight, ride a bike, played sports like football, table tennis/that sort of stuff...
when i left home and started socialising i realise I was way too quiet. should have spoke up more about things that bothered me instead of internalizing it, that turned me into a very angry person for a while

i didn't get you wrong..
I got you right..
I have no gripe with my upbringing/parents.
I got everything in their proportions...from punishments to love to admonitions to encouragements to discipline to choice of schools and morals in general.
Everything!
I might have had issues with some things and grumbled about them as a kid but now that i'm grown,i couldn't have wished for anything more.

my only grip is that i grew up fatherless.

obowunmi:

Anger is a problem for most Nigerian kids and adults. Parents don't teach kids how to communicate properly instead they force, ignore, or intimidate.

Learn to work on your anger and let go.

Spot on.

room702: for me, My dad never taught me a skill. Everything I know I had to seek it out for myself. [size=16pt]This has somehow affected my psyche and i sometimes find myself blaming him for some of my problems and life difficulties.[/size] i know it's not fair but every time i remember my childhood it seems like he just didn't care.

Hey, what I tell my friends going through such is to forgive their parents because there is no template for the psychological, diametrically opposed emotional and lifestyle upheaval that comes with parenting. It is sheer backbreaking hard work to be a "good" parent. The introduction of children into a relationship has been likened many times to "throwing a grenade into a marketplace that can create a seismic shift enough to cause an earthquake" by some intellectuals.


Aside from the never ending joy and outburst of manic grin parents get when they behold the miracle that is the baby they created with Husband/wifey, the "wow, we made this looks and comments", underneath they are sleep deprived, terrified, shell-shocked, tired, grumpy, unsure, clueless, dazed, afraid, etc, of the big bad world they birthed their baby into. . .

I could go on and on and on and on, but we will be here the whole day, but please forgive Daddy, they too might not have had the best of childhood and so please dust yourself up. You are not alone. Awww I feel like giving you a hug.

room702: don't get me wrong, i grew up an averagely Nigerian child too. like, we are suppose to be in bed at 9pm and always do our home work on time but He was just stern and too strict.
i wish he had taught me how to fight, ride a bike, played sports like football, table tennis/that sort of stuff...
when i left home and started socialising i realise I was way too quiet. should have spoke up more about things that bothered me instead of internalizing it, that turned me into a very angry person for a while

Too much oyinbo film dey worry you!

what's with peeps talking about anger and letting it all out...
The op didn't ask for advice or admonitions..
He said "if" there was one gripe you had about your upbringing,what would it be?
it also means "if there's one thing you could change about your upbringing"
Share your gripe..or keep your advice to yourself if you have none
Haba!
ITK plenty plenty!!

Busy_body:

Hey, what I tell my friends going through such is to forgive their parents because there is no template for the psychological, diametrically opposed emotional and lifestyle upheaval that comes with parenting. It is sheer backbreaking hard work to be a "good" parent. The introduction of children into a relationship has been likened many times to "throwing a grenade into a marketplace that can create a seismic shift enough to cause an earthquake" by some intellectuals.


Aside from the never ending joy and outburst of manic grin parents get when they behold the miracle that is the baby they created with Husband/wifey, the "wow, we made this looks and comments", underneath they are sleep deprived, terrified, shell-shocked, tired, grumpy, unsure, clueless, dazed, afraid, etc, of the big bad world they birthed their baby into. . .

I could go on and on and on and on, but we will be here the whole day, but please forgive Daddy, they too might not have had the best of childhood and so please dust yourself up. You are not alone. Awww I feel like giving you a hug.

+1.

room702: for me, My dad never taught me a skill. Everything I know I had to seek it out for myself. This has somehow affected my psyche and i sometimes find myself blaming him for some of my problems and life difficulties. i know it's not fair but every time i remember my childhood it seems like he just didn't care.

Sounds like we had the same Dad

Mine never told/taught me anything neither. But the upside of his detachment is that he never took me to Church or any religious organization, thus my conscience remained a tabula rasa for me to absorb & imprint values as I saw fit. For that I am eternally grateful.

Granted I had exactly the same problems you stated, adjusting into society & all that (& I still have & manage them as I go along), but I've since rationalised that everything in life has some sort of trade-off or other.

@OP,
Stop griping about your upbringing, and make something of your own life, so you can have something to teach your kids.
Your parents did they best they could. Let them be.

obowunmi: Hmmm....

Indeed!


I think dwelling on this topic is not so helpful. Whatever happened to you or didn't come your way should be a source of focus and motivation to excel.

You need to be grateful!
Your old man was working his butt off so he can provide for you and your siblings the basic things.

IT would have been a different scenario if he was going on vacations and all the things you listed alone without you or anyone else.

room702: don't get me wrong, i grew up an averagely Nigerian child too. like, we are suppose to be in bed at 9pm and always do our home work on time but He was just stern and too strict.
i wish he had taught me how to fight, ride a bike, played sports like football, table tennis/that sort of stuff...
when i left home and started socialising i realise I was way too quiet. should have spoke up more about things that bothered me instead of internalizing it, that turned me into a very angry person for a while

Remembered that God was always there for me.

age 1-5: my parents not speaking Igbo to me round the clock and making sure i learnt it.

maclatunji:


Indeed!


I think dwelling on this topic is not so helpful. Whatever happened to you or didn't come your way should be a source of focus and motivation to excel.

Why are you stalking me around the forum? Leave your comment and leave me joor.

obowunmi:

Why are you stalking me around the forum? Leave your comment and leave me joor.

Stalking? You're projecting Mr. If there's any particular post of mine elsewhere you have a problem with address it on its thread.

Your right is to post, my right is to react to any post (including yours) anyway I deem fit as long as it doesn't break Forum rules.

In this case, I only agreed with you. You're are a grown man, don't freak-out when you see my posts.

#Curiouslyfunny

Thx you joor.

slimyem: what's with peeps talking about anger and letting it all out...
The op didn't ask for advice or admonitions..
He said "if" there was one gripe you had about your upbringing,what would it be?
it also means "if there's one thing you could change about your upbringing"
Share your gripe..or keep your advice to yourself if you have none
Haba!
ITK plenty plenty!!

Woulda loved to comment on this post, but nah, never mind, maybe another time. . .I guess that "thinking out loudly" thing I like doing would suffice for now, so here goes. . . I take it this is now like the forum and games section where only the topic/title of a thread is the only requisite that requires answers/commenting on. . .

Oh well, we "learn" something everyday

i dont really care to share.
but my answer is on this thread.

Ujujoan:

Too much oyinbo film dey worry you!

lol be nice.

Ujujoan:

Too much oyinbo film dey worry you!

madam! this has nothing to do with oyinbo film.

I see where the OP is coming from. Parents should prepare their children for life but no matter the amount of preparation, it is never enough. Life deals us blows, we have to buckle up and deal with it.

meanwhile, after starting this post i have called my dad and told him how i really felt and he explained a lot of stuff to me. this also lifted a heavy weight off my shoulders. he explained his point of view and i kind of understand him and his actions. basically, you can blame everybody for your problems in life and you might be right but you can't change that. what you can change is how you react to that problem and what power you give other people's actions and thoughts over you. instead of getting angry at anybody or everybody just change that "angry" energy towards other people to a positive energy to benefit you.

Room702: sooo on point. Very on point. Seems like you met with transformation and you have forgiven your father. Don't repeat his mistakes. Move on.

Loved your paragraph. All the best.

Thanks a lot

obowunmi: Room702: sooo on point. Very on point. Seems like you met with transformation and you have forgiven your father. Don't repeat his mistakes. Move on.

Loved your paragraph. All the best.