hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Flow no go kill person oooooo!!!!

[color=#990000][/color]na d 1st tym i dey coment 4 nairaland jst bcuz of flow u go make Basket mouth run 4 im money.........d part wey make me laugh pass na d time dose robbers come....................evri bodi wey dey bear flow na always sharp guy

adeswags dmj: [color=#990000][/color]na d 1st tym i dey coment 4 nairaland jst bcuz of flow u go make Basket mouth run 4 im money.........d part wey make me laugh pass na d time dose robbers come....................evri bodi wey dey bear flow na always sharp guy

welcome to nairaland, u never start to laf sef

Alah wakubar!!! Alah wakubar!!! That was the mosque close to our house calling for prayer; that has been my wake up alarm for a while now. With soup all over my body, i stood up from my rug where i slept. Now i could feel my head ache. I cleaned up the mess in my room, took my bath and as i was putting on my cloth, my eyes was admiring the beautiful girl in the coca-cola calender that hung on my wall. "wetin be today's date sef" i said as i drew nearer to the calender................ "oboy oh today na February 13, tommorow na valentine". I said as my face went gloomy.

"Government never pay us alawi, money wey i get for bank don finish, and Juliet go want make i buy something for her dis valentine, wetin i go do na?" i tot as i walked alone to sch.

I got to sch early and met only few students, i used the opportunity to complete my lesson note. As i was writing my lesson note, someone taped me from behind. I turned to see Kehinde, "are u feeling better now?" i asked "yes sir" she said. "ehn sir, i would like to come to your house for you to teach me velocity calculations, since our WAEC would soon start and i don't understand anything on velocity" Kehinde said, "ehn u see ehn Kehinde i would not be around, i would be going to Church this evening" i said a BIG fat lie......................

The students finished resiting the national anthem and the pledge, so it was time for me to give them a word of advice. "u see students its not good to b bad boys and girls, obey ur parents, don't join bad gangs, for the boys; don't smoke" immediately i said "don't smoke", i saw Angom laughing behind. "ur papa there, Angom u no dey smoke, na only me?" i tot.

That day, the sch paid us the 4k they usually give all corpers every mönth as a token of appreciation. I was very happy. "so i go fit take Juliet out tommorow b dat, make i call her tell her make she come sef" i said to myself as i walked home with my guys.

Juliet came that evening as expected. She cooked, we ate and as we were about to do the "thing" i realized i had no C*ondom. I rushed out to get a c*ondom. I couldn't tell the kind of "bad breeze" that blew me to Dami's shop, instead of me to go buy it somewhere else. Lucky enough i didn't met her there but her mum. "i want to buy Con............ as i was about to add "dom" i saw Dami entered, so instead of "dom" i added "flakes" making it "CONFLAKES"................

I sadly paid for the cornflakes and left. With the cornflakes in my hands, i walked down the street in search of C*ondom, all the shops i went to had closed for the day, so i was left with no choice but to walk back home.

"Angom u get c*ondom?" i asked as i entered Angom's room, "wetin u wan take am do?" Angom asked the most silly question i have ever heard "i wan take am cook soup" i answered. "if u get, give me abeg no dey ask mumu question" i said "i no get, go ask Ilorin" he said angrily.

"what are u doing with cornflakes?" Juliet asked as i tried to figure out a lie to say "i bought it for a student that scored the highest in my C/A test" i lied. I made love to Juliet with the C*ondom i collected from Ilorin. "i no dey enjoy this babe again, she no dey sweet again, i know say Dami go sweet pass" "no be say i no like Juliet again oh, but the thing be say if person chop Okro soup everyday, e go like wan chop Egusi soup na" i tot as i lay on my bed n*aked....................

flow, u na very very rugged dude.

jay4genius: flow, u na very very rugged dude.

ruggedity na my second name na

flow1759: "i want to buy Con............ as i was about to add "dom" i saw Dami entered, so instead of "dom" i added "flakes" making it "CONFLAKES"................

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Juliet left very early in the morning, so as to go prepare for sch. As she was about leaving i saw from the corner of my eyes that she collected money from my wallet. I woke up after she left, checked my wallet to see that she actually collected 2k. "dis Juliet no go kill me oh, she too like money, c as Dami dey dash me things, Juliet own na to dey dry me" i tot as i prepared for sch.

As i steped out of our compound, i saw Ojiga; Mama alhaja's grandson came out of a Honda car. "corper ba wóni?" he greeted "mò wápa" i responded in Yoruba as we shook hands. The car dat droped him zoomed off raising dust everywhere. "c dis small boy dey flex the whole Ilesa oh, him mate dey sec sch oh, where him dey c d money wey him dey spend sef" i tot as i walked the lonely part that leads to the sch.

I arrived the sch, entered the corpers office to meet Lola who also came early because she was now in charge of inspecting the class-rooms to see if they were slept well every morning. "good morning Miss Lola" i said with a big smile "good morning Ugochukwu" she said "wow!! its been long i heard someone called me by that name" i said as i looked straight to her charming eyes. "Are u in any way related to Tyra Banks?" i asked "no" she responded "because with this red dress u are putting on, u remind me of Tyra Banks, infact Tyra Banks beauty is 98% while yours is 100%" i flattered. "eewh!! Ugo u have ur way with words of flattery, thats why i like u" she said giggling "no like me oh, i have my way with words of flattery because i graduate with first class for university of chyking women, but dem no teach me with dis ur type of phoney oh" i said in my mind...................

Flow why u dey dear phonetics,ordinary phonetics wey we dey use do competition 4 our kindergaten skul back then.

Flow,i luv ur write ups.u got me laffin so much.pls i beg u,dnt kip me waitin o,cum n update as soon as possible.

Flow abeg continue yan abeg!!!!!!!!

The Two RATS NA JULIET N DAMI IN DISGUISE

As i walked home from sch with my guys, i saw this beautiful blue gown in a boutique, "Sammy, how u see that gown?" i asked "e make sense oh, u wan buy am for ur girl?" Sammy asked "yes oh, but if e cost i no go buy am" i said "Flow u get money to buy something for babe, me na my babe Lola buy this watch for me for Valentine" Angom said showing me his fine rolex wrist watch, "ur babe papa get money na" i added. "I dey hungry oh, who get food for house" Kelvin the glutton said "how u no go hungry, na food full this ur big belle" i teased. "kelvin no mind am, me sef dey hungry" Ilorin said, "as nobody cook for house, make we enter Iya Ruka canteen go eat na, i go pay for everything" Angom assured.


We entered the canteen to eat "Iya Ruka u get fufu?" Sammy asked, "i no get oh, na Amala and ewedu dey" she said, "so as na only Amala and ewedu dey, make we dey go na" i said, "Flow make we stay, u no know say Amala and Ewedu dey sweet" Ilorin said "how e no go sweet for u, no b Yoruba boy u be, me i never chop Amala and Ewedu since dem born me oh, Angom what of u?" i asked Angom "we dey chop Amala for benue na, abi Kelvin?" Angom asked Kelvin "Amala dey plenty for Benue na" Kelvin replied. "Sammy erièlá Amala mbú" i asked Sammy in Ibo, "éribém yà oh" Sammy responded. With me and Sammy as the only first timers in the "Amala and Ewedu" show, we ate on.

I couldn't help but close my eyes as i ate, as if i was eating poo. I took a glance at Sammy from time to time noticing his face onlike mine was not like he was eating poo, but his face was poo itself. "well, there is always a first time" i assured myself as i ate on. "ehen, guys today na my birthday oh" Kelvin said "eheeen, today na ur birthday nahim u no tell us since" i said "yes i dey tell una now because i been think say i no go celebrate am because money no dey my hand for morning time, but now i don collect my money for one teacher for sch wey borrow money for my hand" Kelvin added. "so na where e go be dis evening na?" Angom asked Kelvin. "na for Alejo l'owo joint we go shayoh na" Kelvin said. We finished eating and as we came out of the canteen, i told my guy i wanted to go buy dat gown i saw, dat they should go home without me. I headed to the boutique not knowing the "wahala" that was waiting in the boutique for me........................

Ehe!

I got to the boutique, stared for a while at the beautiful gown, and then walked in. As i walked in, i was shocked when i saw Dami to the extent that the book i held in my hands fell. "hello!! My princess, how do u do?" i said as i quickly picked up my books from the floor, "am fine, what did u come to do in a female boutique?" Dami asked as i searched for the best lie in my "brain-box of lies". "ehn! ehn! ehn, i came to see if they sell Male Perfumes here" i lied "do u sell perfumes?" Dami asked the boutique attendance "no we don't" the attendance responded. I discussed with Dami as she selected some clothes, asking me if they were beautiful on her. I told her all the clothes were beautiful on her, even though some of them made her look like a clown.

"thank God say this girl no say make i pay for this clothes wey she buy oh" "she no fit talk like dat sef", "mehn!! see as this girl don make me no buy that cloth for Juliet again" "wetin i go tell Juliet say i buy for her this valentine sef, abeg i no get money jor, i go switch off my phone so she no go fit call me throughout today, abi na must say person go must do valentine" i tot of all these as i walked with Dami. "when would u pay me a visit?" i asked Dami "i dunno, u know am always at my mum's shop, ok lets say tommorow evening" she promised. Dami reached her mum's shop and i was left alone walking home. Just then, i could feel my stomach rumble, "abi i wan purge?" i asked myself as i walked faster.

I got home, and i instantly rushed to the toilet to defecate. The toilet was locked from inside, "who dey there oh" i shouted "na me oh" Sammy said, "Sammy so u sef dey purge? e be like say na dat Amala and Ewedu oh" i shouted "na so oh" Sammy said "guy do quick oh, d s*hit wan comot for my nyash oh, make i no s*hit for body oh" i shouted again as i felt something moving in my bowels. Something watery suddenly came out of my a*nus, "i don s*hit for my body be dat oh" i said to myself. I was sweating profusely. I couldn't bear it any longer so i decided to do "short-put", i looked for the nearest nylon bag, bend down, did "my thing" in the nylon bag. As i defecated in the nylon bag, i felt relieved, "when the preferable is not available, the available becomes preferable. When toilet is not available, short-put becomes preferable" i said to myself. It took ages before i finished defecating yet Sammy was still inside the toilet. "u dey born pekin there, abi u go sleep there?" i asked Sammy "Guy see wetin Amala and Ewedu don do us" he responded. I tot of where to throw my poo away, and i concluded to throw it over the fence to the next compound. I threw it the way athletes throw "short-put" in the Olympics, and i heard..................... "who be that!!! who throw that thing"...................

na me trow am o flow

Hahahahahaha.............Funny Ya

Na today them go know say big eagle dey sh*t from sky

Flowey..na shotput u dey practice na.

flow baba u dey make sence,i don laugh tire 4 here oo,cant wait 4 d next update

Buhahahahaha, tell am say na im mama 4rm heaven send am parcel.

@ flow you are a realy funny. I laugh so tey my wife jokingly asked weda i dey chat with my girl friend.

alfablondy: @ flow you are a realy funny. I laugh so tey my wife jokingly asked weda i dey chat with my girl friend.

hahahahaha. Wetin u come tell her? Laf still plenty oh

"Flow come out make we go meet them Kelvin for Alejo l'owo joint na, dem go don dey wait us oh" Sammy said knocking at my door, "i dey come make i wear cloth" i responded from inside. I put on my Drinking cap; thats my black Kangol cap and we were off to Alejo l'owo joint.

As we got there. The other guys were already on their second bottles. I immediate told the "birthday boy" Kelvin to pass me my brand 1759(guinness). As i was almost done with my first bottle Angom said, "Alomo dey here to pour for your drink oh" "how u go mix Alomo and beer, u wan die?" i cautioned. "Flow e dey make sense oh, doctor say e dey good for heart, try am na" Ilorin said, pouring some Alomo into my beer. I siped the mixture, and contrary to what Ilorin said, it was burning my heart. Soon Kelvin ordered "pepper soup" for everybody. As i drank the hot pepper soup i tot i heard something fall internally from my chest to my stomach. "abi my heart don fall comot?" i asked myself as i continued drinking. I was on my 5th bottle, and i was seriously floating in the skies. "make we smoke weed na" Angom said, "u dey mad oh, we never drink all this drinks wey still remain u wan smoke weed, e b like say u no like ur brain oh" i said. I drank my 6th, 7th and 8th bottle, i had broken my previous record of 7 bottles, i didn't break the record only on 1759 but "1759 mixed with Alomo", so its a great midestone in my drinking carrear. Just then, Ojiga came to our table, after he shook hands with all of us, he ordered for another bottle round for everybody, as the bottles were brought, Ojiga went back to his table where he was drinking with a guy. "Ilorin, u sure say dis Ojiga no plan with those robbers make dem come rob Mama Alhaja" i said "yes oh, u no c as him dey spend money, and him dey follow big big boys wey dey drive motor sef, even sef that guy wey him sidon with there fit b that same guy wey come beat me for toilet that day oh" Ilorin said. It was time to leave and Kelvin went to plead with Ojiga for them to take us home with their car because it was late and we wouldn't see a cab.

Everybody stood up to leave except me. "Flow stand up make we dey go na, abi u wan sleep here" Sammy attacked "wey my leg, who carry my leg, wey my leg?" i asked as they all laughed beyond control. "mumu, c your leg with u, no body carry ur leg" Angom shouted dragging me up my foot. I walked like a baby that just started walking to where the car was parked.

As the car drove off, my stomach was begining to rumble as if i wanted to throw up "guy no vomit inside dis car oh" i told myself. As we all walked drunk to our rooms, "comot for my room na, na ur room be dis?" i asked Ilorin, "mumu, na my room u dey enter, abi u no dey c well" Ilorin answered. We both entered Ilorin's Room, as i lay down on his bed to sleep......................."uhn gboon, ngboooo!!!"................... "Flow u don Vomit for my bed oh"...................

Ai flowey u don kill me wit laf oh!!!!
Why u like vomit like dis na flow sho!!!
See dem don dey reason say I dey mad for house coz of dis thread

movmentish: Ai flowey u don kill me wit laf oh!!!!
Why u like vomit like dis na flow sho!!!
See dem don dey reason say I dey mad for house coz of dis thread

movmentish, u never c anything sef, u go laf sotey u go forget ur name. C enh, try that Alomo and 1759, after 3 bottles, make i c weda u no Vomit.

flow1759:

hahahahaha. Wetin u come tell her? Laf still plenty oh

I tell am say na flow1759 ! Ibo guy wey go shop amala and ewedu for the first time come dey do shot put! Anytime my wife heard me laughing alone in the sitting room or bedroom she knows say I dey nairaland be that.

I visit nairaland everyday as a guest and hardly log in, but I have to let you know I dey gbadun you. You dey lift up my mood. more pls.................

I woke up weak and tired, i saw all the fish pepper soup i ate last nite on the floor, i didn't only see that but i saw a "mighty ocean" of the drink i drank on the floor, i turnded to see that Ilorin too threw up, "Ilorin u dey mad oh, so u sef vomit, na only my own i go clean oh" i said as i rushed out to look for rag and water that i would use for the cleaning. I came back meeting the whole room smelling like a brewery. As i was cleaning my own part of the floor, i glanced at the clock in the wall, it was 8am. "wake up oh, we don late for sch oh" i said, waking Ilorin up.


As i rushed with my bucket of water and soap to the bathroom, it was locked from inside, "who dey there?" i asked angrily "na we oh" i heard two voices, "who and who be we?" i asked curiously "na me and Kelvin oh" Sammy said, "why una dey baff together na?" i asked as i almost laughed out, "u no know say we don late for sch" Kelvin responded, at that moment i laughed a beat, "make una no do h*omo thing for there oh, girls plenty oh" i teased, "u dey mad Flow, na ur papa be h*omo" Sammy fired at me, "na ur papa teach my papa na" i fired back at him. I tot of where to take my bath for a while, so i decided i would do it just where i stood. I removed my cloth and started taking my bath at an open corner close to the bath room. As i applied soap to my face, i heard a noise, "who be that?" i shouted, trying to rub the soap off my face so i could see clearly. I opened my eyes and saw that it was a goat, "e no go better for u" i cursed the goat. Just then Angom came, "person dey inside abi?" he asked, "yes oh" i responded as he too started bathing outside. Ilorin came and saw us bathing outside and said, "i no fit follow una baff outside oh, wat of if woman come enter here" "u be mumu, which woman wan enter here, no woman dey stay dis compound, na only Mama Alhaja, and wetin dat old woman wan carry ur small p*rick do, she get children wey their p*rick big pass ur own na" Angom teased as i laughed loudly. Ilorin entered the "toilet" to take his bath and i continued laughing. As i laughed, i felt something walking on my both legs towards my p*enis area, the thing walked to my penis and tickle me a beat, making me to laugh more, it tickled me in different sides of my p*enis and i laughed even more without looking at what was tickling me............................. Ants............. "yeeeeeaaaaah, ant don bite my blockus oh"........................