Would you test your partner even if you are not sure of the outcome?

A know of a guy who really loved his Fiancée and they were in the plans for getting married when the guy decided to do a final test. He is the kind of guy who says no to premarital sex. One day, he decided to test the Fiancée and asked her to sleep with him and she said 'no, coz is wrong', exactly what the guy expected; but the guy tried persuading her. After much trials, she finally said 'yes' but that she's accepting to do it because she loves him and that they were going to get married soon. "Are you sure you want to" the guy asked her and she said 'yes' since the he wanted it.

Being who he is, he said, "This relationship is over. If I can convince you, any man out there could also do the same. It's just a matter of time."

Frankly speaking he called it off.

So tell us if you would you test your Fiancé/Fiancée?
If yes, what kind of test (money, premarital sex, etc) and if No, why not? Afraid of the unlikely outcome

BEAR IN MIND IT'S NOT A CASE OF BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND BUT FIANCÉ/ FIANCÉE.

Your friend made a silly mistake. What he did is just like a putting food on the laps of a hungry man and expecting him not to eat it! What I've discovered in this life is that "given enough temptation everybody will fall" so that's why the Lord's prayer says "lead us not into temptation ..."

So, no, I do not believe I will "test" my wife-to-be in such matters. what I'll do is to hire a private detective so I'll know what she's doing when I'm not around. This, I believe, is better than leading her into temptation. The truth is that most women can bend so easily when it comes to this issue of sex; so why be the one to bring the temptation?

Well said Seun. The guy was really silly. ( No offences meant at all)

Couldnt he have thought that she was able to keep herself chaste and not give in to "passes from other men", having  actually kept herself before he tempted her?  Why allow the poor girl a temptation of this nature? Jesus Christ was tempted by the devil! True love does not temp. If he truely loved her, then he wouldnt have tempted her.

what i can conclude is: He obviously wasnt ready to marry the babe anymore and wanted "a perfect excuse" as it were.

i do not have to test cos i will b observing the individual from day one that is how i know about people and their character. i mean you do not know it but i am already testing you from day one. so there is no point for the major testing because you might think it is weird and then suspect that i am testing you and you would also step up ur game.. so i just do mine stuff on the DL...

dablessed:

what i can conclude is: He obviously wasnt ready to marry the babe anymore and wanted "a perfect excuse" as it were.

Sorry the dablessed but one thing I know and as I wrote in the first post is that the guy was ready to marry her and plans were underway. You know sometimes, people just want to be sure of what they're getting into. Marriage is for life you know.

What for?

Yeah right De-king, marriage is for life and its really good to be sure what you're going into but why must he wait until the 99th hour? That is what i call " Toying with people's heart"

I have nothing against "calling off" wedding plans if going ahead with the wedding would be an "irreversible error" but i am also of the opinion that we should not take advantage of the other person. The guy in the scenario given could have done "his testing" earlier on in the relationship, not at such a crucial stage as preparing for the wedding.

Well, dablessed maybe, just maybe you're right.

that is actually a very stupid kind of test. if he used his friend now i'll understand but since the girl loves him and expects to get married to him anyway she is more likely to relent Girls generally tend to agree to anything for a person they love that doesn't necessarily mean that any john doe could also convince her to have sex with him. Besides who in this world can say they can't fall into temptation, it takes only the grace of God.

tcherokee:

Besides who in this world can say they can't fall into temptation, it takes only the grace of God.

Well said tcherokee!

What a silly test!!!! where is the logic in the test? so what would he have done if she had refused- would he have laid back with a big smirk on his face and congratulated himself that his would- be wife will not even for the sake of thier love sleep with him even if his life depended on it? And the ease with which he so readily calls off a wedding with his "beloved" speaks volumes about his true feelings. Does his being a Man give him the right to walk all over someone's heart like that? Or does he not consider the devastation to a fellow human being of his course of action? so much for love!!

well i don't see anything bad in making your whatever to go through the final test, if he/she flunk you may decide to either jetision him/her or countinue if you can "stomach" the outcome of your test. anyway as for me she will have to go through all of the above and many more, only that my approach will be quite different.

afterall the bible which we are all quick to "hire" said ("When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold" (Job 23:10) and ("each man’s work will become evident; for the day will show it, because it is to be revealed with fire; and the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work. If any man’s work which he has built upon it remains, he shall receive a reward" (1 Cor. 3:13-14)

why can't she remain steadfast. the test also shows that she can show armed robbers the way to his hideout since she is not steadfast.

Just one or two people really understand this topic and what it is intended. Every other person is busy hitting on the guy in the scenario.
Joftech has answered the part of the question that applies to him. Well said joftech.
Actually, for those of us who think the guy is stupid, crazy, ...e.t.c, that is the way he wants to do his thing. So, stop descending on him and I'ld appreciate if we just answer the question in this thread.

So tell us if you would test your Fiancé/Fiancée?
If yes, what kind of test (money, premarital sex, etc) and if No, why not? Afraid of the unlikely outcome

@De-king

Answering a "yes" or "no" would make the thread boring and wont do a full justice to the scenario given.

Its not that pple are attacking the man, its just lame ( to borrow nddy's word ) not to refer to the scenario, in the bid to answer the question,

This is infuriating. The guy must be very stupid. I'm a man and would never do such a silly thing. The girl resisted and gave in because she wanted to please u. Moreover r u "any man out there"? U r the fiancee for heaven's sake. She went out of her way to please u and u turn to stab her. Guyz like this give us a bad name.
Methinks he just wanted to call it quits,never really loved the girl.  I'm sure he will be the first to fall if in such shoes. IDIOT(2 d guy in question). (Pardon my language, Seun).
U got to be proactive not reactive in relationships to get the best.

Back to the topic. I don't have to test my girl. If i love her, I love her and nothing can change that. I no know when i become examiner. Even if she steals later. i'll help her overcome it. Nobody is perfect. She must have sum good qualities for me to 'love' her in the first place.

@ layi, I felt your anger very well while reading your post but pleeeeease, it's not me ooo. But I got your message all the same.

@ dablessed, thanks, maybe I didn't consider that. Thanks again but at least after commenting on the guy's action, don't you think anyone posting in should try to give an answer?

More reactions and answers are awaited.

damn ppl too many dog fights going on here... are we here to discuss if the guy was stupid or not or are we here to share the types of tests we would give... cos i have not seen you guys responding to tht....

Why should u test? R u ok with ladies puttin u to test too?

Layi, I agree with you. If the guy in question truly loved his fiancee, he would do everything possible to bring the best in her and the relationship and not go testing her. It means there must have been an iota of doubt somewhere. Why go all the way only to end the relationship, I would not be surprised if it was a move purposely to call off the affair. He probably had his eyes somewhere after all he is a MAN and not a ghost/spirit.

“why can't she remain steadfast. the test also shows that she can show armed robbers the way to his hideout since she is not steadfast” . - Joftech, you could also be in her shoes one day and it might not be on this kind of issue most especially if it is coming from someone you love. 

I support seun's post.

This is the most stupid test ive seen in my life. So to the guy, a lady to whom he is engaged should see him as 'any other guy'. What was the use of there relationship anyway if at that stage, he was still any other guy to her. If he really had feelings 4 her, he would not walk out that way.

The fact that she gave in only confirmed the depth of her love for him. Why can't the guy see this?

Would he have been happier if after pleading with her all that, she still said no without looking back. I am sure he would have found fault with that too.

I don't want to read other people's reply before I say this. tell your friend he's a BIG FOOL! An axtremely crazy fool. Gosh! If the girl had said NO, after all temptations, i am sure the guy would have said "so after all this while you still cant have sex with me?" Stupid goat (ewu)

Okay now to answer your question, I wouldn't test my fiance/fiancee personally, i'll send someone to test them if i feel the need to. I won't just test him if i don't suspect any mis--something.

well imust say that the guy is mean.

why would he test her like that it is wrong she actually ,
agreed to do it because she loved him. i don't think the guy loved her in the first place.
if it were to be him am sure he will fall for it.

well i will test mine.
but i won't do it my self i will use my girlfriend to test him.

if he falls for it well

Now I can see that a lot of people believe the guy was wrong in doing that. o.k that's his own probs.
But using another person, probably your friend, what difference does it make? Test is what it is.

it makes a lot of difference especially if you think one of the party is not being sincere on this area we are discussing!

Hey, you guyz are just crazy! what sort of a test is that, at the zero hour. The guy must be really mad. Its incredible, he got what he wanted. He's tired of the babe. That's just it. Point to note. There's no one that is above temptation. "Nemesis will catch up with that your friend"

lol.

I wld not test my man. i see no point in it. but if God says u are meant to be then u will if not u wldnt. everything works out for good thorugh prayers.

testing does not really justify anything. if the gurl had said no then (not to have sex with the dude) but slept with another dude and still claiming she is a virgin, got married to her Fiance, but the dude later found out that she is not a virgin. what wld u do divorce her or what?

testing means u do not trust the gurl.
i wonder why people come up with all sorts of ideas, thinking that it wld improve things.

Get me right. I will test my husband even a minute to the wedding if i suspect him!!!! I will do it. I ain't gon marry no ass. If i suspect him and my feelings tells me something is wrong somewhere...i will definitely test him. Could be personally (not with the kind crazy test This guy did), but with something else...or better yet, send somebody to do it. But If i don't suspect him, what's the need of the test?? Useless.

@hot-angel
A minute to your wedding n u could still hav doubts? Gurl u don't hav 2 agree 2 tie that nuptial knot if u still doubt him.
Sum1 tells u your groom is seein your best friend and u decided 2 test him aight?
Ah! your opinion anyway.
I wont go to the alter with someone that still has to be tested.
Remember he can still fail u in marriage (years later).
Whats the test for anyway?

i dont think its right to test your fiance because when u started dating u should have known what kinda person he is plus, a relationship should base on trust and the fact that u believe the person.
what if u are testing him and he founds out, he gon say u dont trust him and that would be the end of the relationship

You simply don't get me Layi. It might be by the last minute that i will suspect him. I won't tie no knot with a man i suspect, and that's why i will test him.

Nike if you trust and believe, no need for the test. BUt if you suspect, Please test the dude/gurl before u go futher.

If we believe our spouses can 'misbehave'. That means they can do it before or after marriage.

Whats the purpose of testing if men can change at any time?

*Still waiting for answers from those who believe in testing.*


Moreover, If u found out your spouse was testing u (whether u r guilty or innocent). Would u be happy? I guess d idea is selfish. Just Look before u leap. Real love is unconditional.

U cant Suspect sum1 u Trust