In the joint earlier a woman accused me of only
being after one thing.. I said "I assure you I'm not,
I'm hoping to get my ironing done too"....

I said to my son, "The dish washer's well and truly bleeped."
He said, "Is it?"
I said, "You sexist cunt. Don't refer to your mother as an 'It', she's a person, not an object."

My friend told me he watched a video on YouTube of a woman who spent half an hour trying to parallel park her car, and it already has over 1 million views.
I said, "Fucking hell!"
He said, "I know isn't that crazy?"
I said, "Yeah. I thought it would have taken her well over 2 hours."