Every matured person has his/her right to choice. Whether you marry a single lady with a child or the one without a child is a matter of choice, and that's no one's cup of tea, but yours.

But those of you saying that- the former are more responsible than the later need to wash their faces properly.Yes, they might not have planned to have a child before marriage, but how careful were they? Most of them lived reckless
lives, forgetting that "as you make your bed, so shall you lie on it". It is after making the mistake that their eyes clears, and then they'll start feeling as if they were victims of circumstances. What circumstance? were they raped? Some ladies intentionally allow themselves to be impregnated so as to lure the man into marring them, ie when they see that time is running out'. could someone please explain to me how decent that is?

In the case of the widows or widowers, they are not to be blamed at all, it wasn't by their making, so nobody is condemning them.They are exempted in this question.

It is not just widow that can be single parents. I am sure some people have said single parents are better. Those people have trouble with their reasoning just as those who said pure virgin make better wife.

That said:

let me site an example. You have a daughter that succumbed to temptation or sexual harrasement. Then she got pregnant. Due to some factor, you can't abort the baby.

What will you do?

olanajim:

It is not just widow that can be single parents. I am sure some people have said single parents are better. Those people have trouble with their reasoning just as those who said pure virgin make better wife.

That said:

let me site an example. You have a daughter that succumbed to temptation or sexual harrasement. Then she got pregnant. Due to some factor, you can't abort the baby.

What will you do?

Give the child up for adoption

That explain how human you are. I now understand you better. Keep it up!

Put a child up for adoption. That is even worst than killing. I would advise you kill the child instead so that he won't find his way back to you in future!

This world is full of terrible people!

Esss:

@ topic

Women with kids?? No go area. Except she's going to ship the kid off to his/her daddy when we get married.

Step-kids are total A-holes to their step parents. Disciplining those kids is not even in the equation, they are insolent, you are always seen as wicked, Nothing you do is ever right, anything you say to them is an insult, any nice thing you do is trying to buy their love, you are always seen as the replacement fellow who is doing their original parent, they hardly ever accept you, they go out of their way to make your life hell and the worst part is you are not allowed to kill them.

I'd rather marry a woman with a pet than a woman with a child. No offense to step kids or kids from broken homes.

There is nothing wrong with being with a single mom or dad, if u can't handle it move on. It takes a real man or woman to stick with it. TO ALL THE HYPOCRITES THAT SAY THE SINGLE PARENTS LIVED RECKLESS LIVES. If u or all the people you slept with became pregnant with children, what would we call U (father of all nations). It's straight up wrong to make IGNORANT comments. Who made u a judge of ones character how DARE U SAY "step kids are total A, holes to their step parents". IF ONY PEOPLE CAN PASS THEIR POINTS ACROSS INTELLIGENTLY WITHOUT BEING NAIVE AND RUDE. Make intelligent statements next time. Illiteracy sure is a disease. Peace

LetThemSay:


There is nothing wrong with being with a single mom or dad, if u can't handle it move on. It takes a real man or woman to stick with it. TO ALL THE HYPOCRITES THAT SAY THE SINGLE PARENTS LIVED RECKLESS LIVES. If u or all the people you slept with became pregnant with children, what would we call You (father of all nations). It's straight up wrong to make IGNORANT comments. Who made u a judge of ones character how DARE You SAY "step kids are total A, holes to their step parents". IF ONY PEOPLE CAN PASS THEIR POINTS ACROSS INTELLIGENTLY WITHOUT BEING NAIVE AND RUDE. Make intelligent statements next time. Illiteracy sure is a disease. Peace

you dont know what you're talking about here.
It actually takes a real man to realise that he might be letting himself in for a life of troubles if he marries a woman who already has a child

olanajim:

That explain how human you are. I now understand you better. Keep it up!

Put a child up for adoption. That is even worst than killing. I would advise you kill the child instead so that he won't find his way back to you in future!

This world is full of terrible people!

I am terrible for putting up a child for adoption?? Wow!! another shallow minded nigerian.
I am a strong supporter or abortion and adoption you heard?? If you cant raise it nor live with it, give it a better life _(adoption) or none at all _(Abortion).

Another shallow minded Nigerian? You must have been counting shallow minded Nigerians in the past decades. It is a great feat. Keep it up. Just make sure you release the final figure as soon as possible.

That did it!

Now we know you!

Keep it up!

~It's no wonder more and more kids are ending up in Care Emotionally Abused/Scared!!


~It's common Back home for step kids to be maltreated,they'll prolly be the ones street hawking or been discriminated against for not having the same father as the other siblings!! Or not having a Father around!!

~I advocate for the Rights of A child,its a pity not everyone can morally accept that These children didnt ask to be brought into this world!!



~What ever circumstances brought them into the world,its just inhumane for people to judge and be prejudice against Single mums or making the Children Victims of Circumstances!!

As i stated earlier, if you can not handle it MOVE ON, b'cos it aint 4 u. I respect the fact that everyone is entitled to their opinions, and not everyone will support or be against dating single parents. I care less what kind of person any one dates. AGAIN, if you love the single parent, open your heart and mind. "Who are you not to be". I am no advocate for single parents or non single parents, just a person who looks at life as "there are two side of a coin".

why not? child bering is not a disease. in matter of fact no lady you will see now are days that as not abort once or more. so what is the difference the one that have her own or the one that abort hers.

Hi watz up, my name is Prince oriyomi by name, am from Nigeria and i m proud of whom i am and where i come from. i came across ya profile and would love to know u more, be ur friend and see if it,s leads to something else, do u have msn chat id or yahoo? if yes get back to me with any so we can start chatting and get to know more about each other and if u dont mind get back to me with ur phone number as well, a word from u would be nice, honest does it all,

Una still dey decieve unaself. Make una dey go live wayward lives dey born like chiken come dey expect mumu men to come marry una yeye

no big deal, i love children!

2Legit:

Una still dey decieve unaself. Make una dey go live wayward lives dey born like chiken come dey expect mumu men to come marry una yeye

na wa oh, so only pple that lives wayward live do have kids and wanna marry?
this is animal thinking is hightest order.

Lol.

I love that!

To find a Nigerian lady/woman/girl as a single mother, particularly in Nigeria, is an act of great commendation, it’s taken sacrifice, integrity, courage in the face of bigotry and hypocrisy to say I will have my child.

I will add to that the fear of God.

Consider how many 9ja babes have taken and are taking the easier option of abortion clinical murder , clean face and walk way like nuttin happen, millions or tens of millions?

So those women irrespective of the circumstance, I would say the larger majority, would fall into my definition of women of virtue and if you find one then thank God and marry her.

$$Rhino:

na wa oh, so only people that lives wayward live do have kids and want to marry?
this is animal thinking is hightest order.

Craze dey inside your head!!! you get brain at all?

So na only good women dey become single mothers? comot for road jare

As your brain no read say na the people wey dey encourage single motherhood with style I dfey refer to. see ya head like abami eda own

2Legit:

Craze dey inside your head!!! you get brain at all?
So na only good women dey become single mothers? comot for road jare
As your brain no read say na the people wey dey encourage single motherhood with style I dfey refer to. see ya head like abami eda own

How sad, to know that one of our NLander is on the verge of kolomental, sorry my guy, you will be fine.
regardless of people's past, we all deserve a second chance, and who are you to judge a woman all cos she has a kid, at least they chose to allow the kid to live, so how many kids is the lady u taking all over the place has killed? My friend, dont judge the book by the cover, let us be real and be open minded.
However, note, i dont trade insults, so u cld throw jabs all u want, i will still be fine.

$$Rhino:

How sad, to know that one of our NLander is on the verge of kolomental, sorry my guy, you will be fine.
regardless of people's past, we all deserve a second chance, and who are you to judge a woman all because she has a kid, at least they chose to allow the kid to live, so how many kids is the lady u taking all over the place has killed? My friend, don't judge the book by the cover, let us be real and be open minded.
However, note, i don't trade insults, so u cld throw jabs all u want, i will still be fine.

So because we all deserve a second chance girls should be encouraged to become single mothers in the knowledge that men are now brain-washed to accept them and their baggages? abeg make you shine eyes. If you continue sending the worng messages we'll continue getting bad outcomes. Being openminded does not mean I should encourage people to do what i don't believe in.

$$Rhino:

na wa oh, so only people that lives wayward live do have kids and want to marry?
this is animal thinking is hightest order.

You don't trade insults? so the above is a compliment abi?

2Legit:

So because we all deserve a second chance girls should be encouraged to become single mothers in the knowledge that men are now brain-washed to accept them and their baggages? abeg make you shine eyes. If you continue sending the worng messages we'll continue getting bad outcomes. Being openminded does not mean I should encourage people to do what i don't believe in.

How are pple encouraging waywardness? is it by marrying them or giving them a second chance to live and be loved? i will like to know, please tell me how the men are being brainwashed, i will love to know.

2Legit:

You don't tade insults? so the above is a compliment abi?

That isnt insult, but if u see it as one, apologies.

$$Rhino:

How are people encouraging waywardness? is it by marrying them or giving them a second chance to live and be loved? i will like to know, please tell me how the men are being brainwashed, i will love to know.

That isnt insult, but if u see it as one, apologies.

Waywardness is encouraged whenever anyone tries to imply that it is alright to be a single mother. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule.

Apology accepted

Interesting discussion and perspectives.
@ poster, what is ur relationship with the child in question like? ie do u like him/her and vice versa.
A friend  i respect married a divorcee with 2 kids & they have i of the most loving & disciplined family i have seen.
She treats the kids as her own, and i don't mean that she gives them special favours etc.
It can work, but u have to have a heart big enough to accommodate kids that are not yours & who are iinvariably"difficult"


That said, maybe we should rephrase the question slightly, (to move it away from the unhelpful issue of waywardness)
to "Can u marry a widow/widower with kid(s)?"

make u lef this women alone jare
How I go marry woman wey get pikin before. if she day responsible she 4 dey wit her pikin papa. who wan marry irresponsible woman wey no day think of her pikin.
in fact as them dey here so make boys just careful not to fall 4 this kind women 4 this place o. Una go see pepper if una want marry this kind women wey day think like this.

A single mom should be a proof to the man that her woman is fertile and her womb is in tact. The single ladies that has no child are sizable risks. Some womb don die final.

2Legit, you made some very valid points. I was born and brought up in London (I'm still Nigerian either way) and I know for a fact that the large majority of single mothers that I know (Nija or otherwise) got pregnant because it would be easier to secure accommodation/benefits and funds and general sympathy. In some cases people got pregnant for the sake of holding on to their boyfriends or simply because they thought having a baby was cute.

Some of them were even in competition with friends etc: 'this person has two, I need two also.

I remember an uncle telling my cousin that she was actually becoming an old cargo so it would be better for her to forget about marriage and at least find a guy and get pregnant so that no one would think that she was a witch or worse, a barren witch. I know that there are people who gave birth because they procrastinated over the issue for so long/didn't realise that they were pregnant until it was too late and had the child for that reason only and not because they wouldnt have dearly loved to have an abortion, (nothing to do with being brave, resillient and responsible at all).

Whether anybody is comfortable with the facts or not is irrelevant, simply put, not all single mothers are responsible, nurturing, kind and lovely people. They are simply people like any other who happen to have given birth without the full participation of the other concerned party. Some are very good people and parents, some are ok and some are quite rubbish.

Further more having a baby does not mean that your womb is intact or that you are fertile. What it means is that your womb 'was' intact and you 'were' fertile prior to having your baby. Having a baby is not a straight forward procedure and many complications can arise during and after the event. Having a child already is not a guarantee of anything.
There are people who manage to have one child and no more.


Being single and childless could be due to the fact that you are careful and protect yourself well at all times (not just when you feel like it) and not that you are a risky area.


It has been clearly stated in the posts of others, however incase clarification is needed: Widows and victims of rape are in no way connected to this subject matter.

Peace.

I no fit marry am o

Why not, if you a good relationship with the woman and her child then is there nothing wrong in that.

www.churchwhereabouts.com

interestin topic, let me ask the a question wen we talk about single mom. there are 2 categories of single mom,
1, dirvoced single mom
2, single mom( having a baby out of wedluck)
which are refering to?

nairalanders, am a single mom and i love my daughter and am happily engaged to be married in april to a guy that believs in me, if u feel that we(single mom's ) aint wort to be married then i suggest u guys (all) go Bleep yourself, i leave u with these word how would you feel if ur sis was a single mom am sure u overrated- over grown ass holes wont be here arguing about single mom, go get a life and better still get a JOB, danmit

ijleke:

nairalanders, am a single mom and i love my daughter and am happily engaged to be married in april to a guy that believs in me, if u feel that we(single mom's ) aint wort to be married then i suggest u guys (all) go mess yourself, i leave u with these word how would you feel if ur sis was a single mom am sure u overrated- over grown ass holes wont be here arguing about single mom, go get a life and better still get a JOB, danmit

e pepper you for body. who send you to born without papa?

ijleke:

nairalanders, am a single mom and i love my daughter and am happily engaged to be married in april to a guy that believs in me, if u feel that we(single mom's ) aint wort to be married then i suggest u guys (all) go mess yourself, i leave u with these word how would you feel if ur sis was a single mom am sure u overrated- over grown ass holes wont be here arguing about single mom, go get a life and better still get a JOB, danmit

life is about choices and consequences. some like it som dont it is their choice just like some like light complexion people and some dont it is about choice and we must learn to respect people choice