Please pals, your opinions are needed to guide me before I start creating unnecessary arguments with my husband's younger brother or his family.
My husbands younger brother who just graduated from the higher institution is now living with us searching for a job . But our house is just a seating room and a bedroom with toilet facility the type they call two room self contain in Lagos. Sometimes I close from work on getting home I see him sleeping on my bed, sometime my husband will be in the seating room watching movies and his younger brother will be sleeping on our bed. Is it right to allow him continue or to stop him considering the type of house we are living,? but at nigh the place he sleeps is the seating room while me and my husband sleep in our bedroom. Please your wise opinions will be appreciated. Thanks

Oh not again... Sometimes I wonder what some husbands do to protect and guard their homes.


Have you discussed this with your husband before coming here? It will be a disrespect to him if you have not done so. Since your husband was at home the said day, probably he was the one who told him to go inside and sleep there. This is why you have to discuss with him first before bringing it to third party.

Your matrimonial bed is a no-go zone.

Your brother-in-law shouldn't be sleeping there, no matter what. So when you close from work, tired and you need a rest, what are you expected to do? Take off your clothes and share your matrimonial bed with your husband's younger brother?? (I think not).

I'm surprised your husband doesn't see anything wrong with it! The first thing you need to do is call your hubby aside an explain how inappropriate your current situation is and how it makes you very uncomfortable. Yes, I do understand your BIL needs his rest too, but it shouldn't be on your matrimonial bed. Haba!

Secondly, are you guys able to afford a second, even cheaper TV? If so, then get one and have it installed in your room, so that for times when your hubby wants to watch TV, he can do it in the room while his younger brother can get his rest in the sitting room.

Your home, from what you've just described is cramped and really small, so you all need to make some adjustments but at the same time, consider each other's feelings.

But most importantly, try to avoid getting into heated arguments over this. Your living conditions at present aren't ideal, but you've got to make the most out of what you've got.

It is well.

Your brother-in-law has no right to lie on your matrimonial bed.

But an atempt to stop him could cause some troubles.
and your husband would find it difficult to approach him, considering the relationship between 2 brothers.

Do you have sisters?
How would you feel if your lovely younger sist lie on your bed?
(Your answer must be relative to what you feel seeing your brother in law on your bed)

Well, I don't know how to conclude this, but make sure your approach is cool, in the right order..

I really do not like unnecessary fraternization with idle in-laws! ESPECIALLY IN MY HOME!!!

How does it get to the stage of sleeping ON A MATRIMONIAL bed?

My darling husband knows better ke! I WILL MOVE OUT!!!

Never to return!!!! Asssshawo work dey hungry me sef! I don get my chance be dat!!!!

Even thinking bout the picture is weird... No.

Get him a pull out sofa in the living room if you don't have guest room.

Damn!

Bellong has said it all. Discuss it wt him. That's all.

Kanwulia:
I really do not like unnecessary fraternization with idle in-laws! ESPECIALLY IN MY HOME!!!

[s]How does it get to the stage of sleeping ON A MATRIMONIAL bed?

My darling husband knows better ke! I WILL MOVE OUT!!!

Never to return!!!! Asssshawo work dey hungry me sef! I don get my chance be dat!!!! [/s]

Holy Moses , I need to shine my eyes well before mounting that altar

Efemena_xy: Your matrimonial bed is a no-go zone.

Your brother-in-law shouldn't be sleeping there, no matter what. So when you close from work, tired and you need a rest, what are you expected to do? Take off your clothes and share your matrimonial bed with your husband's younger brother?? (I think not).

I'm surprised your husband doesn't see anything wrong with it! The first thing you need to do is call your hubby aside an explain how inappropriate your current situation is and how it makes you very uncomfortable. Yes, I do understand your BIL needs his rest too, but it shouldn't be on your matrimonial bed. Haba!

This part of the post summarises everything. There was a similar post some time back and my biggest problem in all of this is that the husband sees nothing wrong. I don't know what those houses are like but your matrimonial bed should not be shared period. Solution is to talk to your husband about it. Let him know it makes you uncomfortable and often times you want to lay down or change your clothes and you cannot because his brother is there, unless he wants to be sharing his wife with his bro (lol). But please discuss with your husband quickly. Do not let his brother get too comfortable. I beg you, dont make it a quarel, just find a good time to talk to him about it and lets hope he understands!

OP... does yout husband have other family in lag with bigger home that his brother can bunk in

obviously your home is not even spatially capable of housing even a baby so i wonder why hubby allowed this...

discuss with your hubby as bellong has posited

In the meantime, you can get a 6 * 2 (bunk size) mattress that he can use and sleep in the sitting room

@ op do you have the heart to take what i am about to tell you









as far as i am concerned,there are some things nairalanders dont need to know,for crying out loud you are bringing an issue as private as that to a publi faceless forum is beyond sickening.you can discuss this with your husband for goodness sakes.he is your companion,adviser,counsellor and confidant not nairalanders who will tabke your matter,argue about it,take sides,some will insult you,some will insult your husband,some will insult your brother inlaw.do you want to turn your family affair into a butt of jokes where some peeps who have internal issues will transfer their aggression on you and debate your matter.is that what you want.anyway me am off to eat my rice and titus fish.ill be right back when am done

A reply to the title of the thread:

Given the circumstances, Yes it is right for your brother-in-law to sleep on your matrimonial bed.

acidosis™:
Your brother-in-law has no right to lie on your matrimonial bed.

But an atempt to stop him could cause some troubles.
and your husband would find it difficult to approach him, considering the relationship between 2 brothers.

Do you have sisters?
How would you feel if your lovely younger sist lie on your bed?
(Your answer must be relative to what you feel seeing your brother in law on your bed)

Well, I don't know how to conclude this, but make sure your approach is cool, in the right order..

Re: The bolded bit - completely different scenario.

First of all, wifey will feel less threatened. She won't have any qualms undressing in front of her sister or even flopping down on the bed with her to rest. Remember this will involve two women, same gender / s.ex, so less threatening.

You can't compare it to the woman coming into her room to find a man, other than her husband in her bed. (((shivers!))) doesn't bear thinking about, abeg.

Nonetheless, having her sister there will still be a very uncomfortable situation - for the husband, and it's still not right too. The matrimonial bed is sacred and belongs wholly to the couple (and er...their kids, when they arrive)

@K, pls how do u eat rice and titue fish? No stew or sauce?
What is it like?

BIL can sleep in their matrimonial bed. When wifey is back,she should wake him up to go to the sittin room and sleep. I will do that if the situation warrants that.
No matter what there is nothin like the comfort of a bed. Its a temporary situation.Everybody should endure.
I will only react if BIL is not responsible.
This scenerio happens in many homes.
Its not proper for anybody whether BIL or others to sleep on d sofa during the day when pple r watching telly and all d noise while d apartment's only bed is empty. Nothing should be attached to it.
When there is bigger house,u can now do as u want.
My tots anyway

Efemena_xy:

Re: The bolded bit - completely different scenario.

First of all, wifey will feel less threatened. She won't have any qualms undressing in front of her sister or even flopping down on the bed with her to rest. Remember this will involve two women, same gender / s.ex, so less threatening.

You can't compare it to the woman coming into her room to find a man, other than her husband in her bed. (((shivers!))) doesn't bear thinking about, abeg.

Nonetheless, having her sister there will still be a very uncomfortable situation - for the husband, and it's still not right too. The matrimonial bed is sacred and belongs wholly to the couple (and er...their kids, when they arrive)

nice...

But you killed the first, second & third paragraphs with the last paragraph.

If she feel comfortable seeing her sist on her bed, then she shouldn't blaim her hubby at all.. Its a mutual feeling.

Its all ignorance though.. like you said, the bed is meant for wifey, hubby, & kiddies..

yellowpawpaw: @K, pls how do u eat rice and titue fish? No stew or sauce?
What is it like?

The Titus is cooked in mixed ground pepper( tomatoes, red bell peppers, onion and galic ) and fried in any oil ... Dodo would be great on it too.yum

* too late to change my mind now, wild rice is almost done*

Sorry OP

Why is everyone eating rice tonight?




I ate rice as well..

acidosis™:


nice...

But you killed the first, second & third paragraphs with the last paragraph.

If she feel comfortable seeing her sist on her bed, then she shouldn't blaim her hubby at all.. Its a mutual feeling.

Its all ignorance though.. like you said, the bed is meant for wifey, hubby, & kiddies..

I know. It kind of puts a different perspective on the situation as per wifey and sister vs hubby and brother.

I can see how hubby may not think it's a big deal with his brother, just as wifey may not think it's a big deal with her sister.

But at the end of the day, it is wrong abeg. That matrimonial bed should be sacred. Either hubby, or wifey or both should go get a second TV and install in the bedroom abeg. That way, her brother inlaw gets his much needed sleep.

yellowpawpaw: BIL can sleep in their matrimonial bed. When wifey is back,she should wake him up to go to the sittin room and sleep. I will do that if the situation warrants that.

But for how long can you keep doing this? Practically?

Besides, it's terrible if someone wakes you up when you've only just fallen asleep. He'll get a headache. And a bigger one from having to sleep in the parlour with all that racket from the tv.

jidegirl12:

The Titus is cooked in mixed ground pepper( tomatoes, red bell peppers, onion and galic ) and fried in any oil ... Dodo would be great on it too.yum

* too late to change my mind now, wild rice is almost done*

Sorry OP

This woman u hv come again! Don't make me salivate abeg!

Efemena_xy:

I know. It kind of puts a different perspective on the situation as per wifey and sister vs hubby and brother.

I can see how hubby may not think it's a big deal with his brother, just as wifey may not think it's a big deal with her sister.

But at the end of the day, it is wrong abeg. That matrimonial bed should be sacred. Either hubby, or wifey or both should go get a second TV and install in the bedroom abeg. That way, her brother inlaw gets his much needed sleep.

Exactly,

Btw, Op should handle the situation carefully since no condition is permanent.

The same brother in law if treated properly can do alot for the family tomorrow.

and, the guy should reduce his sleep... No employer would conduct an interview in your matrimonial home..

Efe,its practical. Anytime I argue or defend a case,that means I've seen it happen one or two places.
Let's not forget some r in one room. So the bed will be restricted to the h and wife only?
If d guy has headache,he has to endure.werin he go do?
Nothing lasts forever.life is too short to start thinkin abt some things u can't change cos u want to feel like madam.
Like I said,BIL will leave. Who knows d couple will be so blessed to build as many as they want but for the mean time,let it pass pls.
Its nothing and pls pity d poor guy. Unless he is of questionable xter.

yellowpawpaw: @K, pls how do u eat rice and titue fish? No stew or sauce?
What is it like?

lmao of course there is stew babes .i just felt it wasnt necessary typing it since i assumed that if i type rice and titus fish,anybody should know i cant eat bare rice.stew has to be on top of it sweet

yellowpawpaw: Efe,its practical. Anytime I argue or defend a case,that means I've seen it happen one or two places.
Let's not forget some r in one room. So the bed will be restricted to the h and wife only?
If d guy has headache,he has to endure.werin he go do?
Nothing lasts forever.life is too short to start thinkin abt some things u can't change cos u want to feel like madam.
Like I said,BIL will leave. Who knows d couple will be so blessed to build as many as they want but for the mean time,let it pass pls.
Its nothing and pls pity d poor guy. Unless he is of questionable xter.

It's not about trying to feel like madam o!

Abeg it's still wrong jor. I personally can't live like that. Something'll have to give.

Re: The bolded bit - now that really is interesting!

Biko, explain how that works? Hubby and wifey sharing a one-room flat (not bedroom) with just one bed. And the live-in family member is an adult male?

D'you mean all three share the same bed??

And, how do hubby and wifey get their freak on at night?

Efemena_xy:

Abeg it's still wrong jor. I personally can't live like that. Something'll have to give.

Re: The bolded bit - now that really is interesting!

Biko, explain how that works? Hubby and wifey sharing a one-room (not bedroom) flat, with just one bedroom. And the visiting family member is an adult male?

D'you mean all three share the same bed??

And, how do hubby and wifey get their freak on at night?

LOL.As my Dad of blessed memory would always say, a situation that cannot be helped must be endured

@OP if you guys are the only people he can bunk with it in lagos, the best option is make the living room conducive for him I.e. sofa bed jidegirl mentioned. Dont know if they are sold in naija though.

If there are alternative options I.e siblings with bigger living spaces, Its your husband (not you) that might have to suggest him staying there for a while.

The relative of said inlaw (in this case your husband) is often the best person to deal with sensitive issues like this.

Efemena_xy:

It's not about trying to feel like madam o!

Abeg it's still wrong jor. I personally can't live like that. Something'll have to give.

Re: The bolded bit - now that really is interesting!

Biko, explain how that works? Hubby and wifey sharing a one-room flat (not bedroom) with just one bed. And the live-in family member is an adult male?

D'you mean all three share the same bed??

And, how do hubby and wifey get their freak on at night?

lol you are a funny woman.how can 2 men and one woman sleep on the same bed have you heard that before

Kanwulia:
My darling husband knows better ke! I WILL MOVE OUT!!!
Never to return!!!! Asssshawo work dey hungry me sef! I don get my chance be dat!!!!

oh no you didn't say that

kulyie: lol you are a funny woman.how can 2 men and one woman sleep on the same bed have you heard that before

Don't mind her,trying to pull my leg there.
One room 2 many pple.
Most pple live in 2 bedroom apartments in naija. U manage what u hv and hope for a better tomoro.
No condition is permenant.

lorretta u: oh no you didn't say that

apparently she did

yellowpawpaw:
Don't mind her,trying to pull my leg there.
One room 2 many pple.
Most pple live in 2 bedroom apartments in naija. U manage what u hv and hope for a better tomoro.
No condition is permenant.

true

acidosis™:
Why is everyone eating rice tonight?




I ate rice as well..

because rice is light for dinner,woman

Krisben4343: Please pals, your opinions are needed to guide me before I start creating unnecessary arguments with my husband's younger brother or his family.
My husbands younger brother who just graduated from the higher institution is now living with us searching for a job . But our house is just a seating room and a bedroom with toilet facility the type they call two room self contain in Lagos. Sometimes I close from work on getting home I see him sleeping on my bed, sometime my husband will be in the seating room watching movies and his younger brother will be sleeping on our bed. Is it right to allow him continue or to stop him considering the type of house we are living,? but at nigh the place he sleeps is the seating room while me and my husband sleep in our bedroom. Please your wise opinions will be appreciated. Thanks

did you people not think this through before letting him stay with you guys? where else can he sleep during the day if not the only bed in the house?

in the ideal world, newlyweds staying in a one bedroom apartment shouldn't have let a 3rd party stay around. try and earn more salary so you can afford a 3-bedroom house with a BQ for guests like your brother in law.

learn to be tolerant.