kulyie: @ op do you have the heart to take what i am about to tell you









as far as i am concerned,there are some things nairalanders dont need to know,for crying out loud you are bringing an issue as private as that to a publi faceless forum is beyond sickening.you can discuss this with your husband for goodness sakes.he is your companion,adviser,counsellor and confidant not nairalanders who will tabke your matter,argue about it,take sides,some will insult you,some will insult your husband,some will insult your brother inlaw.do you want to turn your family affair into a butt of jokes where some peeps who have internal issues will transfer their aggression on you and debate your matter.is that what you want.anyway me am off to eat my rice and titus fish.ill be right back when am done

a public faceless forum is the best place to bring some issues. first public means you would get a variety of suggestions so you can pick your choice . Faceless means we dont know her we can offer candid/unbiased advise and poster would feel no shame.

@poster tell ur husband what you feel in a nice, non confrontional way. If he takes offence let it go...he'll understand with time

prologue:
Thnx efe. Laptop thingy can cause new sets of problems on d longrun... U know what I mean.
Similar issue in lagos then, my friend and I, just graduated, had to stay with his newly wedded bros in similar apartment. Senior bros will come like 8-9 and start watching crazy home videos n be excited. She comes home around same time as they are both bankers. What we did was bore him with some crazy assertions and baseless theories and happily watch him wear himself out trying to make sense on a senseless discuss. While at it, we try to make room to sleep. Alas ...in less than 2 weeks, new t.v and dvd, cos we still needed to wake him up to lead morning devotion. Madam was so so happy for d 1 month we were there and we never trespass, n we knew when to just vanish. So, if he needed to postpone our sleep, we needed to give him value for his time, as we quickly learnt madam needed him more in a bedroom.

Now has got to be one of the most mature posts I've come across on this thread. Someone giving their real-life experience of being in a similar situation to the one described by @OP.

Lol @ Senior bos coming home to start watching crazy home video and getting excited...

Re the bolded bit of your post is just so spot on! It smacks of serious understanding AND maturity on your part and that of your friend. Unlike many people who find themselves in similar situations, you were able to demonstrate that you appreciate you were a guest there AND knew your boundaries. That says it all.

Kudos to you and your level of maturity and understanding. Well done.

kulyie: @ op do you have the heart to take what i am about to tell you









as far as i am concerned,there are some things nairalanders dont need to know,for crying out loud you are bringing an issue as private as that to a publi faceless forum is beyond sickening.you can discuss this with your husband for goodness sakes.he is your companion,adviser,counsellor and confidant not nairalanders who will tabke your matter,argue about it,take sides,some will insult you,some will insult your husband,some will insult your brother inlaw.do you want to turn your family affair into a butt of jokes where some peeps who have internal issues will transfer their aggression on you and debate your matter.is that what you want.anyway me am off to eat my rice and titus fish.ill be right back when am done

You are definitely right,Sometimes we take things serious here and sometime we turn it to a JOKE

@OP,

Both GuitarLlife and YellowPawPaw have spoken the truth to you out of the reality of the situation. The real-life application of love - sacrificial if need be - humility and foresight concerning the longer-term welfare and harmony of your family. Because your BIL is family - even if not immediate - and who knows what the future holds?

Others have weighed in with useful workarounds to ameliorate the situation, consider these and tailor to suit your particular circumstances. I would only suggest trying to carve out clear times when that space is sacrosanct to you and hubby, ensuring those boundaries are known to all. Your hubby should ensure compliance here.

As to coming to nl to seek counsel; aspirationally, we would that everyone possesses the tools and support to resolve family issues in-house. Wouldn't it be ideal if no one ever had issues or any that they couldn't resolve themselves?

But where that is not the case, nl is a good resource if used correctly. If one can sift and learn. We even have a library of issues for reference.

Someone mentioned the matrimonial bed is "sacred". Really? In which religion, faith or philosophy is that? I for one would be interested to hear.

If you are a Christian, be wise, understand that men are not made for beds and that beds are made for sleeping. It is the act on the bed, not the bed itself. That should be made clear when setting those boundaries I mentioned earlier.

I also mentioned sifting earlier. One must learn to sift out those who willfully or ignorantly exchange the holy for the profane, are appallingly inconsistent in their positions, plain hypocritical, or just posting to project.

I wish you and your family well and a near-term improvement in your circumstances.

TV

Efemena_xy:

Now has got to be one of the most mature posts I've come across on this thread. Someone giving their real-life experience of being in a similar situation to the one described by @OP.

Lol @ Senior bos coming home to start watching crazy home video and getting excited...

Re the bolded bit of your post is just so spot on! It smacks of serious understanding AND maturity on your part and that of your friend. Unlike many people who find themselves in similar situations, you were able to demonstrate that you appreciate you were a guest there AND knew your boundaries. That says it all.

Kudos to you and your level of maturity and understanding. Well done.

Thnx Efe and I hope d op get a few things out of it. 3 efemenas I know, all Isokos, are good natured persons.
Had to learn how to dance even in a keg of gunpowder, especially schooling days in d university. When things were rough n I had to squat, I learnt a lot including to whose jokes u should laugh, when and how even "sneeze", while respecting your host, even when he feels his gf is seriously "digging" u
@ op... Wisdom is the principal thing. There are ways you can be so nice and achieve your aim. make everyone involved to see it that it is for their good and u are been selfless. Remember say u newly wed... May God guide you and build your home. Amen

I have lately learned of newer variations, as the op had mention "my matrimonial bed". Personally, I think it should be respected as it is. Few wraps of ribbons will make people thrive so hard because few men sat down, and called it national honour. I could still remember "my dad's chair" not because it was made of gold, but it evoked a certain respect and boundary. Even when he is not around, we knew d chairs to do "boju-boju" with. Even @ work, oga's car is oga's car. Can u remember d u reacted when u charger was removed from position by ur younger ones. The bed or mat or even bench is sacred n shouldn't be shared. My opinion though but it shouldn't count much if it doesn't benefit d op.

prologue:

Thnx Efe and I hope d op get a few things out of it. 3 efemenas I know, all Isokos, are good natured persons.
Had to learn how to dance even in a keg of gunpowder, especially schooling days in d university. When things were rough n I had to squat, I learnt a lot including to whose jokes u should laugh, when and how even "sneeze", while respecting your host, even when he feels his gf is seriously "digging" u
@ op... Wisdom is the principal thing. There are ways you can be so nice and achieve your aim. make everyone involved to see it that it is for their good and u are been selfless. Remember say u newly wed... May God guide you and build your home. Amen

prologue: I have lately learned of newer variations, as the op had mention "my matrimonial bed". Personally, I think it should be respected as it is. Few wraps of ribbons will make people thrive so hard because few men sat down, and called it national honour. I could still remember "my dad's chair" not because it was made of gold, but it evoked a certain respect and boundary. Even when he is not around, we knew d chairs to do "boju-boju" with. Even @ work, oga's car is oga's car. Can u remember d u reacted when u charger was removed from position by ur younger ones. The bed or mat or even bench is sacred n shouldn't be shared. My opinion though but it shouldn't count much if it doesn't benefit d op.

Abeg, the bolded bits say it all.

Sometimes, even if someone offers you something, out of respect, it is well to say "No, thank you."

But like you say, different people, different perspectives, and different attitudes. I also believe that boundaries should be respected. Use your initiative and don't always wait for your host to spell out what you should and shouldn't do. It's common sense.

yellowpawpaw: BIL can sleep in their matrimonial bed. When wifey is back,she should wake him up to go to the sittin room and sleep. I will do that if the situation warrants that.
No matter what there is nothin like the comfort of a bed. Its a temporary situation.Everybody should endure.
I will only react if BIL is not responsible.
This scenerio happens in many homes.
Its not proper for anybody whether BIL or others to sleep on d sofa during the day when pple r watching telly and all d noise while d apartment's only bed is empty. Nothing should be attached to it.
When there is bigger house,u can now do as u want.
My tots anyway

@bolded, more blessing.