madamshepopo: My friend is one of the big babes when we were in the university. My people, she had a nice time, really enjoyed herself. Plenty nite outs with Lecturers and big daddies. She got married to a young chap whom she met during NYSC shortly after service. Now three years down the line, there is no issue. My friend confided in me that she did series of abortion during school days, she did not tell her hubby either before or after their wedding. They have spent fortune on medical expenses, tests etc. In the result of the last test carried out in June 2013, the doctor wrote "bilateral tubal blockage/ linear damage, several signs of instrumentation noticed". It was at this time that my friend confessed to have done 4 abortions in the past to her hubby. The last one I suspect was done by a quatck. She said her hubby became unusually cold and quiet at home since then. On October 3, she saw her husband packing certificates, books and suits in the morning, that was the last time she saw him. We made frantic efforts to know his whereabout to no avail, the guy's family did not help matter, they remain mute. It was the police DPO of their area whom the issue was reported to who now informed us that the family of the guy has confided in him that the he has actually jetted out to Canada for post graduate, that was after 4 days of high blood pressure for my friend. What a bad family! My friend is very sad, no communication with her husband, her e-mails wereo not replied. I blamed her for being deceitful, but what can she do now, cant her medical situation be solved medically?

Ah! The duplicate thread was closed. Anyway, I'll repost what I wrote there:

For a Nigerian woman with a history like that (your friend's), living in Nigeria...what can one say? Honestly?

Nothing, except her own don finish be that. Harsh but true. Why?

People back home talk. Her 'secret' is no longer a secret but an open-secret. Everyone now knows your soon-to-be-divorced friend was married and, it won't take much digging to find out why the sham of a marriage hit the rocks.

Let's face it - any one who's in a serious relationship hoping it will lead to marriage is bound to do their due diligence / checks and balances on their prospective partner. Can she hide the fact that she's been married? Can she stop her soon-to-be ex-husband's family from talking? We all know that they're p!$$ed at her and rightly so, as they feel she not only played their son for a f00l but them also.

It's interesting to see how the once-upon-a-time gra-gra girl has mellowed down so much, that she actually feels 'sad' that her husband's walked out on her. But to call her in-laws wicked? For feeling slighted at her deceit? Abeg, she needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Heaven forbid, but as a mother, if any of my sons were to wed such a deceitful animal, I too would encourage them to ditch her, save themselves unnecessary stress, and get a cleaner girl for a wife.

Anyway, modern science has advanced in leaps and bounds. Having been a runz girl, she must have made a lot of money from her ventures, so she should channel some of it towards fixing herself. A woman (such as your friend) without a functional womb is an empty egg shell. (No disrespect intended to those who were born with medical defects affecting theirs, or who did nothing of this sort that resulted in a similar situation. My angst here is with @OP's friend and their ilk out there, deceiving innocent young men.)

Aside that, she should move on with her life. Shebi she went to uni and is a graduate? Assuming she really did 'study', she should use her 'education' to make something of her life. A woman's life doesn't begin and end with a man. With any luck, once she's established herself in her own right, if she's still desperate for a man to live her life with, she should consider a man with fertility issues of his own, so that they as a couple can adopt. If surrogacy is an option for her (i.e: Someone willing to carry her fertilized egg in their womb), then good on her.

*** Having said that, I really would love to read TV01's take on this, seeing as he's a firm advocate for upholding the sanctity of marriage, irrespective of the situation at hand. Where is he anyway?***

chaircover: Bellong I doubt that a man on her own level and who has choices will marry such. She will have to downgrade or bring something tangible to the relationship such as being in a position to dish out contacts from the contacts she made as a runs girl

In reality people like her end up as second wives to one old money miss road baba

Lol! CC you harsh o!

But then again, I don't think even an elderly Baba would want to marry a lady such as that. Even when they have 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 wives, they expect each and everyone of those women to pop out their kids.

chaircover:

Some do. They are already fathers so its not the end of the world if their baby wife does not give them any more kids

They just like the fact that they have a beautiful young model on their arm that they can show off at parties and someone who can keep them young as they say.

Exactly my thought.
She will only be good for show off.


But I believe miracles do happen, nothing is impossible.

OP, tell your friend to get her a ss up and be useful for once to the society.

As a runs girl, I'm sure she still has money, let her go and adopt. There are many children wandering around for someone to love and care for them. As much as getting a job/business to keep her going.

She should send a copy of her divorce letter to her eloped husband and focus on putting her life together.

Not everyone will be married
Not everyone will remain married
Not everyone will have kids
Not everyone will age.

That's life, make use of your condition and find happiness in it.

chaircover: Bellong I doubt that a man on her own level and who has choices will marry such.

Sure, averagely a man with choices wouldn't think of such a woman but some do putting other stuff into consideration. I have seen and know cases where it happened.

chaircover: I. Dont kmow anyone who will kmowingly marry a runs girl who has done 4 abortions. Emphasis on the knowingly. Especially when we come from a culture where children in a marriage are very important and knowing our men and ego and they cant stand the fact that their woman has been mauled by plenty other men.

I doubt anyone in my family would marry such a woman; love or no love

Hell no to a runs girl cos that to me shows you are cheap/uncultured/greedy and will most definitely do it again if the opportunity present itself. I despise girls that use their private part for trade by batter. That's just so wrong

However, a girl having had an abortion or two in the past isn't such a big deal so long as there isn't any permanent damage to the womb.

Everyone should always say the truth about their past no matter how horrible it maybe. Love is all about accepting the other person so why allow your man/woman to fall in love with an impostor?

jay bee:
Hell no to a runs girl cos that to me shows you are cheap/uncultured and will most definitely do it again if the opportunity present itself again.

However, a girl having had an abortion or two in the past isn't such a big deal so long as there isn't any permanent damage to the womb.

Everyone should always say the truth about their past no matter how horrible it maybe. Love is all about accepting the other person so why allow your man/woman to fall in love with an impostor?

Easier said than done, Jaybee.

Would a man whose been a serious cultist, killed people and even performed a couple of unmentionable human rituals in his past, table these before his intended spouse?

To say love covers everything in my opinion is a naive, simplistic, approach to life. If it were that easy, then why so many skeletons in the cupboard? Fact is, those who committed atrocities and got away with them keep schtum, with the belief that it's best to let sleeping dogs lie, or that the past should be left where it belongs - in the past!

chaircover:

Some do. They are already fathers so its not the end of the world if their baby wife does not give them any more kids

They just like the fact that they have a beautiful young model on their arm that they can show off at parties and someone who can keep them young as they say.

In other words, just have a trophy wife on the arms to parade around with, even though she's damaged goods.

Then what happens when such women start to lose their looks?

madamshepopo: My friend is one of the big babes when we were in the university. My people, she had a nice time, really enjoyed herself. Plenty nite outs with Lecturers and big daddies. She got married to a young chap whom she met during NYSC shortly after service. Now three years down the line, there is no issue. My friend confided in me that she did series of abortion during school days, she did not tell her hubby either before or after their wedding. They have spent fortune on medical expenses, tests etc. In the result of the last test carried out in June 2013, the doctor wrote "bilateral tubal blockage/ linear damage, several signs of instrumentation noticed". It was at this time that my friend confessed to have done 4 abortions in the past to her hubby. The last one I suspect was done by a quatck. She said her hubby became unusually cold and quiet at home since then. On October 3, she saw her husband packing certificates, books and suits in the morning, that was the last time she saw him. We made frantic efforts to know his whereabout to no avail, the guy's family did not help matter, they remain mute. It was the police DPO of their area whom the issue was reported to who now informed us that the family of the guy has confided in him that the he has actually jetted out to Canada for post graduate, that was after 4 days of high blood pressure for my friend. What a bad family! My friend is very sad, no communication with her husband, her e-mails wereo not replied. I blamed her for being deceitful, but what can she do now, cant her medical situation be solved medically?

The family is bad? And your friend is a saint for keeping such a big secret from her husband right? This should be a lesson to both men and women who enter into a relationship based on deception. Your friend should know that whatever we sow in life is what we will reap. Most Nigerians marry solely to procreate. So, when children are not forthcoming, they dump the relationship. The only thing your friend can do now is to find a man who is willing to marry her even though she cannot biologically have children because she has messed up her womb with all the abortions she had.

Your friend henceforth will have to tell any future man she chooses to date the truth from the get go. Honestly, your friend may have to look for a man who is not Nigerian because most Nigerian-bred men want children and if you can't give them that, they won't stick with you. If Your friend's womb is severely damaged, then there is nothing she can do about it to medically correct that. Her options now are: surrogacy whereby another woman will carry her child for 9 months or your friend can adopt.

This should be a lesson to all these wayward Nigerian women who live life on the fast lane, fornicate all over the place, open their legs for various men in exchange for money, expensive gifts and favors, go through several abortions and then later on think that their past will just go away once they find one maga that will marry them. It doesn't work that way in life. The way you make your bed, so will you lie on it. Shikena!

wwwkaycom:
Bilateral tubal blockage/linear damage, are we saying its the end of the road for this woman? Isn't there medical solution to this? Just asking.....

are we saying there is no medical solution to op's friends case?

vire:

yeah right....after they have lived a useless life alone ....enjoying the loots now a new good man will stay and help her fight the sores of her former life....you try well well....as for me no be me go follow dat kind woman.....marriage is suppose to be enjoyed not managed....if it was proved dat medically she is ok..no problem a good man can wait...but all the destroyed womb abeg go and be a nun or sumtin....dont spoil a man's life

After all you girls will always say na love we go chop....so chop the fruits of your labour alone na

you sound so matured

Wow such long epistles over another person's matter.

wwwkaycom:
Bilateral tubal blockage/linear damage, are we saying its the end of the road for this woman? Isn't there medical solution to this? Just asking.....

It means her two fallopian tubes are blocked and the sperms cannot have access to the ova naturally.
It's a serious case but not the end of the road for her 'cause ICSI(IVF) can help.


The problem i have with peeps is that they hardly think before taking actions, she didn't think she might need a healthy uterus sometime in future.
If her husband can forgive her,they can actually work together to have a plan B.

She's not worse,i know someone who had 15 abortions ,i'm not exaggerating...lets assume the 1st was a mistake,then 2nd,3rd,4th........and counting.I really don't know if a special clearance is needed before buying a condom.(people still make the same mistakes over and over)

Chillisauce: OP, tell your friend to get her a ss up and be useful for once to the society.

As a runs girl, I'm sure she still has money, let her go and adopt. There are many children wandering around for someone to love and care for them. As much as getting a job/business to keep her going.

She should send a copy of her divorce letter to her eloped husband and focus on putting her life together.

Not everyone will be married
Not everyone will remain married
Not everyone will have kids
Not everyone will age.




That's life, make use of your condition and find happiness in it.

Thank You for this comment.
It's not the end of the road for her,she made the mistake already. She should just learn from it and get a life.

My best friend found himself in this man's shoes. Naive and rich guy who just got back from the UK was engaged to a pretty girl who had done abortions at age 20, very pretty girl and a good actress at that,told the guy several lies to cover up stuffs. I guess the guy fell for her looks. Few weeks to their wedding this greedy girl went to say goodbye to one of her sugar daddies and was caught . The girl and her family begged, she wept profusely asking for forgiveness,she told the guy about her past escapades and the fact that she has aborted. The guy couldn't take it,he was completely broken and that was the end.

My advice for runs girls who have repented and are ready to settle down is to HINT THEIR GUY ABOUT THEIR PAST WITHOUT GOING INTO THE GORY DETAILS, don't take the risk of allowing the guy to find out,Nigerians talk a lot. And people should stop this idea of saying everyone has a past, its like a visa to live recklessly, Not all women are whores and some past do have serious consequence

She should try God. Yes, what she did was shameful but she can try God. Repent first and restoration will follow.

God created the human womb and He has the upgraded/latest version. People are putting personal beef(insecurities) into this.

Beauty is from God and I once heard of a christian midwife speaking in tongues and in effect changing a newborn's deformed face.

Mercy is needed here. I think only God can give this. We sometimes need mercy.

Spiritually divorce and subsequent re-marriage is like prostitution before God. So God can recreate this chick. She should go for JESUS and He can restore everything; marriage, relationships, etc.

There is no point in writing a post that will lead people to suicide or hell.

vire:

yeah right....after they have lived a useless life alone ....enjoying the loots now a new good man will stay and help her fight the sores of her former life....you try well well....as for me no be me go follow dat kind woman.....marriage is suppose to be enjoyed not managed....if it was proved dat medically she is ok..no problem a good man can wait...but all the destroyed womb abeg go and be a nun or sumtin....dont spoil a man's life

After all you girls will always say na love we go chop....so chop the fruits of your labour alone na

Oh please. The girls in Nigeria are not worse that the men. The men who got them pregnant are just as guilty. I am sure you probably got a girl or two pregnant or paid for an abortion yourself.


@OP I don't think your friend should be focused on getting this man back. She should focus more on getting him to forgive her. She was not honest with him and that completely changed the course of his life. He has every right to feel betrayed. If she sends an email she should tell him that she wants him back but that is not why she is writing. She is writing for him to forgive her for her selfishness and for hurting him.

Poor gal. Some good gals whose one and only boyfriend got them to do abortion can't get pregnant now. Many runs gals are having babies anyhow. Just a case of a botched abortion and less of the runs issue. Her husband left her because of her past, men have left goody two shoes wives with 2 or three kids to marry another woman. Its not the end of the world her past caught up with her. She should just choose to be happy tough but all things are possible after all what else can she do?

Abortion not good
Runs not good
Woman can't have baby not good
Man don't have healthy sperms not good.
Many things not good.
The gal should forgive herself and move on with life. If he comes back glory to God if he doesn't its life and it goes on.

Better life for rural men....

Oh, this thread is just golden! I don talk am! Tell him or her the truth BEFORE the altar. Give him or her a chance to run from you and let them decide by themselves to stay. If you entrap them, some people will do worse than try to walk away from the marriage. Not everyone is as forgiving as that husband o.

And, abeg, nobody should blame the man for anything, or his family either.

It's difficult to respect a woman who used her body like it wasn't anything special. And if we are going to say, "what about the men that used it with her?" we'd better remember that people praise a hunter's prowess for the more kills he makes not less. The game that escapes saves its life. So, if una like o, try to measure the used women with the same scales as the using man. Na for inside una pocket o!

Stories like this will always be told. At least, until Jesus returns.

soul_glo:

Oh please. The girls in Nigeria are not worse that the men. The men who got them pregnant are just as guilty. I am sure you probably got a girl or two pregnant or paid for an abortion yourself.


@OP I don't think your friend should be focused on getting this man back. She should focus more on getting him to forgive her. She was not honest with him and that completely changed the course of his life. He has every right to feel betrayed. If she sends an email she should tell him that she wants him back but that is not why she is writing. She is writing for him to forgive her for her selfishness and for hurting him.

Ok na Lofu shall prevail ni.

Btw, "girls in Nigeria are not worse than men"? Oya come and flog d men na! Unless a woman says yes, her pride is intact o. The man generally can only make an offer. If he forces her, that's when he has a serious case. If he deceives her, he doesn't have as bad a situation.

meine: My best friend found himself in this man's shoes. Naive and rich guy who just got back from the UK was engaged to a pretty girl who had done abortions at age 20, very pretty girl and a good actress at that,told the guy several lies to cover up stuffs. I guess the guy fell for her looks. Few weeks to their wedding this greedy girl went to say goodbye to one of her sugar daddies and was caught . The girl and her family begged, she wept profusely asking for forgiveness,she told the guy about her past escapades and the fact that she has aborted. The guy couldn't take it,he was completely broken and that was the end.

My advice for runs girls who have repented and are ready to settle down is to HINT THEIR GUY ABOUT THEIR PAST WITHOUT GOING INTO THE GORY DETAILS, don't take the risk of allowing the guy to find out,Nigerians talk a lot. And people should stop this idea of saying everyone has a past, its like a visa to live recklessly, Not all women are whores and some past do have serious consequence

PREACH IT!!!

#StandingOvation!

Not all women are whores o jare! Why should we excuse one's inglorious and deliberately chosen past because "everybody has a past"? Puhleeeeeeeeeeease! What about the deceny girls that don't? Or is decency extinct in today's world?

TTgirl: People are putting personal beef(insecurities) into this.

Why shouldn't they? Dishonesty hurts something fierce, didn't you know?

Ihedinobi:

Oh, this thread is just golden! I don talk am! Tell him or her the truth BEFORE the altar. Give him or her a chance to run from you and let them decide by themselves to stay. If you entrap them, some people will do worse than try to walk away from the marriage. Not everyone is as forgiving as that husband o.

And, abeg, nobody should blame the man for anything, or his family either.

It's difficult to respect a woman who used her body like it wasn't anything special. And if we are going to say, "what about the men that used it with her?" we'd better remember that people praise a hunter's prowess for the more kills he makes not less. The game that escapes saves its life. So, if una like o, try to measure the used women with the same scales as the using man. Na for inside una pocket o!

Stories like this will always be told. At least, until Jesus returns.

I agree with the first part of your post. I am sorry but you cannot be more wrong about the other part. A man that was responsible for 4 abortions is just as guilty in my opinion. A self respecting woman would not attach herself to that easily and without much consideration. I know I would not without much consideration because quite frankly I did not cheapen myself so why should I take cheap. I know that people grow up and people can change but don't delude yourself into thinking that a man that was responsible for 4 abortions can actually get a self respecting woman easily if she knows the truth. A person that values high morals values high morals. It matters not that it is a man or woman

Efemena_xy:

In other words, just have a trophy wife on the arms to parade around with, even though she's damaged goods.

Then what happens when such women start to lose their looks?

Trade her in for a new edition na

Efemena_xy:

Easier said than done, Jaybee.

Would a man whose been a serious cultist, killed people and even performed a couple of unmentionable human rituals in his past, table these before his intended spouse?

To say love covers everything in my opinion is a naive, simplistic, approach to life. If it were that easy, then why so many skeletons in the cupboard? Fact is, those who committed atrocities and got away with them keep schtum, with the belief that it's best to let sleeping dogs lie, or that the past should be left where it belongs - in the past!

And they're right...until children of the past come looking for their father. Oh mehn! What goes around always comes home!

soul_glo:

I agree with the first part of your post. I am sorry but you cannot be more wrong about the other part. A man that was responsible for 4 abortions is just as guilty in my opinion. A self respecting woman would not attach herself to that easily and without much consideration. I know I would not without much consideration because quite frankly I did not cheapen myself so why should I take cheap. I know that people grow up and people can change but don't delude yourself into thinking that a man that was responsible for 4 abortions can actually get a self respecting woman easily if she knows the truth. A person that values high morals values high morals. It matters not that it is a man or woman

But you're not disagreeing with me at all. If it were up to me not one person with a wasted past, man/woman, would end up with anybody with a decent past. But then it isn't and, in fact, people do change.

My point was only this: the women that try to insist that men were involved too are naive. Men will hunt women and the women that fall to them will be used and rejected and the men will be praised for their skill in deceiving them. Wicked, yes! Will they be punished? Yes. With no marriage? Not likely. If a man chooses not to get married and spawn children all over the place, his mom might cry and his dad say that he wasn't brought up that way, but he's a man. As long as he can pay, he's fine (not necessarily in my opinion, I mean, loneliness is a real dog). He can take it more easily than an unmarried woman can take being single because of her past.

Efemena_xy:

Ah! The duplicate thread was closed. Anyway, I'll repost what I wrote there:

For a Nigerian woman with a history like that (your friend's), living in Nigeria...what can one say? Honestly?

Nothing, except her own don finish be that. Harsh but true. Why?

People back home talk. Her 'secret' is no longer a secret but an open-secret. Everyone now knows your soon-to-be-divorced friend was married and, it won't take much digging to find out why the sham of a marriage hit the rocks.

Let's face it - any one who's in a serious relationship hoping it will lead to marriage is bound to do their due diligence / checks and balances on their prospective partner. Can she hide the fact that she's been married? Can she stop her soon-to-be ex-husband's family from talking? We all know that they're p!$$ed at her and rightly so, as they feel she not only played their son for a f00l but them also.

It's interesting to see how the once-upon-a-time gra-gra girl has mellowed down so much, that she actually feels 'sad' that her husband's walked out on her. But to call her in-laws wicked? For feeling slighted at her deceit? Abeg, she needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Heaven forbid, but as a mother, if any of my sons were to wed such a deceitful animal, I too would encourage them to ditch her, save themselves unnecessary stress, and get a cleaner girl for a wife.

Anyway, modern science has advanced in leaps and bounds. Having been a runz girl, she must have made a lot of money from her ventures, so she should channel some of it towards fixing herself. A woman (such as your friend) without a functional womb is an empty egg shell. (No disrespect intended to those who were born with medical defects affecting theirs, or who did nothing of this sort that resulted in a similar situation. My angst here is with @OP's friend and their ilk out there, deceiving innocent young men.)

Aside that, she should move on with her life. Shebi she went to uni and is a graduate? Assuming she really did 'study', she should use her 'education' to make something of her life. A woman's life doesn't begin and end with a man. With any luck, once she's established herself in her own right, if she's still desperate for a man to live her life with, she should consider a man with fertility issues of his own, so that they as a couple can adopt. If surrogacy is an option for her (i.e: Someone willing to carry her fertilized egg in their womb), then good on her.

*** Having said that, I really would love to read TV01's take on this, seeing as he's a firm advocate for upholding the sanctity of marriage, irrespective of the situation at hand. Where is he anyway?***

I largely agree!

meine: My best friend found himself in this man's shoes. Naive and rich guy who just got back from the UK was engaged to a pretty girl who had done abortions at age 20, very pretty girl and a good actress at that,told the guy several lies to cover up stuffs. I guess the guy fell for her looks. Few weeks to their wedding this greedy girl went to say goodbye to one of her sugar daddies and was caught . The girl and her family begged, she wept profusely asking for forgiveness,she told the guy about her past escapades and the fact that she has aborted. The guy couldn't take it,he was completely broken and that was the end.

My advice for runs girls who have repented and are ready to settle down is to HINT THEIR GUY ABOUT THEIR PAST WITHOUT GOING INTO THE GORY DETAILS, don't take the risk of allowing the guy to find out,Nigerians talk a lot. And people should stop this idea of saying everyone has a past, its like a visa to live recklessly, Not all women are whores and some past do have serious consequence

This is just the truth..
How do u destroy ur past n bring all that garbage t dump on whoever will end up wit u, using everyone has a past as an excuse..it's evil
Wasn't that Past her Present?? Didn't she know she has a future?
Hint, disclose, confess, whatever but ur partner has d right t know.
No words f d o.ps friend, but if she loves him, she should free him. It's unfair making him bear the consequences of her past