I met Danny while in 200 Level, he was my dream man, we were always together, so inseparable that we were given couple of the year 2004 by a particular campus club. To cut the long story short, he proposed to me when he came to collect his call up letter, being one year ahead of me. I agreed. Few months later, he took me home but the reception was too cold for me. His mum especially was just too cold with me. Later I got to know that his mum didn't like me because I was "too big" starture wise. He didn't handle it well, he ditched me, I nursed my "wound" and one year later after my POP from Cross River State, I met my own man who have been looking for a "big woman", we courted for two years and got married in 2009. I am enjoying my marriage, thanking God everyday for counting me worthy of his favour. Just 2 weeks ago, I received an e-mail from my ex-fiance pleading seriously for forgiveness, that everywhere he went to pray, they told him to beg me for forgiveness unless he wont be able to get things right business wise and maritally. . I believe so much in prayer but things like this frightens me a lot. I show the mail to my hubby, I called him to tell him I bear no grudge against him and that God has really been good to me marriage wise. His mum came to my office to passionately beg me to please for christ's sake forgive her and her son. I could be so emotional, I cried that day, telling his mum I bear no grudge against her and her son, his mum wept too. My husband later suggested that we meet together with him in our church where we can really pray together, I have informed my pastor who also encouraged us along this line. He is planning towards that. I am frightened about all these, I stopped having ill-feeing against him immediately I met my own husband. My question is; could I have been responsible for his business and marrital challenges? I dont think so, but just has to do the biddings of my husband and pray with him. What do you think great nairalanders?

So ironic that a so-called CHRISTIAN like you has no concept of love and forgivness. . . .SURPRISE-SURPRISE!!!
OP! If you call yourself a REAL CHRISTIAN. . . LOVE AND FORGIVNESS SHOULD NOT BE TOPICS OF CONFUSION FOR YOU.
You need to LEARN how to 'LET HIM AND LET GO. . . .WHILE LETTING GO AND LETTING HIM'!
So you carried OLD BAGGAGE. . . into your MARRIAGE huhn?

You have issues! ESTEEM ISSUES!!!!You do not know how to MOVE ON! AND NEVER WILL.
You believe so much in prayer. . .YET THEY ARE NOT WORKING IN YOUR LIFE!
Why should you have ill-feelings about someone who told you THE TRUTH?
Yes! You were PHAT! NA LIE? Your ex lacked sensitivity. . .BUT HE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH!
Learn to deal with that before calling on PASTORS, PRAYERS AND GOD!

Shioooor!



*5PM . . . off to work jare. logging off my sweeeeetazzze*

It is possible for Karma to Judge him for disappointing you and tis also possible for such to have consequence in his life !!!


Lesson;Don't nurture any grudge against those that hurt you,(even your husband),else same issues may happen !!

madamshepopo: I met Danny while in 200 Level, he was my dream man, we were always together, so inseparable that we were given couple of the year 2004 by a particular campus club. To cut the long story short, he proposed to me when he came to collect his call up letter, being one year ahead of me. I agreed. Few months later, he took me home but the reception was too cold for me. His mum especially was just too cold with me. Later I got to know that his mum didn't like me because I was "too big" starture wise. He didn't handle it well, he ditched me, I nursed my "wound" and one year later after my POP from Cross River State, I met my own man who have been looking for a "big woman", we courted for two years and got married in 2009. I am enjoying my marriage, thanking God everyday for counting me worthy of his favour. Just 2 weeks ago, I received an e-mail from my ex-fiance pleading seriously for forgiveness, that everywhere he went to pray, they told him to beg me for forgiveness unless he wont be able to get things right business wise and maritally. . I believe so much in prayer but things like this frightens me a lot. I show the mail to my hubby, I called him to tell him I bear no grudge against him and that God has really been good to me marriage wise. His mum came to my office to passionately beg me to please for christ's sake forgive her and her son. I could be so emotional, I cried that day, telling his mum I bear no grudge against her and her son, his mum wept too. My husband later suggested that we meet together with him in our church where we can really pray together, I have informed my pastor who also encouraged us along this line. He is planning towards that. I am frightened about all these, I stopped having ill-feeing against him immediately I met my own husband. My question is; could I have been responsible for his business and marrital challenges? I dont think so, but just has to do the biddings of my husband and pray with him. What do you think great nairalanders?

I think, given the circumstances, you've conducted yourself very well on so many fronts, my dear. I'll tell you how:

~ Not only did you act really maturely all along, you took time out to 'grieve' your loss when he ditched you. You didn't immediately jump into another relationship on the rebound, but instead remained calm, focused and waited for your own better half. You trusted in your God and waited upon him to send you your very own man who would help you overcome your hurt.

~ When contacted two years later by your ex, rather than contact him in secret, you were open enough to show your hubby the letter and discussed this 'issue' with him. You sought his advice, like the decent, married woman you are, and you both came up with the solution / suggestion that you all meet together in a neutral ground (church) for prayers.

Most people would have taken the easy route and gloated / jubilated over the demise of their ex with stuff like: "Eh..hen - Your cup don full, it's payback time and na your punishment be that. Accept it," or like I've been reading recently, would perhaps have gone to church to give testimony, clap and rejoice over the suffering of their ex, his martial home, and his mother. You've done no such thing.

~ In the meantime, you even let him and his mother know that you bear them no grudge whatsoever, which is an extra plus on your character. I'm sure you've heard the saying: To err is human, but to forgive is divine. You had long forgiven them, made your peace with your God and moved on with your life. You let your past (ex and his mother) remain firmly where they belong - in the past. Girl, this is what I call serious maturity jor. Not many people are able to forgive that easily (which is human), but you did and from the sounds of it, you, your family and matrimonial home are blessed jare.

I understand your fright about the recent happenings - for which I'll suggest you keep close to your husband. Your ex and his mother sound fickle and extremely superstitious to me. You're well shot of them. Imagine how your life would have been if you married that man? A man easily swayed by the opinion of others and obviously still is. A mother-in-law who failed to look beyond the exterior and based her judgements on the outer cover, without even taking the time to scratch the surface to see what lay beneath. (What I mean is that she didn't bother getting to know you character-wise but was myopic enough to judge you solely on your physical appearance).

And finally, in response to your question on whether or not you are responsible for their ill-luck? Abeg stop that now! Did you go visit a Babalawo / Juju doctor in the past regarding your ex? If no, then what's your worry girl? No, what your ex and his family are experiencing have nothing whatsoever to do with you.

~ If he's having problems with his matrimonial home, it's probably because he isn't man enough to stand on his own feet and make his own decisions independently.

~ If he's having problems with his business, it's probably because he made bad business decisions and rather than take responsibility and learn from his mistake(s), he's taking the easy route (typical Nigerian mentality) to apportion blame on everyone else, rather than himself.

~ If his mother is being torn apart, well, what's that got to do with you anyway? Perhaps she should learn to stop poke-nosing and give her son the chance to grow some backbone and act like a man for once in his life!

So pls, stop all these self-doubts, believe in yourself and continue with enjoying your your hubby and family. It is well.

Kanwulia: So ironic that a so-called CHRISTIAN like you has no concept of love and forgivness. . . .SURPRISE-SURPRISE!!!
OP! If you call yourself a REAL CHRISTIAN. . . LOVE AND FORGIVNESS SHOULD NOT BE TOPICS OF CONFUSION FOR YOU.
You need to LEARN how to 'LET HIM AND LET GO. . . .WHILE LETTING GO AND LETTING HIM'!
So you carried OLD BAGGAGE. . . into your MARRIAGE huhn?

You have issues! ESTEEM ISSUES!!!!You do not know how to MOVE ON! AND NEVER WILL.
You believe so much in prayer. . .YET THEY ARE NOT WORKING IN YOUR LIFE!
Why should you have ill-feelings about someone who told you THE TRUTH?
Yes! You were PHAT! NA LIE? Your ex lacked sensitivity. . .BUT HE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH!
Learn to deal with that before calling on PASTORS, PRAYERS AND GOD!

Shioooor!



*5PM . . . off to work jare. logging off my sweeeeetazzze*

Dont really understand what you are saying sir, kindly read through my post, Bless you.

Madam, you are a nice person. No you are not the cause. It is his destiny.
I think it is guilty conscience that is bugging your ex. The cause of his shortcomings in life has nothing to do with you.
Efe already said everything there is to say. Stay close to your husband and if possible, make the meeting with pastor the last time you guys will cross path.

Imo,I see it in 2 ways, I believe there r different pple u can do some things to some pple n get away with it but to some others it won't be that easy.
I also do not believe his predicament was all because of u.
U av done ur part in prayin for him leave d rest to God.

Efe, u just nailed it! I'm going to give u pammy and nkwobi for this!

Poster, pls move on!
Unless u r supersticious as well.

Kanwulia: So ironic that a so-called CHRISTIAN like you has no concept of love and forgivness. . . .SURPRISE-SURPRISE!!!
OP! If you call yourself a REAL CHRISTIAN. . . LOVE AND FORGIVNESS SHOULD NOT BE TOPICS OF CONFUSION FOR YOU.
You need to LEARN how to 'LET HIM AND LET GO. . . .WHILE LETTING GO AND LETTING HIM'!
So you carried OLD BAGGAGE. . . into your MARRIAGE huhn?

You have issues! ESTEEM ISSUES!!!!You do not know how to MOVE ON! AND NEVER WILL.
You believe so much in prayer. . .YET THEY ARE NOT WORKING IN YOUR LIFE!
Why should you have ill-feelings about someone who told you THE TRUTH?
Yes! You were PHAT! NA LIE? Your ex lacked sensitivity. . .BUT HE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH!
Learn to deal with that before calling on PASTORS, PRAYERS AND GOD!

Shioooor!



*5PM . . . off to work jare. logging off my sweeeeetazzze*

It is obvious you never understood what the poster wrote. Read it again and then read your response.

Aunty efe,

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Op,

You did the right thing in all ramifications.

@OP, you are not the cause of their predicaments. The country's economy is very bad hence it's difficult to survive. Many people have similar problems like that guy.

There is nothing bad to pray with them as their wish. May our God answer their prayer.

I remember during the time of IBB when nigeria economy suddenly turned down many people thought along that way may be this, may be that and they ran to the religious leaders.

The main point is that nigeria is a very difficult place to live.


@madamshepopo

Madam you username na wah.

Kanwulia: So ironic that a so-called CHRISTIAN like you has no concept of love and forgivness. . . .SURPRISE-SURPRISE!!!
OP! If you call yourself a REAL CHRISTIAN. . . LOVE AND FORGIVNESS SHOULD NOT BE TOPICS OF CONFUSION FOR YOU.
You need to LEARN how to 'LET HIM AND LET GO. . . .WHILE LETTING GO AND LETTING HIM'!
So you carried OLD BAGGAGE. . . into your MARRIAGE huhn?

You have issues! ESTEEM ISSUES!!!!You do not know how to MOVE ON! AND NEVER WILL.
You believe so much in prayer. . .YET THEY ARE NOT WORKING IN YOUR LIFE!
Why should you have ill-feelings about someone who told you THE TRUTH?
Yes! You were PHAT! NA LIE? Your ex lacked sensitivity. . .BUT HE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH!
Learn to deal with that before calling on PASTORS, PRAYERS AND GOD!

Shioooor!



*5PM . . . off to work jare. logging off my sweeeeetazzze*

The day u stop misyarning snow will fall in naija.

@op its karma. A very strong law of nature which many of us don't acknowledge. Just pray with him and cut all communication with him.

Nutase:

The day u stop misyarning snow will fall in naija.

@op its karma. A very strong law of nature which many of us don't acknowledge. Just pray with him and cut all communication with him.

The guy's mother rejected the @madamshepopo was not bad. Because as a mother she has the right to accept or reject her son's girlfriend. So there is no issue of karma.

Aunty Efe has already said everything there is to say.
Stop bothering your head about them and continue to enjoy your marriage..

Kanwulia: So ironic that a so-called CHRISTIAN like you has no concept of love and forgivness. . . .SURPRISE-SURPRISE!!!
OP! If you call yourself a REAL CHRISTIAN. . . LOVE AND FORGIVNESS SHOULD NOT BE TOPICS OF CONFUSION FOR YOU.
You need to LEARN how to 'LET HIM AND LET GO. . . .WHILE LETTING GO AND LETTING HIM'!
So you carried OLD BAGGAGE. . . into your MARRIAGE huhn?

You have issues! ESTEEM ISSUES!!!!You do not know how to MOVE ON! AND NEVER WILL.
You believe so much in prayer. . .YET THEY ARE NOT WORKING IN YOUR LIFE!
Why should you have ill-feelings about someone who told you THE TRUTH?
Yes! You were PHAT! NA LIE? Your ex lacked sensitivity. . .BUT HE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH!
Learn to deal with that before calling on PASTORS, PRAYERS AND GOD!

Shioooor!



*5PM . . . off to work jare. logging off my sweeeeetazzze*

if you dont have anything reasonable to say. Pls keep your mouth shut.

Kanwulia: So ironic that a so-called CHRISTIAN like you has no concept of love and forgivness. . . .SURPRISE-SURPRISE!!!
OP! If you call yourself a REAL CHRISTIAN. . . LOVE AND FORGIVNESS SHOULD NOT BE TOPICS OF CONFUSION FOR YOU.
You need to LEARN how to 'LET HIM AND LET GO. . . .WHILE LETTING GO AND LETTING HIM'!
So you carried OLD BAGGAGE. . . into your MARRIAGE huhn?

You have issues! ESTEEM ISSUES!!!!You do not know how to MOVE ON! AND NEVER WILL.
You believe so much in prayer. . .YET THEY ARE NOT WORKING IN YOUR LIFE!
Why should you have ill-feelings about someone who told you THE TRUTH?
Yes! You were PHAT! NA LIE? Your ex lacked sensitivity. . .BUT HE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH!
Learn to deal with that before calling on PASTORS, PRAYERS AND GOD!

Shioooor!



*5PM . . . off to work jare. logging off my sweeeeetazzze*

menh your english nearly got me mad

Early morning alomo is not good for ur brain.
If u drink alomo , don't reply a topic . If you reply a topic don't drink alomo

Kanwulia: So ironic that a so-called CHRISTIAN like you has no concept of love and forgivness. .

I'm sure u missed this part
.
I called him to tell him I bear no grudge against him and that God has really been good to me marriage wise.
.

No, you are not the cause of his misfortune. Go ahead with the prayer session to satisfy your conscience and your understanding hubby who brought the idea. The economic downturn in Nigeria has led so many people to believe that they are being dealt with by unseen forces. May the good God show him mercy and give him a positive turn around. Your hubby is wonderful, God bless him, cheers!

madamshepopo: Dont really understand what you are saying sir, kindly read through my post, Bless you.

I read your post. . .CLEARLY.
I cannot knock you down because of your faith and beliefs. . . Not my business. . . .
BUT THERE ARE ISSUES I HAD WITH YOU FROM YOUR POST!
I will not even address the 'nut-job' who came back to ask forgiveness from you on account of his TROUBLED SPIRIT. . . .He is really inconsequential. My problem is with YOU and some aspects of your posts. Here goes:

To cut the long story short, he proposed to me when he came to collect his call up letter, being one year ahead of me. I agreed.

1. A man proposes to you. . .AND YOU NEVER MET HIS FAMILY DURING THE COURSE OF YOUR DATING. . . .And you won 'COUPLE OF THE YEAR AWARD'? Na so the man value you reach? I think NOT! What where YOU thinking?

Later I got to know that his mum didn't like me because I was "too big" stature wise. He didn't handle it well, he ditched me, I nursed my "wound" and one year later after my POP from Cross River State, I met my own man who have been looking for a "big woman", we courted for two years and got married in 2009.

It is obvious you DID not really love yourself THE WAY YOU WERE. You focus on this your 'BIGNESS'. . . You nursed which wound? Did you create yourself? Part of a healthy self-esteem is dealing with REJECTION. If anyone does not love you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. . . I think you need to give him or her a 'heave-ho'!. . . .INSTEAD OF NURSING 'WOUNDS'!

Like I stated earlier. . . I will not look in the direction of that your so-called ex-fiance. . . (frankly a LOCAL CREATURE. . .WITH HIS MOMMA TOO)!
This is what really IRRITATED ME ABOUT YOUR WHOLE WRITE-UP!

I am frightened about all these, I stopped having ill-feeing against him immediately I met my own husband.

What exactly are you frightened about? ARE YOU ALL IN A CULT WITH INTERTWINED DESTINIES?
You stopped having ill-feelings against him IMMEDIATELY you met your own husband?
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, IF YOU HAD NOT MET YOU OWN HUSBAND. . . you would have continued to have ill-feelings?

I REPEAT. . . YOU HAVE ISSUES. . . REEEEEEEEEEEEEAL ISSUES! So, your husband was a 'relief-pitcher' in your game of MISERY?

From what I can read from you. . .YOU SOUND LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER REALLY KNOWN HAPPINESS. . . . If you say you are happy in this your marriage. . . .Fine, I am happy you SAY so!

To answer your main question. . . .

My question is; [size=20pt]could I have been responsible for his business and marrital challenges?[/size] I dont think so, but just has to do the biddings of my husband and pray with him. What do you think great nairalanders?

ARE YOU GOD? Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!

You know. . . .? I have a problem with group-think or group therapy. It is obvious you lack the necessay emotional and cognitive independence to solve SIMPLE problems. . . .This is between YOU and YOUR EX. . . . (EVERYONE ELSE NEEDS TO BUTT OUT! THAT YOUR JOBLESS HUSBAND INCLUDED!)

You have forgiven him. . . .I REPEAT. . .LET HIM AND LET GO!

IT IS YOU THAT HAS THE COMPREHENSION PROBLEM. . . NOT I!

THE INVOLVEMENT OF HUSBAND, PASTOR, EX-FIANCE, CHURCH, EX-FIANCE'S MOTHER and so on and so forth smacks of 'BUSHMEATISM'!
How does something that concerns just 2 people BECOME A VILLAGE MATTER?

I REPEAT. . . LET HIM AND LET GO. . .WHILE LETTING GO AND LETTING HIM!

@those quoting kanuwa, are u guys new on NL. Pls be informed that her response to issues are always the opposite. Its only once I read where she reply to a post in the right direction.

So please free her. She lives in a different world.

amtheone: @those quoting kanuwa, are u guys new on NL. Pls be informed that her response to issues are always the opposite. Its only once I read where she reply to a post in the right direction.

So please free her. She lives in a different world.

Damn right! I live in a different world. . .WHERE BRAINS ARE USED. . . no apologies!
You may continue with this local topic. . . . I AM DONE!
I am VERY capable of solving my own problems MYSELF. . .without involving NAIRALAND, GOD, PASTORS, HUSBAND, RELATIVES OR 'FRENEMIES'!
I am too busy to deal with such trivialities as this poster is so frightened about. . .

I would have handled things differently than this OP. Thank my lucky stars. . .I AIN'T NO CHRISTIAN. Solving simple problems will continue to be ROCKET SCIENCE. . . I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN ONLY ONE E-MAIL TO BOTH THE 'EX-FIANCE AND HIS MOTHER. . . . .SAYING:GOOOOOOOOOOOD RIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDANCE TO BOTH OF THEM!

My husband is too busy for such nonsense! Hallelujah!


*thread unfollowed*

@OP!D WAY U HANDLED THE MATA SHOW THAT U ARE SMART!

But u are NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ur EX!

Ex has his own life.U AV UR OWN.

FACE UR HUSBAND AND MAKE HIM speak LANGUAGE THAT MAK U COM.

What is with the mum coming to your work place to cry?

You handled it all well, I must say.

Thank you all

Efemena_xy:

I think, given the circumstances, you've conducted yourself very well on so many fronts, my dear. I'll tell you how:

~ Not only did you act really maturely all along, you took time out to 'grieve' your loss when he ditched you. You didn't immediately jump into another relationship on the rebound, but instead remained calm, focused and waited for your own better half. You trusted in your God and waited upon him to send you your very own man who would help you overcome your hurt.

~ When contacted two years later by your ex, rather than contact him in secret, you were open enough to show your hubby the letter and discussed this 'issue' with him. You sought his advice, like the decent, married woman you are, and you both came up with the solution / suggestion that you all meet together in a neutral ground (church) for prayers.

Most people would have taken the easy route and gloated / jubilated over the demise of their ex with stuff like: "Eh..hen - Your cup don full, it's payback time and na your punishment be that. Accept it," or like I've been reading recently, would perhaps have gone to church to give testimony, clap and rejoice over the suffering of their ex, his martial home, and his mother. You've done no such thing.

~ In the meantime, you even let him and his mother know that you bear them no grudge whatsoever, which is an extra plus on your character. I'm sure you've heard the saying: To err is human, but to forgive is divine. You had long forgiven them, made your peace with your God and moved on with your life. You let your past (ex and his mother) remain firmly where they belong - in the past. Girl, this is what I call serious maturity jor. Not many people are able to forgive that easily (which is human), but you did and from the sounds of it, you, your family and matrimonial home are blessed jare.

I understand your fright about the recent happenings - for which I'll suggest you keep close to your husband. Your ex and his mother sound fickle and extremely superstitious to me. You're well shot of them. Imagine how your life would have been if you married that man? A man easily swayed by the opinion of others and obviously still is. A mother-in-law who failed to look beyond the exterior and based her judgements on the outer cover, without even taking the time to scratch the surface to see what lay beneath. (What I mean is that she didn't bother getting to know you character-wise but was myopic enough to judge you solely on your physical appearance).

And finally, in response to your question on whether or not you are responsible for their ill-luck? Abeg stop that now! Did you go visit a Babalawo / Juju doctor in the past regarding your ex? If no, then what's your worry girl? No, what your ex and his family are experiencing have nothing whatsoever to do with you.

~ If he's having problems with his matrimonial home, it's probably because he isn't man enough to stand on his own feet and make his own decisions independently.

~ If he's having problems with his business, it's probably because he made bad business decisions and rather than take responsibility and learn from his mistake(s), he's taking the easy route (typical Nigerian mentality) to apportion blame on everyone else, rather than himself.

~ If his mother is being torn apart, well, what's that got to do with you anyway? Perhaps she should learn to stop poke-nosing and give her son the chance to grow some backbone and act like a man for once in his life!

So pls, stop all these self-doubts, believe in yourself and continue with enjoying your your hubby and family. It is well.

That's All.

Thank you all great nairalanders. We had prayer with Danny and his mum on the evening of sunday 10th Nov. It was a great 1hour of serious prayer. My pastor led the prayer session, his wife was there, they were wonderful. My husband joined us there about 15 minutes into the prayer session. Danny was satisfied and expressed it after the session. He even initiated other prayer appointments with my pastor, my husband heard him asking for this. I saw him today in the lobby of my pastor's office after service, obviously waiting to see pastor. He greeted me and my hubby exitedly. I heard my husband while chatting with him telling him he will share his testimonies soon. I am happy about this turn of events. May the living God answer his prayers. God bless you all nairalanders, you are all wonderful, cheers!

So happy to hear this. You handled the whole situation well.