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Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To - Family - Nairaland

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Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by gentlesil(f): 11:45am On Nov 10, 2021
Well I think I have to share few things to strangers here because I feel very said recently, and it is turning into a serious hatred for my husband that may lead to something else.
I am about 38, have two daughters. I wanted at least one boy, since this two are girls.
But my husband says no more child for now. For economic reason (the economy is very hard on him, he says)
I am really not comfortable with only two girls and he doesn't believe that things may change in future.
Please I prefer mature ladies and married counselor's opinion on this.
Thanks

3 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Acidosis(m): 11:50am On Nov 10, 2021
Listen to your husband, sis. I will tell you the same thing if I were in his shoes. Nothing beats having just two girls in this time and age.

13 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Juliusmomoh: 11:53am On Nov 10, 2021
Are you for real?

What if you got pregnant again and you gave birth to a girl ?... Sis stop looking for trouble where there's none...

Person wey put you for house de talk, and you get mind de question him government... Wahala

22 Likes 1 Share

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Hezzyluv: 12:00pm On Nov 10, 2021
What if you take-in again and you give birth to female

For me ooo, pikin na pikin male or female. Just pray God bless the one's you have depending on when economic gets better for him.

But if you still insist, go ahead but fink of the aftermath trouble or decitn your husband may take. Because, only that one disobedient fit cost you your marriage.


Shalom....

6 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by DAVIDMOE(m): 12:15pm On Nov 10, 2021
Listen to your husband.

8 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Klass99(f): 12:33pm On Nov 10, 2021
.

27 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Richy4(m): 12:53pm On Nov 10, 2021
Listen to him dear.. You can always adopt a baby boy when things improve and u may have past the child bearing age... There's no stigma attached to adoption anymore

4 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Ishilove: 1:09pm On Nov 10, 2021
gentlesil:
Well I think I have to share few things to strangers here because I feel very said recently, and it is turning into a serious hatred for my husband that may lead to something else.
I am about 38, have two daughters. I wanted at least one boy, since this two are girls.
But my husband says no more child for now. For economic reason (the economy is very hard on him, he says)
I am really not comfortable with only two girls and he doesn't believe that things may change in future.
Please I prefer mature ladies and married counselor's opinion on this.
Thanks
What is the gurantee that the next one will be a boy? My friend wanted a boy too, so she disobeyed her husband and allowed herself get pregnant again. It was a girl again, bringing the number to three girls. Thereafter no one told her to hang boot.

Aunty, pikin na pikin. Thank God you have children. There are many out there who are searching high and low for even one.

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by enohorglo(f): 1:10pm On Nov 10, 2021
Dear, are you working? Even if you are, do you know how much diapers cost as at today? In as much as your hubby or his family are not bugging you for a male child, let the issue rest for now. He did not give an outright No, he only said wait till things are better.

6 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by GoldenJAT(m): 1:15pm On Nov 10, 2021
Na trouble u de find so! Big ONE!

5 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Cannicus: 1:16pm On Nov 10, 2021
Acidosis:

Listen to your husband, sis. I will tell you the same thing if I were in his shoes. Nothing beats having just two girls in this time and age.

A boy and a girl.

Or 2 boys cool
Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Acidosis(m): 1:29pm On Nov 10, 2021
Cannicus:


A boy and a girl.

Or 2 boys cool


The future is female bro cheesy

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by pocohantas(f): 1:38pm On Nov 10, 2021
Cannicus:


A boy and a girl.

Or 2 boys cool

Why you no go find two boys? E dey fear say them go corner im daughters. Brolosho. grin

@OP, I no blame you.
If your husband was the one disturbing you to born boy, you will open your mouth waaaa to wail.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Kobojunkie: 1:51pm On Nov 10, 2021
gentlesil:
Well I think I have to share few things to strangers here because I feel very said recently, and it is turning into a serious hatred for my husband that may lead to something else.
I am about 38, have two daughters. I wanted at least one boy, since this two are girls.
But my husband says no more child for now. For economic reason (the economy is very hard on him, he says)
I am really not comfortable with only two girls and he doesn't believe that things may change in future.
Please I prefer mature ladies and married counselor's opinion on this. Thanks
Why are you not happy with the 2 gals you already have and can hopefully afford? undecided

Why do you think a boy will add more value to your life than your girls can and have? undecided

Please kindly go get professional therapy/ counseling to help you properly understand what is at the root of this so-called hatred you say you feel towards your husband. undecided

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by AloneTK: 1:54pm On Nov 10, 2021
gentlesil:
Well
Please I prefer mature ladies and married counselor's opinion on this.
Thanks

I do not think gender counts here.
And won't join to ask you to listen to hubby or whatever.
But I strongly believe that your kids would grow up to be what you make of them, whether they are boys or girls.
Just love them, and see beyond their gender.

3 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by cayorday89(m): 2:34pm On Nov 10, 2021
gentlesil:
Well I think I have to share few things to strangers here because I feel very said recently, and it is turning into a serious hatred for my husband that may lead to something else.
I am about 38, have two daughters. I wanted at least one boy, since this two are girls.
But my husband says no more child for now. For economic reason (the economy is very hard on him, he says)
I am really not comfortable with only two girls and he doesn't believe that things may change in future.
Please I prefer mature ladies and married counselor's opinion on this.
Thanks
My concern boils down to a question, do you have the solution that guarantees a boy child if you put in again? If you do, you can go ahead not trial and error stuff but be ready to face the consequences alone. You must be very lucky to have a husband who himself and his family so not disturb you for a male child.
What is the discomfort you get from having two female children.
Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by gentlesil(f): 2:34pm On Nov 10, 2021
@all thanks for the matured responses
It's just that I like every other human has things that she need and want to achieve in life. I have thought of the possible angles to this, but I did understand that he really meant it that child bearing is over for me. I should focus on something else.

2 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by cayorday89(m): 2:36pm On Nov 10, 2021
Juliusmomoh:
Are you for real?

What if you got pregnant again and you gave birth to a girl ?... Sis stop looking for trouble where there's none...

Person wey put you for house de talk, and you get mind de question him government... Wahala
Your last paragraph is uncalled for, do you know the dynamics of their marriage to know who put who in the house or if they do things jointly to help each other.

5 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Nobody: 3:32pm On Nov 10, 2021
I wonder the kind of spirit that is ruling some people.

Madam, in this kind of economy is where you're agitating to have more children?

Ok. Before I contribute or give my verdict.

How much do you contribute to the family upkeep?

How much do you contribute for feeding, bills, rent, school fees and other expenses in the home?

Your husband is being sensible enough by choosing to stop, to avoid additional burden; than what he can shoulder. you're here being unreasonable and insensitive to his plight and the financial stress he's going through, saying you want a male child.

What if you try again, it now turns out to be a female? You'll want to continue trying until you fill the house with battalion?
Very local mentality that needs to be erased.

This was how a woman in my compound, after two girls, the husband said he doesn't want another child. She started making noise all over the place that she wants a male child. The man tried sending her away. She refused.
Everyday fight, kick and blow. Throw her things outside, chingum go come back. That was how they ended up with battalion, Las Las.

Today, they have seven children. ( It was even supposed to 9, she lost two).
The children who started from private all ended up in govt school.

She wrecked the man to zero level with too many responsibilities.
The man keeps lamenting everyday cos no biz, no money to cater for 9 people again in this harsh economy.
The man is now a shadow of himself.

Is that the kind of hardship you want to put yourself into.?

Look, take a cue from this illiterate I just cited her example of otherwise you might end up like her.

4 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by ahnie: 5:52pm On Nov 10, 2021
You had better listen to your husband.i understand your concerns for a male child.maybe when buhari is no longer president again and things goes back to normal he may reconsider


Pls listen to him.

2 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by capnies: 5:53pm On Nov 10, 2021
WHAT IF YOU DECIDES TO HAVE ANOTHER AND IT TURNS OUT TO BE A GIRL ALSO, WILL YOU OPT FOR ANOTHER? OR HAVE YOU GOTTEN AN ANTIDOTE TO CONCEIVING A GIRL CHILD,

YOU ALSO TALK AS IF YOU ARE NOT PART OF THE HOME; YOUR HUSBAND SAYS THINGS ARE HARD ARE YOU NOT FEELING THE HARDSHIP IN THE COUNTRY
Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by PrimadonnaO(f): 6:06pm On Nov 10, 2021
Only Klass99 addressed the angle that goes beyond finance.

Raising a child today involves 10 times more consideration than it did in our time.

I'm personally very concerned about the span of control. About being available for these children in every aspect of their lives. The more they are, the more challenging it is.

People think, it's just "one more" child. One child alone is a HUGE responsibility, let alone two... then three.

But then again, it seems as though we're projecting our ideals on you, right? You're not getting what you want. You sorely need more children and it's not a crime.

But your husband doesn't want more.

Can two walk together except they agree?

Can you reorient your mind to understand that a child is a child?

7 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Richy4(m): 6:10pm On Nov 10, 2021
ahnie:
You had better listen to your husband.i understand your concerns for a male child.maybe when buhari is no longer president again and things goes back to normal he may reconsider


Pls listen to him.

smiley smiley
Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by sisisioge: 6:15pm On Nov 10, 2021
Well....you have asked for mature advise...
I'm a bit immature with my intended response. Let me keep it to myself.

May God bless our minds.

4 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Klass99(f): 6:18pm On Nov 10, 2021
.

3 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by PrimadonnaO(f): 7:10pm On Nov 10, 2021
Klass99:


Really? smiley

In other news, your diary was an interesting read (the parts I read) and kudos to you for being a responsible single female, who is holding it down through honest work and an honest living. I like wink

Awwwn. Thank you!! kiss

1 Like

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Guontey(m): 7:45pm On Nov 10, 2021
gentlesil:
Well I think I have to share few things to strangers here because I feel very said recently, and it is turning into a serious hatred for my husband that may lead to something else.
I am about 38, have two daughters. I wanted at least one boy, since this two are girls.
But my husband says no more child for now. For economic reason (the economy is very hard on him, he says)
I am really not comfortable with only two girls and he doesn't believe that things may change in future.
Please I prefer mature ladies and married counselor's opinion on this.
Thanks
How would you know if you'll get a boy though at your third try? Would you then try again a fourth time if you don't get a boy?
This is such a non-issue you need to reassess your position. Makes no sense to me!
Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Kobojunkie: 8:09pm On Nov 10, 2021
Guontey:

How would you know if you'll get a boy though at your third try? Would you then try again a fourth time if you don't get a boy?
This is such a non-issue you need to reassess your position. Makes no sense to me!
The last thing she needs is to contemplate the sex of another child. Instead she needs to understand why she does not love her current children the way she would love a son. She is in need or mental help so she can be a good mother to the ones she currently has or else she might blame them in the future. undecided

3 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by wunmi590(m): 8:34pm On Nov 10, 2021


What is wrong having only girls as your children?


My first is a beautiful baby girl, if we are ready for the second and she comes out a baby girl, nah double joy be that...

Is not about the gender, but how you take care of them.

Nobody can force me to impregnate my wife just because of a boy....

4 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Ow0eg0kudi: 9:08pm On Nov 10, 2021
@gentlesil


Hmmm...you're BEGINNING to hate your husband because of more children...this life!

Have you considered people who are older than you and are still TTC even though they are financially buoyant?

If you think males stand better chances of success than females, have you considered people like Prof. Dora Akunyili, Dr. N. Okonjo-Iwealla?

Herebelow you have your classwork/assignment:
1) Obamas have how many children?
2) List the gender(s) of the children.

N.B.: I am mature though not a lady...I counsel occasionally though not a marriage counsellor.

2 Likes

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Vision101(m): 2:43am On Nov 11, 2021
Madam, I'm a pastor and people have seen His grace in this area. I have first hand experience what women go through just to have children.

You have two wonderful girls and you are here complaining. Continue!!!

Train them to think and behave beyond the mentality of the natural woman and you will see wonders.

1 Like

Re: Advice: I Never Knew I Will Do This, But I Have To by Kennyprince: 5:54am On Nov 11, 2021
gentlesil:
Well I think I have to share few things to strangers here because I feel very said recently, and it is turning into a serious hatred for my husband that may lead to something else.
I am about 38, have two daughters. I wanted at least one boy, since this two are girls.
But my husband says no more child for now. For economic reason (the economy is very hard on him, he says)
I am really not comfortable with only two girls and he doesn't believe that things may change in future.
Please I prefer mature ladies and married counselor's opinion on this.
Thanks
.

I will advice you get him to reason with you on adding one more, perhaps a boy would come.

One day soon, this same man would not be satisfied having no son and ll look for a way.

Be warned!

1 Like

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