She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. - Family - Nairaland
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| She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Beazy(f): 1:18pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
I was raped at gunpoint by an unknown man in the parking lot of a shopping mall about a year ago, after the incident I decided I wasn’t going to let it destroy my life, I went for medical checkup and counseling and I have been able to put the whole thing behind me until recently. I told my mother about it some months ago but I assured her I have recovered and I made her promise not to tell anyone. I was shocked when I started hearing it all around in my neighborhood, i went to confront my mother since she is the only one that knows about it. She said she told her two friends because she wanted their advice. Her friends went home to tell their children and the news started spreading from there with all sorts of twists, someone even said I got pregnant from the rape and aborted. I felt really betrayed and disappointed. I was so angry at my mother I yelled at her, I left home in anger and moved in with my friend in another part of the town. It’s been three weeks now and I am surprised that my mother has not called once to apologize for what she did. My siblings say she is still insisting that she told her friends to ask for their advice. I am hurting really bad and its all due to her lack of discretion, i really don’t know if its worth reconciling with her if she doesn’t call to apologize.What Should I do? |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Coefficient(m): 1:35pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
Are you sure she's your mother? 7 Likes |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by StPete: 1:39pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
This is serious. I can imagine how hurtful the experience is and how your mum couldn't also hold back the hurt. But she ought to call you. She did you wrong by divulging such a sensitive matter. Still open your heart to forgive if she eventually makes attempt to reconcile. 1 Like |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by sexymoma(f): 1:39pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
Firstly, she is your mother, have that at the back of your mind. Ok let say she made a mistake by telling her friends... Are you gonna keep grudges wid her forever  Now you told us she didn't call to apologize, why can't you call her and confront her. Tell her your mind, pour everything out and let it die down... My dear you still gonna need her And don't forget we are human, she told her friends probably cos she was shocked or she is the type that doesn't know how to keep things secretly. If she knew that her friends would go about telling people im very sure she wouldn't have mentioned it them. Just forgive and let the sleeping dog lie. Biko 2 Likes |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by CORDROSS: 1:58pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
Are you sure she truly your mother. Lets not put sentiment into all this whole scenarios. I am sincerely sorry at what happened to you. But a true mother will keep that as a secret especially when it happens to their daughters. You need to quickly check your DNA to be sure that momma is actually your mother...Not calling or concerned about your whereabouts not even feeling your pains and the damage it has done to your psychology or the trauma you went through.. I am sorry dear, go do the needful. 3 Likes |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Beazy(f): 2:20pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
sexymoma: Firstly, she is your mother, have that at the back of your mind.thankz for ur piece of advice |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Beazy(f): 2:20pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
CORDROSS: Are you sure she truly your mother. Lets not put sentiment into all this whole scenarios. I am sincerely sorry at what happened to you. But a true mother will keep that as a secret especially when it happens to their daughters. You need to quickly check your DNA to be sure that momma is actually your mother...Not calling or concerned about your whereabouts not even feeling your pains and the damage it has done to your psychology or the trauma you went through..Thankz |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Justeenaleo(f): 4:39pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
Never tell people this kinda thing,if you can even make your self believe it never happened even better. Sorry. |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by pickabeau1: 5:12pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
Coefficient: Are you sure she's your mother? |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Nobody: 5:18pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
I cannot even imagine how bad you feel i am sorry you were molested. Your mom did what she thought was right unfortunately she hurt you in the process. Parenting is not always the easiest thing to do, so many decisions and there is no manual on how to be a parent especially in situations like this you know how parents always think they know best even when they do not understand their child's feelings. Consider that it may have been heavy on her and she had to talk about it with friends to unburden her self. I hope you consider forgiving her in your own interest. |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by ojun50(m): 5:57pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
Yr mum wil always be yr mum jst go back nd talk to her explain tins to her because the more u distance yr self the more u get hurt, look @it now till now she has nt called and u look more worried. Go back nd see her |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by mashnino(m): 6:12pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
come.... i know it hurts...but shey you know you are nigerian bah...not american some of our parents don't know how to apologize just go home and show her you are now a big baby oya sorry eh...no cry again...please forgive her... she too i am sure she has forgiven you before... so please just forgive her dis one eh,.... fyn geh..oya smile now...smile joor... i know you miss her too...so just go home eh.. and if possible dont utter a word about it..just go home and be normal... just d way it was before all dis happened and dont mind all dose haters eh.. 5 Likes |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by bablononi(m): 6:29pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
Beazy: I was raped at gunpoint by an unknown man in the parking lot of a shopping mall about a year ago, after the incident I decided I wasn’t going to let it destroy my life, I went for medical checkup and counseling and I have been able to put the whole thing behind me until recently.chai as i read am see as i vex for ur mama.i rada u listen to odas cos i still dey vex self 1 Like |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Beazy(f): 6:58pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
mashnino: come.... i know it hurts...butLike ciriowzly...Yhu really put a smile on mai face......I Love ur Writeup...#Lwkmd# 3 Likes |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by mashnino(m): 9:11pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
Beazy: Like ciriowzly...Yhu really put a smile on mai face......I Love ur Writeup...#Lwkmd# glad i did put a smile on ya face.... 1 Like |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Nobody: 10:45pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
Life is a bitch... But we can't let what people think hold us back from becoming who we are... Your mum messed up but I'm sure u can forgive her... As for what d neighborhood thinks? Let them waggle their tongues while u move on with your life... They will watch u prosper while they are stuck in one position because them gat no life... Beazy... Like I said life is a bitch... But who's doing the fuckin* u? Or life? Don't let what other people think or say be the basis of how u live.. Also understand the dynamics of forgiveness... It releases u from the bondage of anger... Mothers are a tough bunch... But u just gonna have to let go... Or else u won't be able to move on... Sorry about the incident... Some of the menfolk are just a bunch of psychotic bastards with sawdust for brains but hey... Life threw u a curve ball... Now show that bitch you're a hardcore naija girl and u no dey take BS from life... 1 Like |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by sevule(m): 11:14pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
Beazy i am so sorry about what happened to you  No woman should have to go through what you went through. I definitely do not support what your mother did and I think she is pretty callous. However please for your own sake forgive your mother. To err is human and to forgive divine. Be the bigger person and forgive her. You have every right to be hurt and angry because of your mother's actions but please let go of the anger. It would definitely not be easy but if you purpose in your heart to forgive her then the process becomes easier. Once again I am sorry about what you had to endure. |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Nobody: 11:29pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
This is how some mothers destroy the future of their children,why would she say something like that out,nawa for your mother ooo. Just forgive her,next time,watch what you tell her..just let her know how u felt about the whole issue. |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by DonaldGenes(m): 11:55pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
I don't know what to say or type but all I can say is Sorry |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by enm(m): 10:52am On Aug 20, 2014 |
@op, just follow the advice of some people who ask you to go back, settle and forgive her. To your mother she did the right thing, unfortunately she approached the wrong people whom she thought were her friends. Deep inside her I believe she is hurting and regretting it all and this incident going to have some negative effect on how she relate with people. Both of you are hurting, take the step and create a more stronger bond with each other. Don't stop trusting her. |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by littlemistress: 11:17am On Aug 20, 2014 |
Guess your mum is not the type that keeps issues to herself cos I see no justification for telling 'her friends' afterall you've gone for counselling & gotten over ΐτ̅. Reconcile with her, move on & learn to tell her things you wouldn't mind hearing in the neighbourhood. Be strong girl..  |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by freecocoa(f): 11:32am On Aug 20, 2014 |
Like are you serious or what? What kind of a mother is she? I mean I can understand her telling someone else for whatever reasons( even though it's not really okay) but still she's human so I'll take it she made a mistake, but not caring how you feel is another thing altogether, after 3 weeks she still doesn't care? Hmm I don't know what I'll do if I were you, I'd prolly never want to see or speak to her again. I just really hate it when people hurt others and not give a hoot, yea you can hurt someone unintentionally, that's not the problem, the problem is someone telling you they are hurt by your actions(especially when it's a serious issue) and you still don't care, it pisses me the feck off. 1 Like |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Nobody: 12:19pm On Aug 20, 2014 |
I hate peeps who can't keep secrets |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Nobody: 12:22pm On Aug 20, 2014 |
Coefficient: Are you sure she's your mother?naija parents no sabi apologize oo |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by cutiemoi: 1:48pm On Aug 20, 2014 |
Forgive her ignorance! Now that you know her own version of keeping a secret, Next time keep some things to your self. Just cool off for some time before going back. |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by SMALLPENIS(f): 2:13pm On Aug 20, 2014 |
never forgive her oo! but on second thought forgive her because you just did what she did by posting your problem on NL, so more people now know PS your profile has your picture, but we won't stigmatize you sha |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by shizzle11(m): 2:47pm On Aug 20, 2014 |
what a loquacious mother! God forbid |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by Nobody: 2:59pm On Aug 20, 2014 |
shizzle11: what a loquacious mother! God forbidEasy jare, this is someone's mother we're talking about here  Op, I know what she did/still doing hurts but will you keep grudges forever? You have to find ways and make amends with her, I'm sure she will apologise..again, what kinda things did you tell her when you found out she shared your secret? You may hv even insulted her beyond her actions?  She may be hurting too....All in all, go settle things with ya mama... |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by shizzle11(m): 3:18pm On Aug 20, 2014 |
MarvellousGod: Easy jare, this is someone's mother we're talking about hereI didn't mean to be harsh but I find it absurd and disgusting as well that a mother would let out such a secret, not even minding the trauma it would cause her daughter despite giving her word that she will put a lid on her lips. Btw, Should we ignore the truth cos its someone mother? This is betrayal of trust of the highest order coming from someone who should give her the highest protection, and its disheartening to say the least, coupled with the fact that this happened a year ago. Her daughter has gone for medicals and thankfully no negative report and has obviously moved on, sadly now the mother has opened an old wound that really hurts. Anyways just said my mind, let her take an advice from one of many provided already. I wish her the best. 3 Likes |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by soulglo: 3:47pm On Aug 20, 2014 |
Honestly I don't understand people. Telling her to just ignore it, she's your mother etc. this is exactly why this woman is unrepentant. If she's thinking like the lot of you then she's likely saying she's the OPs mother so she's entitled to cause her child pain simply because she could not shut her mouth. So over this nonsense. OP forgive her. Not for her but for you. I don't think you should see her and pretend everything is okay. She needs to apologize and if she's unrepentant you need to let her know that you do not trust her and that in fact when you get married she will only find out when you send a driver to pick her up to come to the church for the wedding. When you have a baby she will only find out after you deliver. What nonsense. If you cannot trust your mother who could you possibly trust. She even told two people. Please una get the heck outta here with all that "she's your mother BS". OP is her daughter and yet she had no problem publicly humiliating her. 2 Likes |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by freecocoa(f): 3:54pm On Aug 20, 2014 |
As in eh soulglo, i don't think that the "she's your mother" BS annoys you the way it does me. Just imagine, as if being a mother automatically makes one untouchable or what should I say, like they haven't heard of bad mothers, some who go as far as killing their children. If my mother hurt me like this and refuses to care, walai our relationship will never be the same, as in ever, rubbish. 1 Like |
| Re: She Needs Ur Advice..she Is Her Mother But She Can’t Keep Her Secret. by soulglo: 4:03pm On Aug 20, 2014 |
freecocoa: As in eh soulglo, i don't that "she's your mother" BS annoys you the way it does me. I'm dumbfounded. I don't share secrets with my mom but I do with my dad. He could never betray me like this. Honestly I don't know if I could recover if he did lol. It'll break my heart. The public humiliation is one thing but my parent having a hand in it and then not trying to fix things. Too much. |
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