Am in a kindaa fix rite now
my best friend  just flew in from Nigeria with her fiancee to shop for her upcoming wedding,
and guess what d guy happens to be a very close family friend, he has told me so much about this his babe
but i never wlda guessed in a thousand years that he was dating my friend
because we talk mostly on phone

Well d jist now is that my friend had a child when she was very young
and she did not even tell d guy about it
she plans to keep it a secret forever
but i think that is going to be a very wicked tin to do
i have begged her to tell him but she refuses
i even threatened to tell him myself
and she said if i shld try it
she's going to fight me with everytin shes got
another tin is that dey just met like barely 8months ago
and this guy is already madly in love with her
this guy is such a nice guy and i do not think that he deserves such,

my people i really value our friendship
but at d saame time this guy too is close to me and my family


i really do not know what to do
i rjust feel like am in d middle of a Nigerian movie scene
i even wanted to send like a anonymous person to tell d guy
but i would forever feel guilty if i shld break this wonderful union,


What do u advice
because i still kindaa believe in d saying
that a broken relationship is better dan a broken marriage

Ok it's kind of a tough situation to be and I myself don't like deception but I really don't think you should tell the guy. It's not really your place to do so. What happened to the child? Is it still in the picture, even in that case, I think you should let them settle it between them. You've tried your best and tried to talk to your friend. Does anyone else know about the baby from the past? Maybe you could also encourage them to help you get the girl to tell her fiancee. In the end, if she refuses, I still don't think it's your place to tell him. It's not right, I know, and it may feel like a really lowdown thing to do to because he's your friend too, but it's not your place.
If it was the other way round, I know you'd want to know but at the same time, do you think he would tell you? And would you understand why he didn't tell you?

is your friend a bad person,?
did she get the baby by mistake,was she naive,was she taken advantage of?
has she changed?,is she responsible now?

these are wat u should ask urself,if shes not a good person or has not changed or is not responsible,
why hesitate to tell him

whatever u do, stay out of it!

its not ur secret to tell

if she doesnt want to tell,
its not ur job to tell

u gurls need to understand that this guy is not just like another guy,he is a close family friend,
and she wouldn't want to see him ruined.

If she see that her friend is not good enough or doesn't deserve him,
she should just spill the beans.

Will u marry d guy after telling him?

Muza:

u gurls need to understand that this guy is not just like another guy,he is a close family friend,
and she wouldn't want to see him ruined.

If she see that her friend is not good enough or doesn't deserve him,
she should just spill the beans.

that doesnt give her d right to butt into 2 pples relationship. . .  he needs to stay out of it.

at best, she shd try to convince her friend to come clean, but it really has nothin to do with her!

Not your job sweetie. Yes I agree it is wicked. But everything done in the dark will eventually come to light. She will not go to her grave with that secret. because it is bound to come up. But let it not come up with you. And by the way, where is the child?

okay, so she has a child n doesnt want to tell the guy
its wrong
but u'll also need to tell us the circumstances that led to the child

either way, stay out of it
for all u know she might have told the guy but is trying to see how loyal u are
dumb eh
well, we all do dumb things once in a while

Ewooo, this is a very delicate situation and i'll advice you to stay out of it

True, she might be testing your loyalty. But man, that is so wrong. Why is the child a secret? Is she afraid that she will lose him if he finds she has a child somewhere? If that is the case, make her understand that NOT telling him, she will lose him, because they will be married under false pretences.

hmmmmm super story!!!

Yes o! Shout am loud and scatter the thing finish so that the guy will dump her sorry ass faster than lightening!

When i say some girls are retards, you start bashing me. Why shouldnt she tell her fiancee that she has a child before? Na me send am message to get bang belly come born? What if the issue resurfaces in future? Would she pretend that the child doesnt exist?

If you cant do it, send me the guys number now now and i will do mega olofofo on your behalf!

Stupid retarded girl!

I agree Adam its very stupid. If she really loved the man as she claims, then she wouldn't keep that kind of secret from him.

@poster
if she decides not to tell him about the child now,then i dont think that should be an issue,unfortunately we have a stigma attached to single mums in nigeria which might affect her happiness,the guy didint know about the kid and he s madly in love with her,that is enough to show you that it shouldnt be a deciding factor in the union,however i agree she is being deceptive,the way round it is for you and her to come to a compromise to make sure she tells the guy after the marriage and agre on a time frame,if however the girl's present character and reputation is bad and could affect the relationship,then irrespective of what she says,you should tell the guy cause this is a life time union and not just a relationship

This na true story, my mama once told me, one day, once upon a time,

@Poster

Say these things out:

I am a fool

I am a house breaker

I am very stupid

I am a busybody

Say the above every morning and then see if you will shut your mouth up.

A Home wrecker you call her? I think the lady in question is only trying to help a good friend of the family out. Yes it is not her place to tell, but. The lady(her friend) is a home wrecker herself by not telling the man that she has a child. How dumb can people be? But then again, it is her life.

Its really complicated, I think u should just let them sort things out themselves

hmmmm


thank u guys for all ur responses
i agree with u guys
i do not think it is in my place to tell
but if that guy ever finds out in future
and gets to know that i knew all about it
i know that he would never forgive me
but i guess i would have to wait till den
because i really do not want to involve myself with this issue
even though it has really been bothering me

Adam Brody:

Yes o! Shout am loud and scatter the thing finish so that the guy will dump her sorry ass faster than lightening!

When i say some girls are retards, you start bashing me. Why shouldnt she tell her fiancee that she has a child before? Na me send am message to get bang belly come born? What if the issue resurfaces in future? Would she pretend that the child doesnt exist?

If you can't do it, send me the guys number now now and i will do mega olofofo on your behalf!

Stupid retarded girl!

my dear i have actually tott about giving d guy an anonymous call
but how on earth am i going to face my friend after that
i just can't bring myself to do that kind of thing


@all

yea she was kind of promiscuious
in sec sch, but she has really changed now
another deceitful thing that i really find annoying is the fact that her mom too
is helping her to conceal d secret, she tells everybody that she adopted d child
can u imagine?

As for my friend i know she truly loves d guy
and is just afraid to loose him

as for the guy he clearly does not deserve this
i really feel for him because he is such a nice guy


BUT THE BIG QUESTION IS
WHO NEEDS MY LOYALTY MORE

even though i have made up my mind not to get involved
there still has to be a way out of this, without hurting anybodis feeling

watcha think

@poster,
you'd better stay away from the couple. It may lead you to umpleasant situation if you carry bad news. Let the man find out on his own. You know some day, he will know. Your friend is just being stupid to want to ruin her own future by keeping such secret. The only way she can keep it forever is if the child is dead. That is if people like you simply shut up.

Stay out of troubles.

olanajim:

@poster,
you'd better stay away from the couple. It may lead you to umpleasant situation if you carry bad news. Let the man find out on his own. You know some day, he will know. Your friend is just being stupid to want to ruin her own future by keeping such secret. The only way she can keep it forever is if the child is dead. That is if people like you simply shut up.

Stay out of troubles.

u can make a reasonable contribution
withou being rude

Keep out of it is my advice-

the guy will find out sooner or later - he may even already know

you have done what you can - advised your friend of the possible consequences of her deception. if it eventually backfires, don't tell her 'I told u so.'
besides who knows what secrets the groom has - could be he also has a child somewhere

Please, stay out of it.
Blessed are those who know how to keep deep secrets.

Abeg, Create a secret email address and send a mail to the guy. All you need is to say it, the doubt will make the guy ask questions

If I am the guy, if i find out later . I won't be too happy that you did not hint me. Besides, who said your friend ( the guy) really mind the situation

Gracias por sus comentarios

thanx for all ur comments
am definitely gonna stay outta it

You are sure the guy will find out some day. And it will definitely have an influence on their marriage. Needless to say, they guy will not take it lightly that you didn't tell him.

I agree with you that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. If the guy is so good and i care for the guy so much, i'd find a way to reach his Pastor and tell him, (if he attends church, that is). They have a way of handling such issues.

Just don't say anything. You can hint maybe. Just don't say it out. This man does have a right to know,but it should be the woman telling him, not you. Man, some girls can be so daft. This is a grave issue, all she is doing is cursing her marriage before it starts.

@poster,
As for if the man find out in future. Just find a way of being far from them. Your friend will beg you to appeal to the guy and the guy will also accuse you of conspiracy.

The way out? Tell your friend now the grave danger looming ahead and make her promise never to involve you should there be trouble over the issue in future. If she can do that, just stay out of it.

Whatever the guy would say in future. All you have to tell him if he eventually know and he accuse u of any wrong doing is that : YOU THOUGHT YOUR FRIEND ALREADY TOLD HIM. AND IT WON'T BE POLITE OF YOU TO SPREAD THE GHOSPEL WHEN HE ALREADY KNOW. That is all. Then let them both trash it out.