How do u cope with an abusive man, when there is an issue at home he would shout on top of his voice calling u names, say things like u don't have value, where is your brain, he gives u list of things to talk about and what shl'd not be talked about, snaps at u at work and say it's cause ure hair is always untidy, u ask a simple and d answer is where did u keep ure brain.He tells u not to wear hairnet wen ure at home, complains your not serving God cause u don't mix with church ppl like him...

is it not best to take a long walk from such a man?

Men men men........hmmm. To live with a man successfully u ve to have a lot of patience.... Check ur self, if u are okay den whatever he says dont say a word just let him know u hear. U live with an abusive man with patience....my little thought though.....it is well

Hmmmm. Another sad one.

I'm sure you saw it coming. If his situation is beyond counselling, pls take a long walk from him before your dead body gets dragged out.

Abusive man has every tendency to become violent.

Also look at the situation critically. Is he going through difficult times? Has he always been that way? Were you forced or trapped into the marriage? Are you abusive yourself? Do you have children? Bla bla bla.

If you can solve it; solve it. If you can't, take a break.

Errrm...i noticed you called him a man. Is he a husband, boyfriend, bedmate or...?

advice247:
How do u cope with an abusive man, when there is an issue at home he would shout on top of his voice calling u names, say things like u don't have value, where is your brain, he gives u list of things to talk about and what shl'd not be talked about, snaps at u at work and say it's cause ure hair is always untidy, u ask a simple and d answer is where did u keep ure brain.He tells u not to wear hairnet wen ure at home, complains your not serving God cause u don't mix with church ppl like him...

is it not best to take a long walk from such a man?

Church people like him?

^^^ lol.Church people like him indeed

I don't know which is more amusing;

The fact that you are asking whether or not to run away from a very poisonous gas, OR the fact that you keep inhaling that gas hoping to survive.

Take it or leave it, the best way to deal with an abusive man, is to walk away. In fact, you should fly away in cases where you talked to him about it, but he refuses to change one bit.

your husband is truly a religious man. You see am before you marry am.

Advice247,

when did it all start? Has it always been like this? How long have you been married?

bellong:




Church people like him?

you go fear some some church people fa

advice247:
complains your not serving God cause u don't mix with church ppl like him...
?

check the circle of the church people he is mixing up with to see how they are influencing him. Above all tell God to change him for you and if God didn't change him, it means that you have the grace to cope with him.

greatgod2012:



you go fear some some church people fa

They have their own rules different from other church people...


Long time madam, how una dey and family?

You ABUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZE him right back!
Abi you nor dey watch NOLLYWOOD videos?

A man shouts at u and calls u names wenever deres an issue, tells u wat to talk about, what to wear even in d house and also tells u how to serve ur God
My dear what are u still doing with him?
Is dat the kind of life u want?
Am sure he's destroyed ur self-esteem already
Count ur teeth with ur tongue

What is wrong with these women biko nu?

You met him like that and married him,please manage him especially if there are kids involved.
You no get mouth?
If he abuses you abuse his mother and grandmother

babyosisi:
You met him like that and married him,please manage him especially if there are kids involved.
You no get mouth?
If he abuses you abuse his mother and grandmother.

. . . . beg him to stop

sweetcocoa:
What is wrong with these women biko nu?

I wonder
Maybe a pastor's choice where someone convinced themselves that he was the " will of God"

toshmann:


. . . . beg him to stop

Say what?
Nobody can abuse me verbally o.if you call me ashawo I will call your mother ashawo and tell you she bore you in ashawo trade.
Next time he will think twice.

babyosisi:
You met him like that and married him,please manage him especially if there are kids involved.

Would you give the same advice to your sister or daughter?

You no get mouth?
If he abuses you abuse his mother and grandmother

Will it solve the problem?

Will it help to make the marriage work?

babyosisi:


I wonder
Maybe a pastor's choice where someone convinced themselves that he was the " will of God"

This kind question na iwe'm iwe to say the least.

How can people not love themselves? That should be a crime walai.

carefreewannabe:


Would you give the same advice to your sister or daughter?



Will it solve the problem?

Will it help to make the marriage work?

You have to be able to spot sarcasm when you see it.
You don't go to the market and buy third grade okirika and try to pass it off as " ready made"

bellong:


They have their own rules different from other church people...


Long time madam, how una dey and family?

long time jare my brother.
We're fine, and you?

babyosisi:


You have to be able to spot sarcasm when you see it.
You don't go to the market and buy third grade okirika and try to pass it off as " ready made"

It is not always possible to spot sarcasm in the written word and when you don't really know the person who wrote it.

greatgod2012:


long time jare my brother.
We're fine, and you?

We are doing well... God be praised...

Check yourself first madam, ...sometimes the change(s) we make evolves our better half to a man we crave.

@ op, in my experience, i've come to understand that abuse is not entirely one sided. You havent told us your own contribution and sometimes what we call abuse might just be d little change we need 2make n things get better. Ask yourself, are u better? What leads 2d shouting matches and what is ur contribution to these? Misunderstandings occur but they shldnt degenerate to that. I have found that quite a number of ladies would have said 10 things 2a man b4 d man says one or even when dey dont say much, d words r often offensive especially 2a man(not that excessive ego is ow.k but women need 2understand that God made men with the ego thing). I think you need to look inwards. What leads to the quarrels and what part is it you play? Does he just over nothing come out blazing hot? If that's d case, find ya square root cos he'll one day beat u to pulp, but i know often times it takes two 2tangle. On d church thingy, maybe he feels u r not surrounded by the right people. Who r ur friends? U shld even b happy. We all need people 2push us 2wards God n 2wards having d right relationships. I doubt if he comes out insulting u cos of this, the story is incomplete. If he pushes u towards people he knows r godly, it means it is a god fearing man u married. What is bad abt mixing with d people in church? If u attend d same church u probably hang around d same pple. There r good n bad people everywhere n i'm not sure he is forcing dem down ur throat. I think u need 2do some self assessment.

advice247:
How do u cope with an abusive man, when there is an issue at home he would shout on top of his voice calling u names, say things like u don't have value, where is your brain, he gives u list of things to talk about and what shl'd not be talked about, snaps at u at work and say it's cause ure hair is always untidy, u ask a simple and d answer is where did u keep ure brain.He tells u not to wear hairnet wen ure at home, complains your not serving God cause u don't mix with church ppl like him...

is it not best to take a long walk from such a man?

Well said straight arrow, but d reverse is d case, he is the one dat talks most, raises his voice in the house when there is a misunderstanding, dis evening I was called an "odeh" in d presence of 3 ppl, the reason was dat y did I tell him his decision to follow the road he took was a mistake.for the church ppl he wants me to be outgoing, all over the place and am not.am very reserved and quiet.

Actually, I love to encounter such men!
There is no single ONE I have not humbled!
Please, send him to me!

No need to take a long walk o.
TEACH HIM A GOOOOOOD LESSON!!!!
When next he encounters another woman, he will behave himself!!!

@ ops we shld be very careful in our relationships. Often times people that are not ready for such go in2 it all in d name of love. Lemme ask u a question, so when i say do a self appraisal n be honest u know exactly waht i am talkin abt. How did u know d decision he had made was bad? How did u tell him his decision was a mistake in front of d 3pple? My guess is he felt insulted by most likely ur tone of voice or felt that wasn't even necessary. There is a way u can tell a man 2go lick ur poop and he will gladly do it. What kind of man is it dat will out of nowhere call u odeh cos u said his decision is a mistake? I think u r painting a picture of an abusive man but somewhere in the middle. My question remains, what has been ur own contribution? I havent heard u say anywhere here he has raised his hands. @Kanwulia i think we shld be wary of d kind of advice we give 2younger women here. For all u know, dis could be d abusive, insult d hell out of any man, talk anyhow kind of woman and no man certainly wants that! And of this is d case, u'd have just helped her break her marriage instead of helping her assess the reality on ground and make d necessary changes. I believe in equality of sexes, but i have seen as many abusive women as there r abusive men. So let's be wary of jumping to conclusions except we wan2 invite the man here lets hear his experience with her.

advice247:
Well said straight arrow, but d reverse is d case, he is the one dat talks most, raises his voice in the house when there is a misunderstanding, dis evening I was called an "odeh" in d presence of 3 ppl, the reason was dat y did I tell him his decision to follow the road he took was a mistake.for the church ppl he wants me to be outgoing, all over the place and am not.am very reserved and quiet.

I've taken a long walk, my dear...straight arrow u seem like an abusive person too days y u can reason that way...I've spoken with elderly ppl and they said it's best for me to move on...and today would be a memorable day for me.A man dat sees nothing wrong in insulting his wife in public...its a no no no matter the reason.

@op sorry oo. Didn't mean any offence. Looks like u actually do have a lot of work to do on urself. Often times d change we need is in us. Would have loved 2hear babyosisi's appraisal of this. Anyways Happy Divorce or is it Happy Walking! Lemme add congratulations on ur new status

advice247:
I've taken a long walk, my dear...straight arrow u seem like an abusive person too days y u can reason that way...I've spoken with elderly ppl and they said it's best for me to move on...and today would be a memorable day for me.A man dat sees nothing wrong in insulting his wife in public...its a no no no matter the reason.

D change we need is actually in us, if a man sees nothing in calling his wife odeh in the presence of ppl because d man feels a woman should communicate or say something in a particular way, he feels he shldnt be corrected or talked to, it has to be in a particular way and he couldn't even respond back angrily without d use of abusive language, den he needs to appraise him self too....mind u this man has a history of abuse.Same thing a previous woman he was invovled in complained about to his pastor, same thing his friend warned me about him, and am experiencing and someone say it's me.

I've read too much on emotional Abuse that I know one when I c it.....and so I've decided to be the change I desire.