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Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla - Jokes Etc (12) - Nairaland

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Poll: DO YOU THINK THIS GUY IS GOOD IN JOKES

EXCELLENT: 42% (183 votes)
YES: 36% (156 votes)
NO: 4% (21 votes)
DONT KNOW: 7% (34 votes)
I DONT CARE: 7% (34 votes)
This poll has ended

Likely Scenarios By Sam Milla: / New Math Jokes By Sam Milla / Read Wise Quotes By Sam Milla (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) ... (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) ... (33) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 2:26pm On Oct 13, 2006
Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson to his wife. "Watch this."

"Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began.

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."

"In that case," said the neighbor, "you won't be using your CAR TODAY, mind if I borrow them?"
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 2:36pm On Oct 13, 2006
SuperLaugh Jokes - Be Nice to Your Nurse
When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy businessman learned the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a SPOON."
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:03pm On Oct 13, 2006
ON COURAGE
"They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind."
-- Cindy Crawford

ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE
"Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage."
-- Carole Mallory

ON POVERTY
"Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery."
-- Beverly Johnson

ON FATE
"I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that."
-- Christie Brinkley

ON PSYCHOLOGY
"I loved making 'Rising Sun'. I got into the psychology of why she liked to get strangled and tied up in plastic bags. It has to do with low self-worth."
-- Tatjana Patitz

ON ARRIVING
"Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take."
-- Kathy Ireland, star of 'Alien From L.A.' and 'Danger Island'

ON CAREER CHOICES
"My boyfriend thinks I lost my true calling to be a librarian."
-- Paulina Porizkova

ON PRIORITIES
"I would rather exercise than read a newspaper." -- Kim Alexis

ON GEOPOLITICS
"Mick Jagger and I just really liked each other a lot. We talked all night. We had the same views on nuclear disarmament."
-- Jerry Hall

ON INNER STRENGTH
"I love the confidence that makeup gives me."
-- Tyra Banks

ON DEATH
"Richard doesn't really like me to kill bugs, but sometimes I can't help it."
-- Cindy Crawford

ON TRAVEL
"I haven't seen the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre. I haven't seen anything. I don't really care."
-- Tyra Banks

ON BREAKTHROUGHS
"Once I got past my anger toward my mother, I began to excel in volleyball and modeling."
-- Gabrielle Reece

ON EPIPHANY
"I just found out that I'm one inch taller than I thought."
-- Christie Brinkley

ON HEREDITY
"My husband was just OK looking. I was in labor and I said to him, 'What if she's ugly? You're ugly.'"
-- Beverly Johnson

ON THE BASICS
"It's very important to have the right clothing to exercise in. If you throw on an old T-shirt or sweats, it's not inspiring for your workout."
-- Cheryl Tiegs

ON INTRODUCTIONS
"I think most people are curious about what it would be like to be able to meet yourself -- it's eerie."
-- Christy Turlington

ON COURTSHIP
"The soundtrack to 'Indecent Exposure' is a romantic mix of music that I know most women love to hear, so I never keep it far from me when women are nearby."
-- Fabio

ON PARADOX
"Sometimes I get lonely, but it's nice to be alone."
-- Tatjana Patitz

ON THE CONSERVATION OF MATTER
"I've looked in the mirror every day for 20 years. It's the same face."
-- Claudia Schiffer

ON TRAGEDY
"The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles -- but I had on thick tights underneath."
-- Naomi Campbell

ON INSTINCT
"If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some crackers."
-- Carol Alt

ON THE CASTE SYSTEM
"We're not Prince Charles and Princess Di. We don't think of ourselves as royalty. We happen to be working people."
-- Christie Brinkley

ON OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS
"I tried on 250 bathing suits in one afternoon and ended up having little scabs up and down my thighs, probably from some of those with sequins all over them."
-- Cindy Crawford

ON ECONOMICS
"I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day."
-- Linda Evangelista

ON ZEN
"When I model I pretty blank. You can't think too much or it doesn't work.
-- Paulina Porizkova

ON LOGIC
"I think, If my butt's not too big for them to be photographing it, then it shouldn't be too big for me."
-- Christy Turlington

ON BODY PARTS
"I don't know what to do with my arms. It just makes me feel weird and I feel like people are looking at me and that makes me nervous."
-- Tyra Banks

ON BODY LANGUAGE
"You can usually tell when I'm happy by the fact that I've gained weight."
-- Christy Turlington

ON DEPRIVATION
"If they had Nautilus on the Concorde, I would work out all the time."
-- Linda Evangelista

ON MOTIVATION
"It was kind of boring for me to have to eat. I would know that I had to, and I would."
-- Kate Moss

ON VERSATILITY
"I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak."
-- Linda Evangelista

ON THE GRIEF PROCESS
"When my Azzedine jacket from 1987 died, I wrapped it up in a box, attached a note saying where it came from and took it to the Salvation Army. It was a big loss."
-- Veronica Webb

ON VENGEANCE
"Girls are always getting mad at each other and they tell their hairdresser to purposely mess up another girl's hair."
-- Tasha

ON BATTING .667
"I'm a pretty girl who's a model who doesn't suck as an actress."
-- Cameron Diaz
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:07pm On Oct 13, 2006
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just Bleep off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour' s milk, that' s the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It' s not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don' t be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can' t be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you' re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you' re a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.

16. Don' t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

23. Experience is something you don' t get until just after you need it.
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:14pm On Oct 13, 2006
Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.---------------------------------------------------------------------
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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.--------------------
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Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by Christino(m): 4:18pm On Oct 13, 2006
I'm laughing and crying @ d same time. DId is murder!!! grin
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:20pm On Oct 13, 2006
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a squeaking fan belt and a leaky tire.

I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and,

Follow your dream. Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses, and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.

If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

If a motorists cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothings gets the message across like a good mooning.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bon bon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the 'thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge' group.

Just remember, You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car.

When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers, and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.

This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting the relatives say over.

Love is like a roller coaster. If you like it, you don't want to get off, and when you don't, you can't wait to throw up.
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:26pm On Oct 13, 2006
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it-----------------------------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in most countries, son."
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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:28pm On Oct 13, 2006
Energetic self-starter: You'll be working on commission.

Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.

Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.

Fast learner: You will get no training from us.

Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours.

Good organizational skills: You'll be handling the filing.

Make an investment in you future: This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme.

Management training position: You'll be a salesperson with a wide territory.

Much client contact: You handle the phone or make "cold calls" on clients.

Must have reliable transportation: You will be required to break speed limits.

Must be able to lift 50 pounds: We offer no health insurance or chiropractors.

Opportunity of a lifetime: You will not find a lower salary for so much work.

Planning and coordination: You book the bosses travel arrangements.

Quick problem solver: You will work on projects months behind schedule already.

Strong communication skills: You will write tons of documentation and letters.
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:33pm On Oct 13, 2006
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.----------------------------
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When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.-----------------------
----------------------------------------------------After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:38pm On Oct 13, 2006
When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don't do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When I do it without being told, I'm trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, that's brown-nosing.
When my boss pleases his boss, that's co-operating.

When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:43pm On Oct 13, 2006
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifiers: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."-----------------------------------------------------
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.------------------------------------------------------------
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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.--------------------------------------
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Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:49pm On Oct 13, 2006
Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.

Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job"

Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"

Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."

Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."--------------------------------------------
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A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes, MILLA
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:53pm On Oct 13, 2006
I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.

I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form, that I weigh only 155 pounds.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower.

In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope.
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A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" Asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 4:57pm On Oct 13, 2006
The Queen, Tony Blair, Bill Clinton,and a few other world leaders have all died and gone to the pearly gates. On arrival they afre told by St Peter that heaven is all roads and motorways. To get about they each receive a car, the make and model depending on how they lived and loved on earth. The Queen got a Rolls, Tony Blair a BMW with Clinton getting a Mini. They are all happily driving about and the PM sees the Queen in a layby so he stops for a chat. Then Clinton drives past and they burst out laughing. "Are you laughing at me in my mini," shouts an angry Bill. " Of course not Bill" says Blair, "we just saw the Pope on a BICYCLE".
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 5:04pm On Oct 13, 2006
Two small boys, one catholic and one protestant get lost in the woods. Darkness comes down and they near a monestary. Upon entering they are asked their faith, telling the head monk their religions. The catholic lad gets the best of treatment, good food, a good bed near the fireplace. The protestant lad however gets a bowl of cold gruel, is told to sleep by the draughty door to keep the cold out of the room.In the morning the head monk asks the boys how it was. "I dreamt I was in heaven Father " said the catholic boy. "It was just wonderful" "I dreamt that I was in hell " said the protestant boy. "And what was that like?" said the holy father. "Just like this place, couldn't get near the fire for catholics"
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 5:15pm On Oct 13, 2006
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 5:21pm On Oct 13, 2006
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young accountant who was fresh out of PwC, "What starting salary were you thinking about?"
The Accountant said, "In the neighborhood of 500,000 NAIRA a MONTH, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, full medical and dental, Company Retirement Fund to 50% of salary, Executive Share Option Scheme, Profit Related Pay and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a 5 series BMW?"
The Accountant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it.
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 5:26pm On Oct 13, 2006
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 5:37pm On Oct 13, 2006
. We got off the Titanic first.

. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

. Taxis stop for us.

. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies , (you get the point).

. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 5:43pm On Oct 13, 2006
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2AM. The blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband asked, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear---------------------------------------
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.

That night when he got home he told his joke. She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."

He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"

She quickly replied, "M
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 5:48pm On Oct 13, 2006
One evening a man drove his secretary home after she had worked late at the office and wasn't feeling well enough to drive herself. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

Later that night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heeled shoe half hidden under the passenger seat.

Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot.

That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by EmemJU(f): 5:51pm On Oct 13, 2006
Sam Millar, boy you are good!
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 6:04pm On Oct 13, 2006
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks.  Then

they produced CAKES from their briefcases and started to

eat.  The owner became quite concerned and marched over and

told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"


The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders

and then exchanged CAKES.
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 6:12pm On Oct 13, 2006
We are told never to cross a bridge until we come to it, but this world is owned by men who have 'crossed bridges' in their imagination far ahead of the crowd."
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You can't build a reputation on what you're going to do."-----------------------------
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To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe."------------------------------
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We should, I believe, beware of the pitfalls described by Taine: 'Imagine a man who sets out on a voyage equipped with a pair of spectacles that magnify things to an extraordinary degree. A hair on his hand, a spot on the tablecloth, the shifting fold of a coat, all will attract his attention; at this rate, he will not go far, he will spend his day taking six steps and will never get out of his room.' We have to get out of this room."
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 6:17pm On Oct 13, 2006
Boy: Will you punish me for something I didn't do?

Teacher: Of course not!

Boy: Good, cause I didn't do my homework!
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We must love stupid people better than ourselves; are they not the really unfortunate ones of this world? Do not people without taste and without ideal grow constantly weary, rejoicing in nothing, and being quite useless here below?
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The entrepreneur is essentially a visualizer and an actualizer, He can visualize something, and when he visualizes it he sees exactly how to make it happen."
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 6:21pm On Oct 13, 2006
We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake . . . by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavoR
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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great
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No matter how good you get you can always get better and that's the exciting par,
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Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors.
Try to be better than yourse
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 6:30pm On Oct 13, 2006
The trouble with so many of us is that we underestimate the power of simplicity. We have a tendency it seems to over complicate our lives and forget what's important and what's not. We tend to mistake movement for achievement. We tend to focus on activities instead of results. And as the pace of life continues to race along in the outside world, we forget that we have the power to control our lives regardless of what's going on outside.
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A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner said, "No." The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?", and again the coroner said, "No." Then the attorney asked, "Did you check for breathing?", and again the coroner said, "No." "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 6:45pm On Oct 13, 2006
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
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"Wisdom is supreme; therefore make a full effort to get wisdom. Esteem her and she will exalt you; embrace her and she will honor you." ===

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.", sam milla
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 7:02pm On Oct 13, 2006
A fairy walks into a bar and sits down next to an Irishman. He turns to her and says "hey, can you grant me three wishes?"

"Sure, what'll it be?"

"I want a pint of beer that is never empty."

She waved her wand, and *poof* a pint of cold beer appeared on the bar. The man grabbed it, downed it in one gulp and by the time he had placed it back on the bar it was full.

"So what's your next wish?"

"I'll take two more of these."
Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 7:07pm On Oct 13, 2006
All ideas come from sensation or reflection.--Let us then suppose the mind to be, as we say, white paper, void of all characters, without any ideas; how comes it to be furnished? Whence comes it by that vast store, which the busy and boundless fancy of man has painted on it with an almost endless variety? Whence has it all the materials of reason and knowledge? To this I answer, in one word, from Experience; in that all our knowledge is founded, and from that it ultimately derives itself. Our observation, employed either about external sensible objects, or about the internal operations of our minds, perceived and reflected on by ourselves, is that which supplies our understandings with all the materials of thinking. These two are the fountains of knowledge, from whence all the ideas we have, or can naturally have, do spring.------------------------------
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Re: Best Of Jokes By Sam Milla by SamMilla1(m): 7:16pm On Oct 13, 2006
Ideas are more powerful than guns. We would not let our enemies have guns, why should we let them have ideas.------------------
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False ideals cannot be shattered by criticism. Right ideals must take up the battle against them.
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.   3 old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the
    first old man, "What is three times three"? "274" was his reply. The
    doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times
    three"? "Tuesday" replys the second man. The doctor says to the third
    man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third
    man. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple"
    says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday". ~Eric K.~

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