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Breaking Loose (a Flash Fiction) - Literature - Nairaland

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Breaking Loose (a Flash Fiction) by slap1(m): 8:13pm On Dec 30, 2015
Dedicated to kizzykeziah
Re: Breaking Loose (a Flash Fiction) by slap1(m): 8:14pm On Dec 30, 2015
.

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Re: Breaking Loose (a Flash Fiction) by Nobody: 8:35pm On Dec 30, 2015
Aside the little typos, I found the piece beautiful. Good work op (sorry I'm a little too enthusiastic cos flash fiction is my forte)
Re: Breaking Loose (a Flash Fiction) by slap1(m): 9:16pm On Dec 30, 2015
Suigeneris93:
Aside the little typos, I found the piece beautiful. Good work op (sorry I'm a little too enthusiastic cos flash fiction is my forte)

Thanks. Could you highlight the typos? I didn't go through it properly.
Re: Breaking Loose (a Flash Fiction) by kizzykeziah: 9:35pm On Dec 30, 2015
slap1:
Dedicated to kizzykeziah

Awwn, I'm touched. Fhank you feli much (lol).





So in my opinion, I'd rather you had the first two paragraphs in past tense. More like a reminisce of what had led her there.


BTW, I hope she walked out alive. There's much more to a foetus than a mixture of blood clot and water. Ending the foetus does more harm than good, biologically, emotionally and psychologically.
Re: Breaking Loose (a Flash Fiction) by Nobody: 9:37pm On Dec 30, 2015
slap1:
The stigma will be unbearably immense, I decide, so I summon Gina’s number on my phone. She’d said to call when I make up my mind. I don’t want to confess to Father, his pious heart may(fall) and his congregations’ faith in him may waver. Mother will grab her breasts and fall backwards. It will have to be backwards, the same way she fell when someone brought news of Uncle Tobias’ death in a car crash.


“It’s not yet a child after all,” Gina had chided, “just a mushy clot of blood and water conniving to disgrace you and destroy your future.” Recalling those words fixed my indecision. I look at her number displayed indifferently on my phone’s screen – Gina Love – take a deep breath, and thumb the green button.


I suddenly grab her hand as we approach the rusty gate of the compound, unsure of myself. “What?” She turns and shoots me an impatient look.


“I’m not sure I want to do this, Gina.”
She shrugs and turns to go. “Then tell your parents you’re pregnant for the choir master. Simple.”


“Gina please, wait!” She stops. “I’ve not done this before, so I’m scared.” She walks slowly back to me.


“I understand. I was also scared my first time.” My mouth snaps open in shock, my eyes widen.


“You have…”


“Yes, I have. And it’s better to do it now before it’s late. When you go home after the semester, your parents won’t notice. Just break loose from this obstacle and live your normal life again.”


I look at her. She gives me a nod of encouragement, then a wan smile of assurance. I feel more confident as I give her my hand and let her lead me through the rusty gate.


THE END
Re: Breaking Loose (a Flash Fiction) by slap1(m): 8:22pm On Jan 02, 2016
^

Thanks
Re: Breaking Loose (a Flash Fiction) by slap1(m): 9:46pm On Apr 30, 2016
Lalasticlala, Mynd44, please do me a favour and delete this thread. I submitted a modified version of it for a competition and forgot I've posted it here. The plagiarism software might detect it and do me in. Please, abeg. Thanks in anticipation.
Re: Breaking Loose (a Flash Fiction) by slap1(m): 7:36pm On May 18, 2016
Mynd44, Lalasticlala, Seun...kindly delete this thread for me, please. I have stated my reasons above. Thanks.

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