How does it feel like when you are close to 20 years old and your mother still monitor your movement, she dictate where to go and where not to, she tells you who to talk to and who you shouldn't. ? how does it feel like

Cynthia,in this case,u caused it from the unset cos u gave her a reason to start monitoring ur movement,and ur mum does not know that if she continues to act this way,u may end up being a wayward girl,cos u will be sneaking out to do whatever.i think u have to make he know and feel u are matured enough to handle urself even with boys.may be u act too childish.and makes her think u are yet to have ur own sense of judgement.try some more matured moves.

@sammyjl
i agree with u a great deal,but i think they dont understand themselves,so they both need to do some catching up.so they can blend as mother and daughter.cos if the mum refuses to do that,then she will be leading her daughter to the wide and dangerous way.she needs protection,fine.but not by restricting her movment and knowing where she is at every point in time.

The thing is her mother is very trict person just for the fact that she deos not have father, so the mother behave or act like both father and mother. and she is getting so fustrated and does not want to be abusive and rude to her mother. this is even the way she behaved to her elder brother who is now 24 but you know as a guy now he is very sturborn. now should she go out of her way if situation warrant it to go rude,

how long will that continue,she has to take her stand now or leave like that for a long time.

so what should she do now. she is deperate advice her directly?

she has to confront her mum.ask her why she is being over protective.they sit, talk and stipulate the rules on how she wants to live her life,with the support of her mum of course.

I know what its like.
The sooner she lets you do what you want the better.
This way you are spending half your time thinking up lies to tell.
The best thing is to move out.
Are you in school ? pack to the campaus.
Are you working ? look for a room mate and move out.

mamaput nice to see you

Ditto

I thought you had leftb the forum long ago

i had connection problems

When she's tired she'll stop, guess she's less busy

huhhh, maybe she's just being a mother.

i was 25, married with 2 children and my mother still wanted to monitor me, it had to end when she slapped me, i told her that i would have to sin if she did it again, i respect her as my mother but i am grown.


however now that i am a mother i know that i will always monitor my children but from a distance.

oh dear your mum is overly protective and with consequences too, cause if you squeeze too hard on a bird it will either die or try its damnest to flee. I dont know whether she is the listening type? being strict i am sure you hold back alot of things anyway, but she is no monster and there must be a time when she can be approached, figure this time out when you are not angry and go talk to her, assure her you can be trusted and she should give alittle , sort of have a contract worked out that way she will see you put alot of though into it and want to listen, tell how how you would give for instance(making her aware of where you would be and such) and ''suggest how she can give too for instance letting you out, meet friends. Even introduce some of your girlfriends to her/(reasonable one ) maybe she would open up and see that you are now a young lady. Sometimes they just want to know you are not keeping secrets from them , so share some of your experiences with her, your day at Uni etc, funny stories and she will begin to lay off . Becasue you not saying much and just letting her tell you what to do suggest to her that you are not really matured to just get on with life as a young adult.

NOTE leaving home solves nothing, that is bad advice unless you are under extreme case of abuse(emotionally and physically,dont do it.Not at 20 it is hard) dont be under any illusions

If your friend stays , she will get too used to a life pleasing other people apart from herself.
Moving out dose not mean moving out of her mothers life. It may even improve everything betwen them.
If she is in school let her move to the campus.
A girl has to learn to stand on her feet and you do not learn that at an old age.
Am sure she has talked to the mother often enough.
Bringing only the good freinds home is telling lies and we do not want that.
Please that is not a good advise.
Sooner or later we all have to master our life.
There needs to be peace at home.
Home is a very strong word if it is not peaceful , its not home its the house you live in.
Even with her brother , it is her good right to tell her brother what she wants.
Because if not she will get to used to doing what her brother wants . and will even end up doing it at 30. When she has her own family.
Its her life not her brothers or mothers life

Anyone who advises a girl of 20 to leave her home because of something that is not so serious in my books is wrong. A girl of 20 ? In nIgeria? maybe you think her mother is made of money to fund her through going to campus? or she should go get used up by sick old pervs all in the name of ''i dont want my mum telling me what to do''. Please its ok to just tell the girl leave home , she is in Nigeria you think its easy? has she told you she has talked to her mum yet? please many young people have to grin and bear their parents for a while. At the end of the day the cost is far greater if ppl encourgae someone of 20 to leave home, first she must be studying, so you think if she left home she would be happy? This girl needs to focus on her goals , she should get an education, with all the help she can get from her all so hard mother, once she can stand on her feet she can go live anywhere she wants.

I wonder if ppl dont look at the bigger picture anymore? I had a colleague 19yr old Jamaican girl who got adviced to leave home because her mum was strict. She left home, went to live with friends and she eventually dropped out of college becasue she could not afford her travel fare anymore( mother used to buy this for her by the way) she didnt have nobody tell her to go to college anymore, she didnt finsh that and never even went to uni because she had to start paying bills etc. she told me she wished she had never left home, now she and her mum get on and she is trying to get into uni again.

@Poster anyone who says leave home is fooling you. Take it for a while , go talk to your mum and just get on with it. Think of the long term , not the short term. Short term drastic decisions can ruin your future. get education sorted, get a good job and hopefuly the world's your oyster. We have all been where you are some worse, trust me its not forever.

Even the Muslim girls here with their headtie have friends and go out.
We are not even talking of a boyfriend but of girl friends. maybe not even about party but just going out.
Too much of everything is not good.
A room in the campus will not be bad. she dose not have to sleep there every night but has some were to go to have her peace.

many of us went to boarding house or had their room on the campous.
Moving with sugar daddy is greed.
Any girl that is hungery can go home cook and eat.
Its not new and its not strange. Distance never harms any one.

And please what is wrong is she is been monitored by her mother? Is being 20 years enough to be independent?

Is she matured emotionally to be on her own?
What of financial power, can she take care of herself without messing around?
Why can she sit at home and be a better girl

No she should sit in her jail.And from her mothers jail pack into her husbands jail.
and never taste freedom.
I do not know anybody that did not have a room on the campus at that age. Not even if they spent more time at home than in their room. All had one.
What of all the people that enter boarding house at the age of about 10/ 11 are they mature?

saint
finally someone sees reality. The girl is 20yrs old for goodness sakes . I am glad you too can see this, because wht the girl has complained of so far is not so truamtic or hideous. We've all been there . lol

No she should sit in her jail.And from her mothers jail pack into her husbands jail.
and never taste freedom.
I do not know anybody that did not have a room on the campus at that age. Not even if they spent more time at home than in their room. All had one.
What of all the people that enter boarding house at the age of about 10/ 11 are they mature?

Being in a husband's house is not a jail sentence for all women, some have bad experiences and some have good. that is why she should sit her butt at home play ball with momsie, get well educated and when she gets married and her husband decides to act the fool she can stand on her own two feet. That is what i call long term planning and being smart. Besides thats a twisted and bitter view of marriage in my opinion.

Why not get things in perspective mamaput, having a room in the campus and being on good terms with your parents is very different from your adviced ''leave home move'' in doing so she will not succeed in getting her mum to take her seriously.

Getting into boarding school is such a different case, they are still under some sort of care. You asking a girl of 20 to leave home because she feels her mum's rules are too much for her and go expose herself to unnecesary mad world stress.

There is a thing called rebels without a cause or rebels for the hell of it and that's what i feel you are projecting to this girl. Her case is not that bad and rebelling against the slightest thing brings nothing but heartache for ppl. Why rebel , when you can be smart and use your brain to acheive what you want. Rebels want things now now now, a smart person thinks ahead

A husbands jail has nothing to do with good or bad husband.
You are a single woman i guess and there are many benefits you enjoy that a married woman dose not. By all Nigerian standards.

@ mamaput

pls i hope ur not just trying to justify ur own lifestyle. what do u mean by "having many more benefits as a single woman than a married one"? are u the promiscuos type? becos u sure as hell sound like it.


@ poster

pls do not run away from ur mum. here's what u have to do. first of all u have to understand that ur mum doesn't mean bad for u, as a matter of fact u should be pitying her becos its not easy playing role of mum and dad. but i'm not saying that it gives her an excuse to act like that with u, what u should now do is talk with her one on one. . . make her know, (don't just tell her) look her in the eyes and make her understand that u really understand her fears for u and u feel her pain as a single parent, but that ur grown now and she needs to give u some slack to live ur own life independently. u have to make sure u don't send the wrong body language while doing this tho', wait for a good time and then talk to her like a daughter to her mother, sit on her lap if necessary.
every woman has a soft heart, trust me. its just the kind of life she's had that make her act like that. when she sees that u "get it", she'll know that ur matured now n ready to explore. by doing this u get to improve ur relationship with her, and get ur freedom too. talk about killing two birds with one stone.

*warning tho'* - ur mum might break down and begin to cry, so get ready to hold her tight and do some major petting! good luck

A husbands jail has nothing to do with good or bad husband.
You are a single woman i guess and there are many benefits you enjoy that a married woman dose not. By all Nigerian standards

A husband's jail has nothing to do, ? i really dont know what you are on about now.
I dont know what benefits you are talking about, at all i think you just taking the topic round and round and confusing yourself. Do you mean being single i have the benfit of say , maybe ''my own independence?''( this is why i say women should learn to hold their own, i dont think i will have to fully rely on my husband not unless he wants me to, but i am smart and i would make sure i have myself covered. Unlike some who get married put their lives in thier husband's hands and when things go pear shaped they dont know how to fend for themselve) No marriage is made in heaven or custom made, you got to do the best with what you got, and i hope i dont get bitter about it.
By nigerian standards? this is another baffling statement. What has that got to do with anything?

Instead of going round in circles lets just stick to the points, bottom line is, i still say and i know some not necessarily evryone would agree that a girl at 20 should not be advised to leave her home, because she doesnt like how how mum tries to tell her what to do. Is her mom not doing her job as a parent? do you think when she goes into the big wide world there wont be rules too? she should be helped in ways to negotiate with her mum and with those skills she can be effective in whatever role she finds herself playing in life. Not the rebel you asking her to be. It gets one no where. we have a brain lets use it first ,instead of getting all emotional about every little thing.

magneto You are a dirty bastard.
A small brained sick pervet.
What dose this topic have to do with sex?
show me one point.
And what do you know about my life style.

Eurphoria If your mother did not give you some kind of freedom you would not have been the indpendent woman you are today.
Like you have said you pay your bills and owe nobody obligation.
If you want to go to Paris tomorrow or shopping in Mailand all you have to do is pack your bag
You can spend your money the way you like without thinking of whats the _{family having for supper} . Even if it means you will soak Garri for one month because you spent too much in Mailand. Just as an Example.

ok i agree to an extent with you. That is not to say its ok to rebel against her mother just like that. Fair enough we have all made our points let the poster take from all our tango what she can. I wish her luck. Who knows what the real situation is at this girl's home and i guess parenting is not easy and each parent do what they can , how they can in disciplining their children, depending on the type of personality their child possess. So your way i guess would work for yours because no one knows them best but you and another's will work for theirs just thesame way. Take care.

mamaput:

magneto You are a dirty bastard.
A small brained sick pervet.
What dose this topic have to do with sex?
show me one point.
And what do you know about my life style.

well well, in ur highly deranged and mentally unstable state of mind, u opened that big flapper of a mouth u've got and unceremoniously insulted me. but i'm gonna ignore it for peace sake.

and to set the record strait here, my allusion to ur lifestyle did not necessarily mean sex. and i only added the promiscuos part becos, in my own opinion, theres no other benefit a single lady has over a married one except freedom of having more than one sexual partner (of course, unless the married lady restricts herself of her own voilition)

nuff said!

@ eurphoria

okay, i copy. my bad . i'll just go and modify it a bit.



DONE!