wow. It's amazing how little respect most of the females here get. I'm sure mamaput is older than you magneto and most people have the common sense to show her respect since she knows more about most things than most people in general.

Bringing up promiscuousness cos she's divorced?
So much for your upbringing.

,

magneto:

well well, in your highly deranged and mentally unstable state of mind, u opened that big flapper of a mouth u've got and unceremoniously insulted me. but i'm going to ignore it for peace sake.

and to set the record strait here, my allusion to your lifestyle did not necessarily mean sex. and i only added the promiscuos part because, in my own opinion, theres no other benefit a single lady has over a married one except freedom of having more than one sexual partner (of course, unless the married lady restricts herself of her own voilition)

nuff said!

That confirms what i think about you.
You are primative .Very indeed.

And stupid. What makes you think married women do not sleep around?

ThiefOfHearts:

wow. It's amazing how little respect most of the females here get. I'm sure mamaput is older than you magneto and most people have the common sense to show her respect since she knows more about most things than most people in general.

Bringing up promiscuousness because she's divorced?
So much for your upbringing.

i'm sure ur not saying its ok for her to insult me like she did. and i'm not usually that harsh, but hey. . . i was sorely provoked. besides i never knew she's divorced, this'll be the 1st time our paths cross here. hell, i was even gracious enuff to modify my first outburst (ask eurphoria)

@ mamaput

look, its not right u insulting me like that. i only expressed my opinion for crying out loud. ain't this an open forum anymore? pls don't do that next time and lets leave it at that, ok. no hard feelings

Ok .
But next time you express your feelings try doing that without getting personal.
calling me promiscuous is a bit more than expressing a feeling.
And you cannot be too sure if i read your first post or not.

@Topic
The turth is that you some parent know what they were doing at your age and assume you would too.
But for real i have seen loads of 20yr old around, that think like they are 15 so you cant blame a mother that can see that.
ALso all you guys are exposed to was not bargained for by our parents! SImple
CAution is the key!

be realistic. this is nigeria. most parents monitor their female children until they get married. a friend of mine, even after she was engaged n all, still had to lie so she could spend the weekend with her fiance. they didnt even let her move in with him until after the wedding. so what are we talking about?i had a seven o clock curfew till i was twenty three when it went up to 9! but i always thot of ways to do what i wanted during my time.

u just have to hang in there, remember it's mostly for ur own good. u might tryu getting her trusted friend to talk to her about it. also find a time when u're both relaxed and laughing over something. then bring it up gently and try to tease her about it, that she'll probably still monitor u after u're married. she might laugh over it but believe me, it might help. and try to earn her trust by telling her liitle things about urself, what u do outside, talking about the positive attributes of ur friends that u know she'll like, and try to include their names when u say u're going out, like "Tola n i are going shopping for her christmas clothes". if u get stuck in traffic or delayed, call her , tell her what's up and explain that u're on ur way.

the idea is to let her know the activities u're involved in(or the positive ones anyway) so that she won't think she has to monitor u.

Omo
yup yup this is what i was saying too. I agree she just needs to knuckle down and she'll soon see its not all doom and gloom.

@Magneto
Good lad lol nice of you to apologise , nice one

What i feel is this :
what worked for mother A will not necessarily work for mother B.

She knows wot her mom is like and she should know how to handle her (so to speak)

Very good advise have been given here,   from leaving home which might work out with some parents( they might see her trying to prove her independence and so chill out),    To coping with it till she's on her own, which again might work and might not(an example is someone on this same forum who told us her mom slapped her even whn she was 25,married with 2 kids).

Trying to talk to mom and making her see reasons also depends on the type of mom/parent. You can't out talk my mom whichever way you take it (sweet talk or sour talk) she isnt having anything overule her decision.

Being a big tyme rebel seem so so overreactive but if u know the trick it can work. It did work for me and my bruvs. Be a big tyme rebel for a while and then go back to be the good little angel, make sure nuting was spoilt at the rebelious time(e.g like getting preg or smthg bad). The parent will see that you definitely can take good care of yoursef, because u hv proved it.


my 1 penny

At a certain age its not about trust and not Trust.
Its about a mother letting go and letting her daughter live her life.
A mother that cannot let go will even go as far as to follow the girl to her husbands house and stuff the daughter with her "Good advise".
Some mothers want to re live their lives through their daughters,

you talk as if you dont know how many Nigerians , in Nigeria raise their children. We know its not always about trust. But many are never cut off the apron strings till theri late twenties, its just how it is. Infact it is not just Nigerians who raise their children this way many Asians do this too, many Asians live with parents till they are ready for marriage and are still subjected to strick rules on dating, meeting friends etc. There is no way you can talk round this issue, it is evident from the poster's concerns that this strictness goes on so it is not a case of it does not happen. Not saying it is right or wrong. But who is to say? do we know this girl? do we know how she is really at home and with friends? do we know their family circumstances? do we know if the mother's protectiveness stems from a fear that is known only to the family? good or bad i personally think that 20yr old girl is still very much young and while she is at home there certainly must be rules, her mother's house , her mother's rules. Look at NL seun gives rules and says 'his forum his rules' take it or leave it. If there are no rules in life what kind of society do you think we will have. Anarchist will have a field day. Bottom line bad as some of the rules parents have, they still have a way of shaping us good or bad, we all have a brain and have to decide.

Trust? I dont think anyone can be trusted 100% so mother should learn to give the ram and let go of the rope.

Bt for real dont expect any mother to trust you.- Not when she sees your age mates mess'g around.

I know in its hard for a child to be heard in 9ja. It took me several rebel actions and suffering to go for night gigs or stay out alnight or even travel on my own. My Mum wants to know everything.

I made the decision, stated it clearly and WON eventually though i know the price i had to pay for my freedom.
But I did get it!

@ Eurphoria
Rule are made , can be followed, broken or bent! Rule are just limits they dont shape who you become.