My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. - Family (4) - Nairaland
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| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by Kaira333: 7:56pm On Jun 23, 2016 |
femmefetale:Hahahahahaha I didn't insult u, if I do u will know ok? |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by yetseyi(f): 8:07pm On Jun 23, 2016 |
A lot of nairalanders are never realistic 5 Likes |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by toksbisola: 8:53pm On Jun 23, 2016 |
@OP; I agree that being a mum with a career/running your own business and juggling a household with your hubby and kids is not an easy task. But truth be told, having a 13 year old as a “MAID”(as you address her; wrong in my opinion as no human should be called that) IS NOTHING BUT CHILD LABOUR IN THE CIVILIZED WORLD. A 13 YEAR OLD IS A CHILD WHO DOESN’T HAVE AS MUCH ENERGY AS AN ADULT TO COPE WITH MULTIPLE CHORES. Before I say anything further, I just want to clarify as I looked at your other topic where you were celebrating your wedding anniversary and you have 2 very small little kids (Gerogous and beautiful girls BTW) and am I right in saying that theses are the kids that you want the 13 year old to bath? Just asking and if they are, they are quite small and I’m NOT sure how you confidently leave these 2 little kids for a 13 year old to bath them. A 13 YEAR OLD WOULD STILL BE STRUGGLING TO BATH THEMSELVES let alone other kids. Okay; I’m not here to condemn you but I must point this out to you that she is an under-age child a 13 year old at that who shouldn’t assume the position of a maid. Having said that, one thing I would like to say straight away is STOP PUTTING YOUR HANDS ON HER/BEATING HER. The beating you are given her is what is making her more stubborn. There are different ways in which you can discipline and correct a child and beating SHOULD NOT always be the 1st thing that comes in handy and meted out. You are sowing a very bad seed in that child; more or less saying that it’s is okay for anybody to put their hands on them; that is what I call violence. The approach your husband is using is working and I am not sure why you can’t follow the same approach. Note that your tone of voice alone is enough to tell if someone would do as you request. IF MOST OF THE TIME, YOUR VOICE ALWAYS SOUNDS LIKE A COMMANDING ONE THEN DON’T EXPECT OBEDIENCE. Put yourself in her shoes would you be obedient if someone treats you the way you are currently treating this 13 year old? Aside that, when you yourself were 13 were you subjected to doing the amount of chores you are currently given this 13 year old to do? You don’t even say she baths them every other day or 3 times a week which would be understandable. Bathing them daily for a 13 year old is a lot of work. A 13 year old is still struggling to bath themselves let alone bath another person and to add to it, it's not even one but more than one. THAT IS TOO MUCH. What I can’t understand is why your hubby can’t bath his own kids if not everyday at least a few times a week. It baffles me why not? I also can’t understand why he is not involved in getting the kids ready in the morning and it doesn’t have to be every morning but at least he can always get involved; rather than leaving it for you and a 13 year-old all the time. Remember that you have other duties you carry out in the morning before you leave for work/business and that should at least motivate your hubby to help you out if it is getting too much for you. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A SUPER WOMAN ALL THE TIME YOU KNOW; ASK FOR HELP FROM YOUR HUBBY. Some have already advised you here to engage the services of an older person to help out either full/part time. Finally, if you know the child is not meeting up to your needs/standards then PLEASE SEND HER BACK TO HER PARENTS/GUARDIAN. AS THE SAYING GOES DO ON TO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT DONE TO YOU. AS I AM SURE YOU WOULD NOT WANT A PERSON TO PUT THEIR HANDS ON YOU NOR YOUR KIDS SO I DON’T SEE ANY REASON WHY YOU SHOULD DO THAT TO ANOTHER PERSON’S CHILD. I rest my case PS: Once you bring a topic to the forum, you should expect different comments and it’s neither necessary nor compulsory for you to answer every one WHO DOESN’T AGREE WITH YOUR APPROACH AND DARE TO DIFFER FROM WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by Prettiepearlz(f): 9:22pm On Jun 23, 2016 |
cococandy:Exactly, she is just looking for someone who will tell her she did well by beating up a 13years old girl. She just beat up the girl not even asking the poor girl why she decided not to take her bath. 4 Likes |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by An0nimus: 10:36pm On Jun 23, 2016 |
yetseyi: lol you noticed. It's like we're in another Utopia and not Nigeria. 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by soonest(f): 10:43pm On Jun 23, 2016 |
Chiomaabigail, two of u cant be the disciplinarian now. Even in the eyes of your kids, one of u will be d strict one while the other will be d gentle one. You can talk to your hubby if it bothers you much. Pls don't ever lay your hands on her again, she isn't your child. No matter what you do you will be seen to be wicked. Correct with your mouth only and do the best you can for her. Invest your energy on your kids. This is from someone that has been there. 1 Like |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by yetseyi(f): 10:55pm On Jun 23, 2016 |
An0nimus:  Instead of advising the OP to speak/deal calmly with the girl its the practice of a minor living with another family that is being castigated. A practice I dont think will ever stop in naija and thats the reality. People have been and will still have minors living with them as whatever we may decide to call it. A woman gives birth her towns person/family friend sends her 8 year old daughter to "help" aunty with the baby, from there she goes to school Aunty sends some provisions to the parents from time to time,(which I think its a subtle/indirect form of payment same as schooling) she runs errands around the house etc, she grows and begins to help with the children. ^^^ Is the reality is naija except we deceive ourselves. All these ones we are saying is just English. 10 Likes |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by Nobody: 11:47pm On Jun 23, 2016 |
chiomaabigail: Woman you are a DEVIL!!! What kind of country is Nigeria where someone can beat other people's children and work them as maids? This is sickening. This cannot happen in the US without someone being arrested. May God return the same treatment to you as you have shown this child. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by cococandy(f): 12:06am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Yea that makes it right  . Because if one hires an adult in Nigeria, the police will come arrest them for not going along with the reality.The reality of child abuse endorsed by people like you. Yes that's what you're doing. In this Age of Enlightenment why should something like that be ignored simply because it has become a common practice? Does the fact that so many people do it make it right? yetseyi: 4 Likes |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by An0nimus: 12:16am On Jun 24, 2016 |
yetseyi leave matters for Mathias. It's hard to explain this thing without sounding like one wicked Nigerian whipping children with horse whips, overworking them and feeding them watery beans once a day lol 3 Likes |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by chival(f): 1:18am On Jun 24, 2016 |
chiomaabigail: You expect a 13 year old to prepare your children for school? If I talk now, they will start calling me names. To worsen things, you are boldly and proudly telling us you beat her up. I just tire for this naija house help culture. I blame the biological mothers of these helps though. Madam OP, my advice goes thus: 1. Please get a girl of at least 16 if you must have a house help. A thirteen year old is still a child. 2. Try talking to her gently like your husband does. 3. Prepare all preparables the night before. This approach works for me. Iron and lay out each child's uniform, socks, shoes etc. Cook whatever they will be taking to school so all you have to do is reheat in the morning. Pack snacks, juice and napkins into the lunch bag a night before as well. Finally get hubby to help out more. You made the kids with him, not the house help. May God bless your home. 1 Like |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by chival(f): 1:34am On Jun 24, 2016 |
rolled: Exactly! And if the idea is to help, send them a monthly allowance to care for her. Like I said on another thread of this nature, I am a mother and a wife and I have a career as well. I manage well without a house help so I know it is doable. 1 Like |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by MMotimo: 1:40am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Chiomaabigail The girl might be a kid with special needs/mentally challenged/slow learner/ADD and any number of challenges. Sometimes, these kids are simply not mentally equipped to deal with the chores/instructions you are given them, even when they look physically able. In a civilized society, she would have access to testing to determine what is wrong, if anything. If you can't even begin to help with diagnosis and/ or treatment, best to let her go to her family. May God send her a helper. And if she is truly just being difficult, same solution - return her to her home. Maybe she simply does not want to live with you and it should not be by force. You have a lot of anger that comes from something(s) much deeper happening in your life. Resolve the situation(s) and the anger before you hurt yourself or someone else very badly 5 Likes |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by naptu2: 1:40am On Jun 24, 2016 |
MoltenMagma: It is, according to the law. http://icirnigeria.org/keep-a-house-help-go-to-jail-naptip/ 1 Like |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by Nobody: 1:47am On Jun 24, 2016 |
naptu2:We know the law is an ass  |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by praxs(m): 4:16am On Jun 24, 2016 |
May your 1st daughter pass through exactly what this girl is passiN by through in another womans hand when she reaches 13years! AMEN. She will be asked to wake up earliar than normal andbath other kids. When the child in her wants to play, she wil be scolded and beaten mercilessly. The husband of her madam will join hands and beat her up for being a xhild she is suppose to be. This is my sincere prayer for ur 1st daughter when she is 13. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by Atk1nson(m): 6:10am On Jun 24, 2016 |
@ chiomaabigai was wondering if the way you yell and beat the maid was the same you did to your own children 1 Like |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by janefarms2015: 8:13am On Jun 24, 2016 |
praxs: Why are u wishing bad for an innocent kid? The sins of the mother can not be visited on the child, that's injustice of the highest order, many people here have condemed the actions of the OP, I hope she would change 2 Likes |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by olagbemi118(m): 8:21am On Jun 24, 2016 |
chiomaabigail:a 13 years old maid for crying out loud to put water on the gas and prepare the children, can she prepare her own self let alone another? And you can come here to boast of child abuse... smh 2 Likes |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by olagbemi118(m): 8:23am On Jun 24, 2016 |
praxs:I'm tempted to say amen to that... She's a shameless woman |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by praxs(m): 9:20am On Jun 24, 2016 |
janefarms2015: |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by praxs(m): 9:21am On Jun 24, 2016 |
olagbemi118:I dare the OP to say amen to that 1 Like |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by Kaira333: 9:45am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Cha!! Una don chase OP comot from Nairaland. Op I feel for u but u shouldn't have deleted ur account because of what some people are saying. Everybody has his/her own right to type whatever he/she wants including trash and rubbish. |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by trendyprettygir: 10:26am On Jun 24, 2016 |
Good morning mummies in the house. PLEASE THIS WILL BE A LITTLE LENGHTY. I was so angry this morning, so I feel like offloading the anger by speaking out. I have a girl of 13 years. She is good girl but at the same time she can drive me crazy some time. Several times, when she misbehaves, either I scold her or I beat her depending on the gravity of her offence, most times I expect my husband to atleast scold her whenever she misbehaves but he won't, he will just come and softly talk to her thereby making me look wicked . For instance, I have told her several times when she wakes in the morning, put water on the gas, go and take your bath, then go and prepare the children while I prepare their food pack and feed them. That way, we will go to school early. I have told her several times to do this but she keeps messing up. This morning I found out she has not taken her bath, I scolded her and told her to go and take her bath, she entered the bathroom and after wasting time, she came out without taking her bath. I beat her up, when my husband came out he ordered me to stop beating her and gently told her to go and take her bath. That made me look like the wicked one while he is the good one. At the end I ended up preparing the children, prepare their food, feed them, packed their lunch box etc. Mothers will understand how it is preparing the kids in the morning and the pressures involved. I really don't know the ways to handle this issue because I am angry with my husband for making me feel like the wicked one before the girl. Please mature advice please. But madam, what is wrong if you put the water to boil and then wake everyone up to bath at the same time? I think you should change your ways and approach. She is still 13 and still needs lots of love and care. She and your kids can all wake up at the same time and get ready for school at the same time while you prepare their meal for the day. Think about it, if she were your child, wont she enjoy the privileged of waking up with her siblings than waking earlier? |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by Nobody: 11:04am On Jun 24, 2016 |
This thread is a perfect example of 'I was on my own and trailer came to jam me'  6 Likes |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by tolusamsone: 12:11pm On Jun 24, 2016 |
@ poster I understand you but I think you should talk to her rather than use the rod, sometimes punishment could be more painful than the rod...Think about it |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by Prettiepearlz(f): 5:07pm On Jun 24, 2016 |
tolusamsone:Bro, the woman has deactivated her account ooooo. Probably she was looking for someone who would tell her she did well by beating up the child, from her post so far she doesn't want to accept she did wrong by beating the poor girl up. But deleting her account is what I don't understand, it's life, we are opinionated. This is nairaland, a faceless forum, people will talk. The high time we stop letting other people's opinion define us, the better. And also the more we learn to accept corrections, the better for us. |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by XX01(f): 6:55am On Jul 04, 2016 |
A human being should never be called a maid? For real? How about driver, accountant, lawyer? There is dignity in labour. What's wrong in a child doing chores in the morning before school? I started bathing my younger ones from when I was 6 years old and I didn't die. The girl is just lazy and stubborn. A 13 year old should not be flogged? Maybe in America. If my kid was 13 years old and they do something really silly, I will flog them. No exception for any teenager in my house. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Maid Sees Me As The Wicked One While My Husband Is The Good One. by frmglorytoglory: 6:49pm On Jul 04, 2016 |
Hmmm this is worrisome......your hubby is not handling things the right way. You guys are a team and any difference in opinions should be handled out of eyes and ears reach especially away from an impressionable 13 year old. Girls at that age are very difficult to manage and easily crush on older seemingly kinder men. Moreover she may not be matured enough for the responsibility of taking care of kids and housework. It may be wise to release her before you land in trouble with the authorities for employing an underaged girl for beating her. If she reports you the issue may be blown out of proportion and your name maligned. Let her go. You can may other arrangements for a cleaning lady to come in during weekends to tidy up the house and any other thing that needs to be done. Speak to you hubby and see if he can assist you in the mornings to get the kids ready......he should be actively involved in whatever concerns his kids. If he refuses to help, don't make it an issue. Try to wake up an hour earlier than you usually do to start preparing them. Bathing each child takes about five minute. Also do some things the night before like putting water in their water bottles and packing the snacks. I felt your frustrations hence my taking out time to reply. It is well with you. |
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