My mum's retirement party was yesterday. So me, my wife, and our three months old daughter had to travel down home to celebrate with her. Me and my siblings are all graduates except for the last born,as expected we've all left home to chase our different dreams in different lands. So occasions like this now feels like family reunion IYKWIM. May I add that I'm the first born and the only married one out of her five children? So the occasion was the first one with the nuclear family finally getting extended.

To the real issue; It was time to take pictures.Several shots with various categories of people had been taken. So a picture of mum with her children was called. My siblings were already set. I was called on to join in. Soon as I joined, my wife, seeing another picture was about to be taken hurried along to join, and she was told by one of my siblings that it's a children alone with mum picture. I signalled to her to let us take the picture, but she refused. Immediately asking what I meant by that,she jokingly insisted she must join in the shot as she is now a child too. Others pleaded to let us take the shot first as we had taken several other shots earlier on. She insisted, and the picture was taken with her. No issues about it as it was just a picture, and we were in a merry mood.

Afterwards on our way back home, my wife started giving me some attitude. She had taken offense that I agreed to take the picture without her. I tried to make her see that such pictures could be good for memoirs. I cited an instance of dead elderly people's burial programme booklets, where such pictures could be labelled "mum with her children" during retirement party. She never saw reasons still. She had to seek her mum's opinion about it, and her mum opined that she was right. That's what got me confused. Was I really wrong, or were they just being African? What's your stance on this?

I stand with mmm

common sense is not common after all..... let her give you attitude, when she's tired she'll come back to her senses

uyiekpenm:
oga your wife is not an outsider and should be considered as a daughter too.
tomorrow if she starts to treat your mother as an in-law you will be the first to complain.

my mum in law treats me as her daughter. in fact if you are not well informed you will think she is my mother. in my house nothing like daughter in law or real daughter. every one is the same making the love to flow. stop the segregation .
You better change your ways.

even this one too will modify her comment when her brain is back.... guy don't stress yourself

sorry to type!!
your wife is been childish
she even get luck say she get better MIL
Na that place your mama go chase am make she go sitdon
Sir, you aren't at fault at all...

lilmax:
common sense is not common after all..... let her give you attitude, when she's tired she'll come back to her senses

Haba! I no say make you yab my wife o. I just want to know if my position on the matter is really wrong as they both think. No fighting, just some normal misunderstandings that are inevitable in marriages. You too will get there someday, if you are not married yet.

Hmmmm.

What do men really want?

uyiekpenm:
oga your wife is not an outsider and should be considered as a daughter too.
tomorrow if she starts to treat your mother as an in-law you will be the first to complain.

my mum in law treats me as her daughter. in fact if you are not well informed you will think she is my mother. in my house nothing like daughter in law or real daughter. every one is the same making the love to flow. stop the segregation .
You better change your ways.

That's not what we are saying here ma'm, the op never said she s been maltreated.... ok let me cite an example, when ma mum was ordained, she told that photographer to take pictures of she and her children, she and her grandchildren, she and her sons in law, vice versa, if one DIL was to claim she s her daughter pls which category will she fall in... The lady is just been childish, and bliv me the op's fams will still talk about her in their mist.

Ruleboi:


Haba! I no say make you yab my wife o. I just want to know if my position on the matter is really wrong as they both think. No fighting, just some normal misunderstandings that are inevitable in marriages. You too will get there someday, if you are not married yet.

Bros I no yab am,I just dey state fact..... no vex

Op, your wife is very lucky. If I were any of your siblings, I would have insisted that she shouldn't join in the picture... Not minding whose OX is gored.

And you Mr OP, it seems you don't exert your Authority over such issues

After a man has struggled in life to make it, with the support of God and family, one societal necessary evil(wife) will come to reap where she did not sow...
Some wives even want their husband to share the allowance he allocates to his own parents, with her parents...
Some wives would even try to tell their husband, on what and whom to spend his money on...
Some wives even charm their husband against his own family...

IT CAN NEVER WORK FOR ME... IF A WOMAN TRIES TO MEDDLE IN THE AFFAIRS OF MY PARENT FAMILY... Na ogwu Ego I go use her do.

Being that she is the only 'in-law' in the midst (u said u are the only married sibling) then she should be part of the pix. you should have ensured she was part of it. Except of cuz u prefer her playing the 'we' and 'them' card in other situations.

uyiekpenm:
oga your wife is not an outsider and should be considered as a daughter too.
tomorrow if she starts to treat your mother as an in-law you will be the first to complain.

my mum in law treats me as her daughter. in fact if you are not well informed you will think she is my mother. in my house nothing like daughter in law or real daughter. every one is the same making the love to flow. stop the segregation .
You better change your ways.

I think you are just being a "woman" and African. The love between everyone in my family is rock solid. No discrimination whatsoever. Both my mum and my wife are lively cheerful people. I find this stance and the whole argument so "petty". I mean, it is just a picture for God's sake. The pettiness in the discussion was what really pissed me off. It shouldn't even had been an issue at all. I guest you womenfolks are just what you are. You can be troublesome at times

eezeribe:
Op, your wife is very lucky. If I were any of your siblings, I would have insisted that she shouldn't join in the picture... Not minding whose OX is gored.

And you Mr OP, it seems you don't exert your Authority over such issues

That could cause some grudges between you,don't you think?

sexymoma:
That's not what we are saying here ma'm, the op never said she s been maltreated.... ok let me cite an example, when ma mum was ordained, she told that photographer to take pictures of she and her children, she and her grandchildren, she and her sons in law, vice versa, if one DIL was to claim she s her daughter pls which category will she fall in... The lady is just been childish, and bliv me the op's fams will still talk about her in their mist.

No,they won't. No one even saw it as something. I didn't even think anything of it until she started giving me some face. That was when I realised she had taken offence

op, I side with you. you had the right to take the photo without your wife in it because this was a photo meant to be of you, your siblings and your mom. this was a "mum with her children" photo. your wife was not supposed to be in that one photo because it's for your mother and the children she birthed, simple.

it doesn't mean your wife isn't part of the family or that you don't care about her. i'm sure y'all took other photos and she was included. seriously, is your wife illiterate? this shouldn't even be an issue to her or to anyone. let the woman (your mother) take the photo with her children. this was her retirement party; she needed that one photo with her children and since you children have gone about your lives in different lands, it would've been nice for her to have that one photo of y'all together but your wife had to ruin it for her.

@op, you were right. I don't know why some women choose to be dramatic over non-issues

uyiekpenm:
oga your wife is not an outsider and should be considered as a daughter too.
tomorrow if she starts to treat your mother as an in-law you will be the first to complain.

my mum in law treats me as her daughter. in fact if you are not well informed you will think she is my mother. in my house nothing like daughter in law or real daughter. every one is the same making the love to flow. stop the segregation .
You better change your ways.

what ways should he change? he has committed a sin for wanting to take a picture with his siblings and mom, at his mom's retirement party?

C'mon guys... why do some people like creating mountains out of a molehill

For goodness sake your wife is simply being over dramatic over a non-issue at all! What is there not to understand? What is the division/hatred there? The photograph was simply for mama and her children! And there's no amount of love towards your wife that will change her to your sister (mama's birthed daughter), she'll always be your wife. This is the truth!

Op, go ahead with your normal duties to her as a husband. But know that you're certainly not at fault at all.

bennyrazz:
@op, you were right. I don't know why some women choose to be dramatic over non-issues

Exactly the right word to describe it. Womenfolks could be dramatic at times.

@op: Your wife seems to me like good woman. I believe that during your traditional wedding, your wife was told that your mother is now her mother and your family is now her family, and it seems your wife wholeheartedly took those words literally, believed this and acted accordingly since you said she has a good relationship with your mother.

Your action just told her the reality and don't be surprised when she actually starts treating your family as different from hers because that was the message you guys clearly passed across: that your mother is not her mother and can never be.

Your home is yet young, so please do not destroy it with carelessness. Your primary interrst shouldn't be about rights or wrong but about the fact that your wife felt hurt by the exclusion, which may have been reduced if she wasn't the only spouse in law as this may otherwiise have reduced the impact of the exclusion.

If really your priority is in making your home work and not on people taking sides, I would advise that you apologise to your wife and let her know you consider her a part of your family. Tell her you naively thought it was just a picture and didn't think she would be hurt.

May God bless and keep your home.

iliketheSunrise:
op, I side with you. you had the right to take the photo without your wife in it because this was a photo meant to be of you, your siblings and your mom. this was a "mum with her children" photo. your wife was not supposed to be in that one photo because it's for your mother and the children she birthed, simple.

it doesn't mean op's wife isn't part of the family or that they don't care about her. I'm sure y'all took other photos and she was included. seriously, is your wife illiterate? this shouldn't even be an issue to her or to anyone. let the woman (your mother) take the photo with her children. this was her retirement party; she needed that one photo with her children and since it's have gone about your lives in different lands, it would've been nice for her to have that one photo of y'all together but your wife had to ruin it for her.

Nice one coming from a lady. Haba! Why evils? My wife no be illiterate o. Na correct university graduate sef.

Ruleboi:


Nice one coming from a lady. Haba! Why evils? My wife no be illiterate o. Na correct university graduate sef.

if she's a graduate, that's the more reason she should have understood the reasons for this innocent photo, not take offence nor give attitude b/c of it. she shouldn't have created an issue when there was none. this shouldn't have been an issue at all. it's like wanting to take a photo with a husband and wife at their own wedding because you consider yourself part of the family.

by the way, not every graduate is educated.

everhopeful:
@op: Your wife seems to me like good woman. I believe that during your traditional wedding, your wife was told that your mother is now her mother and your family is now her family, and it seems your wife wholeheartedly took those words literally, believed this and acted accordingly since you said she has a good relationship with your mother.

Your action just told her the reality and don't be surprised when she actually starts treating your family as different from hers because that was the message you guys clearly passed across: that your mother is not her mother and can never be.

Your home is yet young, so please do not destroy it with carelessness. Your primary interrst shouldn't be about rights or wrong but about the fact that your wife felt hurt by the exclusion, which may have been reduced if she wasn't the only spouse in law as this may otherwiise have reduced the impact of the exclusion.

If really your priority is in making your home work and not on people taking sides, I would advise that you apologise to your wife and let her know you consider her a part of your family. Tell her you naively thought it was just a picture and didn't think she would be hurt.

May God bless and keep your home.

Seriously it was never caused any serious quarrel between us. To be factual, I just felt let down she felt offended afterwards. I mean, that was not the first picture we took on the day. We had taken several others with her in it. I felt if she had just taken it as what it is as soon as she was told,then she wouldn't have felt bad about it at all. Your stance and hers just made me realise some people could attach unrelated meanings to things, thereby making the the simplest things seem complex.

iliketheSunrise:


if she's a graduate, that's the more reason she should have understood the reasons for this innocent photo, not take offence nor give attitude b/c of it. she shouldn't have created an issue when there was none. this shouldn't have been an issue at all. it's like wanting to take a photo with a husband and wife at their own wedding because you consider yourself part of the family.

by the way, not every graduate is educated.

Madam, your punchlines are off the hook

Your wife is a petty and immature thing!

Your wife was wrong

Your wife was wrong, OP.

eezeribe:
Op, your wife is very lucky. If I were any of your siblings, I would have insisted that she shouldn't join in the picture... Not minding whose OX is gored.

And you Mr OP, it seems you don't exert your Authority over such issues

You're right, If I were any of OP's siblings I would have insisted the wife not join in the picture too. In fact if I were OP himself I would have insisted the same. No wife should cause problem for my mom on her special day. She dey mad ni?

Since you already took pictures in which she appeared there was no need for her to so melodramatic about your mum taking pictures with only her children.

Taking such issues to her own mum was also a very bad idea. If my daughter called me to tell me something like this I would tell her to sort out the problem with her husband.

There is no reason to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Some battles are not worth the fight.

Don't mind her, she will get over it. I imagine how childish she would discover she had behaved in 25years time when she has sons and daughters in-law

Your wife acted wrongly, and her action is clearly a strong pointer to an alarming sense of insecurity and immaturity. This is the one thing I dread the most: getting entangled with a drama queen who thinks the world revolves around her.

I think you ought to begin handling her with a firmer hand. If not, she'd start getting ideas and would not hesitate to embarrass you in future public outings; and trust me, the embarrassment would be more pronounced and industrial-sized.

everhopeful:
@op: Your wife seems to me like good woman. I believe that during your traditional wedding, your wife was told that your mother is now her mother and your family is now her family, and it seems your wife wholeheartedly took those words literally, believed this and acted accordingly since you said she has a good relationship with your mother.

Your action just told her the reality and don't be surprised when she actually starts treating your family as different from hers because that was the message you guys clearly passed across: that your mother is not her mother and can never be.

Your home is yet young, so please do not destroy it with carelessness. Your primary interrst shouldn't be about rights or wrong but about the fact that your wife felt hurt by the exclusion, which may have been reduced if she wasn't the only spouse in law as this may otherwiise have reduced the impact of the exclusion.

If really your priority is in making your home work and not on people taking sides, I would advise that you apologise to your wife and let her know you consider her a part of your family. Tell her you naively thought it was just a picture and didn't think she would be hurt.

May God bless and keep your home.

I don't have anything else to say sir.

simiolu1:


Madam, your punchlines are off the hook

lol, thanks.

Your wife is so immature.

I can't even believe this is an issue.


At my grandpa's party, his children were called for a photo with him, everyone understood, no son inlaw or daughter in-law came to peep or fret about it and we're a close knit family, very close.

On your wedding day when they called for siblings of the bride for a photo with the couple, did your siblings make a fret or tried to join (using the logic of automatically becoming siblings to your wife as an excuse)