These days, no day passes without one hearing of a horrible sad case of domestic violence or two, and the most fearful part of it is the fact that victims of domestic violence usually do not speak out or ask for a divorce at the initial stages of it till they are almost battling for their life and this largely to the sad reality that the Nigerian society frowns and looks down on divorced or separated couples especially the women. This morning, I read the case of a woman whose husband broke her two limbs after he mercilessly beat her to a pulp and locked her up for two days without medical attention, claiming that she was having an affair with a 16 year old boy.

In Nigerian daily, the rate at which domestic violence is on the rise is alarming, people need to be made to realize that there is always an option of a divorce. Covering up the bruises in the bid to save face or shield the abuser will only make things worse. Honestly, I really do not know who to put the blame on. I don’t know if I should blame the legal community or the government. The legal community- for most of the times they have left the culprits of domestic violence go free with the flimsy reason that ‘it’s a family issue’ and so should be settled at home between the families involved, and this is at the expense of one’s life, or the government for not setting up ACTIVE organizations to handle domestic violence issues. Even the NGO’s that say they handle Domestic violence cases turn out to be practicing the very thing they claim to be against. Recently, the media was filled with the horrible and pathetic story of a star actress who suffered domestic violence in the hands of her husband who has one of the biggest NGO’s against domestic violence in the country. In Nigeria 95% of domestic violence related issues are not paid attention to until it results to death of one party or a near death situation.

The sad but true reality to this effect is the belief in almost all the cultures in Nigeria that it is socially acceptable to hit a woman in order to discipline her. In fact I have seen cases where young wives who seek help and complain of their spouses being violent towards them are turned back by their parents, society and told to endure it for the sake of their homes. No one tells a woman to divorce a man who hits her in Nigeria until it’s too late and these are the kind of knowledge that the male folks in Nigeria are aware of which empowers in their own way. Now, with this knowledge at hand, some men take pleasure in hitting their wives because they know, she will always be scared and ashamed to speak out and when she eventually does, she will be told to endure for the sake of building a home and no one will penalize him for the wrong acts.

Accepted, marriage is not a bed of roses, but then, it should not be a bed of thorns spread out by the husband. There should be a line that should not be crossed. The legal community and the government in Nigeria need to revisit the laws against domestic violence, resound the option of divorce and begin to see and handle it if possible, more as a psychological disorder because the violent behavior of some men if checked properly are deep rooted in their subconscious and most of it springs from the times that they have watched their parents fight, father hit their mothers without being punished for it and the silent and helpless manner their mothers endure the abusive acts and so, when these young boys grow up and get married, despite telling themselves to do and be better than their parents, they end up towing in that same abusive paths and see nothing wrong in it.

A gender equality bill was swiftly rejected by the Nigeria National Assembly recently despite the fact that so many people rose to push for its reality, and though due to the backlash received from the general public, the bill has been reintroduced in the Senate, looking at the number and caliber of prominent and top people in the society who spoke against it, I fear that bill might not see the light of the day.

Now this is just one of the so many reasons why domestic violence in Nigeria is mostly overlooked and pushed aside, giving the male folk the leverage to carry on with their abusive behavior towards their wives. The society needs to be made aware of the importance of divorce in such situations. The unspoken stigma attached to divorced women especially need to be addressed and broken.


http://intriguinggirl..com.ng/2017/03/domestic-violence-need-to-preach.html

Hmmmmm, very deep!!

Hmm! this jst for me, jst some days ago i was a victim. My hubby hit me cos i was angry he came home late. Though i pushed him cos i nagged all through nd even threatened him to do his worse. Well, he eventually did nd we ended fighting nd i hit him back I even made an attempt to stab him. Hmm, I called the attention of his family that night nd told them I was leaving, this is is a marriage that is barely a year old. They sha begged me to forgv him nd he also did the same but i jst can't seem to forgive nor forget.

leyo8965:
Hmm! this jst for me, jst some days ago i was a victim. My hubby hit me cos i was angry he came home late. Though i pushed him cos i nagged all through nd even threatened him to do his worse. Well, he eventually did nd we ended fighting nd i hit him back I even made an attempt to stab him. Hmm, I called the attention of his family that night nd told them I was leaving, this is is a marriage that is barely a year old. They sha begged me to forgv him nd he also did the same but i jst can't seem to forgive nor forget.

Please make the decision that is right for you. That you nag does not warrant a man to beat you up, you are not a property or an animal he purchased in th market. If his fellow guy or his boss (female) does the same to him, will he beat her up? Let you man respect you. He married you (a mutual) agreement! He didn't buy you to beat up when you nag.

leyo8965:
Hmm! this jst for me, jst some days ago i was a victim. My hubby hit me cos i was angry he came home late. Though i pushed him cos i nagged all through nd even threatened him to do his worse. Well, he eventually did nd we ended fighting nd i hit him back I even made an attempt to stab him. Hmm, I called the attention of his family that night nd told them I was leaving, this is is a marriage that is barely a year old. They sha begged me to forgv him nd he also did the same but i jst can't seem to forgive nor forget.

Divorce him.

.

.

CecyAdrian:


Please make the decision that is right for you. That you nag does not warrant a man to beat you up, you are not a property or an animal he purchased in th market. If his fellow guy or his boss (female) does the same to him, will he beat her up? Let you man respect you. He married you (a mutual) agreement! He didn't buy you to beat up when you nag.

Funnyguy83:
Divorce him.

Did you both ignore the part where she said she pushed the husband and even hit him, in addition to the nauseating nagging? This is just why I don't take women serious. So bias and sentimental in your judgements all the time.

If I'm the husband I won't be bothered to see the back of a constantly nagging, husband hitting woman who genuinely doesn't feel she's wrong in any way.

She can fuuckkk off for all I care.

@Kyliegame:

Interesting read.

I would however what to flip this backwards.... most of these ladies know that theit men are abusive before they say I do.... a man who slaps his driver or cleaner is a red flag even if he has not touched you before...

A man who supports beating wives/girlfriends for any reason is also one.

A man who doesn't respect you/differing opinions is another one. Ditto my way or the high way types.

A man who sees nothing wrong with his friends/father beating their women is same. Etc.

Again, some women see nothing wrong in their husbands correcting them with the 'rod'; a number of guys have 'testified' to their girlfriends insisting they beat them if they love them. Some other women grew up in homes where their fathers panel beated their mothers and they just celebrated 40yrs wedding anniversary in grand style with both parents top committee members in their local church or mosque.

Other women actively chase violence with jacking his shirt and hitting him first...

I don't know if mass divorce is the answer.... on one hand, it will teach both parties that hitting is unacceptable; on the other, it will ruin the family ecosystem with numerous bitter parents and children who might be violent and continue the beating for different reasons.

Women need to really open their minds to pick a spouse.

This problem is similar to adultery.

leyo8965:
Hmm! this jst for me, jst some days ago i was a victim. My hubby hit me cos i was angry he came home late. Though i pushed him cos i nagged all through nd even threatened him to do his worse. Well, he eventually did nd we ended fighting nd i hit him back I even made an attempt to stab him. Hmm, I called the attention of his family that night nd told them I was leaving, this is is a marriage that is barely a year old. They sha begged me to forgv him nd he also did the same but i jst can't seem to forgive nor forget.

Madam,

I am happy you told the true story.

Like you said, you nagged him & threatened him to do his worst and he did (hit you) and you retaliated with threats to stab him.

There is a difference between physical abuse and fighting.... yours was a fight.

You are not a victim here, you are an instigator and co-fighter.

Your husband and his family apologized which is a plus for your husband. He did not see the need to justify himself but apologized for peace to reign.

Madam, throw away your toutish behaviour and 'forgive & forget'. I don't know where you stay or why your husband was/is late but there are some traffic I enter that I will bite anybody who jacks me up and asks where I am coming from.

Did you find out why he was late? Were you not worried you didn't see him at his usual arrival time?

Madam, change.

God bless your marriage.

CecyAdrian:


Please make the decision that is right for you. That you nag does not warrant a man to beat you up, you are not a property or an animal he purchased in th market. If his fellow guy or his boss (female) does the same to him, will he beat her up? Let you man respect you. He married you (a mutual) agreement! He didn't buy you to beat up when you nag.

The right decision is for her to change from a nagging fight instigating wife to a sweet wife.

Not easy I know, we are all still learning.

I detest people nagging at me (esp when i have not done anthing wrong) and either shut them out, tell them to shut up or shout right back at them.

So I might not 'beat' you, neither violent nor possess the skills, bit I will surely 'deal' with you.

KevinDein:

Did you both ignore the part where she said she pushed the husband and even hit him, in addition to the nauseating nagging? This is just why I don't take women serious. So bias and sentimental in your judgements all the time.

If I'm the husband I won't be bothered to see the back of a constantly nagging, husband hitting woman who genuinely doesn't feel she's wrong in any way.

She can fuuckkk off for all I care.

Oh please, I bet that's how he beats every dick and Harry that insults and push him outside.

Am very sure you ignored the illustrations I gave to focus on the aspect of pushing the husband to it. No matter what she did, he has no right to lay a finger on her. You walk away if gets too much or control yourself the same way you do when provoked in public by people you dnt know or know

CecyAdrian:


Oh please, I bet that's how he beats every dick and Harry that insults and push him outside.

Am very sure you ignored the illustrations I gave to focus on the aspect of pushing the husband to it. No matter what she did, he has no right to lay a finger on her. You walk away if gets too much or control yourself the same way you do when provoked in public by people you dnt know or know

at the emboldened

To set the record straight, lk i said i nagged cos that was not the first time he started the late home coming nd no it wasn't traffic or anything bt jst that he wants to hang out with his friends nd leave me all alone at home. I asked him to do his worse cos he threatened to hit me nd yea he went ahead to do it severally. He did it so hard nd i got angry nd engaged him too. Lk i said this is a marriage that is barely a year. To say i was surprised is jst a statement cos he was never lk that through out our relationship this is a guy that practically worship the ground i walk on.There was no sign of bn a violent person at all.
For now i can't walk out of the marriage cos yea he begged nd his family beggd too but certainly when nxt this happen i won't even think twice though i pray it never happns again.

KevinDein:

Did you both ignore the part where she said she pushed the husband and even hit him, in addition to the nauseating nagging? This is just why I don't take women serious. So bias and sentimental in your judgements all the time.

If I'm the husband I won't be bothered to see the back of a constantly nagging, husband hitting woman who genuinely doesn't feel she's wrong in any way.

She can fuuckkk off for all I care.

bro i just said that.

KevinDein:
at the emboldened

KevinDein :
Did you both ignore the part where she said she
pushed the husband and even hit him, in addition to
the nauseating nagging? This is just why I don't take
women serious. So bias and sentimental in your
judgements all the time.
If I'm the husband I won't be bothered to see the
back of a constantly nagging, husband hitting woman
who genuinely doesn't feel she's wrong in any way.
She can fuuckkk off for all I care.

I pray ur sister's or any Lady u know never pass through the hand of a violent man as a husband. That's all i can say for u

leyo8965:
To set the record straight, lk i said i nagged cos that was not the first time he started the late home coming nd no it wasn't traffic or anything bt jst that he wants to hang out with his friends nd leave me all alone at home. I asked him to do his worse cos he threatened to hit me nd yea he went ahead to do it severally. He did it so hard nd i got angry nd engaged him too. Lk i said this is a marriage that is barely a year. To say i was surprised is jst a statement cos he was never lk that through out our relationship this is a guy that practically worship the ground i walk on.There was no sign of bn a violent person at all.
For now i can't walk out of the marriage cos yea he begged nd his family beggd too but certainly when nxt this happen i won't even think twice though i pray it never happns again.

I Want to believe this record straightening is for me.

I will respond tomorrow.

EUREKA!!!!!! I have found her! I was beginning to think all Naija girls just sat down in submission to battering. Domestic violence has now become an epidemic, I have read a few threads tonight alone. When did Naija women become docile punching bags, embracing victimhood like a cloak. Whatever will make you endure battering, please avoid it. It may be marrying someone younger, less educated, less money, less fine, less polished, etc. Whatever it is! Do not marry a man that you can't speak to and do not marry a man that would casually raise his hand against you as if you are chattel. Nigerian women, descendants of Tinubu, Idia, Emotan, Kuti, Amina, Moremi and all the amazons that have gone before, please take back your place. Say no to domestic violence. If your father from whose loins you came did not batter you, pray, why should any man? If he tries it, give him something to remember you by, even if it is a quick jab with your stiletto heel or car keys. Even animals will attack you if you are intent on harming them, ask any mosquito.

Ok, the above was not my church mind. My church mind says go with bukatyne's sermon but seriously, I applaud leyo for taking a stand against her husband's acts. Church mind says 2 wrongs don't make a right but hmmmmmm I'm concerned at the way DV is all,over social media. May God calm the storm for you and may your relationship heal and blossom. I think your husband would now think twice about raising his hand against you. We teach people how to treat us. Reject nonsense at its infancy.

A boyfriend beater is a potential husband beater.When courting,be sure not to neglect the red flag you see....Don't be blinded by emotions lest you turn yourself into his punching bag tomorrow.